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Why Do people say Marriage is a passion killer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So in the way some people go on about been married. You think that there where been torture.And it seems That no one marries out of love anymore.it's out of Sort the taxes out,Shit We reproduced kids.we are hitting a certain age crap gotta get married as everyone else is in our circle of friends.

Or I want to out Do my mates/family by throwing a big party and starting married life in debt. Also the amount of married people on here behind there's partners back. I admire the ones who are on it Together both willing and happily,compared to the ones who are so evidently doing it just to shut their other half up.then you see either himself or herself back on in a few months as a single.

Like I love listening to the love stories of those who go the distance in their marriage and still witness the sparkle in their eyes. It is very rare now.

It's like that is it,We are married I'll stop romancing you,flirting etc. We just become roommates that have sex on special occasions.

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland

Stress from kids ,work ,bills etc can be a bit of a passion killer for anyone not just married couples .We ve been there done all that and came out the other side together and found swinging ,perhaps a little late in life but life is good.It's not easy and couples need to be very strong to stay the course if that's what they want .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stress from kids ,work ,bills etc can be a bit of a passion killer for anyone not just married couples .We ve been there done all that and came out the other side together and found swinging ,perhaps a little late in life but life is good.It's not easy and couples need to be very strong to stay the course if that's what they want ."

Yes real life stresses can take the excitement out of a marriage, which I think is completely understandable. We met 25 years ago and for us swinging just adds extra filth to the marriage

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

I have absolutely no experience in this subject but I think a lot of people might just see it as the next step in life, or, the thing you do.

The OP may be on to something by saying people don't seem to marry for love anymore and that can only lead to unhappiness in the long run.

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By *ir1967Man
over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

A man isn’t complete till the day he finds a wife. Once he is married he is finished

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stress from kids ,work ,bills etc can be a bit of a passion killer for anyone not just married couples .We ve been there done all that and came out the other side together and found swinging ,perhaps a little late in life but life is good.It's not easy and couples need to be very strong to stay the course if that's what they want ."

Completely agree, it just remains to be seen if we can all come out the other side, adding swinging to a passionless marriage can be dangerous...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We still do have the lowest rate for divorce in Europe. Cnt remember where we are in regards to the world.

I am not knocking it altogether.

As I am not long out of a serious relationship.Yes I get the whole life gets in the way stresses etc.

And ye at the start I was in the throws of love. But realised that it was very one sided and I didn't like who I became in the relationship.ye we tired swinging and I will be honest I wasn't into it at first just did it out of fear of losing him. So I am now single and reflecting on the whole life and relationships in general. And I feel that we have become very selfish and if we don't like something we end it. Like we are a disposable commodity.

Just I don't see marriage as it used to be the way our parents are.like the amount that I know that married and then divorce married divorce. Constantly moaning about the other half.

It's like some see it as well you are my property because we are married.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have absolutely no experience in this subject but I think a lot of people might just see it as the next step in life, or, the thing you do.

The OP may be on to something by saying people don't seem to marry for love anymore and that can only lead to unhappiness in the long run."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We still do have the lowest rate for divorce in Europe. Cnt remember where we are in regards to the world.

I am not knocking it altogether.

As I am not long out of a serious relationship.Yes I get the whole life gets in the way stresses etc.

And ye at the start I was in the throws of love. But realised that it was very one sided and I didn't like who I became in the relationship.ye we tired swinging and I will be honest I wasn't into it at first just did it out of fear of losing him. So I am now single and reflecting on the whole life and relationships in general. And I feel that we have become very selfish and if we don't like something we end it. Like we are a disposable commodity.

Just I don't see marriage as it used to be the way our parents are.like the amount that I know that married and then divorce married divorce. Constantly moaning about the other half.

It's like some see it as well you are my property because we are married.

"

Unfortunately it's just modern society we're living in, and social media has huge part to play in that, before there was just the milk man or your neighbours wife to have an affair with, now there's temptation at the touch of a button, and the other poster is correct about having the lowest divorce rate in Europe, but we will catch up

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By *ickedinmarylandCouple
over a year ago

chevy chase

Marriage is pretty hard work. I mostly failed at it (the m half of _ickedinmaryland speaking) until about 6 years ago when I got a wake up call. I have tried to be the best partner a woman can have ever since and I wished I changed sooner. I love my wife of 27 years more than ever and she feels the same way. It’s why we are now able to swing. We have no worries about each other and just want to have fun.

Most of those we swing with are on 2nd or 3rd marriages or in a relationship after a divorce. We have met with a few like us, but in the US, it’s a pretty small percentage on their first marriage who are swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't know

Never been there thankfully

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We still do have the lowest rate for divorce in Europe. Cnt remember where we are in regards to the world.

I am not knocking it altogether.

As I am not long out of a serious relationship.Yes I get the whole life gets in the way stresses etc.

And ye at the start I was in the throws of love. But realised that it was very one sided and I didn't like who I became in the relationship.ye we tired swinging and I will be honest I wasn't into it at first just did it out of fear of losing him. So I am now single and reflecting on the whole life and relationships in general. And I feel that we have become very selfish and if we don't like something we end it. Like we are a disposable commodity.

Just I don't see marriage as it used to be the way our parents are.like the amount that I know that married and then divorce married divorce. Constantly moaning about the other half.

It's like some see it as well you are my property because we are married.

Unfortunately it's just modern society we're living in, and social media has huge part to play in that, before there was just the milk man or your neighbours wife to have an affair with, now there's temptation at the touch of a button, and the other poster is correct about having the lowest divorce rate in Europe, but we will catch up "

How many people are separated though, but can't divorce yet because of the ridiculously lengthy waiting period? Or got so used to being separated that they didn't bother to finalise when the time had elapsed, not least because they had already moved on and found new partners but aren't pushed about marrying again? I predict a higher rate of divorce once the law is amended on this as will hopefully happen soon, leaving people in limbo for 4 years after separating is just cruel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We still do have the lowest rate for divorce in Europe. Cnt remember where we are in regards to the world.

I am not knocking it altogether.

As I am not long out of a serious relationship.Yes I get the whole life gets in the way stresses etc.

And ye at the start I was in the throws of love. But realised that it was very one sided and I didn't like who I became in the relationship.ye we tired swinging and I will be honest I wasn't into it at first just did it out of fear of losing him. So I am now single and reflecting on the whole life and relationships in general. And I feel that we have become very selfish and if we don't like something we end it. Like we are a disposable commodity.

Just I don't see marriage as it used to be the way our parents are.like the amount that I know that married and then divorce married divorce. Constantly moaning about the other half.

It's like some see it as well you are my property because we are married.

Unfortunately it's just modern society we're living in, and social media has huge part to play in that, before there was just the milk man or your neighbours wife to have an affair with, now there's temptation at the touch of a button, and the other poster is correct about having the lowest divorce rate in Europe, but we will catch up

How many people are separated though, but can't divorce yet because of the ridiculously lengthy waiting period? Or got so used to being separated that they didn't bother to finalise when the time had elapsed, not least because they had already moved on and found new partners but aren't pushed about marrying again? I predict a higher rate of divorce once the law is amended on this as will hopefully happen soon, leaving people in limbo for 4 years after separating is just cruel. "

True that it is ridiculous amount of time to wait for the divorce to come true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Marriage is pretty hard work. I mostly failed at it (the m half of _ickedinmaryland speaking) until about 6 years ago when I got a wake up call. I have tried to be the best partner a woman can have ever since and I wished I changed sooner. I love my wife of 27 years more than ever and she feels the same way. It’s why we are now able to swing. We have no worries about each other and just want to have fun.

Most of those we swing with are on 2nd or 3rd marriages or in a relationship after a divorce. We have met with a few like us, but in the US, it’s a pretty small percentage on their first marriage who are swinging."

Thank you for giving your perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion "

My parents aren't Catholic but stayed together in a very unhappy marriage for 50+ years now. I wish they had parted. It was pure misery for all of us

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion "

Thanks for your opinion. Ye I wasn't the type of girl when young that was dreaming of a big wedding or a cinderella dress. When my mates were mad into it and making daisy chains to go around there heads and then would be getting pretend married to one of the guys I was always the priest lol not even a bridemand. Done a baptism of baby born. But I was always the flower girl at family weddings.

Even when I was engaged I would of been happy in a small room with my close family and friends. Nothing out there. As I worked as a louge/barmaid at many weddings functions and the big ones just put me off. Were the smaller ones felt more personal and imitate.

But each to their own. And I think that it's just the love of the big party and showing off that attracts many. Not what it's actually stands for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion "
I'd say you could throw kids in to equation as well, there a little more important than the rings...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion I'd say you could throw kids in to equation as well, there a little more important than the rings... "

Lots of people's parents spilt up and they grow up just fine.

Whats better: see mammy and daddy happy but separate or live in a house full of resent, depression and misery.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion

My parents aren't Catholic but stayed together in a very unhappy marriage for 50+ years now. I wish they had parted. It was pure misery for all of us"

Oh I'm with you on that.

My parents did split up after many years of extremely toxic and abusive marriage. They stayed together only for me meanwhile I still have issues sleeping and horrible flashbacks of what I've witnessed over the years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really wish I could believe in marriage but i just don't.

In my eyes staying with someone because you care for them and genuinely want to stay where you are when you have a choice of leaving with no great consequences is worth a lot more than staying in a dead relationship because a piece of paper and a few rings is holding you back.

Obviously doesn't work for all and it's only my own humble opinion I'd say you could throw kids in to equation as well, there a little more important than the rings...

Lots of people's parents spilt up and they grow up just fine.

Whats better: see mammy and daddy happy but separate or live in a house full of resent, depression and misery. "

Lots do, lots don't...and both scenarios are a very traumatic experience for kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We still do have the lowest rate for divorce in Europe. Cnt remember where we are in regards to the world.

I am not knocking it altogether.

As I am not long out of a serious relationship.Yes I get the whole life gets in the way stresses etc.

And ye at the start I was in the throws of love. But realised that it was very one sided and I didn't like who I became in the relationship.ye we tired swinging and I will be honest I wasn't into it at first just did it out of fear of losing him. So I am now single and reflecting on the whole life and relationships in general. And I feel that we have become very selfish and if we don't like something we end it. Like we are a disposable commodity.

Just I don't see marriage as it used to be the way our parents are.like the amount that I know that married and then divorce married divorce. Constantly moaning about the other half.

It's like some see it as well you are my property because we are married.

Unfortunately it's just modern society we're living in, and social media has huge part to play in that, before there was just the milk man or your neighbours wife to have an affair with, now there's temptation at the touch of a button, and the other poster is correct about having the lowest divorce rate in Europe, but we will catch up

How many people are separated though, but can't divorce yet because of the ridiculously lengthy waiting period? Or got so used to being separated that they didn't bother to finalise when the time had elapsed, not least because they had already moved on and found new partners but aren't pushed about marrying again? I predict a higher rate of divorce once the law is amended on this as will hopefully happen soon, leaving people in limbo for 4 years after separating is just cruel. "

That's the reason our figures are so low - the stoopid four year rule, which is a complete load of crap. I'm separated two years. I've no intention of ever getting married again but I certainly shouldn't have to be stuck in this limbo for so long. Ridiculous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think there's no ideal scenario or situation as unfortunately everyone has different experiences both good and bad of marriages and some very good points made for both sides. Don't know what I make of it myself but find bit of social/family pressure about the topic as it is anticipated that that's the be all and end all (supposedly)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Think there's no ideal scenario or situation as unfortunately everyone has different experiences both good and bad of marriages and some very good points made for both sides. Don't know what I make of it myself but find bit of social/family pressure about the topic as it is anticipated that that's the be all and end all (supposedly) "

That is it I agree with you there .The pressure to get into a relationship then to get married then to have kids and so on and so forth.

Like I am now Single and jays us the amount of times my mates think that I should have a fella,Set me up on Dates,and even the hassle that it caused for a cousin wedding as in the whole debate oh will we put down a plus one.

Then I have my close family that are the opposite you don't need a man or to be in a relationship.Focus on you and the boys. Ya can't win damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Look I am just enjoying the moment and just going with the flow.

What ever happens.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We still do have the lowest rate for divorce in Europe. Cnt remember where we are in regards to the world.

I am not knocking it altogether.

As I am not long out of a serious relationship.Yes I get the whole life gets in the way stresses etc.

And ye at the start I was in the throws of love. But realised that it was very one sided and I didn't like who I became in the relationship.ye we tired swinging and I will be honest I wasn't into it at first just did it out of fear of losing him. So I am now single and reflecting on the whole life and relationships in general. And I feel that we have become very selfish and if we don't like something we end it. Like we are a disposable commodity.

Just I don't see marriage as it used to be the way our parents are.like the amount that I know that married and then divorce married divorce. Constantly moaning about the other half.

It's like some see it as well you are my property because we are married.

Unfortunately it's just modern society we're living in, and social media has huge part to play in that, before there was just the milk man or your neighbours wife to have an affair with, now there's temptation at the touch of a button, and the other poster is correct about having the lowest divorce rate in Europe, but we will catch up

How many people are separated though, but can't divorce yet because of the ridiculously lengthy waiting period? Or got so used to being separated that they didn't bother to finalise when the time had elapsed, not least because they had already moved on and found new partners but aren't pushed about marrying again? I predict a higher rate of divorce once the law is amended on this as will hopefully happen soon, leaving people in limbo for 4 years after separating is just cruel.

That's the reason our figures are so low - the stoopid four year rule, which is a complete load of crap. I'm separated two years. I've no intention of ever getting married again but I certainly shouldn't have to be stuck in this limbo for so long. Ridiculous."

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By *lay2018Couple
over a year ago

westmeath & roscommon.

Marriage is an outdated tradition that people foolishly do. Alot of married people I know are all unhappy. It's been mentioned above, it's keeping up with the Joneses, trying to out do each other or thinking one has to get married because it's what people do. IMO people should only think about marriage if they been together for decades and the family has left the nest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think there's no ideal scenario or situation as unfortunately everyone has different experiences both good and bad of marriages and some very good points made for both sides. Don't know what I make of it myself but find bit of social/family pressure about the topic as it is anticipated that that's the be all and end all (supposedly)

That is it I agree with you there .The pressure to get into a relationship then to get married then to have kids and so on and so forth.

Like I am now Single and jays us the amount of times my mates think that I should have a fella,Set me up on Dates,and even the hassle that it caused for a cousin wedding as in the whole debate oh will we put down a plus one.

Then I have my close family that are the opposite you don't need a man or to be in a relationship.Focus on you and the boys. Ya can't win damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Look I am just enjoying the moment and just going with the flow.

What ever happens.

"

fair play, look after what's important

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