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Difficult first message

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hey guys. Hope all is well with everyone.

This is just a post really to see if others find the first message and inevitable delete/very rare response a hurdle that’s difficult to overcome. I have found this a problem on both sides of the coin...I get the same message from certain people over and over even though I’ve said I’m not interested. I also try to be as polite and not creepy as possible when making first contact only to find message deleted and possible intereting connection with someone lost. I try to be as genuine and upfront with people from the get go but I get the impression the guard is up for most people and prob understandably given some of the creeps that lurk in the fab corridors at night.

Suppose just wanna get a feel if others have same problem or maybe I’m v v unattractive lol.

Ps. Fully aware married is not for everyone hence the profile name and no deception.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op one photo on ur profile. U say ur straight but you have met with a tv so straight off that would be a no for me.

Bit more in your bio might help. Age 18 to 99 really?

HTH best of luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Op one photo on ur profile. U say ur straight but you have met with a tv so straight off that would be a no for me.

Bit more in your bio might help. Age 18 to 99 really?

HTH best of luck "

Yeah that’s fair enough. Appreciate the feedback x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no 'copy and paste' answer to a first message to be fair, OP. Nor is there any one reason as to why someone may not reply; there's a lot of factors that can go into getting a reply and starting a conversation!

Timing is key, though unfortunately out of your hands. Some people genuinely do get an obscene amount of messages and sometimes that can result in either a 'bulk delete' or a few good ones getting lost in the mix!

Additionally, people can and most likely will look at a profile before/after reading a message and if it doesn't grab their attention then it could already be a losing battle. I realise you haven't asked for profile advice so I don't wish to be rude and reference yours in particular

It may not necessarily be a case of what your message says but at least, as you say, keep it light and polite perhaps reference something from their profile to show you've taken the time to read it and strike up a conversation over common interests!

Above all the best advice I've ever been given on here is to delete any and all of your sent messages, OP. Do not get caught up watching your "sent messages" and whether they've been 'read', 'deleted' or otherwise; there are so many factors and reasons that can result in every possible outcome!

Ultimately if someone wants to reply, they will. Time spent pondering why someone hasn't is time wasted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Op one photo on ur profile. U say ur straight but you have met with a tv so straight off that would be a no for me.

Bit more in your bio might help. Age 18 to 99 really?

HTH best of luck

Yeah that’s fair enough. Appreciate the feedback x"

No bother and as Pete above don't be stressing. Some women get hundreds of messages and don't reply or bulk delete. I don't get many but will normally reply to all even if only to say no thanks. Interacting in the forums helps too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Gentleman. Thanks!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Op one photo on ur profile. U say ur straight but you have met with a tv so straight off that would be a no for me.

Bit more in your bio might help. Age 18 to 99 really?

HTH best of luck

Yeah that’s fair enough. Appreciate the feedback x

Thanks. Have to say the community on forums is really honest and nice...so far lol

No bother and as Pete above don't be stressing. Some women get hundreds of messages and don't reply or bulk delete. I don't get many but will normally reply to all even if only to say no thanks. Interacting in the forums helps too. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey guys. Hope all is well with everyone.

This is just a post really to see if others find the first message and inevitable delete/very rare response a hurdle that’s difficult to overcome. I have found this a problem on both sides of the coin...I get the same message from certain people over and over even though I’ve said I’m not interested. I also try to be as polite and not creepy as possible when making first contact only to find message deleted and possible intereting connection with someone lost. I try to be as genuine and upfront with people from the get go but I get the impression the guard is up for most people and prob understandably given some of the creeps that lurk in the fab corridors at night.

Suppose just wanna get a feel if others have same problem or maybe I’m v v unattractive lol.

Ps. Fully aware married is not for everyone hence the profile name and no deception. "

I definitely don't think you're alone in this. I rarely message guys tbh, but when I do I always draw a total blank about what to say. I think most people do. And I'm sure for guys it's even harder because they have to message so many girls. It must be impossible to keep things original.

Just FYI there are some automatic nos for me.

1. No profile pic is a no

2. A message that says something like "wanna fuck tomorrow at 7.10pm"

3. Cock pics. Please wait until I ask.

4. "Hey how's u"

5. The word hun. NOT sexy.

Try sending a terrible joke, something really cheesy. And then something like "Sorry but I haven't a clue what to say". Those messages always make me laugh and I'm guaranteed to respond.

Hope some of this helps! Everyone's different obviously, but I'm sure you'll figure it out soon x

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By *lan5200Man
over a year ago

cavan


"Hey guys. Hope all is well with everyone.

This is just a post really to see if others find the first message and inevitable delete/very rare response a hurdle that’s difficult to overcome. I have found this a problem on both sides of the coin...I get the same message from certain people over and over even though I’ve said I’m not interested. I also try to be as polite and not creepy as possible when making first contact only to find message deleted and possible intereting connection with someone lost. I try to be as genuine and upfront with people from the get go but I get the impression the guard is up for most people and prob understandably given some of the creeps that lurk in the fab corridors at night.

Suppose just wanna get a feel if others have same problem or maybe I’m v v unattractive lol.

Ps. Fully aware married is not for everyone hence the profile name and no deception. "

Could not care less tbh. There’s more in life to worry about than if someone reply’s to a message.

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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

No matter how good a first message if I don’t like the pics and profile no point in replying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Very good point. I will have to get onto improving it. Thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a business man the last thing I want is to read or setup a profile as a CV. Fab is an alternate to normal life, an escapism. A profile with a little wit and light hearted feel to it catches our eye.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey guys. Hope all is well with everyone.

This is just a post really to see if others find the first message and inevitable delete/very rare response a hurdle that’s difficult to overcome. I have found this a problem on both sides of the coin...I get the same message from certain people over and over even though I’ve said I’m not interested. I also try to be as polite and not creepy as possible when making first contact only to find message deleted and possible intereting connection with someone lost. I try to be as genuine and upfront with people from the get go but I get the impression the guard is up for most people and prob understandably given some of the creeps that lurk in the fab corridors at night.

Suppose just wanna get a feel if others have same problem or maybe I’m v v unattractive lol.

Ps. Fully aware married is not for everyone hence the profile name and no deception. "

OP I find the same thing. I think most women or couples don’t want to play with a married man playing alone. I always make a point in saying I’m married so they know from the word go. Very few do reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think Pete has summed it all up nicely.

On thing I would add is just a little rule I have for myself, if I have to work to hard to think of something more interesting than "hi how are ya" I move on. So if I see a profile I like and a message or a joke pops into my head I send it, if not I dont try to force it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think Pete has summed it all up nicely.

On thing I would add is just a little rule I have for myself, if I have to work to hard to think of something more interesting than "hi how are ya" I move on. So if I see a profile I like and a message or a joke pops into my head I send it, if not I dont try to force it"

Messages are like farts. If you have to force it - it's most likely to be shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think Pete has summed it all up nicely.

On thing I would add is just a little rule I have for myself, if I have to work to hard to think of something more interesting than "hi how are ya" I move on. So if I see a profile I like and a message or a joke pops into my head I send it, if not I dont try to force it

Messages are like farts. If you have to force it - it's most likely to be shit

"

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By *lan5200Man
over a year ago

cavan


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. "

CVs are full of people bigging themselves up and spouting sh!te about themselves to make themselves look good. You must not be a a successful business woman

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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago

City Centre


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. "

This exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs.

This exactly "

I disagree strongly I copy and pasted my fab profile onto linkedIn and I'm getting fuck all offers

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. "
but it's not the same as applying for a job. You're looking for a bit of no strings fun for crying out loud. Women love to complicate things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. but it's not the same as applying for a job. You're looking for a bit of no strings fun for crying out loud. Women love to complicate things. "

It takes a lot of effort for a woman to prepare herself for that bit of "no strings fun".

Why should I spend around 2h getting ready for someone to whip it out and be done in 15mins?

Fun goes both ways hence the selection process is so complicated. If a picked candidate will not leave a woman satisfied it's not like she can say "next". That's her stuck with that frustration until the next time which God only knows when will happen

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. but it's not the same as applying for a job. You're looking for a bit of no strings fun for crying out loud. Women love to complicate things.

It takes a lot of effort for a woman to prepare herself for that bit of "no strings fun".

Why should I spend around 2h getting ready for someone to whip it out and be done in 15mins?

Fun goes both ways hence the selection process is so complicated. If a picked candidate will not leave a woman satisfied it's not like she can say "next". That's her stuck with that frustration until the next time which God only knows when will happen "
how do you know everything will be done in 15 mins? Are you trying to turn physic or guess what's going to happen? You couldn't make some of this stuff up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'd be amazed at how fantastic men are when it comes to dissapointments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No real advice to offer except to say I find thinking of a witty opening gambit really difficult so I feel your pain but I think personalising the message a little does help, at least it shows you tried

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'd be amazed at how fantastic men are when it comes to dissapointments "

Never a truer word

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By *iscuits8Man
over a year ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

A simple "D'ya fancy a ride love" I find always works. Near 100% success rate with it. Give it a go.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"You'd be amazed at how fantastic men are when it comes to dissapointments "
you could put alot of women in the same boat in more ways then 1.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'd be amazed at how fantastic men are when it comes to dissapointments you could put alot of women in the same boat in more ways then 1."

Still takes a woman a whole lot more effort to meet a man. All a man has to do is get a shower and put on clean clothes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'd be amazed at how fantastic men are when it comes to dissapointments you could put alot of women in the same boat in more ways then 1."

Here here

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. but it's not the same as applying for a job. You're looking for a bit of no strings fun for crying out loud. Women love to complicate things.

It takes a lot of effort for a woman to prepare herself for that bit of "no strings fun".

Why should I spend around 2h getting ready for someone to whip it out and be done in 15mins?

Fun goes both ways hence the selection process is so complicated. If a picked candidate will not leave a woman satisfied it's not like she can say "next". That's her stuck with that frustration until the next time which God only knows when will happen "

It's always good to have a backup plan, so first a new meet followed by one or two repeat meets and you'll never go home frustrated again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a business woman I look upon my profile and picture as my Cv. So when people apply to work with me on Fab I check their profile pictures and references. A lazy one line profile and one picture is not going to have me rushing to meet a candidate. So think of your profile as being like your LinkedIn page that needs effort put into it before you start looking for jobs. but it's not the same as applying for a job. You're looking for a bit of no strings fun for crying out loud. Women love to complicate things.

It takes a lot of effort for a woman to prepare herself for that bit of "no strings fun".

Why should I spend around 2h getting ready for someone to whip it out and be done in 15mins?

Fun goes both ways hence the selection process is so complicated. If a picked candidate will not leave a woman satisfied it's not like she can say "next". That's her stuck with that frustration until the next time which God only knows when will happen

It's always good to have a backup plan, so first a new meet followed by one or two repeat meets and you'll never go home frustrated again."

Ultimate goals now if only could get an elusive first meet

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