FabSwingers.com forum: Who here has been affected by someone taking their own lifes

By *lucard5 OP Man
over a year ago

kerry capital

I'm trying to deal with it now. Any advice or help appreciated

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford

Everyone has and some of us more than once. While everyone grieves differently there is no right way only your way. The only vaild advice I can give is talk and your gp is a good place to start..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes a very close friend of mine took her life a long time ago now. Cliché to say but gets easier with time. If you are having a difficult time I would say talk to someone about it whether it be a friend or a medical professional. It does help and remember the person for their life and not the way it ended. Condolences for your loss.

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By *cerlass321Couple
over a year ago

kilkenny

hi i have been affected in my personal life

and all i can say is there is some very good support out there that do help please feel frre to pm me at anytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly I think there is not many people who haven't been affected by it.

The only advise I can give is try not to feel guilty or think you could have done more,once someone has made up their mind there is not much anyone can do to stop them realy, and you will drive yourself mad thinking about all the what if's! Be around friend's or family don't isolate yourself. And talking help's, talk about the person with other people who loved them. Grief councelling can also help after time. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am 27, I have lost 8 friends to suicide 3 of them were really close friends and came out of the blue with no warnings of depression. Recently my father tried to kill himself from a drug OD but was found in time to save his life.

It's hard to deal with because you have a lot of whY ifs, I could have, would have's. You think I should have done this. If only theh would have talk to me, I could have helped.

But at the end of the day it's an illness some people are able to fight it, some people cant and lose the battle of it.

Time will heal wounds and you will miss that person for ever and there isn't a day go by when I dont think of my friends but I know they are at peace now.

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By *ockhard and SweetcheeksCouple
over a year ago

City

I have never been affected by it and I cannot imagine what it wud feel like!!! My heart goes out to everyone here who has been affected by it!!!

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

No, don't know anyone who killed themselves.

I am pro-life, and anti suicide though. All you can do is start to put your energy into the people still here, making yourself available to meet and talk with them, help people however you can.

You don't need to save people, you just need to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you were decent to them.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

A close friend of mine killed himself a couple of years. I had conflicting emotions as he owed me a substantial amount of money and it left my business on the rocks. I'm still conflicted by it if I'm honest.

In all, I've personally known five people who killed themselves but the friend mentioned above was the only one close to me.

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By *r tayt2Man
over a year ago

Trim

There is no one person on this island that has not been touched by this

Be it a friend or friends of friends or family member

Prayers and taughts go to anyone who has felt this

All because they don't just talk to someone

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

Hey OP,

So sorry for your loss. This has already been said but i found talking about it really is the best place to start. That in itself can seem like a difficult thing but once you make that first step, you'll find even that helps.

There are some really good bereavement support groups (location pending) that deal with suicide related bereavement, with a good mix of people in them (sex, age, careers etc). I found that not being alone in my feelings was a great comfort. Perhaps you might too but naturally, we're all different crayons.

I hope you'll come through this difficult time.

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By *r tayt2Man
over a year ago

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By *urlyloverMan
over a year ago

n Ireland

I know of at least 10 guys that have either shot themselves or hanged themselves within a 5 mile radius.

At least 3 of them was over breaking up with there girlfriends others over debt etc one of them because he hit his dad's car while they where away on holiday.He was so afraid of him he shot himself before they arrived home.

Sad

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By *hors.HammerMan
over a year ago

Newbridge

Lost 10 friends to suicide over the years and saved many more.

The best thing I can advise is be there for your other friends effected by it and talk to each other.

As said by others also if you are struggling seek professional help. There is no shame in it and we all need a helping hand from time to time.

It's a difficult time it really is but you will get through it.

The pain never goes but it fades with time.

Stay strong and if you need to vent mail away. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than one close to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi first up.i am so sorry for your loss, I grew up in Jobstown and while I was growing up there was a major drug problem. This has resulted in 3 of my very close friends committing suicide. I still have 2 friend out of our group that would all have being very close. We meet and talk a lot. We have all done individual counseling which helped in a big way.

What I will say to you is go and talk to someone and it is okay to cry let the emotional hurt you are feeling out.

Sorry for your loss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't need to save people, you just need to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you were decent to them."

Probably one of the most selfish things I've read on the fourms in a long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course you need to save people if you can. Health services are absolutely woeful in this country and just be lending an understanding ear can really help.

Theres no way everyone is gonna be saved but minding your friends and family really really counts and works. I know.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Always remember it's ok not to be ok and help is there by professionals and talking to family or friends.

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

All I can say is try to take comfort in the fact that they wanted out and can be at peace now.

I can't imagine what pain and suffering someone must be feeling to come to the conclusion that death is better than living on.

It really is a tragic situation.

I know it's hard for those who are left behind to pick up the pieces and ask the questions of 'why?' and 'could I have done something?'

And maybe they could have been saved with particular treatment and maybe not.

But there are plenty of cases where the person gets treatment, has support and still chooses to go.

This may sound insensitive and harsh on my part, but I feel, for me at least, to want someone to continue living a nightmare of pain and suffering that I will never know, so I don't have to suffer the loss, is somewhat selfish of me.

But having said that, I am empathetic to anyone who is affected by such a tragedy.

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

You don't need to save people, you just need to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you were decent to them.

Probably one of the most selfish things I've read on the fourms in a long time.

I don't think he meant it in a bad way. I think he just means that we can't beat ourselves up about not saving someone because at the end of the day no matter what we do if that person makes the choice to end their life and are adamant about it, and determined, then there is nothing we can do to stop it but we can reflect on our relationship with that person and take comfort in knowing that we had good relationship with them and did our best by them even if we know it wasn't enough to stop them going through with their decision.

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

OP, I'm genuinely sorry for what you are going through. You've made a brave step in making your initial post so well done for that.

It's really not a nice feeling. I have lost friends to suicide over the years and lost a partner to suicide.

As mentioned already on the thread, talking to someone really helps. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a third party or outsider than a friend or relative.

Making an appointment with your GP or seeking bereavement counselling would also be a good step.

I'm here anytime you want to private message me as I can genuinely say I know how you feel and I want you to be ok and come out the other side ok.

We are all behind you. You're not alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My only advice is to be patient with yourself, let yourself feel whatever you're feeling, and try to live the best life u can for the person you lost.

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By *lucard5 OP Man
over a year ago

kerry capital

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and empathy shown. Of course to all of ye affected please accept my condolence too. I am in the process of getting some help. I'm here to share the burden with any of ye too. Take care of yourselves. I hope, maybe we can all combine and try to make a difference. A support group or something. This has become an epidemic.

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By *hors.HammerMan
over a year ago

Newbridge

"Thanks to everyone for the kind words and empathy shown. Of course to all of ye affected please accept my condolence too. I am in the process of getting some help. I'm here to share the burden with any of ye too. Take care of yourselves. I hope, maybe we can all combine and try to make a difference. A support group or something. This has become an epidemic. "

Glad to hear you're getting help. I've been to a dark place. Learned the hard way not to leave it to long and bottle everything up. Anyways if you need to talk drop myself or anyone of the others who offered a mail. We maybe strangers but you're not alone.

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By *r tayt2Man
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PIETA house, Aware & The Samaratins as well as your local GP are all good to talk to if you need support dealing with a loss thru suicide.

Talking is key, personal counselling or a bereavement group may also help.

But keep talking to people & mind yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience, people who take their life are the strongest of people. Nobody has unlimited endurance, and people can suffer traumas and live with fears over many months and years, in ways that they themselves cannot understand let alone articulate. I don't think suicide is a choice in that that they can't see (or bear) any other way. Just like a cancer, in this case a cancer of the mind, mental illness overwhelms some people eventually, despite all they do to fight it. The person in my life who committed suicide endured what can only be described as torture in their final year. That person didn't give up, but tried and tried and tried to cope and get better: for their family and her/himself. As time goes on I try to think not about how that person died (very hard to do as I'm the one who made the discovery) but rather how they tried to live.

Hope this helps.

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

go get help is the first thing you do. It will take lots of time before it will heal . Some people recover quicker than others so get better in your own time. Wish you good luck .

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By *lucard5 OP Man
over a year ago

kerry capital

I'm reliving it every day since. Is pieta house a good choice for help and counselling. I am planning to finally get help. Any other suggestions. Please.

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

Yes, contact pieta, or your GP, or talk about this with a friend who is a good listener. This has been on your mind for a long time, and you're back here talking about it. Have you talked to anyone? Pm me if you need to chat. I'm a night owl.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

No, I don't know anyone who has killed themselves.

This isnt the best place to come ask, this place is pro choice, they support people taking their own lives etc.

I'd go talk to one of the helplines instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I found my auntie dead, not tonight but send me a text and I’ll get back to you in the morning, for now just go to bed no matter what’s happened, put your head down, tomorrow is a new day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are afraid to go to the psychiatrist and think it is uncool to tell the doctor about depression.

That is the problem.

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By *inful and slutty vikingsMan
over a year ago

Hey man. First, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Words from a stranger don't mean much, I know, but that's just the start.

Give me a shout man. I've lost two close people in the last two years. My best friend and my older brother.

I'm still going through the grieving journey.

So just in case, you don't text me, I'll give you my 2c.

1. Open up. As men, we are way too closed off. Telling your friends, family, that you're not okay, takes strength. Me personally, I had to be the rock for my family, and forgot about myself. I ended up opening up on Facebook and loads of people reached out. And that helped.

2. Hit the gym, workout. There's something about physical exercise that's therapeutic and it releases serotonin (the chemical in your brain that makes you happy). When you're depressed, going through a bad time, your brain doesn't produce enough, and exercise fucking helps.

3. Meet up with a friend, talk about it. And if you don't have one of those, if you're in Dublin, give me a shout or I'll give you my personal number and we can chat.

4. You're not a robot. I said you're not a robot. It's okay, to not be okay. It's okay, to one day, feel like you've moved on to the acceptance stage of grieving. Then 10 minutes later, feel like crying, because you'll never hear that person's voice again (that was my trigger, at work one day, where my big tough ass, went into the bathroom stall and just cried for 20 minutes.

5. See a counselor. I felt ashamed when I first went. I felt like I was going for an STD test and everyone was judging me. Then my other brother told me, dude, you're not going to come out of there a worse person.

I'm not familiar with Pieta house but having looked them up, give them a call. And, I'm absolutely 100% here for you dude. I'm not being polite. I mean, I would drop everything and come meet, speak and listen to you.

It gets better, slowly. And you have setbacks. And that's okay.

Sincerest and heartfelt regards!

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
over a year ago

"Hey man. First, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Words from a stranger don't mean much, I know, but that's just the start.

Give me a shout man. I've lost two close people in the last two years. My best friend and my older brother.

I'm still going through the grieving journey.

So just in case, you don't text me, I'll give you my 2c.

3. Meet up with a friend, talk about it. And if you don't have one of those, if you're in Dublin, give me a shout or I'll give you my personal number and we can chat.

It gets better, slowly. And you have setbacks. And that's okay.

Sincerest and heartfelt regards!"

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

Never understood why anyone would kill themselves..ive been through some crazy shite in my life and im still here breathing away and have no plans on doing away with myself..weak people kill themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know a few young people who committed suicide and it is hard to understand. No one close thankfully.

Can I just say how nice it is to see so many people willing to be there and provide advice etc for total strangers.

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

Im taking care of this young lady who would be at the end of as rope but only for me. She is very hard work but if i found her dead i dont think i could ever cope . It must be the wordt nitemare ever .

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

I dont think you ever find out the reason for why they kill themselfs . Its horendous what they go true .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never understood why anyone would kill themselves..ive been through some crazy shite in my life and im still here breathing away and have no plans on doing away with myself..weak people kill themselves

...and the donkey of the day award goes to you Sir. Congratulations, I'm sure your mother's proud of you for winning such a prestigious award.

Been through some shit in your life have ya? Did these things go on for a couple of weeks, than settle down again?

The thing is most that feel suicidal have been dealing what is making them feel like that for a long time and its worn them down.

Next time you're in the gym or just have some time on your hands. Try picking up a weight. Say about 3kg (nice and light) and hold it with a straight arm, straight out in front of you. You will probably be able to do this easy enough as you are healthy and strong, without any problem and it seems fine and not hard to deal with at all because you are not weak and only weak people could not do this. But keep it there,see how long it takes for the pain to set in and you start to squirm with the burn in your arm before finally you drop the weight as you can't take it anymore....but just remember only weak people could not hold that small weight out in front of themselves.

That's kinda what it's like for people that suffer with their mental health.

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

The truth is, we will never know what that level of darkness (I wasn't sure what word to use there tbh) or how a person that commits suicide is feeling because that goes with them. Calling someone weak because they commit suicide well, it seems a bit ignorant.

We have all been through shite times at one point or another in our lives. And we should give ourselves a pat on the back for coming out the other side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im taking care of this young lady who would be at the end of as rope but only for me. She is very hard work but if i found her dead i dont think i could ever cope . It must be the wordt nitemare ever .

It must be hard. Good on you for being there for her xx

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

I'm lost my son to sicide three years ago this month..it'hard to deal with all we can do is take it one day at a time..

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By *avidc2019Man
over a year ago

dublin

"I'm lost my son to sicide three years ago this month..it'hard to deal with all we can do is take it one day at a time.. "
im soo sorry to hear that _oglady I’ve lost my best pal 3 years ago too gets worse every year hope your ok

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By *avidc2019Man
over a year ago

dublin

Lost a good friend 3 years ago to suicide broke my heart never seen it coming everyday I miss him,well done to all who help ppl dealing with suicide and well done to ppl who support the people left behind

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

I donated all his organs and they were all used so that helps me cause in my mind his just off on a new adventure with these people who received them. It might sound silly but it has helped me deal with it..

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

...and the donkey of the day award goes to you Sir. Congratulations, I'm sure your mother's proud of you for winning such a prestigious award.

Been through some shit in your life have ya? Did these things go on for a couple of weeks, than settle down again?

The thing is most that feel suicidal have been dealing what is making them feel like that for a long time and its worn them down.

That's kinda what it's like for people that suffer with their mental health.

I deal with my past every minute every hour every day..there is no escape its on my mind all the time but I'd never let it wear me down..its made me stronger and I can safely say I'll never kill myself..now I wont stoop to your level and throw personal insults not my style at all lad ..have a nice day

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By *rossflow daveMan
over a year ago

Mullingar

...and the donkey of the day award goes to you Sir. Congratulations, I'm sure your mother's proud of you for winning such a prestigious award.

Been through some shit in your life have ya? Did these things go on for a couple of weeks, than settle down again?

The thing is most that feel suicidal have been dealing what is making them feel like that for a long time and its worn them down.

That's kinda what it's like for people that suffer with their mental health.

"
post of the week , just spot on !!

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By *avidc2019Man
over a year ago

dublin

"I donated all his organs and they were all used so that helps me cause in my mind his just off on a new adventure with these people who received them. It might sound silly but it has helped me deal with it.."
that was such a great thing to do your son has saved some ones life and so have you by making that decision

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That was a very kind, generous and important thing to do. I think your adventure idea is spot on....a very positive thought.

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By *lucard5 OP Man
over a year ago

kerry capital

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By *irdnBorisMan
over a year ago

meath

Lost a good few friends over the years and its very hard to get the head around it. There is a lot of people that cant see a way out at all and its terrible for all who are left to pick up the pieces .to be honest most people have deppression just a lot dont show it and put on a brave face .then theres the homeless crisis allthough the goverment dont seem to care about kids having to eat off the street

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By *cerlass321Couple
over a year ago

kilkenny

I'd recon everyone in ireland has been affected by this

as my wife took her own life 3 years ago I've lost friends and close family members also

there are great supports out there

and fantastic people that assist ppl who are affected by this

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By *r MacmullyMan
over a year ago

Tarbert

All I can say is most people are affected by someone close taking there lives, but there is help out there for those of us who need it. I suggest if you are having trouble go see your GP and talk to them. T h at was a starting point for me.

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By *ocketman99Man
over a year ago

fermanagh

Hi OP I am so sorry to hear of your friends passing. No one can imagine the pain YOU are going through. Others, myself included, have lost friends through suicide but how each individual reacts is different.

There is no right way to react, no right way is there to come to terms with it, it can only be achieved by you sitting down and talking, crying, pouring your heart and soul out to someone...

by posting this, you demonstrate to me immense strength and courage. You are one of the strongest men on fab!

Sadly, though, some people's comments on this thread were not only insensitive but deeply negative.

I would urge you now, to ignore this thread in future.

There is no way anyone understands what you are going through, yes, they can relate, but no one, I repeat no one can relate to the individual suffering you are experiencing.

TALK, TALK, TALK to people, ANYONE, doesn't have to be a shrink, people listen.

Yes, seek professional help, but in the meantime, talk to people, don't get yourself into a rut, and take a break from fab, its not healthy at the moment for you,as some of the previous comments have demonstrated so clearly!

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By *ocketman99Man
over a year ago

fermanagh

everyone is different, we are individuals, we process pain differently, people those that are suffering talk to a friend a parent a counsellor, and let it all out.

If you have to pour your eyes out, whether your male or female, just let it all go...

It takes immense courage to show your emotions guys... I bet you not one woman here would think a man is weak if he poured his eyes out if he felt depressed, or suicidal...

JUST TALK, POUR YOUR SOUL OUT - THATS BEING MAN!!!!

(My opinion)

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By *SKFUNMan
over a year ago

Dublin 8

OP, what a really important topic and well done for posting. Some great advice above. Definitely seek professional advice and, if you can, also speak to those close to you: sometimes we forget those closest to us !! I found the book, by Beattie and Devitt, on suicide really helpful.

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By *imon2016Man
over a year ago

Dublin

Sensitive topic, dangerous and unhelp comment and I've reported you.

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By *imon2016Man
over a year ago

Dublin

Sensitive topic, dangerous and unhelp comment and I've reported you.

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By *artyanna16TV/TS
over a year ago

seacroft

Oh i feel so sad for your situation, thing is , words alone cant do much. , i had a frend who id done my nurse training with, we played football together got into fights went on the piss, shared girlfriends, (not simultaneously ) , he was really bright , wife two kids reaching teens , lots ahead of him , hed chased someone previously who was being watched closely as they were considered high risk, he could stop them from leaving the hospital grounds they went straight to the local railway station. I think he will have blamed himself mercilessly , thing was there was nothing he could do because he wasnt allowed to by the person , similarly if my friend phil wanted help he knew how to reach out, but chose not to , i was angry and in turn disappointed that he felt unable to turn to me, i too have felt pressure on me at times , you dont have to be the successful , able confident , or even friendly and amiable person who never feels down, or sweeps his grief discreetly under the rug, you can feel helpless and alone bitter and beleaguered all in the space of a few minutes, but those feelings will jnot remain , they will flit , like a tickly cough or a hard on, and then be unremembered and unremarkable again, so dont dwell on shit , which you cant find an answer to ! There isnt one , and why do you specifically need it anyway, ignorance can be bliss , but if it burns or irritates or saddens you , sput it out and disclose that shit , dont ever give it house room , its transient and deserves no long term accomodation in your peaceful existence , keep the memories you have of your friend /relative in times which were special for your and them, if that hurts , then let it , explore it , and have a fuckjng good cry for its passing , but always remember that we are mortal! So take time to live your fullest life , in love with you and those you choose to love . Be gentle with yourself , take care lovely x

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By *ocketman99Man
over a year ago

fermanagh

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