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When in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Whatever that may be... marriage etc..

Do you give in ?? Do you change your values, morals, wants and desires to suit your partner??

Isn't that loosing part of you?? Giving up who you are??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whatever that may be... marriage etc..

Do you give in ?? Do you change your values, morals, wants and desires to suit your partner??

Isn't that loosing part of you?? Giving up who you are??

"

I always say to never change who you are for anyone, you're your own person you shouldn't change who you are,

But..

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in relationships,

Having said that, I don't think you should sacrifice who you are as a person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if a person sees any form of change or compromise as "giving in", they're possibly not best suited to long-term relationships.

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By *he Kinky KinksCouple
over a year ago

Dublin-Kildare

Interesting.

We are together 25 years, young love lol.

So we grew up with each other, and can't answer that question as well as a couple who met in their 20's for example, as both circumstances are completely diverse of each other.

My tuppence worth would be that to make it work each person has to learn when to compromise and when not to, because when you are in a relationship it is about the two working as one and making that dynamic into something wonderful, which I consider myself lucky to have.

I don't think it's losing part of yourself, rather than gaining something to make you a better person.

Mr Kink.

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By *he Kinky KinksCouple
over a year ago

Dublin-Kildare


"I think if a person sees any form of change or compromise as "giving in", they're possibly not best suited to long-term relationships."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think if a person sees any form of change or compromise as "giving in", they're possibly not best suited to long-term relationships."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whatever that may be... marriage etc..

Do you give in ?? Do you change your values, morals, wants and desires to suit your partner??

Isn't that loosing part of you?? Giving up who you are??

"

When the right person appears your life does change but it becomes something else, now you grow together instead of alone, yeah you may compromise, but lose you? No, you'll find a new you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think if a person sees any form of change or compromise as "giving in", they're possibly not best suited to long-term relationships."

Or they're in the wrong one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Whatever that may be... marriage etc..

Do you give in ?? Do you change your values, morals, wants and desires to suit your partner??

Isn't that loosing part of you?? Giving up who you are??

When the right person appears your life does change but it becomes something else, now you grow together instead of alone, yeah you may compromise, but lose you? No, you'll find a new you."

I agree ... you mould together ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think if a person sees any form of change or compromise as "giving in", they're possibly not best suited to long-term relationships."

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By *rBakersMan
over a year ago

dublin/kildare/wicklow


"Interesting.

We are together 25 years, young love lol.

So we grew up with each other, and can't answer that question as well as a couple who met in their 20's for example, as both circumstances are completely diverse of each other.

My tuppence worth would be that to make it work each person has to learn when to compromise and when not to, because when you are in a relationship it is about the two working as one and making that dynamic into something wonderful, which I consider myself lucky to have.

I don't think it's losing part of yourself, rather than gaining something to make you a better person.

Mr Kink."

Yep along these lines.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ive watched my parents in their marriage.

They both compromise at times. My mum has dedicated herself to the family. I am not entirely convinced you don't loose some bits of you along the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive watched my parents in their marriage.

They both compromise at times. My mum has dedicated herself to the family. I am not entirely convinced you don't loose some bits of you along the way. "

Surely only the person can decide what is a "loss of themself"?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Of course.

Always wondered what my mum misses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/04/17 10:41:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive watched my parents in their marriage.

They both compromise at times. My mum has dedicated herself to the family. I am not entirely convinced you don't loose some bits of you along the way. "

(Without typos this time)

Change is inevitable, it's up to everyone personally to decide whether that change is what they want to accept, or not, that's the give and take.

Everyone is owner only of their personal destiny and happiness: Don't like it? Change it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whatever that may be... marriage etc..

Do you give in ?? Do you change your values, morals, wants and desires to suit your partner??

Isn't that loosing part of you?? Giving up who you are??

"

Give in?

Wow that suggests it's not a relationship of equals.

If it's a true relationship someone once said to me it's 75% give 25% take.

If you want a relationship to work surely it's about more than suiting your partner? Shouldn't that work in both directions.

Perhaps more sharing with your partner wanting what makes each other satisfied content happy or in that place where you know that you both want more than just a fuck.

Do you give up who you are? We all give up something and gain something in a relationship.... otherwise what's the point.

Is that really losing yourself or just changing the way we see ourselves and the world we inhabit and the person that matters to us?

John Dunne over 200 years ago said..."no man (or woman) is an island entire of himself"

Maybe we should view relationships as something to be grown cherished something to share...

Not something where one gives, one takes, and one person changes to meet what they may think the other wants...

That way leads to waiting and hoping someone may one day decide they want you while you simply stand passive and wait for any crumbs that may be thrown in your direction whilst the other person decides your future.

Perhaps I'm an incurable romantic or complete fkwit... but how can you lose yourself if you value yourself and how does being in a relationship mean giving up who you are... after all isn't who you are the reason the relationship started or continues..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Of course.

Always wondered what my mum misses "

And do you not wonder the same of your father?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive watched my parents in their marriage.

They both compromise at times. My mum has dedicated herself to the family. I am not entirely convinced you don't loose some bits of you along the way.

Surely only the person can decide what is a "loss of themself"?"

Other can see loss in people. A lost shouldn't always be seen as negative which unfortunately it is because we humans have a tendency not to want to give up something and so are programmed to think it's negative. Giving up often means gaining... the gain can be greater in the personal scheme of things... Maybe in OPS comment. ..her mother maybe gave up alot of personal time maybe aspirations. ..maybe freedom yet in return gained security, love, a sense of fulfilment, value, worth. She may have grown in understanding as a mother. Many of these things she may not have learned had it not been for the choiceIin giving of herself. Just some thoughts...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive watched my parents in their marriage.

They both compromise at times. My mum has dedicated herself to the family. I am not entirely convinced you don't loose some bits of you along the way.

Surely only the person can decide what is a "loss of themself"?

Other can see loss in people. A lost shouldn't always be seen as negative which unfortunately it is because we humans have a tendency not to want to give up something and so are programmed to think it's negative. Giving up often means gaining... the gain can be greater in the personal scheme of things... Maybe in OPS comment. ..her mother maybe gave up alot of personal time maybe aspirations. ..maybe freedom yet in return gained security, love, a sense of fulfilment, value, worth. She may have grown in understanding as a mother. Many of these things she may not have learned had it not been for the choiceIin giving of herself. Just some thoughts..."

And my point was that what one person sees as a loss, another may not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive watched my parents in their marriage.

They both compromise at times. My mum has dedicated herself to the family. I am not entirely convinced you don't loose some bits of you along the way.

Surely only the person can decide what is a "loss of themself"?

Other can see loss in people. A lost shouldn't always be seen as negative which unfortunately it is because we humans have a tendency not to want to give up something and so are programmed to think it's negative. Giving up often means gaining... the gain can be greater in the personal scheme of things... Maybe in OPS comment. ..her mother maybe gave up alot of personal time maybe aspirations. ..maybe freedom yet in return gained security, love, a sense of fulfilment, value, worth. She may have grown in understanding as a mother. Many of these things she may not have learned had it not been for the choiceIin giving of herself. Just some thoughts...

And my point was that what one person sees as a loss, another may not. "

Ok. Sorry misunderstood. Sounded like only they can see if it's a loss or not. SlI was trying say sometimes people themselves don't see a loss or dont want to (denial), yet others can see it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Strangers see what we can't because we hide the truth from ourselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Strangers see what we can't because we hide the truth from ourselves "

Or they may think they do because their perspective and values are different to ours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We now live in an age where truth is no longer truth, it's questioned and holds little value. We see what we want to see and its acceptable by many that it's ok....just along as we get the outcome we want.. . little responsibility if any and so no one offends.... yet everyone gets offended it seems in today's society. It's a strange world we have made for ourselves.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"We now live in an age where truth is no longer truth, it's questioned and holds little value. We see what we want to see and its acceptable by many that it's ok....just along as we get the outcome we want.. . little responsibility if any and so no one offends.... yet everyone gets offended it seems in today's society. It's a strange world we have made for ourselves. "

I got to say that whilst I agree with you that this bothers me Its acceptable to define our own realities, ignore what doesn't fit into our perceptions. I remember a quote from an US politician that said We are entitled to our own opinions but not our own facts.

The internet has become a polarising echo chamber where we shout down any opinions that differ or conflict with ours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Strangers see what we can't because we hide the truth from ourselves "

If you hide the truth from yourself haven't you already lost part of you?

Strangers they see through their own eyes with their own view of the world.

You ask what your mum may think she lost by her choices. Maybe you should ask her.

By her choices she has you...

Perhaps she sees no loss just pure love delight and a life lived fully?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whatever that may be... marriage etc..

Do you give in ?? Do you change your values, morals, wants and desires to suit your partner??

Isn't that loosing part of you?? Giving up who you are??

"

I don't think it's giving in, compromise is a big part of a relationship, sometimes we do things (within reason) that we don't want to or don't enjoy because we're doing them with/for the 1 we love.

I tried swinging for Mr Fuddy because I loved him and knew that he enjoyed this lifestyle and now so do I, buy if I had had the attitude of "he's trying to change me" then our lives would be very different. It's quite a defensive attitude and to think like that may mean one is just not suited to commitment/relationships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Together 20 years and havnt changed since day I met him.

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Change is inevitable acceptance of change is a choice

Together over thirty one years have we changed Yes, do we accept those changes mostly Yes some don't sit well with the other but we accept that the other's change has benefited us and therfore we are willing to a appreciate that change while isn't always the best for us indivually is the best for us as a cpl

Does that make sence

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"Change is inevitable acceptance of change is a choice

Together over thirty one years have we changed Yes, do we accept those changes mostly Yes some don't sit well with the other but we accept that the other's change has benefited us and therfore we are willing to a appreciate that change while isn't always the best for us indivually is the best for us as a cpl

Does that make sence "

I drew a concept map, it really helped me to understand it as a whole and in it's complexity

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick


"Change is inevitable acceptance of change is a choice

Together over thirty one years have we changed Yes, do we accept those changes mostly Yes some don't sit well with the other but we accept that the other's change has benefited us and therfore we are willing to a appreciate that change while isn't always the best for us indivually is the best for us as a cpl

Does that make sence

I drew a concept map, it really helped me to understand it as a whole and in it's complexity "

Relationships don't come with maps but at times while walking the road u may ask directions from someone returning along the road

Yes they are complex exciting some times withering but no one said it be easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We now live in an age where truth is no longer truth, it's questioned and holds little value. We see what we want to see and its acceptable by many that it's ok....just along as we get the outcome we want.. . little responsibility if any and so no one offends.... yet everyone gets offended it seems in today's society. It's a strange world we have made for ourselves.

I got to say that whilst I agree with you that this bothers me Its acceptable to define our own realities, ignore what doesn't fit into our perceptions. I remember a quote from an US politician that said We are entitled to our own opinions but not our own facts.

The internet has become a polarising echo chamber where we shout down any opinions that differ or conflict with ours."

There is a certain kind of stupid mistake that only smart people make, and that is to assume that a sober set of facts can step into the ring with an easy, comforting lie and win.

We seem to have entered a new era where public and political conversation is more of bullshit than post-truth. There is more of affinity to truth with liars than bullshit terse. Least liars base their reasoning upon truth whereas for bullshit terse there is so such line. It's all about making out what they want to believe and trying to convince others in this game. Interesting when one looks closely at this whole idea.

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