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"I'm not sure if it's the same in Ireland but in England it's mandatory that parents attend mediation before starting any court proceedings. The person starting proceedings has to attend anyway. I presume they'll listen to what the issues are and see if both parties can come to a decision that is good for the children and both parents." I'm not too sure. We want to avoid the Courts altogether if at all possible. Thank you for your reply.  | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. " A friend of mine went down this route and found it very good. There needs to be honesty and a willingness to compromise. They were happy with their agreement but it needed to be ratified by their solicitor. That's when the trouble started with one solicitor trying to unravel the lot. It wasn't easy for them but luckily it got back on track but not before they paid a good few grand to the solicitors. In short the mediation was fine but watch the solicitor !! | |||
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"My ex and I had a couple of sessions with a mediator when we separated, with the aim being to agree financial and practical arrangements for our kids, we found it beneficial, having an impartial third party whose only objective is to reach amicable and workable solutions helps to keep emotions out of it. The mediator was recommended by a solicitor that I know personally. You might also find it helpful to see a family therapist." Thank you. Im glad you found it beneficial.I may look into a family therapist also. | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. A friend of mine went down this route and found it very good. There needs to be honesty and a willingness to compromise. They were happy with their agreement but it needed to be ratified by their solicitor. That's when the trouble started with one solicitor trying to unravel the lot. It wasn't easy for them but luckily it got back on track but not before they paid a good few grand to the solicitors. In short the mediation was fine but watch the solicitor !!" Thanks. We want to keep solicitors and all that out of it if at all possible. Just want things sorted out for our daughter. Make sure shes looked after. | |||
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"I did mediation with my ex back in the UK. It's like everything what works for some don't always work for others. Only bit of advice is attend the sessions even if you think it's not doing any good. My ex pulled out...... court's are all in favour of mediation so I think it's like a standard process . " Thank you. Will do. | |||
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"Went that route, took eight sessions, and everything personal comes out, and financially stuff revealed to each other. Came to agreement, stage by stage, and then Agreement brought to court to finalise Divorce. " | |||
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"At what stage should mediation be sought? Is it too late when a couple have been several years apart? " Its never too late if there is property and childcare involved. | |||
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"At what stage should mediation be sought? Is it too late when a couple have been several years apart? " Were 4 months apart and things are still raw. Fool I am I still love her and hope things can be worked out but feels like everyday that passes is another day of its not going to happen. | |||
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"At what stage should mediation be sought? Is it too late when a couple have been several years apart? Were 4 months apart and things are still raw. Fool I am I still love her and hope things can be worked out but feels like everyday that passes is another day of its not going to happen." Have you considered personal counselling? Although friends or family can be helpful, they will have their own bias on the situation, plus bear in mind that if you have kids, it's best not to have the full details of your relationship breakdown known to your relatives and friends. A good therapist will not only allow a safe and confidential place to work through your feelings, but they will also help you to move forward. | |||
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"I hear you.... Was the same, even though she was with Work Colleague. Took a few months, as they say, Life is Short, one needs to enjoy it. " | |||
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"At what stage should mediation be sought? Is it too late when a couple have been several years apart? Were 4 months apart and things are still raw. Fool I am I still love her and hope things can be worked out but feels like everyday that passes is another day of its not going to happen. Have you considered personal counselling? Although friends or family can be helpful, they will have their own bias on the situation, plus bear in mind that if you have kids, it's best not to have the full details of your relationship breakdown known to your relatives and friends. A good therapist will not only allow a safe and confidential place to work through your feelings, but they will also help you to move forward." Yeah its something I need to look into. Im still not sure myself how its all gone so shit in such a short space of time. Thank you. | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. " I am no mediator but I have managed to turn the tides of my marriage and reincinerate the passion . Not sure whether my way works fir you but if you are interested how I saved my marriage long before starting swinging, pm me and we meet for a drink | |||
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"Yes Go the mediation route.Solicitors sometimes want a row if there is a pot of gold.Mediation is the way to go Everything up on table Agree the practible stuff at first then get down to the sticky stuff Better both have the cash than a fat cat barrister. " | |||
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"I went to mediation. It was awful probably too soon after break up but thats why he wanted it so i would just agree to what he wanted. Separate rooms and the mediator going into each of us for a few minutes then reporting back to other one. Half the time she got stuff wrong. Ended up getting solicitors and going through courts. Horrendous couple of years. Just be good to yourself and do what feels right. " Thank you for your post. Sorry you had a tough time of it. Life hey?? | |||
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"Yep life!! Remember though you don't realise how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have x" This is very true. | |||
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"Mediation is really a great option. I couldn't avail of it because of protection issues. But, if that's not your situation do give it a try. Things get sorted over time instead of on court steps. Now it's no soft ride, quite emotional as well as sorting out access and the financial issues. Give it a try. Tis a hell of a lot better than giving thousands to solicitors. Best of luck whatever you decide not an easy time x " Thank you | |||
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"Guys can I ask if there are services offering this mediation to cpls that u post the names of them it may help people that wish to avail of these services that are going trough a tough time and don't know where to turn " I got alot of info from www.treoir.ie on co parenting, guardianship etc. They list numbers for different organisations too that can help, mediators etc. | |||
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"Mediation is really a great option. I couldn't avail of it because of protection issues. But, if that's not your situation do give it a try. Things get sorted over time instead of on court steps. Now it's no soft ride, quite emotional as well as sorting out access and the financial issues. Give it a try. Tis a hell of a lot better than giving thousands to solicitors. Best of luck whatever you decide not an easy time x " What many people don't realise is that the end of a long term relationship causes a similar grief process that bereavement does, mediation or counselling helps with working through the different stages and coming out the other end, far too many get stuck with unexpressed and unresolved emotions, causing the long-term bitterness that really blights their lives afterwards (and their children's). | |||
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"The Irish forum could probably do with a mediator at times "How long before they became the target?  | |||
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"Well first of all I would like to say I'm sorry that your relationship has come to an end I did go through a separation and suggested mediation to my ex but she wouldn't do it It did make the court process more difficult and also you could see the effect on my children All is very good now between us after a few years legally separated I would say try every thing you can as it will help every body involved Good luck with your journey through this difficult time " Thanks Man. Take each day as it comes. Chatting on here has actually helped a good bit. | |||
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"Hi Cork. I'm in the middle of using this service myself.your first meeting is mainly an introduction to what you will need to get t ogeather,payslips,pension details,bank statments etc. Also if you look up LABS.ie you and your ex can find out if you are entitled to free legal aid by means test. Save both of you getting robbed by solicitors. Best of luck with it and hope ye come to an outcome that suits ye both. "Thanks Man. I will look into that. | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. " Beware, you are entering an emotionally charged minefield. I REALLY wish you all the very best in this process. Am in the process myself and after 10 months I think we have gone as far as we can go with mediation. We have both become SO exhausted with the process that we can't see the wood for the trees, so we are handing our case back to our respective solicitors. The mediation service is there to facilitate you both coming to your own agreement so it can work if you can talk. Mediators are not qualified legal people so If there are significant custody issues or you have a complex situation (property, busines, investments etc) then you will need appropriate legal advice not mediation. It is definitely worth a go though, you can decide for yourselves if it works for you. You will have to go back to your solicitors anyway after mediation as they are the ones who apply to the courts for divorce or legal separation. Depending on your circumstances, as has been said, couples or individual counselling can support you through this traumatic process. Another option: Collaborative Practice (google it for more info) where both you and your solicitors and any other relevant professionals, like accountants get together around a table, can be more cost effective and quicker. You can usually get a quote for a package deal so you know what you will have to shell out. Whatever route you go with it costs money. As I was advised, sometimes you have to spend money to get money!! I was also told that if both of you feel a bit aggrieved with the settlement then it is about right. Sadly, there are no winners in this process  | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. Beware, you are entering an emotionally charged minefield. I REALLY wish you all the very best in this process. Am in the process myself and after 10 months I think we have gone as far as we can go with mediation. We have both become SO exhausted with the process that we can't see the wood for the trees, so we are handing our case back to our respective solicitors. The mediation service is there to facilitate you both coming to your own agreement so it can work if you can talk. Mediators are not qualified legal people so If there are significant custody issues or you have a complex situation (property, busines, investments etc) then you will need appropriate legal advice not mediation. It is definitely worth a go though, you can decide for yourselves if it works for you. You will have to go back to your solicitors anyway after mediation as they are the ones who apply to the courts for divorce or legal separation. Depending on your circumstances, as has been said, couples or individual counselling can support you through this traumatic process. Another option: Collaborative Practice (google it for more info) where both you and your solicitors and any other relevant professionals, like accountants get together around a table, can be more cost effective and quicker. You can usually get a quote for a package deal so you know what you will have to shell out. Whatever route you go with it costs money. As I was advised, sometimes you have to spend money to get money!! I was also told that if both of you feel a bit aggrieved with the settlement then it is about right. Sadly, there are no winners in this process "Some mediators are in fact qualified solicitors and will have knowledge of legal issues - ours was. | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. Beware, you are entering an emotionally charged minefield. I REALLY wish you all the very best in this process. Am in the process myself and after 10 months I think we have gone as far as we can go with mediation. We have both become SO exhausted with the process that we can't see the wood for the trees, so we are handing our case back to our respective solicitors. The mediation service is there to facilitate you both coming to your own agreement so it can work if you can talk. Mediators are not qualified legal people so If there are significant custody issues or you have a complex situation (property, busines, investments etc) then you will need appropriate legal advice not mediation. It is definitely worth a go though, you can decide for yourselves if it works for you. You will have to go back to your solicitors anyway after mediation as they are the ones who apply to the courts for divorce or legal separation. Depending on your circumstances, as has been said, couples or individual counselling can support you through this traumatic process. Another option: Collaborative Practice (google it for more info) where both you and your solicitors and any other relevant professionals, like accountants get together around a table, can be more cost effective and quicker. You can usually get a quote for a package deal so you know what you will have to shell out. Whatever route you go with it costs money. As I was advised, sometimes you have to spend money to get money!! I was also told that if both of you feel a bit aggrieved with the settlement then it is about right. Sadly, there are no winners in this process "Thank you for your msg.I appreciate you reaching out in spite of the fact that you also have so much going on. We are not married but do have a 14 month old daughter together.Luckily we are on speaking terms.I feel though she has deep anger towards me and sees me as the reason she had to call it a day.I myself blame circumstance. Blame myself really for not showing her enough just how much she meant to me.She was an amazing girlfriend and is a fantastic mother.Life just screws you over sometimes and it doesnt work like you wanted it to. I hope things work out for you in your situation. Best of luck with it. | |||
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"Hi good people of fab. Just wondering if any of ye have used mediation services in the past? My ex and I have decided to go this route rather than through the family courts and as Iv been called for an appointment in a few weeks im kinda just wondering what to expect?? Thanks for the feedback. Beware, you are entering an emotionally charged minefield. I REALLY wish you all the very best in this process. Am in the process myself and after 10 months I think we have gone as far as we can go with mediation. We have both become SO exhausted with the process that we can't see the wood for the trees, so we are handing our case back to our respective solicitors. The mediation service is there to facilitate you both coming to your own agreement so it can work if you can talk. Mediators are not qualified legal people so If there are significant custody issues or you have a complex situation (property, busines, investments etc) then you will need appropriate legal advice not mediation. It is definitely worth a go though, you can decide for yourselves if it works for you. You will have to go back to your solicitors anyway after mediation as they are the ones who apply to the courts for divorce or legal separation. Depending on your circumstances, as has been said, couples or individual counselling can support you through this traumatic process. Another option: Collaborative Practice (google it for more info) where both you and your solicitors and any other relevant professionals, like accountants get together around a table, can be more cost effective and quicker. You can usually get a quote for a package deal so you know what you will have to shell out. Whatever route you go with it costs money. As I was advised, sometimes you have to spend money to get money!! I was also told that if both of you feel a bit aggrieved with the settlement then it is about right. Sadly, there are no winners in this process
Some mediators are in fact qualified solicitors and will have knowledge of legal issues - ours was." | |||
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