FabSwingers.com forum: Describe your strangest meet..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

For those of you that have experienced meets that you couldn't wait to leave.

What happened?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lady I was meeting was very emotional and d*unk when I showed up because she had a huge fight with her boyfriend. I wanted to leave before he came home so he didn’t batter me.

Accepted BJ, came in 45 seconds and then bolted. It all felt a bit rushed.

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By *osyMan
over a year ago

athlone

Bad hygiene.water is free nowadays

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bad hygiene.water is free nowadays"

I hate that too, and have experienced same. (Him, not me!)

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By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Myself and a woman I know from Fab met up at a bar with a man she would often swing with. The man had arranged for the three of us to go to a married couple's home not far from the bar, for overnight fun.

The three of us arrive at this married couple's home, are greeted and led into the living room. We all get settled and the wine starts flowing while we all chit chat. The vibes and laughter are good when suddenly the wife stands up and coaxes us all into starting to get undressed while she starts to do the same.

The husband comes over to the other woman whom is sat next to me and she starts to give him oral. The wife comes and straddles me and we start to caress each other whilst I also start to kiss and nibble her all over her body (starting at the top and working my way down). The wife doesn't seem overly enthusiastic and keeps looking round at her husband. She looks back to me and I ask her if she is ok. She doesn't say anything but nods her head, so I continue while the husband taps his wife on the shoulder to get her to watch him receiving a blowjob.

After a few minutes as the wife looks back and forth between me and her husband she says "Fuck this!" then leaps off me and storms into the next room.

At first I start wondering if I did something wrong while myself, the woman and the man all look at one another and the husband a little confused.

The husband said he would go and chat with her.

After about 5 minutes the wife comes back in without the husband. She seems calmer and said her husband would be back in shortly.

Her and the man start getting it on and the woman starts giving me oral. The wife keeps giving me and the woman strange glances though. After about 10 minutes she gets up and leaves the room again, looking once again, pissed off.

We wait a while but no sign of them. Then the three of us think "Fuck it, we're already naked, we can have fun while the husband and wife chat".

So myself and the man start taking it in turns to spit-roast the woman.

This goes on for quite a while, maybe a good 40 minutes to an hour before the wife re-emerges and walks straight past us, still looking annoyed, to the kitchen, with the husband following closely behind her. The three of us stop what we're doing and the man gets dressed and goes into the kitchen to talk with them.

After about 5 or 10 minutes the man comes into us and tells us apologetically that all three of us have to leave. We all get properly dressed and gather our bits and the husband comes into the living room to shake our hands and say sorry (though he didn't actually elaborate what he was sorry for) and thanked us for coming.

We then have to walk through to kitchen to go out the back door and sheepishly walk past the wife who seems to be shooting daggers at us out of her eyes.

At first I thought perhaps I had done something wrong when she straddled me and I was playing with her, but I later learned that the man was a regular with the married couple. The wife of the couple had a fantasy of watching her husband with another woman hence why the man invited the woman along whom in turn mentioned me and I was then also invited to add to the fun. However when it came down to the actual moment the wife got uncontrollably jelaous seeing another woman with her husband.

Was a very strange and awkward meet.

So folks be careful what you wish for. Having fantasies can seem nice in our heads but can be a different story when it comes to carrying them out.

You should go into any situations prepared for how you might best handle it, your feelings and your reaction if the fantasy or scenario doesn't play out or make you feel the way you had hoped it would.

P.S. For those of you who were reading and started wondering...... Yes, protection was used by all parties throughout the entire thing.

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By *ateniteCouple
over a year ago

Youghal

We don't get out much with work, kids etc. So if we arrange a social we try to make an effort.

We arranged to meet a guy last summer for a drink in a nice hotel.

We got dressed up, hair, make-up etc.

Met in the bar, he rocked up in a pair of flip flops, a dirty pair of shorts and for a "non-smoker" he spent alot of the meet out at the smoking area while we sat waiting in the bar.

We finished our drinks and left.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/19 19:36:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2: Agreed to meet the lady in a hotel room. Got down to business and found out the wrong was that hygiene was deplorable. Obviously been to the loo and still hadn't learnt how to even wife correctly let alone wash! I held back the vomit. "

there are no words!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is 2:

1: Agreed to meet at his house after bitta chat and pic exchange. Got to his, he wouldn't turn on a light. When eventually got to see him he was more Michael Fish than Michael Fassbender. I legged it redressing myself.

2: Agreed to meet the lady in a hotel room. Got down to business and found out the wrong way that hygiene was deplorable. Obviously been to the loo and still hadn't learnt how to even wipe correctly let alone wash! I held back the vomit.

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By *osyMan
over a year ago

athlone

"Bad hygiene.water is free nowadays

I hate that too, and have experienced same. (Him, not me!)"

Ye then they look at you and say what wrong with you.my episode brought a whole new meaning to prawn crackers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is 2:

Lol! I had to Google Michael Fish.

Scenario 2 is quite disgusting.

But I have actually heard worse believe it or not!

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

Strange Meet #1

Arranged to meet a girl a few years ago while staying in a hotel in London. Chat has been pretty blue up to that point so pretty sure what was going to happen next.

She walked in, stunning, short low cut dress and i’m thinking ‘hallelujah’. Got drinks and a booth to sit in, started to chat, began snogging after a while, she goes to toilet and comes back with no panties. Wants me to finger her, althoigh there are people in the hotel bar. Fine, i get her to siton my hand and ingo tonwork, but she really doesnt want to be discreet and is practically shrieking. Other customers looking so i suggest we go to the room. After aome convincing she agrees.

Get to the room, dress is off quickly and we start fuck. After a while shes on all 4s and i’m taking her from behind, pulling her head back by the hair, occasionally leaning forward and kissing her as she turns her head around to the side.

All going good until i lean forward ro kiss her again and she shouts at me “Spit in my mouth!”, and duly opens her mouth looking at me expectantly.

Now there are a few things in this world that will put a guy off his stroke, and i guarantee the sudden unexpected command directed at me is one of them. I shudder to a halt, bewildered, wondering if i have heard correctly. “Spit in my mouth! Spit in my mouth you c**t!!!”.

Half in her, half out, my mouth gaped open in semi shock, my hand losing its grip to hold her hair and little joe starting to lose his potency at the verbal onslaught to perform what in many EU laws is an act of common assault. Valiantly i tried to retrieve the situation and comply with her request. But have you ever tried to raise spit in your mouth in the middle of a particularly energeric fucking session when you already need a drink? Result: couldn’t spit, could hardly talk and didn’t know what to do next.

Session terminated. Huffy girl dresses and leaves after directing some acerbic comments my way. I lie there pondering WTF just happened there.

Strange - at least for me..!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Strange Meet #1

Arranged to meet a girl a few years ago while staying in a hotel in London. Chat has been pretty blue up to that point so pretty sure what was going to happen next.

All going good until i lean forward ro kiss her again and she shouts at me “Spit in my mouth!”, and duly opens her mouth looking at me expectantly.

Session terminated. Huffy girl dresses and leaves after directing some acerbic comments my way. I lie there pondering WTF just happened there.

Strange - at least for me..!"

Haha love this. You didn't spit. Good for you

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

Strange Meet #2

Arranged to meet with a girl in a pub about 3yrs ago. Blonde stunner.

Got there early, sat on a bar stool facing the door which was about 15ft away. Person walked in and stood between me and the door, blocking my view. Started tonlesn over a bit on the stool to see round them, mildly annoyed, hoping they would get the message. Then glanced at her face.

Heart sank. First thought was: ‘FFS, she couldnt make it and sent her big sister to tell me’.

Then realization hit me smack in the gob like 15 guys best shots at a bukkake party.

It was her, but not her. After stammering my way through a hello and forced pleasantries i finally got my brain in gear to deliver the ‘You look nothing like your pictures’ line.

Response?

‘Ah thats from about 8 years ago but i love it, its a really good one of me!’

The 8 yrs had not been kind, either to looks or body.

After getting over the anger and shock i figured i would just have a drink with her as i was waiting to go to the airport anyway and fogured i may as well kill time.

After an hour i announced my intention to go the airport and she offered to take me, even though we agreed there was no spark. I figured ‘what harm could it do?’ And agreed. Doh!

Went to the toilet and came back to lift my bag and go to her car with her. Walked out onto the street and a car pulled up driven by a guy. She quickly whispered “Its my husband, dont worry, just say you work with me!”

Turns out he had dropped her off and was parked up waiting to give her a lift home; she had called him when i went to the toilet. Too late to think of an on the spot excuse not to get in, what followed was the most uncomfortable 15 min journey of my life as i tried to dodge his questions as i had no clue what she did for a living.

Strange, deceptive, cringeworthy and dangerous to my wellbeing all in one..!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Strange Meet #2

Arranged to meet with a girl in a pub about 3yrs ago. Blonde stunner.

Heart sank. First thought was: ‘FFS, she couldnt make it and sent her big sister to tell me’.

Then realization hit me smack in the gob like 15 guys best shots at a bukkake party.

It was her, but not her. After stammering my way through a hello and forced pleasantries i finally got my brain in gear to deliver the ‘You look nothing like your pictures’ line.

Response?

‘Ah thats from about 8 years ago but i love it, its a really good one of me!’

The 8 yrs had not been kind, either to looks or body.

After getting over the anger and shock i figured i would just have a drink with her as i was waiting to go to the airport anyway and fogured i may as well kill time.

After an hour i announced my intention to go the airport and she offered to take me, even though we agreed there was no spark. I figured ‘what harm could it do?’ And agreed. Doh!

Strange, deceptive, cringeworthy and dangerous to my wellbeing all in one..!"

He took you to the airport..

Priceless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Janey Mack Joe, you have some fun out and about!!

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

"Janey Mack Joe, you have some fun out and about!!"

“Fun”??!! I suppose its funny now, but it wasn’t f**king funny at the time..!!!

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

First of all this meet happened from another swing site...

I had just started online and thought I was the "Mac Daddy" when a woman sent her pics and invited me over to her place for tea & biscuit

... What could possibly go wrong???

Anyway, arrived to a townhouse to be greeted by someone very, very different than the pics, greasy hair and badly dressed

(am not bitchin here honest!

) She invited me in so I thought "cuppa tea and chat, no harm"...

Anyway on the way to her bedsit she closed and locked 3 doors behind us and then things began to get stranger

...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyway on the way to her bedsit she closed and locked 3 doors behind us and then things began to get stranger

...

And...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First of all this meet happened from another swing site...

I had just started online and thought I was the "Mac Daddy" when a woman sent her pics and invited me over to her place for tea & biscuit

... What could possibly go wrong???

Anyway, arrived to a townhouse to be greeted by someone very, very different than the pics, greasy hair and badly dressed

(am not bitchin here honest!

) She invited me in so I thought "cuppa tea and chat, no harm"...

Anyway on the way to her bedsit she closed and locked 3 doors behind us and then things began to get stranger

...

Please continue.....

*reaches for popcorn

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes Tim, I'm looking forward to this..

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By *orguyMan
over a year ago

Tuam

"Janey Mack Joe, you have some fun out and about!!

“Fun”??!! I suppose its funny now, but it wasn’t f**king funny at the time..!!!

Writing books you should be Joe...in the land of Narnia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This could be the winner

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Where has Tim gone???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where has Tim gone???

He's teasing us. The bollox.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pressure got to him

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Where has Tim gone???

He's teasing us. The bollox. "

Lol... I can imagine him typing with one finger. Poor Tim.

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

"Where has Tim gone???

"
.

The story was being published in real time..! The greasy badly dressed doll has abducted him..! Someone call the Garda..!

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By *kdiscreetMan
over a year ago

Years ago, met a girl in swords who was the complete opposite of how she described herself. Was wider than she was tall. She greeted me in a see thru baby doll nightie, holding an adult nappy which she wanted me to wear while she breastfed me. Now I'm open minded, but she looked like Mo Mowlam. Now, if she had looked like Margot Robbie, that would be a whole different story.......

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

Right: volunteers to finish the story for tim..??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was supposed to meet a lady one time, body from a different planet, lovely person too. She was married so we had to be very careful. Agreed to meet in a woods around where she’s from, but it turned out the woods had been closed because it was being used as a gay dogging site. Had to cancel.

Arranged a meet a few days later and she literally pulled out an hour before because someone from here had bought her Ed Sheeran tickets, strange but true. Had to cancel.

Still haven’t met her, I know it’s not completely relevant to this post but I said I’d share my story.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

The weiredest for me was on here, a girl agreed to meet me for tea meet during a work break, no chance of sex or anything, just tea.

Suited me fine. Got on well, blah blah blah

But it was what happened after that made it the strangest, left me a flirty suggestive veri, made a strange status, and when clicking about some guy was writing status back to her, and they were arguing, and he had got a veri, and she had used me to leave me a suggestive veri to make him jealous.

We actually never soke ever again, even though i left polite messages etc etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right: volunteers to finish the story for tim..??"

OMG I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

"Right: volunteers to finish the story for tim..??

OMG I LOVE THIS GAME!!!! "

Everyone gets to post the next 3-5 words of the story for example and see where it goes...? ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG I LOVE THIS GAME!!!! "

Locking 3 separate doors = prison, bedsit = cell. She was a prison oficer, he's now in jail

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right: volunteers to finish the story for tim..??

OMG I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!

Everyone gets to post the next 3-5 words of the story for example and see where it goes...? ??"

Then her brother walked in...

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By *verage Joe BlackMan
over a year ago

Border Area

"Right: volunteers to finish the story for tim..??

OMG I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!

Everyone gets to post the next 3-5 words of the story for example and see where it goes...? ??

Then her brother walked in..."

...he was a Russian miner...

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

city

"Right: volunteers to finish the story for tim..??

OMG I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!

Everyone gets to post the next 3-5 words of the story for example and see where it goes...? ??

Then her brother walked in...

...he was a Russian miner..."
The floor boards sagged under his weight. "Ees zis the one?" he smiled. "YES, he's the one" she smiled

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By *nowy007Woman
over a year ago

Near Enough

"Strange Meet #2

Arranged to meet with a girl in a pub about 3yrs ago. Blonde stunner.

Heart sank. First thought was: ‘FFS, she couldnt make it and sent her big sister to tell me’.

Then realization hit me smack in the gob like 15 guys best shots at a bukkake party.

It was her, but not her. After stammering my way through a hello and forced pleasantries i finally got my brain in gear to deliver the ‘You look nothing like your pictures’ line.

Response?

‘Ah thats from about 8 years ago but i love it, its a really good one of me!’

The 8 yrs had not been kind, either to looks or body.

After getting over the anger and shock i figured i would just have a drink with her as i was waiting to go to the airport anyway and fogured i may as well kill time.

After an hour i announced my intention to go the airport and she offered to take me, even though we agreed there was no spark. I figured ‘what harm could it do?’ And agreed. Doh!

Strange, deceptive, cringeworthy and dangerous to my wellbeing all in one..!"

Fookin hell, Fred and Rosemarie West spring to mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Moons ago I met a fella I’d been chatting to on here late at night on my way home from work , we chatted for a while and he invited me back for tea, all going well we realized it was quite late and headed to the bedroom , he was all over me but curiously wouldn’t let me touch him , so I lay there letting him do his thing when he suddenly stops and says .... I’m not letting you treat me as a piece of meat ! I thought he was joking

but he was dead serious , he announced we were going to sleep ! I lay there thinking fuck this I’m outa here when I discovered he’d locked the door ! Made me lay there all night holding his hand ! Let me leave at 9 am , strangest one ever !

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By *rgasmdonorMan
over a year ago

millstreet

Was a couple of years ago ,,,, i got a mesaage on fab asking how do you donate the orgasms ,,,, i told her orally or penetration if she prefered ,,, i want both please i am in the kingsley hotel room 216 be quick lol so into the car and off i went ,,,, knocked the door and it opened and as i went in she was walking away in black lace matching bra and panties hold ups and shiny heels ,,,,, she turned looked at me and said right i will have the first orgasm now she laid on the bed opened her legs and i went down on her in about 10 minutes she was cumming roaring at the top of her voice oh fuck yes yes oh fuck yes and she went on and on and it started to get funny she then said ok thanks ,,,, i said what about the second one she said give me a while you cant touch me yet ,,, so i undressed and hopped on the bed and she returned the favour ,,,, then before i could cum she produced a sock full of ice and put it on my Mickey,,,,, yes he went straight down she said i want the second one now and she got me hard again and she bent over and i started ploughing in to her from behind i was banging away for all i was worth and then the same again lots of swearing and cursing she went limp and layed on the bed and said that has never happened before and i was puzzled as to what ,,, i thought she was on about the language but it was the orgasms ,,, she then went on to give me oral and while she was i heard a bump or knock ,,,, her husband was tied in the wardrobe lol and when i saw him i said to her its no wonder you never had that happen before he had the tiniest mickey i have ever seen ,,,,,, i met her several times after and she loved our times together but i said if you want hubby there let me know first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was with a couple with my ex.

Separate rooms,we played downstairs ex was in the sitting room with the wife I was in the dining room with the husband . Was getting it on with the husband,it was going alright until he kept telling me how much he fancied his wife mother, very talkative during sex. But what literally stopped me was when my dog bark outside ,he asked would I ever let my dog lick my pussy.

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Where has Tim gone???

He's teasing us. The bollox. "

----------

I do tease ...but got distracted for all the right reasons last night

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

"Where has Tim gone???

He's teasing us. The bollox.

----------

I do tease ...but got distracted for all the right reasons last night

Well

You're here now ...crack on

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"First of all this meet happened from another swing site...

I had just started online and thought I was the "Mac Daddy" when a woman sent her pics and invited me over to her place for tea & biscuit

... What could possibly go wrong???

Anyway, arrived to a townhouse to be greeted by someone very, very different than the pics, greasy hair and badly dressed

(am not bitchin here honest!

) She invited me in so I thought "cuppa tea and chat, no harm"...

Anyway on the way to her bedsit she closed and locked 3 doors behind us and then things began to get stranger

...

----------

Firstly, we sit down on two chairs with THE LATE LATE SHOW on (this is a Sunday night btw

)

She's also chewing the biggest piece of gum ever between mumbling semi incoherently and telling me about it being her "birthday in a few MONTHS time"

and she'd like to spend the day with someone

Am starting to feel more uncomfy and try to lighten things up with...

"Sooooo, where's the tea & biscuits you promised?"

"Eh dere's no biskits and you can make tea over there"

I then turn around and she's laying a big snog on me... only this one involves seriously fowl breath and then SHE STARTS BITING MY TONGUE.. and not playfully. NOOO!

This woman is morphing into Kathy Bates Misery creepy

and yes, we're locked in

I decide to buy time (and yes, save my precious tongue) and kiss her neck ...only to get the most rancid smell of B.O. emanating from her boobs

I draw my head back and exclaim...

"OHHHH NOOOO!!!! I didn't realise you were a smoker as I'm an ex-smoker and can't tolerate the smell of smoke!" (sometimes a lie might save your life some day kids

)

She replied...

"Well, ya shoulda read da profile den!"

"I know, I know!!! SILLY ME. I never date smokers and am just so so embarrassed about this"

Anyway, Kathy

decided to let me go and I nearly kissed the ground before sprinting to my car & driving off like the fooking clappers...

So, for any guy texting a woman out there with "We could have our first meet at my place"

...heed my tale of caution and try get some sleep tonight

MWWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

MWWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

You my friend are a born story teller... an appalling judge of character perhaps but good for a scary story

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yay Tim....!!

Thanks for finishing your story, another cracker

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Yay Tim....!!

Thanks for finishing your story, another cracker

-------

...now stuff like that doesn't happen on each of my meets...

...just saying!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, we sit down on two chairs with THE LATE LATE SHOW on (this is a Sunday night btw

)

She's also chewing the biggest piece of gum ever between mumbling semi incoherently and telling me about it being her "birthday in a few MONTHS time"

and she'd like to spend the day with someone

Am starting to feel more uncomfy and try to lighten things up with...

"Sooooo, where's the tea & biscuits you promised?"

"Eh dere's no biskits and you can make tea over there"

I then turn around and she's laying a big snog on me... only this one involves seriously fowl breath and then SHE STARTS BITING MY TONGUE.. and not playfully. NOOO!

This woman is morphing into Kathy Bates Misery creepy

and yes, we're locked in

I decide to buy time (and yes, save my precious tongue) and kiss her neck ...only to get the most rancid smell of B.O. emanating from her boobs

I draw my head back and exclaim...

"OHHHH NOOOO!!!! I didn't realise you were a smoker as I'm an ex-smoker and can't tolerate the smell of smoke!" (sometimes a lie might save your life some day kids

)

She replied...

"Well, ya shoulda read da profile den!"

"I know, I know!!! SILLY ME. I never date smokers and am just so so embarrassed about this"

Anyway, Kathy

decided to let me go and I nearly kissed the ground before sprinting to my car & driving off like the fooking clappers...

So, for any guy texting a woman out there with "We could have our first meet at my place"

...heed my tale of caution and try get some sleep tonight

MWWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Well that was disappointing. You let us down the garden path and all that happened was she smelled bad?

I was hoping for something more along the lines of a Tim Burton movie.

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By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Firstly, we sit down on two chairs with THE LATE LATE SHOW on (this is a Sunday night btw

)

She's also chewing the biggest piece of gum ever between mumbling semi incoherently and telling me about it being her "birthday in a few MONTHS time"

and she'd like to spend the day with someone

Am starting to feel more uncomfy and try to lighten things up with...

"Sooooo, where's the tea & biscuits you promised?"

"Eh dere's no biskits and you can make tea over there"

I then turn around and she's laying a big snog on me... only this one involves seriously fowl breath and then SHE STARTS BITING MY TONGUE.. and not playfully. NOOO!

This woman is morphing into Kathy Bates Misery creepy

and yes, we're locked in

I decide to buy time (and yes, save my precious tongue) and kiss her neck ...only to get the most rancid smell of B.O. emanating from her boobs

I draw my head back and exclaim...

"OHHHH NOOOO!!!! I didn't realise you were a smoker as I'm an ex-smoker and can't tolerate the smell of smoke!" (sometimes a lie might save your life some day kids

)

She replied...

"Well, ya shoulda read da profile den!"

"I know, I know!!! SILLY ME. I never date smokers and am just so so embarrassed about this"

Anyway, Kathy

decided to let me go and I nearly kissed the ground before sprinting to my car & driving off like the fooking clappers...

So, for any guy texting a woman out there with "We could have our first meet at my place"

...heed my tale of caution and try get some sleep tonight

MWWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Well that was disappointing. You let us down the garden path and all that happened was she smelled bad?

I was hoping for something more along the lines of a Tim Burton movie. "

Yeah, why didn't she see his feign escape attempt and truss him.up to cook him one body part at a time, only to bring him back to life, after she'd stitched his parts together again, with lightning from the roof?

At least she'd have a good stock and it would have disguised her BO

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

Firstly, we sit down on two chairs with THE LATE LATE SHOW on (this is a Sunday night btw

)

She's also chewing the biggest piece of gum ever between mumbling semi incoherently and telling me about it being her "birthday in a few MONTHS time"

and she'd like to spend the day with someone

Am starting to feel more uncomfy and try to lighten things up with...

"Sooooo, where's the tea & biscuits you promised?"

"Eh dere's no biskits and you can make tea over there"

I then turn around and she's laying a big snog on me... only this one involves seriously fowl breath and then SHE STARTS BITING MY TONGUE.. and not playfully. NOOO!

This woman is morphing into Kathy Bates Misery creepy

and yes, we're locked in

I decide to buy time (and yes, save my precious tongue) and kiss her neck ...only to get the most rancid smell of B.O. emanating from her boobs

I draw my head back and exclaim...

"OHHHH NOOOO!!!! I didn't realise you were a smoker as I'm an ex-smoker and can't tolerate the smell of smoke!" (sometimes a lie might save your life some day kids

)

She replied...

"Well, ya shoulda read da profile den!"

"I know, I know!!! SILLY ME. I never date smokers and am just so so embarrassed about this"

Anyway, Kathy

decided to let me go and I nearly kissed the ground before sprinting to my car & driving off like the fooking clappers...

So, for any guy texting a woman out there with "We could have our first meet at my place"

...heed my tale of caution and try get some sleep tonight

MWWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Well that was disappointing. You let us down the garden path and all that happened was she smelled bad?

I was hoping for something more along the lines of a Tim Burton movie. "

-------

Am sure we can introduce you to a few people here if a Tim Burton experience is what you're after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had the exact same thing..... met this married woman who SAID she had to be very discreet as hubby was unaware... we were going at it hammer and tongs in her bedroom until it came to several noisy endings ..... and all the while hubby was in the wardrobe!!!. She said she a bit of a confession and hoped I didn’t mind; and out he sheepishly popped from the floor to ceiling sliderobes, naked and clearly he had been having a nice time by himself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was hoping for something more along the lines of a Tim Burton movie.

At least she'd have a good stock and it would have disguised her BO

Exactly. A bit of animal sacrifice at the very least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am sure we can introduce you to a few people here if a Tim Burton experience is what you're after

Oh no thank you. I'm just here to watch other people's misfortune.

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"I had the exact same thing..... met this married woman who SAID she had to be very discreet as hubby was unaware... we were going at it hammer and tongs in her bedroom until it came to several noisy endings ..... and all the while hubby was in the wardrobe!!!. She said she a bit of a confession and hoped I didn’t mind; and out he sheepishly popped from the floor to ceiling sliderobes, naked and clearly he had been having a nice time by himself"

----------------

Reminds me of that episode of Jerry Springer

when Jerry asked the guest's husband...

"So where were you when your wife was in bed with this man?"

Hubby's reply...

"In the wardrobe filming the whole thing"

...did you check what was in Hubby's other hand then??!!

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

booked a hotel and met this gorgeous sexy lady . We were slowly getting down to business chatting and stripping each other when she said what about the 150 euro . ??? what I said you never mentioned it before . There me left half way a big flop .

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Way way back in the days of Nokia phones that just did text and no pictures and chat on oceanfree.net.....

I was chatting a Dutch woman living in Wexford for months.

Back then you got 40 texts free a month so it was all phone chatting. Yup that long ago.

Eventually we agreed to meet and I drove down to Wexford on the hottest July day of the year. They were building the motorway so it was constant road works. Took me over 3 yours to get there.

Had a shower went downstairs to meet her at the hotel reception and got met with the most wet fish handshake ever and the words "you look nothing like your photo I'm so disappointed"

I tried to argue I hadn't sent a pic but she was having none of it and the body language was so bad people were staring at us in the bar.

After 5 minutes of this she said she thought she should leave and literally walked out leaving me on my own.

For weeks after she kept messaging me telling me I had wasted her time and how disappointed she was in me.

I was so embarrassed I told no one until two months later another woman and I were exchanging horror stories so I told her mine

She said "sure that's French kiss she does that to every guy she meets"

Turns out her hubby had left her for a woman he met online and this was her revenge......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Moons ago I met a fella I’d been chatting to on here late at night on my way home from work , we chatted for a while and he invited me back for tea, all going well we realized it was quite late and headed to the bedroom , he was all over me but curiously wouldn’t let me touch him , so I lay there letting him do his thing when he suddenly stops and says .... I’m not letting you treat me as a piece of meat ! I thought he was joking

Lucky you even got out!!!!

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