FabSwingers.com forum: Can i have your honest opinion about my poems

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

((((This poem is called GHOST STORY about my friend who hung him self in jail)))))

Listen up good- I’m about to give you a fright

I’m gonna tell you about despair in the still of the night

The living dead on a mission for a high

Not giving a fuck whether they live or die...

A junkie- an addict- a rebel without a cause

This could’ve been you… take a second and pause

Let’s try figure out how this man came to be

Seek out the child and I think the answer you’ll see

Is that he was brought up in hell and never knew why

A lonely child with a tear in his eye

Reaching out for a mother that was never there

His fathers an alco… he doesn’t care…

So, he hits the street to a world of his own

How did this child come to be so alone?

People walk past him not seeing him cry

If only they would stop and ask him why?

They’d see he was wounded with nothing to give

But they don’t care… they have their own lives to live….

So, he keeps on walking- searching for love

He finds it in a tablet that has a little white dove

He’s flying now- doesn’t care anymore

His will is broken- his body’s sore

He’s going crazy- he can’t take the pain

His new love is a needle that he sticks in his vein

It blocks out the hurt that he feels deep inside

It’s his own little world where he can easily hide…

He’s stealing from people- he’s a criminal now

He wants to stop but he doesn’t know how

He’s screaming at the demons to leave him alone

He’s praying to God to take him home

Causing destruction wherever he goes Nobody sees him- nobody knows

He’s messed up now… he’s back in hell

He finds himself cold and alone in his cell

With nothing to live for or no little hope

He finds a way out at the end of a rope…

It’s a horrible tale without any glory

A forgotten soul that became a ghost story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very good op , unfortunately it's a story for so many x

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By *ogo19Woman
over a year ago

Carlow

Very good words, and so true to far too many people,

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By *lippery-when-wet-180Woman
over a year ago

South Dub

Very good hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's seriously good

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By *otmyrealname!!Man
over a year ago

Kerry

"It's seriously good

Loving your pics corklass pity I can't message you lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very good, OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's seriously good

Loving your pics corklass pity I can't message you lol"

Thank you

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By *otmyrealname!!Man
over a year ago

Kerry

"It's seriously good

Loving your pics corklass pity I can't message you lol

Thank you

Message me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sad but beautifully written op

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By *addy36Man
over a year ago

Mayo

Very well written but unfortunately it could be a biography for so many

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Beautifully written and so sad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lovely tribute to your friend..well done

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By *rBakersMan
over a year ago

dublin/kildare/wicklow

Condolences and great tribute.

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By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Excellent! Very well written and struck a heartstring. We must look after our children.

Was about to write more but realising poem has made me angry, I had to restrain myself! That's the effect. So Yes, it works.

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By *unnitoesWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

I read is as a rap....hauntingly true and heartfelt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well composed sir. A wretched tale.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excellent

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