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Relationship breakup

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By *outh_of_Eden OP   Man
over a year ago

visiting

Ok, so i will make this short. My son (20) just broke up with his girlfiend. Yes, I suppose we have all been there but Im concerned for him. Any advices or idea on making this easier? and on a serious note any behaviours I should be watching out for?

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland

I'm no expert but just reassure him he's not the first nor will he be the last .Remind him he managed perfectly fine before he met this girl and that he ll get over it in time .Encourage him to meet up with friends etc and not to dwell on the past .Just be there for him really .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him to set up a fab account. It will do wonders for his social life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get him a dart board and stick his/her face on it

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Its never easy no matter what age when you go through a breakup. Talking to him making sure he's ok not bottling things up.. even if he's a friend you can ask to keep a eye on him too. Time is a healer in a breakup it will soon pass. My 22 yr old daughter went through a breakup earlier on in the year and cried for days.. luckily she wanted to do things with me even watching a movie in bed with me..talking is the key. I know my daughter hated hearing we have all been through it, which is true but you don't wanna hear them words at the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days"

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days"

Ignore this. The amount of young men in this country committing suicide because they supposed to be the hard man and not show emotion.

Just be there and listen, get him out and about with friends and family.

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days"

Some "Daddy "eh ??

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown


"Ok, so i will make this short. My son (20) just broke up with his girlfiend. Yes, I suppose we have all been there but Im concerned for him. Any advices or idea on making this easier? and on a serious note any behaviours I should be watching out for?"

--------------------

He just needs to go hang out with his mates is all

If he's acting out of the ordinary or saying strange stuff

you should be able to pick up on that...

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By *exyDownUnderWoman
over a year ago

Westmeath


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x"

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

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By *hors.HammerMan
over a year ago

Newbridge

Just make sure he doesn't isolate himself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst."

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic. "

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either.

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By *hors.HammerMan
over a year ago

Newbridge

Any parent is going to naturally worry about their child and with the rate of Suicide and lack of proper help in this toxic society driven by popularity on social media. It's a different world than it was 10/15 years ago.

Supporting a child through a loss like this is important.

I was out of home at 19 and in a toxic relationship which I got out of. Always stood on my own two feet, but not everyone is as strong as some. Being supportive isn't wrapping them in cottonwool

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By *asterIrelandMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

Bring him to the next party you go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either. "

Mmmmmm the OP is a man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either.

Mmmmmm the OP is a man "

Yep and the amount of men who committ suicide on this country is shocking. And it's men of all ages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either.

Mmmmmm the OP is a man

Yep and the amount of men who committ suicide on this country is shocking. And it's men of all ages. "

Steph, stop. I said the OP is a man. The OP. You thought it was a woman. Please re-read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WTF?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either.

Mmmmmm the OP is a man

Yep and the amount of men who committ suicide on this country is shocking. And it's men of all ages.

Steph, stop. I said the OP is a man. The OP. You thought it was a woman. Please re-read"

Well a concerned parent ffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Maybe a polite apology to the OP wouldn't go a miss.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Omg this thread had gone a whole 360.... ffs the forums at times is worse than a playground. OP hope your son moves on soon and finds happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whether this is a serious post or not I'll just leave this here.

There was more than one suicide a day in Ireland on average last year, according to figures released by the Central Statistics Office. The CSO has released its Vital Statistics Yearly Summary for 2017, which has revealed that there were 392 recorded suicides last year, down slightly from the 399 recorded in 2016.May 31, 2018.

And that's the ones that are recorded as a suicide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whether this is a serious post or not I'll just leave this here.

There was more than one suicide a day in Ireland on average last year, according to figures released by the Central Statistics Office. The CSO has released its Vital Statistics Yearly Summary for 2017, which has revealed that there were 392 recorded suicides last year, down slightly from the 399 recorded in 2016.May 31, 2018.

And that's the ones that are recorded as a suicide."

I don't see how this is of help.

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By *ilbearniMan
over a year ago

peninsula

[Removed by poster at 14/08/19 13:50:40]

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By *ilbearniMan
over a year ago

peninsula

Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either. "

I agree with the talking and being open about emotions, it does help.

In Northern Ireland the last statistics for suicide (2017) males were 3x more likely than females to take their own lives.

Age, surprisingly does have something to do with it , within the age gap of 35-45 the incidence of male to female creeps to 5X more likely. So growing up and tough love doesn't really work I would say for that demographic. With folk thinking they should just grow up and deal with it it's not surprising that older males tend to self medicate, and don't ask for help.

We are asking young people to be in touch with and express their emotions, yet there is no support for them.

25% cut in mental health provision in NI in real terms doesn't help matters.

I work with young people and it is encouraging to see that the mindset is changing with them and they are more open to discussing their feelings, and also finding healthier ways to deal with breakups, sexuality, relationships, family etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok, so i will make this short. My son (20) just broke up with his girlfiend. Yes, I suppose we have all been there but Im concerned for him. Any advices or idea on making this easier? and on a serious note any behaviours I should be watching out for?"

I'd encourage him to spend time with his mates doing things he enjoys. If you are close, getting him to understand that feeling a bit yucky is normal but will only be temporary. Getting him to see the bigger picture, that relationships ending are normal part of life and that he will have lots more loves to look forward to..this will help build his resilience for the other bumps in the road

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By *ilbearniMan
over a year ago

peninsula


"Ok, so i will make this short. My son (20) just broke up with his girlfiend. Yes, I suppose we have all been there but Im concerned for him. Any advices or idea on making this easier? and on a serious note any behaviours I should be watching out for?

I'd encourage him to spend time with his mates doing things he enjoys. If you are close, getting him to understand that feeling a bit yucky is normal but will only be temporary. Getting him to see the bigger picture, that relationships ending are normal part of life and that he will have lots more loves to look forward to..this will help build his resilience for the other bumps in the road"

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By *ilbearniMan
over a year ago

peninsula


"Whether this is a serious post or not I'll just leave this here.

There was more than one suicide a day in Ireland on average last year, according to figures released by the Central Statistics Office. The CSO has released its Vital Statistics Yearly Summary for 2017, which has revealed that there were 392 recorded suicides last year, down slightly from the 399 recorded in 2016.May 31, 2018.

And that's the ones that are recorded as a suicide.

I don't see how this is of help. "

I think Steph is saying that telling people to grow up and not be wrapped in cotton wool can be harmful. And was not aimed at the OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be supportive, listen well and DON'T offer advice unless asked. Give him space. Trying to make it easier for him doesn't really help, one needs to go through it and out the other side to learn properly imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him to join the Army. That’ll toughen him up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell him to join the Army. That’ll toughen him up"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone......

On a serious note we have all being there it is part and parcel of life. The growing up years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So it seems I owe the op an apology cause I thought it was a woman that posted the thread.

Op I'm sorry if I offended you.as I said from the start listen to your son and let him talk, rant or rave or hell even shed a tear or two. All you can do is be there for him and hopefully he will know that lots of life ahead of him to enjoy.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Tell him you're looking forward to seeing the next person he brings home, cause he picked a good one and almost got it right, and to keep trying to do things the right way, cause the pay off is huge when it all goes right.

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By *ilbearniMan
over a year ago

peninsula


"So it seems I owe the op an apology cause I thought it was a woman that posted the thread.

Op I'm sorry if I offended you.as I said from the start listen to your son and let him talk, rant or rave or hell even shed a tear or two. All you can do is be there for him and hopefully he will know that lots of life ahead of him to enjoy. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hard being rejected especially if it’s his first experience of it. However it’s a normal part of life and with a little time he’ll put it in perspective. Encourage him to focus on all the good things in life he has at the moment family friends interests sport or whatever he enjoys.

When he least expects it someone else may enter his life and he’ll realize life goes on and there are lots of amazingly and interesting people all around him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days"

Classic example of what not to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've gone through a break up very recently so I k ow what he's going through & I'm 34ffs!!! This girl was the reason I deleted my old fab profile I wasn't looking for someone but she came along & all of a sudden everything was great then it was gone, the only thing I will say is it gets easier with time, it's hard not to look back & wonder what if he just needs to focus on himself, there will be others out there, he may not see it now but there are & keep him smiling & be there for him that's key

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast


"Ok, so i will make this short. My son (20) just broke up with his girlfiend. Yes, I suppose we have all been there but Im concerned for him. Any advices or idea on making this easier? and on a serious note any behaviours I should be watching out for?"

He’s your twenty year old son .......

And you’re asking for break up advice- for him - on a swingers site. Maybe you should know him better than a bunch of randomers do.

Sweet Jesus - stop the world I want to get off ....

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By *hiaboutMan
over a year ago

johnstown

Look hey it is what it is .move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just reassure him everything will be grand keep the head up and look forward dont look back her loss..tell him go out and enjoy life while he can before he gets tied down lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give him comfort when he needs it and keep an eye for any behaviour that's unusual. I think the major red flag regards mental health is when people start to isolate themselves, it was for me anyway. I'm sure he'll be grand though! Plenty of wanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

time heals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am shocked by some of the replies & lack of empathy for the OP, a concerned parent...yes the 20 year old lad will go thru worse on his life, but at the moment this is his worst...telling a lad to grow a pair, not to cry or pull up his socks is certainly not supportive & I'm sure for good reason the OP has concerns.

Had the question been about how to support a 20 yr old girl experiencing a breakup, I have little doubt the answer would have been different & the OP would be congratulated for being a concerned parent.

Talking, watching, supporting...as long as your child knows you have their back & that they can come to you with any issue is key to the parent child relationship

In between the negative comments there is some great advice.

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By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Shouldn't he be busy making a mix tape which expresses his feelings for her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am shocked by some of the replies & lack of empathy for the OP, a concerned parent...yes the 20 year old lad will go thru worse on his life, but at the moment this is his worst...telling a lad to grow a pair, not to cry or pull up his socks is certainly not supportive & I'm sure for good reason the OP has concerns.

Had the question been about how to support a 20 yr old girl experiencing a breakup, I have little doubt the answer would have been different & the OP would be congratulated for being a concerned parent.

Talking, watching, supporting...as long as your child knows you have their back & that they can come to you with any issue is key to the parent child relationship

In between the negative comments there is some great advice."

This is exactly the good parenting.

We have two teenagers and both boys had the breakups behind them and there will be more as it seems this is the natural way to find the perfect match.

OP, talk a lot, spend more time with your kids and observe them.

Mrs ADBventure69

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By *outh_of_Eden OP   Man
over a year ago

visiting

Sorry guys was otherwise engaged and didnt get to see the forum post until now. I really appreciate all the advice and those with the "tell him to grow up" stuff, I respect your opinion but its not further isolation that is needed.

Thank you all

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By *oseredWoman
over a year ago

Dublin


"I am shocked by some of the replies & lack of empathy for the OP, a concerned parent...yes the 20 year old lad will go thru worse on his life, but at the moment this is his worst...telling a lad to grow a pair, not to cry or pull up his socks is certainly not supportive & I'm sure for good reason the OP has concerns.

Had the question been about how to support a 20 yr old girl experiencing a breakup, I have little doubt the answer would have been different & the OP would be congratulated for being a concerned parent.

Talking, watching, supporting...as long as your child knows you have their back & that they can come to you with any issue is key to the parent child relationship

In between the negative comments there is some great advice."

This implies that there was far more negative comments than there were. The feed back to OP was very supportive and only a handful of negatives. I don't think it being about a girl would've changed the ratio of positive and negative in this situation. Best of luck OP. You know your son better than anyone here, so you will see changes if there are any. That said he also needs to go through the stages of a break up in order to work through it and that can be hard for a parent to watch. Just be there when needed.

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By *outh_of_Eden OP   Man
over a year ago

visiting


"I am shocked by some of the replies & lack of empathy for the OP, a concerned parent...yes the 20 year old lad will go thru worse on his life, but at the moment this is his worst...telling a lad to grow a pair, not to cry or pull up his socks is certainly not supportive & I'm sure for good reason the OP has concerns.

Had the question been about how to support a 20 yr old girl experiencing a breakup, I have little doubt the answer would have been different & the OP would be congratulated for being a concerned parent.

Talking, watching, supporting...as long as your child knows you have their back & that they can come to you with any issue is key to the parent child relationship

In between the negative comments there is some great advice.

This implies that there was far more negative comments than there were. The feed back to OP was very supportive and only a handful of negatives. I don't think it being about a girl would've changed the ratio of positive and negative in this situation. Best of luck OP. You know your son better than anyone here, so you will see changes if there are any. That said he also needs to go through the stages of a break up in order to work through it and that can be hard for a parent to watch. Just be there when needed. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going through it myself..

takes time. just be there for him and dont give too much advice.. it wont help..

horrible at that age.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

What's the expression about saddles and getting back in them.....

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By *iktikiCouple
over a year ago

city centre


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either. "

I agree with the talking and being open about emotions, it does help.

In Northern Ireland the last statistics for suicide (2017) males were 3x more likely than females to take their own lives.

Age, surprisingly does have something to do with it , within the age gap of 35-45 the incidence of male to female creeps to 5X more likely. So growing up and tough love doesn't really work I would say for that demographic. With folk thinking they should just grow up and deal with it it's not surprising that older males tend to self medicate, and don't ask for help.

We are asking young people to be in touch with and express their emotions, yet there is no support for them.

25% cut in mental health provision in NI in real terms doesn't help matters.

I work with young people and it is encouraging to see that the mindset is changing with them and they are more open to discussing their feelings, and also finding healthier ways to deal with breakups, sexuality, relationships, family etc"

Are we now saying that a relationship break up now automatically leads to suicide?

No l don’t think so

Op just keep an eye open, it can be so easy these days to miss what is going on under your nose because of the rush rush rush life we lead.

Everyone else throttle back a tad

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By *ilbearniMan
over a year ago

peninsula


"Stop babysitting him he's a grown man ffs. It's no wonder people are so soft these days

Have to agree with this one. Hurtful things make tougher humans x

Jesus ... and how many teenagers have you two got??

Sit him down and open up a conversation. Talking is the best therapy for any young person's angst.

Teenagers? Son is 20.

When I was 20 I moved country, was standing on my own two feet, got out of a toxic relationship while still supported my useless ex who was struggling to keep a job, and helped my single mother who has twins to raise. Nobody ever babysat me. Yes, talking and venting is good. Cotton wool wrapping - toxic.

Don't think op mention cotton wool wrapping. She has concerns about her son and as a mum I get that. We need to be able to talk about things bottling them up and hiding them away isn't the solution either. "

I agree with the talking and being open about emotions, it does help.

In Northern Ireland the last statistics for suicide (2017) males were 3x more likely than females to take their own lives.

Age, surprisingly does have something to do with it , within the age gap of 35-45 the incidence of male to female creeps to 5X more likely. So growing up and tough love doesn't really work I would say for that demographic. With folk thinking they should just grow up and deal with it it's not surprising that older males tend to self medicate, and don't ask for help.

We are asking young people to be in touch with and express their emotions, yet there is no support for them.

25% cut in mental health provision in NI in real terms doesn't help matters.

I work with young people and it is encouraging to see that the mindset is changing with them and they are more open to discussing their feelings, and also finding healthier ways to deal with breakups, sexuality, relationships, family etc

Are we now saying that a relationship break up now automatically leads to suicide?

No l don’t think so

Op just keep an eye open, it can be so easy these days to miss what is going on under your nose because of the rush rush rush life we lead.

Everyone else throttle back a tad "

If you read the whole thread you will find that the mention of suicide was in response to the negative and unhelpful response to man up etc. Which is exactly the attitude that leads to young men not talking about their feelings.

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