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How would you handle it?

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By *aughtyTippcpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nearby

No it's not a post about body parts

This is for the single parents of fab. The ones that have an ex who never bothered with the kids.

An ex who never helped or looked to see the kids unless it suited them, and that was very few and far between. Even though you begged and fought with them to try get them to play a part in the kids lives for years.

So now the kids are older, teenagers, and mid conversation with the youngest today your told that you "never let daddy be involved in our lives".

What do you say to that? How do you handle the situation?

Do you fly off the handle in years of built up rage towards the ex and tell your child all you've done their whole lives to try make a good life for them. That the useless waste of space they call daddy never gave a flying fuck about them? That all he cares about is being in a barstool?

What do you say to make your kid understand that the lack of parenting on your ex's behalf is totally that person's own doing?

Tina

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it's not a post about body parts

This is for the single parents of fab. The ones that have an ex who never bothered with the kids.

An ex who never helped or looked to see the kids unless it suited them, and that was very few and far between. Even though you begged and fought with them to try get them to play a part in the kids lives for years.

So now the kids are older, teenagers, and mid conversation with the youngest today your told that you "never let daddy be involved in our lives".

What do you say to that? How do you handle the situation?

Do you fly off the handle in years of built up rage towards the ex and tell your child all you've done their whole lives to try make a good life for them. That the useless waste of space they call daddy never gave a flying fuck about them? That all he cares about is being in a barstool?

What do you say to make your kid understand that the lack of parenting on your ex's behalf is totally that person's own doing?

Tina "
firstly as a father thats no longer with the mother of my child i find it sick when a so call father won't put the effort in with his children. Don't fly of in a rage try to explain that there dad wasn't able to be there as he wasn't ready to be a dad. Explain you tried to help him get ready but couldn't. Offer them to meet him if he is willing. As hard as it will be they need to see for themselves he's not worth there time and that there better off just with you. Sorry for the rant lazy fathers really piss me off because of my own situation

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By *aughtyTippcpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nearby

I've been with Niall for nearly 8 years now, I've watched him with his own kids so many times and felt heartsick that my kids didn't have that from their own father.

Niall would run at the drop of a hat for any of his kids, he'd give them his last breath. As any real parent would.

But having that said to me today has totally torn me apart

I feel like I've been kicked in the face and stabbed in the heart at the same time. Niall knows something is wrong but I wont tell him because he will lose his fucking mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids will idealise the parent that is not in their lives.

Best advice is to bite your lip darling.

I had it years ago but my kids now grown appreciate what I did for them on my own without his help.

He is a second thought to them now even though he has tried - too little too late.

His loss not seeing wonderful kids growing into amazing adults with no input from him.

You shall be their hero once they mature enough and know what a fantastic mum they have.

Big hugs darling and keep up the good work.

Psyche

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been with Niall for nearly 8 years now, I've watched him with his own kids so many times and felt heartsick that my kids didn't have that from their own father.

Niall would run at the drop of a hat for any of his kids, he'd give them his last breath. As any real parent would.

But having that said to me today has totally torn me apart

I feel like I've been kicked in the face and stabbed in the heart at the same time. Niall knows something is wrong but I wont tell him because he will lose his fucking mind"
i understand you. Your in a bad situation were your blamed or they get hurt by there loser dad. I think it's one of them that's a lose lose for you. That said, them knowing it wasn't your fault may help them as they age and pick partners themselves. I will say take your time deciding and remember its not your fault no matter what they say for now. They will one day understand why you won't talk shit about him. They will respect you even more holding that back from them.

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford

Your kids will be where I am right now an adult who now has no time for her father.. my dad sounds like your ex my advice is never put the dad down in front of your kid no matter how hard it is or gets. You will come across as the bad one .. My mum never put my dad down and believe me she had every right to it was awful for her.. all she did was let the 4 of us know she loved us and comforted us when he let us down.. her motto was on day they will see for themselves who was that there the sacrifices made etc.. and she was right when we all came of age he came looking for us and we told him where to go... it's a hard and long road but you will get there is does get easy I promise my mum has us 4 and he has none of us how even thou now he wants us

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Dunno about single parents. I had both of mine and never had a kid.

But, kids say stuff without thinking it through so try not to take it to heart.

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By *aughtyTippcpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nearby


"Your kids will be where I am right now an adult who now has no time for her father.. my dad sounds like your ex my advice is never put the dad down in front of your kid no matter how hard it is or gets. You will come across as the bad one .. My mum never put my dad down and believe me she had every right to it was awful for her.. all she did was let the 4 of us know she loved us and comforted us when he let us down.. her motto was on day they will see for themselves who was that there the sacrifices made etc.. and she was right when we all came of age he came looking for us and we told him where to go... it's a hard and long road but you will get there is does get easy I promise my mum has us 4 and he has none of us how even thou now he wants us "

Since I split with him 13 years ago I have always said I'd never bad mouth him to my kids because the way I see it once they were older they'd see for themselves what he's truly like. Even when they used to ask why I wasn't with him anymore I'd tell them that we just couldn't get along. I've held back so much of the truth from them about him, because I wanted them to have a relationship with him.

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By *oxic1998Woman
over a year ago

Belfast

Your son is a teenager and probably has a mobile phone. Give him his dad's number if he hasnt got it already and say you can contact him and arrange to see him whenever he wants. It's not you stopping him then. He then has to listen to his dad's excuses from him himself. He will soon realise what a waste of space he is and wasn't you stopping him. Worked a treat with my son.

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By *aughtyTippcpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nearby

Oh they've always had his number. They've all rang him at one time or another over the years but they always got the excuse that he's not able or he's not at home.

That's why his comment today hurt so much, because they know their father can't really be bothered

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford


"Your kids will be where I am right now an adult who now has no time for her father.. my dad sounds like your ex my advice is never put the dad down in front of your kid no matter how hard it is or gets. You will come across as the bad one .. My mum never put my dad down and believe me she had every right to it was awful for her.. all she did was let the 4 of us know she loved us and comforted us when he let us down.. her motto was on day they will see for themselves who was that there the sacrifices made etc.. and she was right when we all came of age he came looking for us and we told him where to go... it's a hard and long road but you will get there is does get easy I promise my mum has us 4 and he has none of us how even thou now he wants us

Since I split with him 13 years ago I have always said I'd never bad mouth him to my kids because the way I see it once they were older they'd see for themselves what he's truly like. Even when they used to ask why I wasn't with him anymore I'd tell them that we just couldn't get along. I've held back so much of the truth from them about him, because I wanted them to have a relationship with him. "

To your youngest all you can say is you never have stopped their dad and one day you will see that....

I know words don't give you much comfort those nights behind closed doors but you have great strenght to get this far. Though those words hurt you now you will get past it and your youngest will see just hold that strenght a little longer.. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a divorced dad of two and couldnt live with myself if I wasnt close to my kids.When I divorced, we made a pact that we wouldnt involve the kids.We just let them drift between us.Thank God it worked and the kids, the ex and myself have a wonderful relationanship.As for the absent dads, Im sure there are some who have a valid reason.Most will blame the ex as is the norm.But it will come back on them in later years.And in most cases the mother will do a great job of bringing up kids without the disruptive input of a part time dad who is only interested in themselves.This isnt me looking for an argument.Just my point of view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it's not a post about body parts

This is for the single parents of fab. The ones that have an ex who never bothered with the kids.

An ex who never helped or looked to see the kids unless it suited them, and that was very few and far between. Even though you begged and fought with them to try get them to play a part in the kids lives for years.

So now the kids are older, teenagers, and mid conversation with the youngest today your told that you "never let daddy be involved in our lives".

What do you say to that? How do you handle the situation?

Do you fly off the handle in years of built up rage towards the ex and tell your child all you've done their whole lives to try make a good life for them. That the useless waste of space they call daddy never gave a flying fuck about them? That all he cares about is being in a barstool?

What do you say to make your kid understand that the lack of parenting on your ex's behalf is totally that person's own doing?

Tina firstly as a father thats no longer with the mother of my child i find it sick when a so call father won't put the effort in with his children. Don't fly of in a rage try to explain that there dad wasn't able to be there as he wasn't ready to be a dad. Explain you tried to help him get ready but couldn't. Offer them to meet him if he is willing. As hard as it will be they need to see for themselves he's not worth there time and that there better off just with you. Sorry for the rant lazy fathers really piss me off because of my own situation "
well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Snice i split with my ex i tryed to be a big part of their life.

Their a part off me i dont want to lose.

We didnt get on at the start but do now and try do the best for the kids.

Seen their young we let them pick birthday presents and Christmas presents for each other.

They remember the small things as much as the big things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it's not a post about body parts

This is for the single parents of fab. The ones that have an ex who never bothered with the kids.

An ex who never helped or looked to see the kids unless it suited them, and that was very few and far between. Even though you begged and fought with them to try get them to play a part in the kids lives for years.

So now the kids are older, teenagers, and mid conversation with the youngest today your told that you "never let daddy be involved in our lives".

What do you say to that? How do you handle the situation?

Do you fly off the handle in years of built up rage towards the ex and tell your child all you've done their whole lives to try make a good life for them. That the useless waste of space they call daddy never gave a flying fuck about them? That all he cares about is being in a barstool?

What do you say to make your kid understand that the lack of parenting on your ex's behalf is totally that person's own doing?

Tina "
Im in the opposite scenario.....we split and i stayed close for the sake of the children....i wasn't even a mile from the family home to where they moved to a new house,i wanted to see them as much as possible during the week and weekends,what i got was barely seeing them during the week unless on my Xs terms and two weekends a month.....but before and after we got divorced and even now the guts of ten years later my X makes it as hard as possible to see the children,so i moved on with my life because regardless of what i did or what i will do she will use the kids to beat me with..and it's taken those ten years and a great partner in Nichola for me to finialy say let her go and FK....i still see them at the weekends..a four hour round journey after work..still try to do right by them and show them that I might not be nxt door anymore but still here when they need me but I know in my heart and soul their mother is filling them with poison slowly but surely and il still come out the bad one........so op I'm not taking anything away from what's happened to you,your X was an ass but women ( some ) are as bad ...

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By *aughtyTippcpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nearby


"No it's not a post about body parts

This is for the single parents of fab. The ones that have an ex who never bothered with the kids.

An ex who never helped or looked to see the kids unless it suited them, and that was very few and far between. Even though you begged and fought with them to try get them to play a part in the kids lives for years.

So now the kids are older, teenagers, and mid conversation with the youngest today your told that you "never let daddy be involved in our lives".

What do you say to that? How do you handle the situation?

Do you fly off the handle in years of built up rage towards the ex and tell your child all you've done their whole lives to try make a good life for them. That the useless waste of space they call daddy never gave a flying fuck about them? That all he cares about is being in a barstool?

What do you say to make your kid understand that the lack of parenting on your ex's behalf is totally that person's own doing?

Tina Im in the opposite scenario.....we split and i stayed close for the sake of the children....i wasn't even a mile from the family home to where they moved to a new house,i wanted to see them as much as possible during the week and weekends,what i got was barely seeing them during the week unless on my Xs terms and two weekends a month.....but before and after we got divorced and even now the guts of ten years later my X makes it as hard as possible to see the children,so i moved on with my life because regardless of what i did or what i will do she will use the kids to beat me with..and it's taken those ten years and a great partner in Nichola for me to finialy say let her go and FK....i still see them at the weekends..a four hour round journey after work..still try to do right by them and show them that I might not be nxt door anymore but still here when they need me but I know in my heart and soul their mother is filling them with poison slowly but surely and il still come out the bad one........so op I'm not taking anything away from what's happened to you,your X was an ass but women ( some ) are as bad ..."

Oh I don't doubt that, I've seen it happen with people around here. Dad's fighting to see their kids and the mother's using them as weapons, it disgusts me. Children have the right to have both their parents in their lives.

I gave my ex chance after chance for years, used to beg him to spend time with the kids, all he'd say was that I had them so I could rear them. So about 6 years ago I stopped chasing him and asking him to be involved with them. I just got on with things and did all I could do for my children, and that's something that will never stop

Tina

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it's not a post about body parts

This is for the single parents of fab. The ones that have an ex who never bothered with the kids.

An ex who never helped or looked to see the kids unless it suited them, and that was very few and far between. Even though you begged and fought with them to try get them to play a part in the kids lives for years.

So now the kids are older, teenagers, and mid conversation with the youngest today your told that you "never let daddy be involved in our lives".

What do you say to that? How do you handle the situation?

Do you fly off the handle in years of built up rage towards the ex and tell your child all you've done their whole lives to try make a good life for them. That the useless waste of space they call daddy never gave a flying fuck about them? That all he cares about is being in a barstool?

What do you say to make your kid understand that the lack of parenting on your ex's behalf is totally that person's own doing?

Tina Im in the opposite scenario.....we split and i stayed close for the sake of the children....i wasn't even a mile from the family home to where they moved to a new house,i wanted to see them as much as possible during the week and weekends,what i got was barely seeing them during the week unless on my Xs terms and two weekends a month.....but before and after we got divorced and even now the guts of ten years later my X makes it as hard as possible to see the children,so i moved on with my life because regardless of what i did or what i will do she will use the kids to beat me with..and it's taken those ten years and a great partner in Nichola for me to finialy say let her go and FK....i still see them at the weekends..a four hour round journey after work..still try to do right by them and show them that I might not be nxt door anymore but still here when they need me but I know in my heart and soul their mother is filling them with poison slowly but surely and il still come out the bad one........so op I'm not taking anything away from what's happened to you,your X was an ass but women ( some ) are as bad ...

Oh I don't doubt that, I've seen it happen with people around here. Dad's fighting to see their kids and the mother's using them as weapons, it disgusts me. Children have the right to have both their parents in their lives.

I gave my ex chance after chance for years, used to beg him to spend time with the kids, all he'd say was that I had them so I could rear them. So about 6 years ago I stopped chasing him and asking him to be involved with them. I just got on with things and did all I could do for my children, and that's something that will never stop

Tina "
Thats all ye can do Tina,I'm resigned that neither my X nor I will ever find middle ground..don't get me wrong I'm no saint..push my buttons and il just dig in ( Nichola calls it being stubborn..who knew lol ) as she pointed out to me a thousand times wait til the children hit 15/16 years of age and tell them my side of things...I'm just worried by then it'll be to late and my side won't matter....but look Nicholas never been wrong in the past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Teenagers say things that would cut you in two because (more than likely because they know you’ll love them no matter what). Doubt the reason for the explosion was anything to do with the ex more just letting rip and knew would get that reaction. Ignore I doubt it was meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only ones thst lose out are the kids.

I spend time with mine show them love and do things together.

When they say i love you it makes the day times go away

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