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Social Anxiety

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope. "

When I read this, I was literally picturing myself in many situations in day to day life. Whilst I do enjoy a coffee meet, I find myself sometime lost in a group setting unless I know someone in it so I can calm myself and show who I am to everyone else. There has been many an occasion where anxiety gets better of me and I leave just for the fear of trying say Hi to someone.

I am getting better at it, don't know if there is a cure per say but what I will say is I know how you feel and as long as we don't become too withdrawn in ourselves, we are doing ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope.

When I read this, I was literally picturing myself in many situations in day to day life. Whilst I do enjoy a coffee meet, I find myself sometime lost in a group setting unless I know someone in it so I can calm myself and show who I am to everyone else. There has been many an occasion where anxiety gets better of me and I leave just for the fear of trying say Hi to someone.

I am getting better at it, don't know if there is a cure per say but what I will say is I know how you feel and as long as we don't become too withdrawn in ourselves, we are doing ok

"

So we are normal?

I wonder sometimes if social Anxiety is the norm.

I'm hugging a hot water bottle here now lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So we are normal?

I wonder sometimes if social Anxiety is the norm.

I'm hugging a hot water bottle here now lol"

Course we are normal, while everyone is different, ie confident, cocky, shy, understanding etc, no one is perfect. You can only be yourself, yes we can all improve on certain things, but it all takes time. I always say to myself, no one defines me only me and as long as there is good in my heart and I am a good friend / partner / brother / uncle etc, that's all that matters to me

got a spare water bottle?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope.

When I read this, I was literally picturing myself in many situations in day to day life. Whilst I do enjoy a coffee meet, I find myself sometime lost in a group setting unless I know someone in it so I can calm myself and show who I am to everyone else. There has been many an occasion where anxiety gets better of me and I leave just for the fear of trying say Hi to someone.

I am getting better at it, don't know if there is a cure per say but what I will say is I know how you feel and as long as we don't become too withdrawn in ourselves, we are doing ok

So we are normal?

I wonder sometimes if social Anxiety is the norm.

I'm hugging a hot water bottle here now lol"

What's normal xx My persona (Jilly) is somewhat alot more social than in my vanilla world. I'm definitely not very good in some social settings to the point nerves will sicken me. My friend recently went to a Life Coach and while it was no cure for his anixety it has really helped him control his anixety. Hope you find a happy medium, your not alone xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have it, once I know people I'm actually on the verge of controversial as I get so comfortable I lose filters but takes months of interaction. I don't even go to my Xmas work parties in a job I have worked in for nearly 3 yrs. Same with this site. If I'm expected to meet a woman after 3-4 texts it won't happen. My best solution is taking myself out of social situations but I wouldn't recommend that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fair play to you putting yourself out there and all. It must not have been easy to even type that onto a forum. Well done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope. "

I hear ya, I've got it pretty badly myself! I needed beta blockers to control it for a couple of years, but thankfully don't need them any more

It sounds daft but I find concentrating on my breathing really helps me relax. It kinda takes your mind off of the scary stuff. I have real bother looking people in the eye too, but I've found if you just direct your face between their eyes they think you're looking right at them when in reality you're still avoiding their gaze :P It's little things like that that help me get past it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This may sound weird but i clench my calf muscles alot in them types of situations it helps i think im not sure x

The best advice i can personally give is meditate because it comes in handy in them situations to stop your head racing and learn to accept and release anything you may have said or done that your worrying about you will soon see alot of the stuff we get anxious over is silly small stuff xxxx again thats me im not preachin just sharin m'aam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My anxiety is so bad that I missed my debs, family weddings, birthday parties, nights out and even dating girls when I was a few years younger. Even now that I feel it's better I could end up in a room with a few people I don't know and feel like jumping through a window to escape. I got good at pretending I'm busy or have other things and tell people I don't like drinking etc...to escape 99% of Irish get to togethers but I'm kidding myself so the answers to this post interest me alot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow, that's like a forum hug. It's amazing that people share it. All the little tips and distractions are helpful. I have missed so many social events over it, now I'll be honest and say I just can't handle it.

The one thing that jumped out at me is saying that no one's opinion matters but your own belief in yourself and I think that's the hardest thing to get a handle on.

Thank you all so much for your posts.

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By *oodbuddy 51Man
over a year ago

Puerto Rico, Gran Canaria

You know reading these posts it just goes to show that most of us are just normal humans both in our fab world and vanilla world.

A lot of the time it's not just the sex we want but also friends and social banter especially coming up to Christmas which can be a very difficult time for people.

Good on you peeps for discussing your problems here.

Take care and keep having fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear ya op I suffer bad with anxiety, now anyone here that's met me is probably thinking ye right lol but I have learned to manage it quite well. It can be down to planning for me before going somewhere even down to the outfit I'm wearing, who will be with me or how we are getting there. I have stopped avoiding things because all it means is yet again I would have missed a good night out. I try keep in "wise mind" thinking what's the worst that can happen and challenge myself. It's hard work but it has gotten me from not wanting to walk to the local shop to last weekend standing in city centre (shitting myself I might add ) with thousands of people for the Christmas lights but I did it!! Remember your brain is powerful but you are the only one that can change it so fight your fears and remember what's the worst that can happen x

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope. "

------------------------

Hi Op, I used to suffer with extreme shyness myself for years and years especially around women (think Raj from The Big Bang Theory ...) and no matter how much I rationalised it all, I found it hard to socialise...

For me, the big breakthrough came through using NLP (neuro linguistic programming) which helped resolve certain anxieties I had around meeting people or "putting myself out there" in any way...

I also came to the conclusion that I'm not so much "shy" as I initially thought but am just more of an "introvert" by nature, which means I prefer my own company and value the quality of a few good friendships over being the centre of attention...

I don't know if that helps in any way but that's my 2 cents worth...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow, that's like a forum hug. It's amazing that people share it. All the little tips and distractions are helpful. I have missed so many social events over it, now I'll be honest and say I just can't handle it.

The one thing that jumped out at me is saying that no one's opinion matters but your own belief in yourself and I think that's the hardest thing to get a handle on.

Thank you all so much for your posts. "

Here on this is different you develop a persona meeting someone is different and can lead to all sorts of anxieties. I find taking my time and not been rushed into things helps and meeting where I'm comfortable. It can be very hard sometimes though. Positive thinking and having steps in place if anxiety takes over help to calm me I find. I hope you can get some help with this

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I hear ya op I suffer bad with anxiety, now anyone here that's met me is probably thinking ye right lol but I have learned to manage it quite well. It can be down to planning for me before going somewhere even down to the outfit I'm wearing, who will be with me or how we are getting there. I have stopped avoiding things because all it means is yet again I would have missed a good night out. I try keep in "wise mind" thinking what's the worst that can happen and challenge myself. It's hard work but it has gotten me from not wanting to walk to the local shop to last weekend standing in city centre (shitting myself I might add ) with thousands of people for the Christmas lights but I did it!! Remember your brain is powerful but you are the only one that can change it so fight your fears and remember what's the worst that can happen x"

Thats brilliant

X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope.

------------------------

Hi Op, I used to suffer with extreme shyness myself for years and years especially around women (think Raj from The Big Bang Theory ...) and no matter how much I rationalised it all, I found it hard to socialise...

For me, the big breakthrough came through using NLP (neuro linguistic programming) which helped resolve certain anxieties I had around meeting people or "putting myself out there" in any way...

I also came to the conclusion that I'm not so much "shy" as I initially thought but am just more of an "introvert" by nature, which means I prefer my own company and value the quality of a few good friendships over being the centre of attention...

I don't know if that helps in any way but that's my 2 cents worth...

"

Thank you for sharing your experience . I've met you twice in a social situation and you seem really confident.

Good to know yourself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope. "

You've pretty much described how I used to be down to the last letter. I've talked myself out of so many things down through the years. I'd never really ever been properly alone before recently, so I always had someone to hide behind or lean on, and I remember someone telling me once that I was very aloof, which couldn't really be further from the truth.

Someone told me a few years ago that if I can talk myself out of things, I can just as easily talk myself into them, and it's mostly true. While I'm quite happy in my own wee comfort zone, I have at times, pushed myself to go out and eat alone or go to the cinema alone, and believe it or not, pushing beyond the comfort level brings a strength and confidence that helps to push a little bit more.

I think most people have a certain amount of social anxiety, but if we cut ourselves some slack, we can usually keep it at bay. My brother says you have to fake it till you feel it, and overall it's not bad advice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Wow, that's like a forum hug. It's amazing that people share it. All the little tips and distractions are helpful. I have missed so many social events over it, now I'll be honest and say I just can't handle it.

The one thing that jumped out at me is saying that no one's opinion matters but your own belief in yourself and I think that's the hardest thing to get a handle on.

Thank you all so much for your posts.

Here on this is different you develop a persona meeting someone is different and can lead to all sorts of anxieties. I find taking my time and not been rushed into things helps and meeting where I'm comfortable. It can be very hard sometimes though. Positive thinking and having steps in place if anxiety takes over help to calm me I find. I hope you can get some help with this "

Thanks lovely, I have done a lot of therapy (no one is surprised lol) and before that I totally just thought I was a crap human being. I am aware of it being anxiety now and I put myself put there but it's never 'natural'.

Today I was at the school and watching the other mothers and the children and thinking about how we all interact..... Hence the post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say i have social anxiety quite the opposite i usually bring out my best self and no one has yet complain ...well maybe some jealous guys alone the way. But put me to text message to break the ice over text to have this unimaginable, wonderful, exciting chats to conquer and seduce the mind of my future meet ...to say the least i fail miserably everytime

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By *it_tribesmanMan
over a year ago

Galway


"My anxiety is so bad that I missed my debs, family weddings, birthday parties, nights out and even dating girls when I was a few years younger. Even now that I feel it's better I could end up in a room with a few people I don't know and feel like jumping through a window to escape. I got good at pretending I'm busy or have other things and tell people I don't like drinking etc...to escape 99% of Irish get to togethers but I'm kidding myself so the answers to this post interest me alot. "

I honestly could have wrote exactly the same as this. I've managed to get to this stage of my life without accumulating a proper close friend because I always seem to take a step back when it comes to relationships.

This time of the year is difficult,

Reading this thread is encouraging

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My anxiety is so bad that I missed my debs, family weddings, birthday parties, nights out and even dating girls when I was a few years younger. Even now that I feel it's better I could end up in a room with a few people I don't know and feel like jumping through a window to escape. I got good at pretending I'm busy or have other things and tell people I don't like drinking etc...to escape 99% of Irish get to togethers but I'm kidding myself so the answers to this post interest me alot.

I honestly could have wrote exactly the same as this. I've managed to get to this stage of my life without accumulating a proper close friend because I always seem to take a step back when it comes to relationships.

This time of the year is difficult,

Reading this thread is encouraging

"

Ah boys

You have a sense of self awareness and sense of humour. I think it's harder for men maybe?

I'm lucky that I have good friends who accept my quirks. But initially I thought they didn't like me.

This time of year is awful for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons xx hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had social and general anxiety disorders pretty severely for over a decade to the extent i distanced myself from friends and family, had panic attacks that left me in hospital and has had huge affects on my life goals.

But over the last few years I've gotten control over it and for the first time since my late teens I feel in control of my life. (although I've thought that before and it came back).

Anyway things that helped me short term when anxious. . .

Deep slow breaths, holding in each breath before exhaling, while doing this, think of 5 things see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and one you can taste.

Do some exercise, push ups, squats, a walk, anything to change your focus.

Long term approach is to face what makes you anxious. As small steps as you want but start doing the things that make you anxious, no amount of anxiety will make any difference to what will happen and facing it is the best way to remind or reprogram your mind that you don't need to waste all this energy on self defence. I wish i realised that a decade earlier.

Sorry for the saga and if this is no help, its just my own experience with it. As hellish as anxiety has been in my life getting through each wave of it i always feel stronger, and it does get better and easier.

I can recommend some good books or audiotapes if anyone wants i can pm them.

"I am worried and I ought not to worry but because I can't stop worrying I'm worried because I worry."? Alan Watts

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick

I've been reading the posts. My life revolves around anxiety and has for the last few years. Not me, but I was an extremely shy child, and as an adult I'd fear the phone etc, but it was an extreme lack of confidence in myself.

What I want to say is have any of you considered being assessed for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Social anxiety can be a big part of it. Especially in girls who tend to be diagnosed a lot later than boys.

Autism isn't rain man it's different things to different people. And from what I've learned sometimes knowing there's a reason why you are anxious helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some level of anxiety in social situations is very normal. I think once you realise that everybody has that it becomes easier to rationalise it. It's a natural thing to internalise your fears and when u do this you begin to think I'm the only person who has this problem so in your mind it becomes worse. Trying to relax and say to yourself that anyone in this situation would be anxious is a good start to being able to control it. That's how I rationalise it to myself when I'm in a situation that would make me feel anxious for example being in company of people I don't know to giving talks or lectures to groups of people. Hope that helps. But relaxing and being able to control how your mind thinks is the key for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've had social and general anxiety disorders pretty severely for over a decade to the extent i distanced myself from friends and family, had panic attacks that left me in hospital and has had huge affects on my life goals.

But over the last few years I've gotten control over it and for the first time since my late teens I feel in control of my life. (although I've thought that before and it came back).

Anyway things that helped me short term when anxious. . .

Deep slow breaths, holding in each breath before exhaling, while doing this, think of 5 things see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and one you can taste.

Do some exercise, push ups, squats, a walk, anything to change your focus.

Long term approach is to face what makes you anxious. As small steps as you want but start doing the things that make you anxious, no amount of anxiety will make any difference to what will happen and facing it is the best way to remind or reprogram your mind that you don't need to waste all this energy on self defence. I wish i realised that a decade earlier.

Sorry for the saga and if this is no help, its just my own experience with it. As hellish as anxiety has been in my life getting through each wave of it i always feel stronger, and it does get better and easier.

I can recommend some good books or audiotapes if anyone wants i can pm them.

"I am worried and I ought not to worry but because I can't stop worrying I'm worried because I worry."? Alan Watts

"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've been reading the posts. My life revolves around anxiety and has for the last few years. Not me, but I was an extremely shy child, and as an adult I'd fear the phone etc, but it was an extreme lack of confidence in myself.

What I want to say is have any of you considered being assessed for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Social anxiety can be a big part of it. Especially in girls who tend to be diagnosed a lot later than boys.

Autism isn't rain man it's different things to different people. And from what I've learned sometimes knowing there's a reason why you are anxious helps."

Oh I am on the spectrum, only became aware of that in later years.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some level of anxiety in social situations is very normal. I think once you realise that everybody has that it becomes easier to rationalise it. It's a natural thing to internalise your fears and when u do this you begin to think I'm the only person who has this problem so in your mind it becomes worse. Trying to relax and say to yourself that anyone in this situation would be anxious is a good start to being able to control it. That's how I rationalise it to myself when I'm in a situation that would make me feel anxious for example being in company of people I don't know to giving talks or lectures to groups of people. Hope that helps. But relaxing and being able to control how your mind thinks is the key for me "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow how refreshingly honest this forum thread is . Think everyone one has some level of social anxiety or other

Fair play for posting on here. Take a good bit of gumsion and dare I say balls

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By *ugarandspice101Couple
over a year ago

Belfast


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope.

When I read this, I was literally picturing myself in many situations in day to day life. Whilst I do enjoy a coffee meet, I find myself sometime lost in a group setting unless I know someone in it so I can calm myself and show who I am to everyone else. There has been many an occasion where anxiety gets better of me and I leave just for the fear of trying say Hi to someone.

I am getting better at it, don't know if there is a cure per say but what I will say is I know how you feel and as long as we don't become too withdrawn in ourselves, we are doing ok

So we are normal?

I wonder sometimes if social Anxiety is the norm.

I'm hugging a hot water bottle here now lol"

I think everyone does to a degree. I know I do myself and people used to think I was very shy. Not in the swing setup now. For some strange I've been known to shine. My job may have helped with it though. And I also try and remember we are all in the same situation and started telling myself "I'm not less than or better than anyone else. Just different"

Hope this helps x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm shy, meaning I have high levels of anxiety in social situations. I have always been this way and have used various methods to deal with it. From just not putting myself in social situations, almost a recluse to putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and just sweating it out. I still feel the anxiety but I've learned how to copy the way other people act and "fit in". I used to sit completely frozen and people perceived me as rude or mentally subnormal

I think it's why I prefer a meet or greet or social setting for a first meeting rather than a coffee meet. If I 'dry up" there is an out. I suppose I know myself and my limitations now.

Just wondering if anyone else has social anxiety and how they cope.

When I read this, I was literally picturing myself in many situations in day to day life. Whilst I do enjoy a coffee meet, I find myself sometime lost in a group setting unless I know someone in it so I can calm myself and show who I am to everyone else. There has been many an occasion where anxiety gets better of me and I leave just for the fear of trying say Hi to someone.

I am getting better at it, don't know if there is a cure per say but what I will say is I know how you feel and as long as we don't become too withdrawn in ourselves, we are doing ok

So we are normal?

I wonder sometimes if social Anxiety is the norm.

I'm hugging a hot water bottle here now lol

I think everyone does to a degree. I know I do myself and people used to think I was very shy. Not in the swing setup now. For some strange I've been known to shine. My job may have helped with it though. And I also try and remember we are all in the same situation and started telling myself "I'm not less than or better than anyone else. Just different"

Hope this helps x"

Everyone sharing helps, thank you xx

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By *elticfire555Man
over a year ago

Westmeath

Social phobia / anxiety is very different to a bit of shyness or nerves about meeting new people.

It's a debilitating disorder that really affects people including myself deeply. When you want to speak but nothing will come out or you're too afraid to interact with people because you're afraid of what they think of you can cause you to withdraw totally from social gatherings. Not just strangers as you might imagine but from close friends and family.

Most people with this are usually very good at one on one conversations but get overwhelmed and lost in a group, even very small groups.

Anyhow OP , you're not alone. Perhaps we should set up a Social anxiety swingers KIK group LOL

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Social phobia / anxiety is very different to a bit of shyness or nerves about meeting new people.

It's a debilitating disorder that really affects people including myself deeply. When you want to speak but nothing will come out or you're too afraid to interact with people because you're afraid of what they think of you can cause you to withdraw totally from social gatherings. Not just strangers as you might imagine but from close friends and family.

Most people with this are usually very good at one on one conversations but get overwhelmed and lost in a group, even very small groups.

Anyhow OP , you're not alone. Perhaps we should set up a Social anxiety swingers KIK group LOL"

Thank you for sharing, I agree shyness is different. Isn't it funny on kik I can chat away and then meet someone and be unable to say hi.. Or make eye contact.

Its something that will always require effort I assume.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can chat forever to someone 1on1 but tend to sit back and I'm quiet in a group situation with those I've never met before, to an extent I've been called snobby and ignorant for being quiet! People need to understand different social settings are not for everyone. Therefore I prefer to go to socials with someone I already know so I'm not putting myself in any awkward situations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can chat forever to someone 1on1 but tend to sit back and I'm quiet in a group situation with those I've never met before, to an extent I've been called snobby and ignorant for being quiet! People need to understand different social settings are not for everyone. Therefore I prefer to go to socials with someone I already know so I'm not putting myself in any awkward situations."

I remember in my younger days people thinking I was stuck up because I just couldn't make small talk. I tend to try to include people now which is a good way to join a conversation without having anything to say.

Often wish I could go back to teenage me and give her these tips

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick


"I've been reading the posts. My life revolves around anxiety and has for the last few years. Not me, but I was an extremely shy child, and as an adult I'd fear the phone etc, but it was an extreme lack of confidence in myself.

What I want to say is have any of you considered being assessed for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Social anxiety can be a big part of it. Especially in girls who tend to be diagnosed a lot later than boys.

Autism isn't rain man it's different things to different people. And from what I've learned sometimes knowing there's a reason why you are anxious helps.

Oh I am on the spectrum, only became aware of that in later years. "

Thought I was going to be slated for mentioning it. Did a dx help you? You can pm if you'd prefer. And I'd appreciate it

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By *teven689671Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Great insight to how others see social anxiety and sex. It’s deffinetly a curse. Nice to be able to chat with others about it here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can chat forever to someone 1on1 but tend to sit back and I'm quiet in a group situation with those I've never met before, to an extent I've been called snobby and ignorant for being quiet! People need to understand different social settings are not for everyone. Therefore I prefer to go to socials with someone I already know so I'm not putting myself in any awkward situations.

I remember in my younger days people thinking I was stuck up because I just couldn't make small talk. I tend to try to include people now which is a good way to join a conversation without having anything to say.

Often wish I could go back to teenage me and give her these tips

"

I know the feeling x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social anxiety is only a thing when there's a fear (real or imagined) of rejection.

Walking into a crowd of strangers, talking in front of an audience takes a special skill. You need to develop a second skin, an outer impenetrable crusty exterior that becomes the only thing most people see.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is tantamount to psychological masochism because there's always a certain type who cannot resist humiliating you - either because they feel a deep sense of self-loathing or shame or they are truly ignorant or bigoted.

There are two options in dealing with this sort of nonsense.

1) ignore the jerks and press on

2) confront the jerks and call them out

Conflict is inevitable. Option 3 (avoiding it altogether) just post-pones the inevitable... and just makes the outcome more explosive. That's why they call it March Madness.

There isn't a single one of you who posted on this thread (especially you OP) who should feel less worthy to be loved, respected and cherished than anyone else.

It's a sad fact that many disagree with this and even sadder when those who feel that love is a commodity that needs to be earned who turn it in on themselves and sink into that bottomless hole of depression and despair.

There isn't a single person who hasn't felt this. It merits reminding that forgiveness and acceptance go both ways.

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By *z2goTV/TS
over a year ago

london -Dublin


"Social anxiety is only a thing when there's a fear (real or imagined) of rejection.

Walking into a crowd of strangers, talking in front of an audience takes a special skill. You need to develop a second skin, an outer impenetrable crusty exterior that becomes the only thing most people see.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is tantamount to psychological masochism because there's always a certain type who cannot resist humiliating you - either because they feel a deep sense of self-loathing or shame or they are truly ignorant or bigoted.

There are two options in dealing with this sort of nonsense.

1) ignore the jerks and press on

2) confront the jerks and call them out

Conflict is inevitable. Option 3 (avoiding it altogether) just post-pones the inevitable... and just makes the outcome more explosive. That's why they call it March Madness.

There isn't a single one of you who posted on this thread (especially you OP) who should feel less worthy to be loved, respected and cherished than anyone else.

It's a sad fact that many disagree with this and even sadder when those who feel that love is a commodity that needs to be earned who turn it in on themselves and sink into that bottomless hole of depression and despair.

There isn't a single person who hasn't felt this. It merits reminding that forgiveness and acceptance go both ways."

Thanks A,

X

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

I wouldn't worry about it. There are a lot of socially shy people on here.

They seem fairly popular with the guys too.

You read it on profiles a lot "don't be put off by the shyness, shes a filthy slut when you get her in the bedroom." (except usually written in text speak with spelling errors).

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By *ocko123Man
over a year ago

Derry

Absolutely ‘normal’ and common phenomenon for many!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember doing a course many moons ago in cognitive behaviour therapy, what was striking about the course, was the tasks you were asked to perform. For instance,, two such tasks involved a lady on the course driving into a garage, filling the car up with petrol and then going to the shop assistant to inform him she had forgotten her purse and was unable to pay for the petrol, another of the tasks involved a guy going into a department store, make his way over to the lingerie section and browse the knickers and bras on offer, as you might imagine these people were mortified at the prospect of fulfilling these tasks, the feedback given by these brave souls gave everyone on that course a great insight into how powerful anxiety can be, and the impact it can have on you enjoying your life. The participants involved shall of course remain nameless

btw, I would strongly recommend cbt..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Social anxiety is only a thing when there's a fear (real or imagined) of rejection.

Walking into a crowd of strangers, talking in front of an audience takes a special skill. You need to develop a second skin, an outer impenetrable crusty exterior that becomes the only thing most people see.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is tantamount to psychological masochism because there's always a certain type who cannot resist humiliating you - either because they feel a deep sense of self-loathing or shame or they are truly ignorant or bigoted.

There are two options in dealing with this sort of nonsense.

1) ignore the jerks and press on

2) confront the jerks and call them out

Conflict is inevitable. Option 3 (avoiding it altogether) just post-pones the inevitable... and just makes the outcome more explosive. That's why they call it March Madness.

There isn't a single one of you who posted on this thread (especially you OP) who should feel less worthy to be loved, respected and cherished than anyone else.

It's a sad fact that many disagree with this and even sadder when those who feel that love is a commodity that needs to be earned who turn it in on themselves and sink into that bottomless hole of depression and despair.

There isn't a single person who hasn't felt this. It merits reminding that forgiveness and acceptance go both ways."

Thank you xx

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