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Single mums need your help

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By *oldenboy100 OP   Man
over a year ago

lucan

Just advice on mums that have gone to court over kids

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Talk to a solicitor

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By *oldenboy100 OP   Man
over a year ago

lucan

I am just wanted a strangers view

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"I am just wanted a strangers view "

Single dad here went to court been there have the T shirt

What you wanna know

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By *oldenboy100 OP   Man
over a year ago

lucan

What does a case go like

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford


"What does a case go like "

Its not easy you got prepare to fight and fight hard especially if your dealing with a narcissist woman.

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Depends on situation,

U want the kids, u doing the max or the min for the Kids etc etc

For me I went there to secure 50 50 joint care, set monthly fee to ex for up keep and to Document that all medical and extra curricular activities and sports would be covered by me,

I was in and out in 25 minutes, the Ex started off on 1, put the judge kept addressing me asking was I sure that I wanted all this before he signed the papers, he actually told her to be quiet and that she wasn't entitled to any money if we have joint custody,Then asked me a final time,, Mr ..... Are you 100% sure this is what you want,, which I found weird, but now any changes she wants need to go Tru the courts so I'm happy out,

Not saying every experience will be like that, but from my experience the more hands on you are with kids upbringing the more the Judge comes down on your side,

I got the impression he don't see 2 many dad's wanting 50/50 time ,

Anyway hope that helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depends on situation,

U want the kids, u doing the max or the min for the Kids etc etc

For me I went there to secure 50 50 joint care, set monthly fee to ex for up keep and to Document that all medical and extra curricular activities and sports would be covered by me,

I was in and out in 25 minutes, the Ex started off on 1, put the judge kept addressing me asking was I sure that I wanted all this before he signed the papers, he actually told her to be quiet and that she wasn't entitled to any money if we have joint custody,Then asked me a final time,, Mr ..... Are you 100% sure this is what you want,, which I found weird, but now any changes she wants need to go Tru the courts so I'm happy out,

Not saying every experience will be like that, but from my experience the more hands on you are with kids upbringing the more the Judge comes down on your side,

I got the impression he don't see 2 many dad's wanting 50/50 time ,

Anyway hope that helps.

"

You seem to be one of the lucky cases, my brother has been through hell trying to get access and was being bled dry by her.

Best of luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I havent been in that situation thankfully and I am far from a legal expert, but it seems to me that these cases are very dependent on the actual circumstances of each individual case that to get any relevent advice you would need to give out far more info than would be sensible on here.

As someone above said speak to your solicitor, peolle could hive you well intentioned bit very inaccurate advice on here.

All the best with it

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By *oldenboy100 OP   Man
over a year ago

lucan

Just don’t know what to expect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would suggest you set out a proposal of how you would like things to go i.e. Access what days what times will it be over night, summer/Christmas/birthdays

maintenance what do you propose( be realistic & fair.) if you’re proposing x amount you need to back that up so have a list of your income and expenditure they’ll ask for it

More prepared you are the better it will look. Could she have anything against you if so have answers for it

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"Just don’t know what to expect "

Expect the worst and everything else is a bonus,

There way to many factors to name off here, but some things that sway court day are

Level of interaction you have or are looking for with kids,

Are you officially the kids legal guardian , ( this is a big 1)

Your income V now much you pay out,

But as said above go get a solicitor and a ball breaking good 1 at that,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I got the impression he don't see 2 many dad's wanting 50/50 time ,

Anyway hope that helps.

"

I think this was more that you offered well above what was fair. You seem to have asked for 50/50 parenting but are taking on a what sounds to be well above 50/50 in costs.

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By *an For YouMan
over a year ago

belfast/holywood

Whatever your position is, you will be fucked over. The man always loses out.

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By *ndy_g12Man
over a year ago

waterford

I was in same situation with all the same questions you have, only person to give you proper advice is a solicitor. They’ve been there & done that many times over so know how it goes and they’ll tell you there are rarely 2 cases the same, it depends on individuals & their current circumstances and at the end of the day the child’s best interests are what matters the most.

Best of luck, it can be an exhausting process!!!

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By *oseredWoman
over a year ago

Dublin


"Whatever your position is, you will be fucked over. The man always loses out. "

Not helpful.

Not truthful.

I worked in legal and this is not always the case at all. There are many situations where the male complains of being "fucked over", but reality when things are honestly assessed is far from that. A judgement can favour either side rightly or wrongly and I've seen it done. If things are being done with both parties wanting whats best for the child/ren as oposed to hurting each other then things seem to settle more fairly. Talk to your solicitor and best of luck.

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By *rutus83Man
over a year ago

naas


"Depends on situation,

U want the kids, u doing the max or the min for the Kids etc etc

For me I went there to secure 50 50 joint care, set monthly fee to ex for up keep and to Document that all medical and extra curricular activities and sports would be covered by me,

I was in and out in 25 minutes, the Ex started off on 1, put the judge kept addressing me asking was I sure that I wanted all this before he signed the papers, he actually told her to be quiet and that she wasn't entitled to any money if we have joint custody,Then asked me a final time,, Mr ..... Are you 100% sure this is what you want,, which I found weird, but now any changes she wants need to go Tru the courts so I'm happy out,

Not saying every experience will be like that, but from my experience the more hands on you are with kids upbringing the more the Judge comes down on your side,

I got the impression he don't see 2 many dad's wanting 50/50 time ,

Anyway hope that helps.

"

I had a different experience as I found when we had a male judge he sided with her on everything, but with a female judge she listened to both but was a tad bit harder on the ex and wouldn't listen to her much

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By *oldenboy100 OP   Man
over a year ago

lucan

Thank you so much everyone

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"Whatever your position is, you will be fucked over. The man always loses out.

Not helpful.

Not truthful.

I worked in legal and this is not always the case at all. There are many situations where the male complains of being "fucked over", but reality when things are honestly assessed is far from that. A judgement can favour either side rightly or wrongly and I've seen it done. If things are being done with both parties wanting whats best for the child/ren as oposed to hurting each other then things seem to settle more fairly. Talk to your solicitor and best of luck."

If anything things are starting to shift on this,

There a few dads in my job all wanting to be full on with their kids, where the law came down on their side, in one case the judge threatened to put her away if she continued to mess up his days with his son,

So yes the guy does not always get screwed,

Maybe that is something Bum dad's tell themselves to make themselves feel at ease with being wasters,

Maybe,,

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination


"Just don’t know what to expect "

I've no personal experience of this OP, but I'll offer the same advice that I offer to anyone with legal issues... Pop along to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau, they can help provide information on steps to take and what to expect. Some branches also provide free legal advice clinics on certain days with solicitors and barristers, and may even be able to help you to secure legal aid if necessary. Good luck

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By *ork fellaMan
over a year ago

Macroom

What is the average a single dad has to pay per month actually folks? I feel like I'm paying over the odds but it's just easier to do that then to create hassle. I pay maintenance monthly along with half creche fees and I lodge money to an account for my daughter too.

Thanks.

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

As someone who was in and out of court over the years with a woman who was determined to stop me being a part of my child's life (due to nothing but spite and malice) you want to show the judge that you have the child's best interests at heart and that you're not just there to point score.

A judge does not want to hear an estranged couple playing a game of "He said this and she did that....".

All the judge cares about is what is in the best interests of the child.

Emphasise that the only thing more important to you than your need to see your child is your child's need to see his/her father.

Have it in mind what regular contact you want, where and how contact will take place, and why you think the contact will benefit the child.

As well as that, you might also want to discuss travel arrangements, who picks up the child and who drops off the child; and also school holidays plus summer holidays contact. These are all things that will likely crop up at a later stage and I learned it is best to nip it all in the bud from the offset.

If you go to see a solicitor then just remember that different solicitors specialise in different areas of law, so you would want a solicitor that specialises in family and child law.

Once you get a contact order, stick to it as rigidly as possible no matter what. No swapping days or weekends with the ex because once you do it once or a bit they turn try to do it more and more. You try to give them a hand and they then take your arm by trying to dictate the days to you.

They start messing around and not adhering to the contact order then take them back to court and have the judge deal with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there on a regular basis fought tooth and nail . So I’ve a good knolage of it

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

I saw a man lately, visibly upset on his own fb page saying he had to give up the fight as it was driving him to insanity. Unbelievable what some cases come 2

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"What is the average a single dad has to pay per month actually folks? I feel like I'm paying over the odds but it's just easier to do that then to create hassle. I pay maintenance monthly along with half creche fees and I lodge money to an account for my daughter too.

Thanks. "

That all depends on your income

Every Case is different I know the approx figure for low income wage is 70 euro a week for 1 child,

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

The mother thinks she's right,the father thinks he's right. Do the right thing regardless of who you think is right. Just be there for your child/children. Children are more perseptive than they get credit for.

Just be there for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you being taken to the family courts for failure to maintain ? Or is this case initiated by you in order to see your child ? My advice will differ depending on which scenario you are dealing with .

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By *an For YouMan
over a year ago

belfast/holywood


"What is the average a single dad has to pay per month actually folks? I feel like I'm paying over the odds but it's just easier to do that then to create hassle. I pay maintenance monthly along with half creche fees and I lodge money to an account for my daughter too.

Thanks.

That all depends on your income

Every Case is different I know the approx figure for low income wage is 70 euro a week for 1 child, "

Not sure about down south but up here it’s 12% of gross weekly wage for 1 child , 16% for 2 children and 19% for 3 or more

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By *rutus83Man
over a year ago

naas


"What is the average a single dad has to pay per month actually folks? I feel like I'm paying over the odds but it's just easier to do that then to create hassle. I pay maintenance monthly along with half creche fees and I lodge money to an account for my daughter too.

Thanks.

That all depends on your income

Every Case is different I know the approx figure for low income wage is 70 euro a week for 1 child,

Not sure about down south but up here it’s 12% of gross weekly wage for 1 child , 16% for 2 children and 19% for 3 or more"

As far as I know the lowest is 50€ per child

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford


"The mother thinks she's right,the father thinks he's right. Do the right thing regardless of who you think is right. Just be there for your child/children. Children are more perseptive than they get credit for.

Just be there for them."

There are a number of women who don't care about whats right for the child they just want to break their ex. Use the kids to to get that they want.Parent alienation is very much real and more common than most ppl realise. This is very close to my own heart and resulted in this family member to try take his own life. 4 yrs later he is still fighting for his children.

Parental alienation has been the cause of many male suicides. It's time this so called family courts actually up the child first and punish those who cause this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The mother thinks she's right,the father thinks he's right. Do the right thing regardless of who you think is right. Just be there for your child/children. Children are more perseptive than they get credit for.

Just be there for them.

There are a number of women who don't care about whats right for the child they just want to break their ex. Use the kids to to get that they want.Parent alienation is very much real and more common than most ppl realise. This is very close to my own heart and resulted in this family member to try take his own life. 4 yrs later he is still fighting for his children.

Parental alienation has been the cause of many male suicides. It's time this so called family courts actually up the child first and punish those who cause this"

It is THE biggest weapon a woman uses against the guy ,is the kids ,they can threaten

Him that he'll never see them again or use ill gotten excuses to see that it happens ..( please note l full accept NOT ALL women do this ) ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I on the other hand have offered my ex as much access to his children as he would like. We have two kids one of whom I am full time carer for as he has cerebral palsy and autism. My respite is when they are in school as its full on the rest of the time. My ex takes them 5-6 nights a month and he doesn't have any other contact with them even though his daughter has a phone.

His excuse is he's tired.

So look keep up the fight. Don't drag anyone's name through the mud. Save for your kids even though you may not be seeing them.

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By *ork fellaMan
over a year ago

Macroom


"What is the average a single dad has to pay per month actually folks? I feel like I'm paying over the odds but it's just easier to do that then to create hassle. I pay maintenance monthly along with half creche fees and I lodge money to an account for my daughter too.

Thanks.

That all depends on your income

Every Case is different I know the approx figure for low income wage is 70 euro a week for 1 child,

Not sure about down south but up here it’s 12% of gross weekly wage for 1 child , 16% for 2 children and 19% for 3 or more

As far as I know the lowest is 50€ per child "

Taking all costs into account, maintenance,Creche etc I end up paying in and around €650 per month. While also trying to pay rent etc. It's tough going so it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just advice on mums that have gone to court over kids "

go to a solicitor rather then seek advice on it form people on the internet. most would do a consolation with you for free or about 50quid (depends on the solicitor)

why a solicitor? because they actually know what they are talking about rather then some person who could know fuck all about the legal system but can claim o be this that and the other as it's the internet!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I on the other hand have offered my ex as much access to his children as he would like. We have two kids one of whom I am full time carer for as he has cerebral palsy and autism. My respite is when they are in school as its full on the rest of the time. My ex takes them 5-6 nights a month and he doesn't have any other contact with them even though his daughter has a phone.

His excuse is he's tired.

So look keep up the fight. Don't drag anyone's name through the mud. Save for your kids even though you may not be seeing them. "

I would love my ex to see kids he sees them once in a blue moon. Doesn't bother to call or text. Its hard getting zero support or maintenance but I would do anything for my kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I on the other hand have offered my ex as much access to his children as he would like. We have two kids one of whom I am full time carer for as he has cerebral palsy and autism. My respite is when they are in school as its full on the rest of the time. My ex takes them 5-6 nights a month and he doesn't have any other contact with them even though his daughter has a phone.

His excuse is he's tired.

So look keep up the fight. Don't drag anyone's name through the mud. Save for your kids even though you may not be seeing them.

I would love my ex to see kids he sees them once in a blue moon. Doesn't bother to call or text. Its hard getting zero support or maintenance but I would do anything for my kids."

That’s very sad to hear. The kids should always come first. I’m in the same situation as yourself I have my kids full time and do everything by myself. I don’t complain cause I enjoy it so much.

OP u may get some great advice here but u most definitely should seek legal advice. Try ur best to be in the kids lives as much as u can. And don’t do what most single fathers do and not turn up to collect the kids cause ur Friends are hitting the pub. Also €40 a week maintenance do not raise a kid even though most single fathers thinks it does.

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