FabSwingers.com forum: Shit Jokes For Bedtime

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do elephants use as tampons ?

Sheep.

My grandfather was always one for the ladies, no matter how many times he was told to use the gents.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *owdyboy 890Man
over a year ago

Country West

Paddy was walking through a graveyard one night when he seen a headstone unscripted 'Here lies a politician and an honest man'..'Faith now' said Paddy 'I wonder how they got the two of them into the one grave'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Whats the easiest way to make ends meet.

Cut out the middle bit

Poor chinese couple had a disabled baby.

Called it Sum Ting Wong..tis only a joke..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Yank on holiday in the Irish countryside spots a small man behind a hedge with his head between his knees. He says to the man " pardon me sir, are you a leprechaun?" The man replies "no, I'm a goblin!"

Badum tiss.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouplewatcher83Man
over a year ago

Northwich

My wife's leaving me because of my pasta fetish ....

I'm feeling cannelloni

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eisurepleasureMan
over a year ago

belfast

What do u call an italian with a rubber toe?

ROBERTO!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It wasnt till I stuck my dick up my arse that I really came into myself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's btown and sticky

A stick

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aradisecircusMan
over a year ago

Derry

Did you hear about the man with the glass dick?

He saw it coming

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

BNAG

Thats bang out of order

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

After a severe earthquake in Dublin, rescuers were searching the rubble of a hotel when they heard a faint Irish voice shout "Feckin’ help me!!!" The rescuers shout "Where are you?" Paddy shouts "I'm in room 236"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife's leaving me because of my pasta fetish ....

I'm feeling cannelloni "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After a severe earthquake in Dublin, rescuers were searching the rubble of a hotel when they heard a faint Irish voice shout "Feckin’ help me!!!" The rescuers shout "Where are you?" Paddy shouts "I'm in room 236"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

I sat up all night trying to figure out where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You never really appreciate what you've got, till its gone. Toilet paper is a good example

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

What do you call a bra stretched across the road?

A booby trap

I will sign off appropriately...Boo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do you call a bra stretched across the road?

A booby trap

I will sign off appropriately...Boo"

Ya can bring your shit joke for bedtime with ya

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *o hassleMan
over a year ago

moira

The guy that invented predictive text has just died

His funfair is next monkey

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Have you seen the new movie constipated? It hasn't come out yet..

And the sequel, diahhorea. It leaked so they had to release it early...

Well.. its about shit jokes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

What do you call half a hemorrhoid?

Not a whole pile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?

Ketchup..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

"What do you call a bra stretched across the road?

A booby trap

I will sign off appropriately...Boo

Ya can bring your shit joke for bedtime with ya

Oh believe me... She's positively hilarious at bedtime!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orethanenough73Man
over a year ago

City centre

What's black, dangerous and sits in a tree?

A crow with a machine gun!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *um64Man
over a year ago

Cork, Dublin

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled "I hope you die a long, slow,painful death"

He turned around and said "So, you want me to stay?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Children are like farts, your own are just about bearable, but everyone else's are horrendous

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man dies from constipation because he didn't bother his hole

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

A husband and wife go to the doctor for the husband's check up...

The doctor says to the husband "I need a stool sample a urine sample and a sperm sample from you".

The wife turns to her husband and tells him " just give the doctor your underpants".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *apt blackMan
over a year ago

Lurgan

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who suffered from insomnia?

He sat up all night wondering if there was a dog.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Smell mop.

(finish this joke in your head)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

999: what is your emergency?

Caller: I am masturbating too much

999: Sir, that's not really a problem

Caller: One sec, YOU SEE MOM, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM, NOW GET OFF MY CASE!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

"Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Smell mop.

(finish this joke in your head)

Had to say it out loud before I got it. Lmao brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

Whats small red and hard?

A strawberry with a flick knife!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went out with a girl with eczema before....

Cracking tits

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *BW FEMME FATALECouple
over a year ago

Craigavon

Paddy says to his wife ' my bum hole is really burning, I've no idea what it is'

'Ring sting', his wife replies. Paddy says, 'how the fuck would he know'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *BW FEMME FATALECouple
over a year ago

Craigavon

Paddy wants to put a selling ad in the paper, so he phones up to see how much it is.

£1 an inch, the girl tells him. Shit, I cant afford that.

Why not? The girl asks, what are you selling?

30 foot ladder, says Paddy...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Paddy says to his wife ' my bum hole is really burning, I've no idea what it is'

'Ring sting', his wife replies. Paddy says, 'how the fuck would he know'"

--------------

Did you hear... Sting's gone missing?

The Police still have no lead

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *BW FEMME FATALECouple
over a year ago

Craigavon

Lost my job as a bingo caller tonight...

Apparently, a meal for two, with a view, is not the way to call out 69...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the girl fall off the swing ?

She had no arms

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lost my job as a bingo caller tonight...

Apparently, a meal for two, with a view, is not the way to call out 69..."

haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

Why did the d*unken Mexican push his wife off the cliff??

TEQUILA!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

Are they all out of the our boys .lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *BW FEMME FATALECouple
over a year ago

Craigavon

Bloke from Derry buys a new pair of shoes, gets outside the shop, takes one shoe and throws it away...cos it said Taiwan on the box.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

Did you hear about the drug smuggler who was caught in the airport..

He was stripped searched and police found crack down the back of his pants..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once met a girl from here who had 12 nipples. Sounds like fun....... dozen tit

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

A flasher _umps out and flashes two old ladies in Stephens Green

One had a stroke...

...the other couldn't reach

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andsomeman100Man
over a year ago

Ah sure now...

I wrote ten puns and sent them in to a competition. I didn't win...no pun in ten did.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

"A flasher _umps out and flashes two old ladies in Stephens Green

One had a stroke...

...the other couldn't reach

Similar theme........

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobbled street , when one of them shouted to the other "Sister Mary I've never come this way before"

Sister Mary replies "nnnnneeeittthhheer hhhaaaavvee IIIIIII mmmm"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Teacher- who can tell me where the Andes are?

Wee billy- I know miss....at the end of your wristees.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the scarecrow that's been awarded a O.B.E?

He was outstanding in his field!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

What do Mexicans put under their carpet? Underlay! Underlay!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

I bought a thesaurus in town yesterday. When I got home and opened it I discovered that all the pages were completely blank. I have no words to explain how annoyed I am.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mummy mummy can I play with grandad?

No son, you dug him up 3 times yesterday..!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandad and not screaming and crying like his passengers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *um64Man
over a year ago

Cork, Dublin

A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmatcist.

She asked do you have viagra?

Yes, he answered

She asked, does it work?

yes he answered

Can you get it over the counter?,she asked

I can if I take 2, he replied

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why did michael jackson like 28 year olds.. because there was 20 of them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

A fella walked into a pharmacy and asked for a pack of condoms. The pharmacist said "sorry, I've just sold the last pack. Try Boots".

...

"Ah here" says yer man "I was intending to slide in, not feckin' march in!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who will take the second shot in this pool game?

Find out after the break..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do think the unthinkable ?

With an itheberg.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andsomeman100Man
over a year ago

Ah sure now...

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandad and not screaming and crying like his passengers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustin-SiderMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Did you know there is a porno version of The Wizard Of Oz currently in production?

It's called Swallow The Yellow Thick Load.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mayo will win Sam

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Broken pencils are pointless

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you piss off a female archeologist??

Throw a used tampon at her and ask what peroid it came from

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

that sir is a corker

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

guy rings in sick to work monday

boss is busy with a stock take

rings him bac mid morning as he needs him to help

boss asks ..how sick are u?

guys reply..im in bed wit my sis

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sex life ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea

Two elephants fell off a cliff...

Boom boom...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why shouldn't you leave alphabet spaghetti on the pan too long ?

It could spell disaster...baa dum tish

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why shouldn't you leave alphabet spaghetti on the pan too long ?

It could spell disaster...baa dum tish "

I have to say reading your jokes, you really got the concept of the thread title, you jokes are shit haha.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread