FabSwingers.com forum: Exclusive

By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If one or the other suggesting ye be exclusive then there are emotions involved already

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb. "

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings. "

I do understand the regular bit and good sex and not wanting a conventional relationship, but when you go exclusive are you not going exactly down that road of conventional relationship?

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"If one or the other suggesting ye be exclusive then there are emotions involved already "

I don't think so. I've had an arrangement like that. It was sex and good laughs. We never acted a couple. Just decided we were enough for each other. What works for one may not work for others.

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?"

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings.

I do understand the regular bit and good sex and not wanting a conventional relationship, but when you go exclusive are you not going exactly down that road of conventional relationship?

We didn't. It was mutual . It was our thing. I never introduced him to friends or family. We were happy with our little arrangement. It worked for us.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings.

I do understand the regular bit and good sex and not wanting a conventional relationship, but when you go exclusive are you not going exactly down that road of conventional relationship?

Yes, more or less. But it gives the opportunity to avoid the label and maybe it might suit people with commitment issues. They're not in a relationship but get the benefits of it.

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By *ack 188Man
over a year ago

Dublin 15

that was the impression I got when I joined fab,but I guess it can happen.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Does going exclusive on a site like this ever work. I get couples going exclusive and if they met it's with both parties. But in a f/b scenario I really don't you both sign up for a swinging site to engage in sexual activities with others. Than one wants to meet the other don't and that is when problems happen..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one. "

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement"

How do u assume FB have unprotected sex

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings.

I do understand the regular bit and good sex and not wanting a conventional relationship, but when you go exclusive are you not going exactly down that road of conventional relationship?

Yes, more or less. But it gives the opportunity to avoid the label and maybe it might suit people with commitment issues. They're not in a relationship but get the benefits of it. "

Exactly this.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement"

I'd never assume that. Always play safe.

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings.

I do understand the regular bit and good sex and not wanting a conventional relationship, but when you go exclusive are you not going exactly down that road of conventional relationship?

Yes, more or less. But it gives the opportunity to avoid the label and maybe it might suit people with commitment issues. They're not in a relationship but get the benefits of it. "

Ok, I get that but it isn't swinging anymore unless you meet as a couple.

but it gets complicated as letme pointed out further up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The great thing is none of us have to concern ourselves with what anyone else decides to label themselves.

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Does going exclusive on a site like this ever work. I get couples going exclusive and if they met it's with both parties. But in a f/b scenario I really don't you both sign up for a swinging site to engage in sexual activities with others. Than one wants to meet the other don't and that is when problems happen.. "

I'd say it's tricky enough and plenty of potential for explosion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement

I'd never assume that. Always play safe.

No not you lol ...guy below your comment said to reduce STD chances...how he come to that conclusion I'm lost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The great thing is none of us have to concern ourselves with what anyone else decides to label themselves. "

Exactly ... we shouldn’t put ourselves into boxes. Be fluid ...

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement

I'd never assume that. Always play safe.

No not you lol ...guy below your comment said to reduce STD chances...how he come to that conclusion I'm lost

Lol. I know... that was for someone else too. It's far to early for this.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb. "
happened to me in the past. fb arrangement, saw one another quite a bit for sex, she got feelings and everything went pear shaped. it's a disaster as someone usually will develop feelings especially if you enjoy one another's company alot. alot of men can fuck one woman after another. problem is alot of females can't and look for a regular. this is the start of problems in many a book

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb. happened to me in the past. fb arrangement, saw one another quite a bit for sex, she got feelings and everything went pear shaped. it's a disaster as someone usually will develop feelings especially if you enjoy one another's company alot. alot of men can fuck one woman after another. problem is alot of females can't and look for a regular. this is the start of problems in many a book "

If you enjoyed her and sex was good would you not have liked a relationship. Maybe a swing one?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement

I'd never assume that. Always play safe.

No not you lol ...guy below your comment said to reduce STD chances...how he come to that conclusion I'm lost

Lol. I know... that was for someone else too. It's far to early for this.

I'm still in bed one half of my brain asleep other half horny

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

If you enjoyed her and sex was good would you not have liked a relationship. Maybe a swing one?."
no that's my point. she got feelings, for me it was sex like the arrangement we made. I learned my lesson

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"The great thing is none of us have to concern ourselves with what anyone else decides to label themselves.

Exactly ... we shouldn’t put ourselves into boxes. Be fluid ... "

I knew the 'it's just labels' would come. It's a discussion killer phrase.

I'm simply trying to understand the idea behind this particular arrangement and it's easiest to use labels to describe this constellation. I hope that's acceptable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The great thing is none of us have to concern ourselves with what anyone else decides to label themselves.

Exactly ... we shouldn’t put ourselves into boxes. Be fluid ...

I knew the 'it's just labels' would come. It's a discussion killer phrase.

I'm simply trying to understand the idea behind this particular arrangement and it's easiest to use labels to describe this constellation. I hope that's acceptable

I wasn't being rude so I'm not sure why you felt the need to do the eye rolls.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely if two Fuckbuds become exclusive then yous only meet each other and meet other people as a couple. If meeting others seperate then that's not being exclusive ...

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

If you enjoyed her and sex was good would you not have liked a relationship. Maybe a swing one?.no that's my point. she got feelings, for me it was sex like the arrangement we made. I learned my lesson "

Yeah it's tough to not have some feelings. But as I said I think as you get older those feeling are completely different to those you would of had in your younger years. Or maybe that's just me as in i couldn't be arsed with the confinements of a relationship. Wouldn't stop doing it again though.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"It might be an age thing. You find someone you click with. The sex is good but you don't want a conventional relationship. So good regular sex without the strings.

I do understand the regular bit and good sex and not wanting a conventional relationship, but when you go exclusive are you not going exactly down that road of conventional relationship?

Yes, more or less. But it gives the opportunity to avoid the label and maybe it might suit people with commitment issues. They're not in a relationship but get the benefits of it.

Ok, I get that but it isn't swinging anymore unless you meet as a couple.

but it gets complicated as letme pointed out further up. "

You're absolutely right that this sort of arrangement isn't swinging but there's plenty here like that. There's loads of profiles saying that they're looking for a FWB and they don't want someone with loads of verifications. People think they can avoid the complications by avoiding the labels, (we were on a break!).

Another reason, maybe more relevant to men is to avoid problems with an ex regarding access to children.

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"The great thing is none of us have to concern ourselves with what anyone else decides to label themselves.

Exactly ... we shouldn’t put ourselves into boxes. Be fluid ...

I knew the 'it's just labels' would come. It's a discussion killer phrase.

I'm simply trying to understand the idea behind this particular arrangement and it's easiest to use labels to describe this constellation. I hope that's acceptable

I wasn't being rude so I'm not sure why you felt the need to do the eye rolls.

No you're right you weren't rude, and my apologies if you felt offended by my reply. I just find these kinda remarks futile when the thread subject isn't really about labels.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

We all have different needs and wants. Different ways of having fun. That's what leads to labels. If we can enjoy what we are doing without hurting others thats a winner for me. Boundaries are the key here me thinks.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

But is going exclusive and not meeting others imo that's a relationship you get on you enjoy having sex regularly you meet often. Not wanting to meet others.

Your in relationship your just don't want the label.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"But is going exclusive and not meeting others imo that's a relationship you get on you enjoy having sex regularly you meet often. Not wanting to meet others.

Your in relationship your just don't want the label. "
that's partially the way I see it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one. "

My understanding too

I've a couple of fairly regular meets, but I've no idea who they meet in the meantime, nor do I care. I do my own stuff too without the Spanish inquisition

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb. "

I fail to see how emotion is not involved from the outset, how this develops between two people in an exclusive relationship is beyond me, each to their own fair enough. I tend to view it suspiciously. Maybe for some its the convenience, safety etc, but on the other hand are you not giving rise to attachment issues, jealousy, monitoring each others time on fab etc, etc. I appreciate that we like to think we have our shit together, this kind of arrangement will certainly test that in my opinion.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Another context that this can occur in when the lady in the arrangement is married/attached. A relationship is not an option but they do seek exclusivity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew the 'it's just labels' would come. It's a discussion killer phrase.

It really is!

All these conversations go round in the same circle.

Unfortunately the only person worth talking to about this is the other person involved.

If you are at one end of the openness spectrum and they are at the other then you have an unresolvable conflict.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb.

Regular good sex without any of the overhead that comes with a relationship? Maybe not having to deal with jealousy issues?

But why keep it exclusive???

My understanding of a regular/fb/fwb is that you meet regularly for good sex, but both also meet others now and then and without needing permission of the other one.

To reduce the chances of an std being brought into the arrangement

How do u assume FB have unprotected sex

I'm not assuming that at all

However, even protected sex carries a risk so it's perfectly understandable if 2 people wish to be exclusive in order to minimise the risk

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Swinging was never about two single people hooking up non stop as nsa was it?

I'm nearly 1 million percent sure that any couple that swings successfully went through an exclusive phase, and are happy to go exclusive at a moments notice for their partner.

Going exclusive just means you make them a priority. It's nice being made a priority. It does not mean you stop looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend. It just means you stop fucking the village.

My question is.

When you meet someone who seems perfect. The sex is on fire, you get on like a house on fire, you can minimize risks about meeting a murderer or someone with std. Why say to them "Having sex with total strangers on a regular basis is more important to me"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all have different needs and wants. Different ways of having fun. That's what leads to labels. If we can enjoy what we are doing without hurting others thats a winner for me. Boundaries are the key here me thinks.

Agree!

Even if is a recipe for disaster or won't last longer some of us like to go for this kind of relationship... It's not rocket science.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another context that this can occur in when the lady in the arrangement is married/attached. A relationship is not an option but they do seek exclusivity."

I did this twice.. It's a bit selfish from me and work only when the guy wants his freedom(end the exclusivity) to meet others back, but I did enjoyed my side relationship with those guys.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

For me the question is not why , buy why not.

. What works for some doesn't always work for others.

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By *z2goTV/TS
over a year ago

london

"I'm bit confused about this going exclusive on a mutual level with a fb/fwb/regular. What's the point of that? Why would you do that? Does it not defeat the whole point of the arrangement?

I do understand it when emotions come in, two fall in love and become a couple.

But I struggle to understand it with a fb/fwb. "

I think some people can be more vulnerable or have less success ...... I find these people can be more clingy and want exclusivity. I think it’s a selfish thing .... when it’s quite they want exclusivity and the moment they find somthing they like its ...... o let’s not be exclusive .

Iv experiances this personally here .

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"I think some people can be more vulnerable or have less success ...... I find these people can be more clingy and want exclusivity. I think it’s a selfish thing .... when it’s quite they want exclusivity and the moment they find somthing they like its ...... o let’s not be exclusive .

Iv experiances this personally here ."

I think you have it half right. The more vulnerable the person and the harder or "less success" they are having in vanilla life, would drive them to hesitate with any sort of commitment and instead opt for a string of nsa encounters.

If so many people want them, life can't be that bad can it? and what could they offer someone anyway?

It's pretty much accepted that if you are an honest, genuine, sweet, romantic person, this place is not for you.

The super successful people just care less, they bareback on cam, bareback with 2 or 3 new people a year, they will meet a total stranger in a park and suck their cock, they will not want to make you exclusive or give a single shit about you other than they can fuck you, they have zero interest in reducing their risk or yours. They will only ever accept going exclusive if the other person will open up more sex to them straight away, by allowing them to swing as a couple, or by having the other persons photo on their page making others want them..

So yeah some people might think its selfish for someone to take an interest in you, but others might think its selfish for them to not take an interest in you. Some might say someone is vulnerable for not getting a lot of sex on here, others might say someone with 1000 meets is more vulnerable. And some people want to be exclusive when they have no interest in you, just as a way to increase their odds.

End of the day, some people want it some dont, and there is an even spread of perfectly normal people wanting both.

Me personally, I like to take an interest in people, and like them to take an interest in me. If they don't they become boring and unappealing to me. It's just that simple to me.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

when it’s quite they want exclusivity and the moment they find somthing they like its ...... o let’s not be exclusive .

Iv experiances this personally here ."

The sweetshop approach (trading up when something better appears) and is no means specific to people looking for exclusive FWB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The great thing is none of us have to concern ourselves with what anyone else decides to label themselves. "

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By *oghunter33 OP Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"For me the question is not why , buy why not.

. What works for some doesn't always work for others."

While I have a better idea of it now, it wouldn't work for me, but sure why not in the sense it might work for others. It's too close to a conventional relationship or an affair for me.

Anyway thanks for all the replies.

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