FabSwingers.com forum: Polite No Thanks

By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

So I noticed a regular topic of men complaining that women don't reply with a simple no thanks when messaged. I did reply when I started many years ago but stopped as no thank you mostly resulted in a number of messages to change my mind or explain myself. So I thought maybe I was wrong and things had changed. So I replied to the last 20 profiles that I felt didn't match or suit mine, with a polite no thanks. Resulting in 17 looking for reasons and or trying to change my mind. So I think it will be back to no reply means no interest. I hope this goes some way to explaining to folks that it is not me being, up myself, a bitch or any of the other fancinating names in exchange for the polite "no thanks" requested.

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford

I did exactly the same the past 2 days and got the same as you along with a few nasty ones. So like you I will go back to simply deleting the ones I've no interest in

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I did exactly the same the past 2 days and got the same as you along with a few nasty ones. So like you I will go back to simply deleting the ones I've no interest in"

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By *ublinGirl92Woman
over a year ago

Hell

Yeah, exactly the same experience. Men just don't get what it's like. I get so many messages that often the first one I manage to catch from a guy is the one where he's decided I'm an ignorant bitch who's been ignoring him.

I now just delete if I'm not interested and block if I really don't want to hear from them again. There was even a forum post about me blocking some guy and sure enough loads of jilted men jumped on to proclaim how up my own hole I must be.

It's not nice but I just dgaf anymore.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one.

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one. "

"Sorry, I don't think we are a match but thanks for the message is my usual reply". I don't think that is worthy of rude replies.

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By *ublinGirl92Woman
over a year ago

Hell

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one. "

I'll either send "thanks for the message. That's very kind to say. But I don't think we are compatible" or if I have an actual reason I'll give it like "Thanks for the message but you're a good few years outside of my age preferences so no thank you"

And I'll still get pushiness and abuse back. So I think you've just been very lucky tbh.

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By *oc1998Man
over a year ago

Dundalk

Ok i will admit that i never have or never will get as much attention as you all do. Plus yous all deserve it. Yous are all way better looking than me. Though i often get more men talking to me then anyone else. I am the same about if i say no they ask why. however i never got any rude responses. Maybe its in some little mens minds that they can say what they want to a woman and get away with it. Some people just get salty over the little of things.

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By *ajRallying555Man
over a year ago

Galway .Limerick

Hi. It is stupid. I always thank the Lady or Couple for the reply. We exchange a message or 2. And off I go.

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

I never understood the moaning about not getting replies. If your ego is that fragile I suggest you become a monk. It's clearly written in the FAQ that no reply is a reply in the negitive.

My best tip is to let the women and cpls mail you instead.

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland

Long time ago when we first joined we would reply to most messages whether it be a "God yes please" or a "no thankyou ",nowdays we only reply to messages and profiles that excite us .

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"Ok i will admit that i never have or never will get as much attention as you all do. Plus yous all deserve it. Yous are all way better looking than me. Though i often get more men talking to me then anyone else. I am the same about if i say no they ask why. however i never got any rude responses. Maybe its in some little mens minds that they can say what they want to a woman and get away with it. Some people just get salty over the little of things."

To be fair it's not an issue of the number of messages. I actually don't get that many. I've been on here for many many years and most have seen and passed over my profile by now. Lol It was just me seeing if I was being unfair not replying and being shocked at the replies I got when saying no. I have had many rejections here and would never be rude about it.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one.

"Sorry, I don't think we are a match but thanks for the message is my usual reply". I don't think that is worthy of rude replies. "

It's a very simple and polite reply you're using and certainly no reason for rudeness. The problem is that single guys are turned down a lot and that can take it's toll and result in a reaction coming out of frustration.

So by explicitly turning down the 'contender' (we're not a match) you even provide him with a reason. I never state a reason nor do I directly say that I'm not interested.

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 25/05/19 11:10:54]

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one.

"Sorry, I don't think we are a match but thanks for the message is my usual reply". I don't think that is worthy of rude replies.

So by explicitly turning down the 'contender' (we're not a match) you even provide him with a reason. I never state a reason nor do I directly say that I'm not interested. "

Their "frusrations" is no excuse for bad behaviour and also not my responsibilty to soothe. All it proved was I was right to stick to the no reply means no interest rule.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We try to reply to messages that are polite and indicate that the writer has taken even a basic interest in our profile text. I don't recall ever getting an abusive response, it's either our reply is read and deleted or we get a message back thanking us for responding.

Incoherent garbage, text speak and messages that blithely ignore the existence of a male partner are usually deleted without response (or any qualms!)

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

But why u dont know the real me how can u make a decision like that on one msg

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"We try to reply to messages that are polite and indicate that the writer has taken even a basic interest in our profile text. I don't recall ever getting an abusive response, it's either our reply is read and deleted or we get a message back thanking us for responding.

Incoherent garbage, text speak and messages that blithely ignore the existence of a male partner are usually deleted without response (or any qualms!)"

Ye told md fook aff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Incoherent garbage, text speak and messages that blithely ignore the existence of a male partner are usually deleted without response (or any qualms!)

Ye told md fook aff

I would never be so crude

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By *oeDolansBrotherMan
over a year ago

South county

Probably no reply is best. It’s good to get s message but disappointing if it’s just a no. Also the site gives a warning if you haven’t got a reply from a message. Sending s reply loses that and can lead to excessive duplication. Do you lady’s like a hundred repeat messages from the same super stud muffin?

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Incoherent garbage, text speak and messages that blithely ignore the existence of a male partner are usually deleted without response (or any qualms!)

Ye told md fook aff

I would never be so crude

Can I ask lee is that true

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By *scapism123Man
over a year ago

belfast

Think it’s obvious certain men don’t take rejection well on this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Idiots running it for everyone

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one.

And I'll still get pushiness and abuse back. So I think you've just been very lucky tbh. "

My replies are like yours. I'm never rude nasty or abrupt in my replies. Some not all don't get the no thanks and insist they can change your mind. And the odd one with a nasty comment

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By *ajRallying555Man
over a year ago

Galway .Limerick

Casey Lee. U always Polite to me. When I tell U. Ye are One Sexy Couple. Haha

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By *ublinGirl92Woman
over a year ago

Hell

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one.

And I'll still get pushiness and abuse back. So I think you've just been very lucky tbh.

My replies are like yours. I'm never rude nasty or abrupt in my replies. Some not all don't get the no thanks and insist they can change your mind. And the odd one with a nasty comment "

I try to be as polite as possible but it's just not worth the risk any more.

I don't understand the guys who hit me up telling me how hot I am and then when I turn them down they tell me to fuck off anyway because I'm fat and disgusting.

I even had one guy go a step further and tell me to immediately start making myself sick because I'm so fat and repulsive he doesn't know how anyone can stand the sight of me. And I'm paraphrasing that because what he actually said left me in tears.

So as unfortunate as it is for genuine guys who deserve a polite reply they just won't be getting them from me anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you dont like the calibre of messages or replies you get set your filters so nobody can contact you and make the first move yourself

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"If you dont like the calibre of messages or replies you get set your filters so nobody can contact you and make the first move yourself

Why should I exclude all for the sake of a few rude people. I have made good friends with people who's profile I might have overlooked had they not contacted me. I'm simply explaining why many people don't send a polite no thank you.

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

"If you dont like the calibre of messages or replies you get set your filters so nobody can contact you and make the first move yourself

Based on your OP its actually 85% that were a problem, so in fairness its a valid suggestion

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By *elfastDMan
over a year ago

belfast

[Removed by poster at 25/05/19 13:08:59]

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By *elfastDMan
over a year ago

belfast

Down with that sort of thing!

But on a positive note, it makes it easy to clear them out and leave the good guys more chance

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"If you dont like the calibre of messages or replies you get set your filters so nobody can contact you and make the first move yourself

Based on your OP its actually 85% that were a problem, so in fairness its a valid suggestion

That was in reference to those I declined to chat with. Not those that I did chat with so no. Not valid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Casey Lee. U always Polite to me. When I tell U. Ye are One Sexy Couple. Haha"

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By *abraham_LincolnWoman
over a year ago

City Centre

I always reply with a polite yes or no. It's basic manners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re not inundated like a single female profile but luckily we’ve never had anyone be rude or nasty when we’ve declined.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We’re not inundated like a single female profile but luckily we’ve never had anyone be rude or nasty when we’ve declined."

Using filters means nobody need be inundated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I noticed a regular topic of men complaining that women don't reply with a simple no thanks when messaged. I did reply when I started many years ago but stopped as no thank you mostly resulted in a number of messages to change my mind or explain myself. So I thought maybe I was wrong and things had changed. So I replied to the last 20 profiles that I felt didn't match or suit mine, with a polite no thanks. Resulting in 17 looking for reasons and or trying to change my mind. So I think it will be back to no reply means no interest. I hope this goes some way to explaining to folks that it is not me being, up myself, a bitch or any of the other fancinating names in exchange for the polite "no thanks" requested. "

I have updated my bio that if there is no reply means I'm not interested. Finito

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

I have updated my bio that if there is no reply means I'm not interested. Finito

But i might change ur mind

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

[Removed by poster at 25/05/19 13:36:12]

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

I have updated my bio that if there is no reply means I'm not interested. Finito

But i might change ur mind"

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

"[Removed by poster at 25/05/19 13:36:12]"

Cant be arsed

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

[Removed by poster at 25/05/19 13:39:21]

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Even the most polite person might respond to "You're not my type" with "Whats that mean?"

Its not about how polite youre response is, its if its open or closed. "no, not meeting" is closed, "You're not my type, youre too far away..." all those encourage a reply to ask more.

But this is fab where you get blocked for voicing an opinion, get followed around for a girl flirting with you, and get harassed by fake accounts for being nice publicly to one person and declining another. You can be followed around on here for years.

So my advice would just be dont interact with people you dont want to meet.

and if its me you dont want to meet, can chuck me in the block list if it makes you feel better, but either way I wont message people on here, so it wont matter.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

also, i wrote "you're response is" above, not because I do not understand the difference between your and you're, but because I wrote "you're being.." then deleted the "being and wrote "response is"

Please dont think less of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Incoherent garbage, text speak and messages that blithely ignore the existence of a male partner are usually deleted without response (or any qualms!)

Ye told md fook aff

I would never be so crude

Can I ask lee is that true

I would be very surprised if Casey told you to fook aff. Having said that and knowing her as I do, if it was said it was well and truly deserved. Her usual response to something disrespectful would be to ignore

Lee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh I don’t think a “you’re not my type” warrants a follow up. I would consider it fairly definitive. Not my type = I don’t find you attractive. Personally I wouldn’t ask any potentially awkward follow up question, I’d just accept that average brunette simply doesn’t do it for them!

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By *rederick2000Man
over a year ago

Out and About near you

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one. "

You are one of a few Doghunter.

A little politeness goes a long way. Thank you for not letting the idiots on here ruining it for everybody else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Manners cost nothing and it's nice to be nice

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By *rederick2000Man
over a year ago

Out and About near you

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one.

"Sorry, I don't think we are a match but thanks for the message is my usual reply". I don't think that is worthy of rude replies. "

Very polite and to the point.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"Tbh I don’t think a “you’re not my type” warrants a follow up. I would consider it fairly definitive. Not my type = I don’t find you attractive. Personally I wouldn’t ask any potentially awkward follow up question, I’d just accept that average brunette simply doesn’t do it for them!"

But I am actually a sex god, so I'd need to know how I can not be their type, obviously they dont mean my body, they must mean something else, have they confused me for someone else?

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

ps you're actually a gorgeous brunette

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But I am actually a sex god, so I'd need to know how I can not be their type, obviously they dont mean my body, they must mean something else, have they confused me for someone else?"

Fair point!

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By *yintotryCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have updated my bio that if there is no reply means I'm not interested. Finito

But i might change ur mind"

You can always try

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But I am actually a sex god, so I'd need to know how I can not be their type, obviously they dont mean my body, they must mean something else, have they confused me for someone else?"

Its not only about sexy body.

In my case there must be more than that.

I prefer beautiful mind, good sense of humour.

Maybe I am too selective, but it's my choice. I won't waste my and other people time.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"Its not only about sexy body.

In my case there must be more than that.

I prefer beautiful mind, good sense of humour.

Maybe I am too selective, but it's my choice. I won't waste my and other people time.

Oh yes, but I have the mind and the humour too, so why, WHY am i not someones type?

I may never find out, because no one has ever said it to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its not only about sexy body.

In my case there must be more than that.

I prefer beautiful mind, good sense of humour.

Maybe I am too selective, but it's my choice. I won't waste my and other people time.

Oh yes, but I have the mind and the humour too, so why, WHY am i not someones type?

I may never find out, because no one has ever said it to me."

I think we cannot be everyone's cup of tea

Patience Mr, more patience

They will find you sooner or later

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"I think we cannot be everyone's cup of tea

Patience Mr, more patience

They will find you sooner or later

Aww, I am just joking, I have been told I have an ugly face in messages, but normally its people who message me to tell me, I rarely message people myself, and never ask why they dont want to talk to me.

I also get blocked by people i never talked to, like half the site at this point I think, so I am only joking about being awesome too.

I'm just being self deprecating.

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

But I am actually a sex god, so I'd need to know how I can not be their type, obviously they dont mean my body, they must mean something else, have they confused me for someone else?

Its not only about sexy body.

In my case there must be more than that.

I prefer beautiful mind, good sense of humour.

Maybe I am too selective, but it's my choice. I won't waste my and other people time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im

I also get blocked by people i never talked to, like half the site at this point I think, so I am only joking about being awesome too.

I'm just being self deprecating."

I’ve seen when your profile pic is your face, you’re a good looking guy in fairness

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By *oreThanOnceMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I also get blocked by people i never talked to, like half the site at this point"

I've been blocked by people I've never talked to, probably because of my forum posts and opinions.

I am not everyone's cup of tea and I've started to block everyone who told me I am not their cup of tea either, as I keep losing track of who said no and who didn't, nothing personal.

I think I may be growing a thicker skin by the day now

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By *anggirllouthWoman
over a year ago

monaghan

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By *sLittleRedRidingHoodWoman
over a year ago

Magical Forrest

Thanks for the message not interested good luck

Is my usual reply ...

Most dont hound me after that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the message not interested good luck

Is my usual reply ...

Most dont hound me after that...

Can I ask, at what point in the interaction do you send that? First introductory message they send even if it’s not a request to meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ladies send me messages all the time saying how they want to spank my cute little ass and that they love my shower pic and can they join me and usually with a pic attached of their lower body with them in a pair of knickers. Sometimes I’m not interested and I send a quick thanks but no thanks this time and they immediately reply with a why not and another pic, this time with their knickers removed. I can’t keep up with the madness

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By *osered OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"Ladies send me messages all the time saying how they want to spank my cute little ass and that they love my shower pic and can they join me and usually with a pic attached of their lower body with them in a pair of knickers. Sometimes I’m not interested and I send a quick thanks but no thanks this time and they immediately reply with a why not and another pic, this time with their knickers removed. I can’t keep up with the madness

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"I’ve seen when your profile pic is your face, you’re a good looking guy in fairness "

Ah thanks, just posted it cause people might think I was being serious about loving myself, I know I'm far from everyones cupan tae.

I can understand why someone might ask why they are not the persons taste, It's just not something I would do, mainly because I wouldn't get anything else done in the day if I had to ask everyone why they didnt like me. lol

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By *oc1998Man
over a year ago

Dundalk

Lol i wouldnt mind dropping a few messages your way haha. But yea everyone here have some very interesting points

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By *ommando4Man
over a year ago

South Co. Dublin

I reply to most of the messages that I get. A polite no thank you generally goes down a treat....yet to receive any ladies asking why or abusing me in anyway.

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By *nowy007Woman
over a year ago

Near Enough

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you reply "thank you, but you are not my type I'm afraid", you get grilled as to why they aren't your type. If you don't reply at all, you get a follow up of numerous messages of the same thing or abuse and insults.

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By *xyzptlk088Man
over a year ago

Galway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many times even in the last few days I have been called entitled, a brat, up myself, ugly, fat, a bitch for not replying to people. I tried the polite no thanks approach and most of the time end up getting the same so I don't know!

Puts me off the site sometimes

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

Going with say the read but no reply would be enough for me to know someone isn't interested there is no point going ham on the messages till I get a reply women here get overwhelming messages mostly saying the same thing which isn't fair on them then get idiots to expect to reply to every message the women gets my utmost respect that deal with it all all I say for those who are lacking in patience and don't take hints shouldn't really be here oh dear god I've gone on a ramble again lol sorry

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By *oreThanOnceMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Going with say the read but no reply would be enough for me to know someone isn't interested "

I have to say that I will never understand the read but undeleted messages.

If someone doesn't want to reply, just delete my damn message, simple.

I do it. I delete a message if it is rude or I just feel like.

I say sorry but not interested and reply if I feel generous, but I don't expect anyone to do the same as me, especially from someone who has 200 messages unread in their inbox.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"I have to say that I will never understand the read but undeleted messages.

If someone doesn't want to reply, just delete my damn message, simple.

I do it. I delete a message if it is rude or I just feel like."

I dont delete messages unless I have like 60 messages from one person in a day and need to try find a message further down the list, you have to delete to find them.

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By *oreThanOnceMan
over a year ago

Dublin

You switch to the "New mailbox" and it will only have one line for each person who messaged you, with a little counter, to show you how many messages you've got from them.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Is that on the phone? cause I dont use fab on my phone.

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By *thena400Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

Frustrating when I simply delete a message, having given up on the polite ‘no thanks,’ and get flak from whomever sent the message. God I wish Fab did not have the option to see whether someone had deleted a message! Meanwhile though, would be lovely if men didn’t keep messaging to ask why their messages were being deleted!

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

there are a lot of idiots who cant take no for an answer. If a lady is polite enough to message you saying no thanks . She deserves a lot of respect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I reply to most of my messages and I'm here a good while. I think it is crucial how phrase your reply.

I do not get any of such pushy behaviour looking for reasons or even abuse. Quite contrary most come back very polite, appreciative that they got a reply, despite negative one. "

This... Doghunter was the first woman who replied to my message many years ago, and although we never met or became 'friends' she still will chat every so often... so for that I can say "thank

you"

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By *essica jamiesonWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

I stopped replying with " No thanks not for me, Enjoy fab! After recieving many vile, sickening & abusive msgs as to why i said no! If im not interested its a block!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I stopped replying with " No thanks not for me, Enjoy fab! After recieving many vile, sickening & abusive msgs as to why i said no! If im not interested its a block! "

This works too.

Ive updated my bio. If the person who didnt make an effort and sacrifice a minute to read it then why I should reply?

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By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

"I stopped replying with " No thanks not for me, Enjoy fab! After recieving many vile, sickening & abusive msgs as to why i said no! If im not interested its a block!

This works too.

Ive updated my bio. If the person who didnt make an effort and sacrifice a minute to read it then why I should reply?

A minute well spent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best one is no reply... Silence is golden.

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By *r tayt2Man
over a year ago

Trim

If I get a reply with no thanks etc

Just thank them for reply and leave it at that simple

It's a small place you never know when you just mite neet

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

"Frustrating when I simply delete a message, having given up on the polite ‘no thanks,’ and get flak from whomever sent the message. God I wish Fab did not have the option to see whether someone had deleted a message! Meanwhile though, would be lovely if men didn’t keep messaging to ask why their messages were being deleted! "

Yeah like I said in my post its ridiculous the amount of messages ye get its impossible to get through them all then expect to reply to everyone of them just can't be done those who do try to reply and keeps a cool head fair play to them but of course you get the dumbasses that lack any intelligence like I guarantee that more than half the messages women get are dick pics with just hi or want to fuck or something similar then mix that with the abusive messages that gets a no or no reply literally fucking things up for decent single guys guys that are like that need to grow brain along with a pair

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