FabSwingers.com forum: Guy walks into a shop

By *-Man OP Man
over a year ago

Kark

Guy: Just a coffee please

Cashier: Any petrol?

Guy: No

Cashier: Any diesel?

Guy: No

Cashier: Do you have a loyalty card?

Guy: I don't

Cashier: Are you on our email list of great offers?

Guy: I'm not

Cashier: Would you like to join?

Guy: No thanks

Cashier: For 50 cent more you can get a KitKat

Guy: No thanks

Cashier: Tonight's lotto is over 4 million, would you like to play?

Guy: No thanks

Cashier: So just a coffee then?

Guy: Yeah, see first line above please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Black or white sir?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“We have a great offer on travel mugs ?”

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By *-Man OP Man
over a year ago

Kark

"“We have a great offer on travel mugs ?”

Lol, forgot about that one!

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By *oreignaffairKKMan
over a year ago

Between CW and KK

Espresso, latte, cappuccino, americano, machiato?

Small, medium, large or gallon?

Sugar? White or brown?

Extra milk?

Any flavour?

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By *eductively_SweetWoman
over a year ago

wexford

LMAO love this thread

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By *lowersMan
over a year ago

Derry

I left a friend of mine trying to order a Subway about four years ago. I think they are still there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha this really made me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Espresso, latte, cappuccino, americano, machiato?

Small, medium, large or gallon?

Sugar? White or brown?

Extra milk?

Any flavour?"

chai skinny latte ... soya not milk

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By *ingerrrrWoman
over a year ago

Meath

And then they ask you your name to write on the cup and spell it arse ways..

seriously how hard is it??

It’s more like 4 step verification with the bank than just getting a cup of bloomin coffee!

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By *aton28Man
over a year ago

galway/mayo

In all fairness those 4 r's would catch most people out.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all fairness those 4 r's would catch most people out.....

Could have just written hot...covers the contents and the customer

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By *aton28Man
over a year ago

galway/mayo

Or red hot for no ambiguity.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or red hot for no ambiguity....."

Boom..

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By *ildmovementMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Sir you must put a lid on that before you bring it over to put your sugar in, it’s a health and safety issue!!

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By *-Man OP Man
over a year ago

Kark

"Sir you must put a lid on that before you bring it over to put your sugar in, it’s a health and safety issue!!

Oh that gets me every time!

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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

Just give me the fucking coffee and nobody gets hurt

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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

"Sir you must put a lid on that before you bring it over to put your sugar in, it’s a health and safety issue!!

You then walk back creating another H&S risk to discover the lids don't fit!

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By *ensualandslow321Man
over a year ago

Tullamore

I think she fancied the arse off you and wanted your name and phone number.

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By *ensualandslow321Man
over a year ago

Tullamore

I'd hire her. A natural cross seller. Lol

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By *andsomeman100Man
over a year ago

Ah sure now...

"I'd hire her. A natural cross seller. Lol"

Typical - someone just had to bring religion into this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in my local coffee shop the other day and there was a guy on his own sitting a few tables away,no phone,no tablet,no headphones,nothing,just sitting there,drinking coffee,like a weirdo

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By *ensualandslow321Man
over a year ago

Tullamore

"I'd hire her. A natural cross seller. Lol

Typical - someone just had to bring religion into this!"

St Andrews Cross seller.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in my local coffee shop the other day and there was a guy on his own sitting a few tables away,no phone,no tablet,no headphones,nothing,just sitting there,drinking coffee,like a weirdo

O shit I would have run away FAST

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By *idwesty74Man
over a year ago

Hants

This is why I drink tea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

did you order tea sir, Earl Grey or Darjilling .. would sir like to see our selection of cucumber sandwiches ... there is also some crumpet available

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"And then they ask you your name to write on the cup and spell it arse ways..

seriously how hard is it??

It’s more like 4 step verification with the bank than just getting a cup of bloomin coffee!

Just tell them your name is Fuckface. They remember, and never ask again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guy: Just a coffee please

Cashier: Any petrol?

Guy: No

Cashier: Any diesel?

Guy: No

Cashier: Do you have a loyalty card?

Guy: I don't

Cashier: Are you on our email list of great offers?

Guy: I'm not

Cashier: Would you like to join?

Guy: No thanks

Cashier: For 50 cent more you can get a KitKat

Guy: No thanks

Cashier: Tonight's lotto is over 4 million, would you like to play?

Guy: No thanks

Cashier: So just a coffee then?

Guy: Yeah, see first line above please

Pmsl and so it goes! Becoming a bit of ordeal these going to the counter. Thanks for the laugh dude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha brilliant. Just like walking into a restaurant. Table for 2 please. To be responded with have you booked? Well clearly not or I would have said table booked for 8pm for .....

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By *ingerrrrWoman
over a year ago

Meath

This thread gave me such a giggle!

Pity I can’t upload some of the pictures of the “exotic” spellings of my name.

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By *ilderMan
over a year ago

dublin

So true!

I hate upselling, it's like they don't think you can see it a mile off.

Try walking into mcdonalds and saying 'just a chicken burger please', they always try to upsell, like I don't know what I want

I know it's what they are trained but it's still very annoying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So true!

I hate upselling, it's like they don't think you can see it a mile off.

Try walking into mcdonalds and saying 'just a chicken burger please', they always try to upsell, like I don't know what I want

I know it's what they are trained but it's still very annoying"

That's why I always end up with cheese bites then

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By *-Man OP Man
over a year ago

Kark

"Just give me the fucking coffee and nobody gets hurt

Yes, I had a whole Hannibal shopping list planned out in my head, thread, a vinyl copy of Goodbye Horses, lotion and a basket, a JCB to dig a hole...those thoughts stopped after I got my coffee

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By *-Man OP Man
over a year ago

Kark

"And then they ask you your name to write on the cup and spell it arse ways..

seriously how hard is it??

It’s more like 4 step verification with the bank than just getting a cup of bloomin coffee!

Just tell them your name is Fuckface. They remember, and never ask again.

I like your thinking, you could get away with Dick, or Miles Long, Mandingo, Pussy Galore, Mrs Knockers...oh there's loads!

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By *cotsguyyMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I remember being in a shop & bought one single packet of chewing gum, I handed over the money, he gave me my change & the gum & then asked me if I'd like a bag for it?!!

I just looked at him & very obviously slowly slid it into my pocket.

"I think I'm OK?" haha

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