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Equality for both partners

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By *harlieparker OP   Couple
over a year ago

naas

I have and still do thanks to my very understanding partner Mr Parker..enjoy playing alone with particular gentleman but he has recently expressed a desire to do the same but I’ll admit I’m not so comfortable with this proposal. Opinions please.

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with for the sake of equality. You're not obliged to be ok with the same things that your partner is. I do think you owe it to a partner to give it thought, try to figure out what you're not ok about, see if you can get comfortable, or if there's a compromise to be had - but don't say yes to something you know will hurt you and possibly damage the relationship because you want to be "fair"

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I don't think anyone can really give an opinion on this. You feel how you feel others opinions won't change that.

But yes in a perfect world he should be allowed to play as well with no repercussions but the reality is of you feel this way then the chances are high there will be. So ye both have to talk and see if it is something you can both deal with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

each to their own...

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By *harlieparker OP   Couple
over a year ago

naas

I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Is he trying to play with the same gentleman as you as a couple ,on his own or with a women.

Do all 3 options cause you the same anxiety

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback "

There's always the possibility and IMO only a fool would completely dismiss the risk, but ultimately your relationship will stand or fall on its own merits, no third party can ruin a solid partnership.

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By *harlieparker OP   Couple
over a year ago

naas

I agree and I know my paranoia is somewhat unfair especially considering he has been ok with me playing alone for nearly two yrs now...so I feel I’m enacting double standards here...and he wants to explore playing as a single etc

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination


"I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback

There's always the possibility and IMO only a fool would completely dismiss the risk, but ultimately your relationship will stand or fall on its own merits, no third party can ruin a solid partnership. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree and I know my paranoia is somewhat unfair especially considering he has been ok with me playing alone for nearly two yrs now...so I feel I’m enacting double standards here...and he wants to explore playing as a single etc"

Keep discussing it, analyse what your fears are exactly and perhaps you will be able to put them to rest. Ultimately though, you do not have to agree to anything you are uncomfortable with.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"I agree and I know my paranoia is somewhat unfair especially considering he has been ok with me playing alone for nearly two yrs now...so I feel I’m enacting double standards here...and he wants to explore playing as a single etc"

Well yes it's double standards, you should have seen this one coming down the road when you started venturing out on your own. It puts you now in an uncomfortable situation. The only way out is to talk to your partner and see if there's a compromise you're both happy with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the shoe was on the other foot everyone would be saying how selfish you have been.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have and still do thanks to my very understanding partner Mr Parker..enjoy playing alone with particular gentleman but he has recently expressed a desire to do the same but I’ll admit I’m not so comfortable with this proposal. Opinions please."

I understand his request, maybe if you were willing it could be the sort of thing that you have to approve the lady in advance?? Might be a silly idea but might also give you reassurance that he's not going to do anything stupid like fall for them??

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By *mokey and the bandit 1Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

Yes it’s double standards but it might not be a problem yet. The amount of single guys that struggle to get meets and if he’s playing alone then he’s going to be going up again all those other guys it might take some time before that bridge has to be crossed

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city


"Yes it’s double standards but it might not be a problem yet. The amount of single guys that struggle to get meets and if he’s playing alone then he’s going to be going up again all those other guys it might take some time before that bridge has to be crossed "

But he isnt single. He is married.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I think you need to stop seeing the other guy. You clearly arent comfortable with him meeting on his own. If you keep seeing the other person yourself, without allowing him the same privilege, then that's going to breed very damaging resentment in your relationship. It's a question of priorities, and if you arent going to prioritise the feelings of your partner over the guys you're fucking, then you're looking at trouble. Speaking from some experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it’s double standards but it might not be a problem yet. The amount of single guys that struggle to get meets and if he’s playing alone then he’s going to be going up again all those other guys it might take some time before that bridge has to be crossed "

Its not that hard to get a meet. And if he is coming from a well verified couple its going to be easier.

I wpuldnt put off dealing with the issue.

You are certainly not obliged to let him meet others just necause you are.

But an honest conversation about his feelings if that dynamic continues is probably important to have asap

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland


"I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback

There's always the possibility and IMO only a fool would completely dismiss the risk, but ultimately your relationship will stand or fall on its own merits, no third party can ruin a solid partnership. "

Very true !

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By *harlieparker OP   Couple
over a year ago

naas

Thanks guys and especially filthy ??great advice

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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago

otherside of nowhere


"I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback

There's always the possibility and IMO only a fool would completely dismiss the risk, but ultimately your relationship will stand or fall on its own merits, no third party can ruin a solid partnership. "

Never a truer word

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback

There's always the possibility and IMO only a fool would completely dismiss the risk, but ultimately your relationship will stand or fall on its own merits, no third party can ruin a solid partnership. "

This is so fucking wise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose my main fear if I’m honest is that he may meet someone who pushes all his buttons...I know the fear is unfounded and it could certainly have happened to me and thanks girls for the feedback

There's always the possibility and IMO only a fool would completely dismiss the risk, but ultimately your relationship will stand or fall on its own merits, no third party can ruin a solid partnership. "
There should be no third party involved if it's a solid relationship.Everyone knows three's a crowd.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"Thanks guys and especially filthy ??great advice "

I really hope it works out for you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people."

You have no obligation to do anything in a relationship, you make your choices and they are either acceptable to the other person or they are not. Even if they are not acceptable, the other person may put up with them because they don't want to end the relationship.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city


"Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people.

You have no obligation to do anything in a relationship, you make your choices and they are either acceptable to the other person or they are not. Even if they are not acceptable, the other person may put up with them because they don't want to end the relationship."

You have an obligation, you can ignore that obligation because your partner is meek and will put up with it, but that does not give you a clean sheet.

What do you want, a partner or someone who will put up with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people.

You have no obligation to do anything in a relationship, you make your choices and they are either acceptable to the other person or they are not. Even if they are not acceptable, the other person may put up with them because they don't want to end the relationship.

You have an obligation, you can ignore that obligation because your partner is meek and will put up with it, but that does not give you a clean sheet.

What do you want, a partner or someone who will put up with you?"

You don't have an obligation, you are making choices, only a doormat will continually put the other person's happiness ahead of their own. Call it compromise if you prefer, but unless all your goals are perfectly congruent, there will always be areas where one or the other partner is getting their way.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people.

You have no obligation to do anything in a relationship, you make your choices and they are either acceptable to the other person or they are not. Even if they are not acceptable, the other person may put up with them because they don't want to end the relationship.

You have an obligation, you can ignore that obligation because your partner is meek and will put up with it, but that does not give you a clean sheet.

What do you want, a partner or someone who will put up with you?

You don't have an obligation, you are making choices, only a doormat will continually put the other person's happiness ahead of their own. Call it compromise if you prefer, but unless all your goals are perfectly congruent, there will always be areas where one or the other partner is getting their way. "

It might not be an obligation but once there's an imbalance like we have here, there's action required to restore it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people.

You have no obligation to do anything in a relationship, you make your choices and they are either acceptable to the other person or they are not. Even if they are not acceptable, the other person may put up with them because they don't want to end the relationship.

You have an obligation, you can ignore that obligation because your partner is meek and will put up with it, but that does not give you a clean sheet.

What do you want, a partner or someone who will put up with you?

You don't have an obligation, you are making choices, only a doormat will continually put the other person's happiness ahead of their own. Call it compromise if you prefer, but unless all your goals are perfectly congruent, there will always be areas where one or the other partner is getting their way.

It might not be an obligation but once there's an imbalance like we have here, there's action required to restore it."

But it doesn't necessarily mean the exact mirror situation. Relationships aren't about tit for tat. Anyway, it's up to the OP and her partner to resolve between them, every relationship is unique and nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Best of luck OP

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"Why are people saying she has no obligation to let him do it?

Course she does.

People not obligated to someone elses happiness are called single people.

You have no obligation to do anything in a relationship, you make your choices and they are either acceptable to the other person or they are not. Even if they are not acceptable, the other person may put up with them because they don't want to end the relationship.

You have an obligation, you can ignore that obligation because your partner is meek and will put up with it, but that does not give you a clean sheet.

What do you want, a partner or someone who will put up with you?

You don't have an obligation, you are making choices, only a doormat will continually put the other person's happiness ahead of their own. Call it compromise if you prefer, but unless all your goals are perfectly congruent, there will always be areas where one or the other partner is getting their way.

It might not be an obligation but once there's an imbalance like we have here, there's action required to restore it.

But it doesn't necessarily mean the exact mirror situation. Relationships aren't about tit for tat. Anyway, it's up to the OP and her partner to resolve between them, every relationship is unique and nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Best of luck OP "

Fully agree with you there

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By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

I'll put it as simply as I can.

He's allowed you to play away and you've enjoyed it.

Now he wants to do the same.

Put up, or shut up.

Simple.

You knew this going in.

Might have taken 2yrs for him to get to same point but now he has.

He's taken you back for reclamation sex each time, no doubt.

Now is your time for same.

Make him remember why you're together when he comes home.

Yes, double standards in original post

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city


"You don't have an obligation, you are making choices, only a doormat will continually put the other person's happiness ahead of their own. Call it compromise if you prefer, but unless all your goals are perfectly congruent, there will always be areas where one or the other partner is getting their way. "

Thats why I said people without obligations are called "single" as in the option to end the relationship is open to you.

Compromise is when two people have obligations to each other, and they meet in the middle. You are saying that this woman has no obligations to him, so she can not compromise. In essence he has to be a doormat because she has no obligation to him.

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By *he James gangCouple
over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY

[Removed by poster at 16/11/19 02:57:19]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do either of them need a third party they have each other that should be enough.If there is a third party they an't a real couple.

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By *atherjackhackettMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

I'm no expert but I'd say a relationship is all about compatibility. Not tit for tat and not obligations. On the face of it the op has double standards but it goes beyond that. No matter what they do, if they are not compatible it spells trouble.

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow


"I think you need to stop seeing the other guy. You clearly arent comfortable with him meeting on his own. If you keep seeing the other person yourself, without allowing him the same privilege, then that's going to breed very damaging resentment in your relationship. It's a question of priorities, and if you arent going to prioritise the feelings of your partner over the guys you're fucking, then you're looking at trouble. Speaking from some experience."

This

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By *un4tooCouple
over a year ago

north cork


"I have and still do thanks to my very understanding partner Mr Parker..enjoy playing alone with particular gentleman but he has recently expressed a desire to do the same but I’ll admit I’m not so comfortable with this proposal. Opinions please."

A tricky situation.

I think you can't have your cream and eat it.

We have been in situations where there was someone close by and one partner or the other has gone on spur of the moment and played.

Neither of us would be comfortable with doing pre arranged meets alone.

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