FabSwingers.com forum: Father Ted quote-a-thon

By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!

Yous know yous want to

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

Those women were in the nip!!

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

im owen mclove i can have you killed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Down with that sort of thing

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

kick bishop Brennan up the arse

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By *wcuckoldcoupleCouple
over a year ago

North West

Down with that kinda thing !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Down with that kinda thing !!!"

Careful now

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

"Down with that sort of thing "

Careful now

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By *onnie Brasco7Man
over a year ago

kildare

But that’s an ecumenical matter

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

I'm so gorrrgeous they want to put me under arrest

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside

Drink,arse,girls,feck!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!

Yous know yous want to

Fucking hell

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

I have no willy

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By *ean299Man
over a year ago

Lucan

That money was just resting in my account

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those are fake hands!

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By *ireandsaltCouple
over a year ago

midlands

These are small Dougall, these are far away!

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

"Go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!

Yous know yous want to

Fucking hell"

Fargo Boyle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests......more drink?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear you’re a racist now father...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hear you’re a racist now father..."

The Chinese.... a great bunch of lads

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Get them feckin Crunchies outta the car

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By *ogMoThoinMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"I hear you’re a racist now father..."

What's the Church's stance on the oul racism Father? Should we all be doing it?

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

I love my brick

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

"I love my brick

Fed up with briiiick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck lads Im off to have a Fr. Ted marathon.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesnt Mary have a lovely bottom!!

Careful there ted, you might offend the girls...

Dont they all have lovely bottoms

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By *eanbelfastMan
over a year ago

Belfast

You have now used 2cms of tape, god bless you

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Don’t forget about ‘my lovely horse’

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

"I hear you’re a racist now father...

What's the Church's stance on the oul racism Father? Should we all be doing it? "

Feckin Greeks! They invented gayness!

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By *rmrspumpCouple
over a year ago

narnia

He taught Elvis Pressley to play Karate..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so so sorry!!

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

wait a minute these are fake arms!

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By *lectric cockMan
over a year ago

local

Is there anything to be said for another mass .... lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Near........far away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah come on ted

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

Looks like rain Ted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God Ted, do you remember that fella who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get those feckin Crunchies out of the car!

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By *ogMoThoinMan
over a year ago

Belfast

You let Dougal do a funeral?

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

"God Ted, do you remember that fella who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?"

comical stuff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hear you're a racist now Father"

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices Dougal

Dougal: oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

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By *abKenMan
over a year ago

Dundalk

"Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box."

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland

Never did like Father Ted

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By *abKenMan
over a year ago

Dundalk

"Those women where in the nip!!!"

"Yeah yeah, I stole it. So wha'? It's only a bleedin' whistle."

But my fave is...

"A child has been lodged in the tunnel of goats, while a goat and a child have now become lodged together and the nurse has become involved in the incident and another nurse is now required to release the nurse we asked for previously.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests..."

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By *eekfreek00Man
over a year ago

Dublin

Father.... I've killed a man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell you what, I'll make the tea and you take your bra of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it? What do I mean now? The little things... raisins!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sure I wouldn't know, I'm from Donegal

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By *untimes7474Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

Dougal: Didn’t you once tell me that Jack had a trial for Liverpool?

Ted: No he was on trial in Liverpool.

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

Father Jack:I'm a happy camper

Father Jack:who are you supposed to be

Father Jack, Where are the other two, Fr Ted the other two? ah I see the old vision has come back to normal no father it's just the two of us, Fr Jack:and what do two do then, Fr Ted: we're priests, Fr Jack:What Priests don't tell me I'm still on that fecking island

Absolute classic

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

This cow small.

That cow, far away.

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Those protestants are at it again

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Ceiling.

Yes Father that's a ceiling.

Floor.

Yes Father, well done, that's a floor.

Gobshite!

Nan.

No father.

Nan.

No father that's a nun.

Nun????? Agghhh.

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

If you say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now I'm having to yank meself off because I'm not getting any proper sex with women

Sounds like this site for some

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

The ants are back

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

It's the biggest lingerie section in Ireland so I've heard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I put my big tool in your box Mrs Doyle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looks like rain ted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahhhh, lovely fags

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

I have no willy

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By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

"This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases

Would that make you Fr Red

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By *atherjackhackettMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

Well mine's got to be

Chair.Curtains.Floor.GOBSHITE

I love my brick

Sick of brrrick

Honourable mention to..

Nuns are women too Dougal

I've no willy

Go away you crowd of old Biddys

I don't want to catch the menopause

Jack isn't good around strangers...or people he knows

He gives good mass

You know the bit where God died for us all and then he rose again to save us all. Well that's the bit I've the problem with

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

Is there anything to be said for another mass?

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By *atherjackhackettMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"I have no willy

But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

If you lie to me again Crilly, I'll rip your arms off

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

How's the son?

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Shoddy! Shoddy! Shoddy!

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By *aidbare5Couple
over a year ago

down the road

Imagine your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself! Oh get a good mental picture of it now father.... can you see him there?? Ready to do the business?!

Doorbell!

Classic Mrs Doyle!

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Look for the English boats with the nuclear signs. They come close to the island when they're dumping the old glow in the dark.

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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago

carryduff

They say it's as big as four cats and it's got a retractable leg so's it can leap up at you better.

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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago

carryduff

it lights up at night and it's got four ears, two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just heard theyve taken the roads in!"

"Theyve taken the roads in?"

"Yes. When the weather is bad they store them in a big warehouse"

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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago

carryduff

And instead of a mouth it’s got 4 arses!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These are small, those are far away

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

"I have no willy

But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning

Maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no willy

But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning

Maybe

Careful now!

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

"I have no willy

But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning

Maybe

Careful now!"

Down with this sort of thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll tell you what. I'll make the tea. You take off your bra.

DOUGAL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ye diiirty fecker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ye diiirty fecker"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That money was just resting in my account...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You got me sacked so now I'm having to yank myself off round the clock because I can't have proper sex with girls!

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

hello father i hear you have some rabbits for me

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

It's Ireland's biggest lingerie section, I understand.

Really?

Yeah, I read that... Somewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases

Would that make you Fr Red"

Fr Red is available for funerals christenings and Communions

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By *r tayt2Man
over a year ago

Trim

Cowboys Ted there all cowboys Ted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did, Father. I brought the travel Scrabble and the ordinary Scrabble."

"Actually, come to think of it, I didn't bring either of them!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests......more drink?"

Haha love this

Great feckin thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there anything to be said for another mass .... lol "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No father.its my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms

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By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

"This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases

Would that make you Fr Red

Fr Red is available for funerals christenings and Communions

Church of the immaculate contraception

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Call me by my proper title, you little bollix

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

Fr Fintan Stack:What are we watching? , fellas running around in shorts?, altho I bet your trying to visualise what they'd look like without shorts wouldn't ya? Ya dirty feckers

One of the priests responds: I think your a very rude man

Fr Fintan Stack:if you say that to me again I'll put your head through the wall

The 2 priests start to leave, Fr Fintan Stack :bye girls, pair of wankers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs Doyle: "Now come on Father, what would you say to a nice cup of tea?"

Father Jack: "FECK OFF CUP!"

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

That would be an ecumenical matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Fr. Jack broke the TV . And Dougal picked up the front " How did that gobshite get on the telly ? "

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

So what are we doing today then Ted? Confessions and mass and things like that I suppose?

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By *aywhatnowMan
over a year ago

North County

Arse biscuits!!!

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Ted!!! My tank top has turned into some weird women's bra!!!

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Mary: You've a face on ye like a pair of tits.

John: Well at least that's one pair between us

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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

Mrs doyle....ride me sideways...

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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago

carryduff

I doooooont belieeeeeve it

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

And now to ride Mrs O'Reilly.

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By *enstoryluvsongCouple
over a year ago

ithe city

Each C'mon Ted,,Bishops love syfi

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Is it a type of nudie thing Father?

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By *og2018Man
over a year ago

Letterkenny

Sure I wouldn't know I'm from Donegal.

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By *og2018Man
over a year ago

Letterkenny

How dare you bring shame.... ON THIS CELEBRATION OF SHEEP!

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

The day a drop of sherry does any harm will be the day Ireland doesn't win the Eurovision song contest.

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By *ecrethabitMan
over a year ago

North

Feck arse drink

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By *og2018Man
over a year ago

Letterkenny

IIIIII DONT BELIEEEEEEVE IT!

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By *aywhatnowMan
over a year ago

North County

I love my brick!

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

Hairy Japanese Bastards!!!

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By *ornyxbbwCouple
over a year ago

Monaghan

Fr Noel Furlong “well I've never, never in my life been so insulted, Tony I'm putting you on my list of enemies. there you're in front now Tony ha only joking”

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By *atherjackhackettMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"Is it a type of nudie thing Father? "

Oh yes. How have we all forgotten this one. I can still see Jim with his inquisitive face

Also

And he got his lad out

Billy's is rounder at the top

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By *ac147Man
over a year ago

Belfast East

"Don’t forget about ‘my lovely horse’

Or taking him to the horse..... dentist

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning

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By *atherjackhackettMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

My favourite thread ever. Over 90 different quotes. All class

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By *an For YouMan
over a year ago

belfast/holywood

Hey Dougal... fancy a blow job?

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By *ac147Man
over a year ago

Belfast East

I'm soooo soooo sorrrrryyyyy....

"Now thats sarcasm"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want to shower you with sugar lumps...

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

He wasn't like that last night when he crawled into bed at ten past the eleven!

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By *alhalla2020Man
over a year ago

Tipperary

We're all going to heaven lads waheyyyyy

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By *nrealfeelMan
over a year ago

cork

This reminds me of Vietnam...

.....(Ted) you were in Vietnam.....no no the films like.... look at him go.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you talk to me like that again I'll put your head through the wall

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By *aywhatnowMan
over a year ago

North County

Milk gets sour you know...unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's shite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bastards, how dare they...sack me! Im Henry sellars!!!

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By *iscuits8Man
over a year ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

"Say if there are 200 million priests in the world and five percent are paedophiles. That's still only 10 million."

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Sorry Ted. I was looking at the ticket upside-down

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

I knew a woman once but she died soon afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To craggy island hooray

To china hooray

More drink hooray

Im sorry the bar is closed hooray

Wait i need to go to the toilet hooray lol

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Jacobs Creek Chardonnay 1991

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

Consonant. Put your clothes back on Carol, I can't concentrate

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

Keep your hands on the side

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?

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By *alhalla2020Man
over a year ago

Tipperary

Get them fecking Crunchies out of the car

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By *ac147Man
over a year ago

Belfast East

Those women were in the nip !!!

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By *orethan69Man
over a year ago

letterkenny

Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really shouldnt be here lol

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Teresa I forgot me feckin trousers!

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By *ony phoenixMan
over a year ago

Drogheda

You've a face on ya like a pair of tits

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

"You've a face on ya like a pair of tits"

Well at least that's one pair between us!

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By *upermanslovechildMan
over a year ago

Glasnevin

It's not the Greeks he's after, it's the Chinese!

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By *scar3Man
over a year ago

navan

Thst child was supposed to go to Lourdes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't drink that Father, it's...

FECKIN WATER!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hear you’re a racist now father...

What's the Church's stance on the oul racism Father? Should we all be doing it? "

The Farming takes up most of my time and I like to have a cup of tea in the evening's. So I don't think I'll be able to devote myself the racism full time now Father

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My favourite thread ever. Over 90 different quotes. All class

Agreed, great feckin thread! What a great show, every damn line was a one liner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fr Noel Furlong “well I've never, never in my life been so insulted, Tony I'm putting you on my list of enemies. there you're in front now Tony ha only joking”"

Haha this one made me lol

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By *tanonieMan
over a year ago

killorglin

"If i had ducks they would drown"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wanna shower you with sugar cubes and take you to the horse dentist lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ted

Do you remember? You can't remember any of that? The helicopter! When you fell out of the helicopter! Over the zoo! Do you remember the tigers?

Ted

You don't remember? You were wearing your blue jumper

Dougal

Ah, Sister Assumpta!

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

IS THAT MEAT YOU'RE EATING

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ride me sideways. ??

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

A new forum post made me resurrect this ...

I've had my fun ... And that's all that matters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't they all have lovely bottoms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck with the book.

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Are you going to stand there all day ye fat ould bitch

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By *ewnmaturesCouple
over a year ago

fife

“Father i killed a man”.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re sitting there, imagining that, with a big smile on your face... ye durty fecker

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By *oiraTvTV/TS
over a year ago

Derry

Ted: "Old women are closer to God than we'll ever be. They get to that age and they don't need the operator anymore. They've got the direct line."

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"TED. THOSE WOMEN WERE IN THE NIP!"

- Dougal in Milkman episode

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By *razySexyCoolCorkWoman
over a year ago

Cork

Which one do you prefer, Oasis or Blur?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you like pheasant.

I love pheasant

Great cause what your having for dinner likes pheasant too

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Fathet Ted:Tom did you just rob the post office?

Tom: i did father, but its my money, i didnt want to fill out the paper work for it!

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Fathet Ted:Tom did you just rob the post office?

Tom: i did father, but its my money, i didnt want to fill out the paper work for it!

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By *ildb3rryWoman
over a year ago

Ratoath

Ah will ya not have a little cake father....

There's cocaine in them!

Oh no not cocaine em.... Raisins!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would ya like a cup of tea father??

No I'd rather die of dehydration.

Now that's sarcasm

Back to the Picnic area nothin to see here!!!

First ya shhtunn am then ya put them in the vice!!!

*was at the tedfest in the Aran islands back in February easily the best weekend of my life!!*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh right..

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By *aradisecircus OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

Come on Divorce Referendum!

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By *nigmatic DuoCouple
over a year ago

Portadown

No Dougal, someone was lured there.

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By *ornybarMan
over a year ago

clonmel

Oh He has a very small bladder Ted. About the size of a terry’s chocolate orange

Fr Noel furlong

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By *ULLTIMEDAD123Man
over a year ago

DUBLIN

Very Small ...Far Away.

Genine Reilly, where are you off too!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I've had my fun, love that line

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