FabSwingers.com forum: When does swinging become an affair

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just curious to know people's thoughts on this. In a couple situation where the female has permission to play with selected males and has developed a strong 'relationship' with one guy in particular and they have gotten to know each other very well. Have told each other things that nobody else knows etc. They meet regularly for drinks, hold hands in public, show affection openly, stay in an hotel together all night and sleep close to each other like a couple would....is this swinging or having an affair?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just curious to know people's thoughts on this. In a couple situation where the female has permission to play with selected males and has developed a strong 'relationship' with one guy in particular and they have gotten to know each other very well. Have told each other things that nobody else knows etc. They meet regularly for drinks, hold hands in public, show affection openly, stay in an hotel together all night and sleep close to each other like a couple would....is this swinging or having an affair?"

Its a fine line... been in that situation a few years ago. Feelings took over and we had to pull back. It became too intense. As much as we loved it... we had to stop

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its a fine line... been in that situation a few years ago. Feelings took over and we had to pull back. It became too intense. As much as we loved it... we had to stop"

I would be inclined to agree with you. I think the guy or girl shouldn't stay all night in the same bed. It's way too personal.

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By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

It sounds to me like an affair... but with permission.... the partner has permission to meet up with the other person for fun...but not get emotional involved...

In short... swinging is for fun... affair is an emotional attachment going beyond the fun side..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a fine line... been in that situation a few years ago. Feelings took over and we had to pull back. It became too intense. As much as we loved it... we had to stop

I would be inclined to agree with you. I think the guy or girl shouldn't stay all night in the same bed. It's way too personal. "

We used to go away to nice hotels and act like a couple... going for dinners and having a ball together things got blurred and often spent nights together. We both talked about making it a permenent arrangement and about leaving our partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That snd like to people having a strong Romance together and can't keep there hands off each other that called falling in love with a different so yes it affair but if u really turly love your own man u wud stop seeing him if things are coming on to strong just my word that all not telling u wat to do just saying That my avoid hope everything well ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an affair fir sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the connection with the third party is going beyond the boundaries already agreed between the couple, and the other partner has clearly communicated their concerns, persisting with the relationship means the person has lost all sense of where their prorities lie, the secondary relationship is more important, and the marriage is in serious trouble.

You don't need a label for it. "Affair" or not, the marriage needs attenion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excuse my typos lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% agree!

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By *alwaygirlpWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

Been in this situation. He was meeting a woman with my full consent. It went past the line and i guess luckily for me he had a conscience and told me. He wanted to be with her and that was the end of us. Glad in a way as it meant we could both move on with our lives. So here I am, single and loving it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its a relationship, not even an affair.

an affair would be more of a sexual thing, this is way beyond that.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

It's swinging that has developed with feelings into a relationship.

Does it negatively affect the marriage? How is she dealing with having feelings for 2 men? How's the hubby dealing with it?

They could make it work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My own take is it's a very fine line....I personally think there are those swingers out there who are also polyamourous - so it's all down to consent. If hubby believes his wife's rship with another Swinger is purely sexual and it's not, possibly bordering on affair territory.. But so many variations to these type of dynamics, sometimes hard to define...

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Ask her! Probably the best way to go anyway if it is of any concern. Discuss it openly with her and take it from there.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

"My own take is it's a very fine line....I personally think there are those swingers out there who are also polyamourous - so it's all down to consent. If hubby believes his wife's rship with another Swinger is purely sexual and it's not, possibly bordering on affair territory.. But so many variations to these type of dynamics, sometimes hard to define...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an affair if youre starting to do things with your playmate that you're partner doesn't know about. Like meeting in secret. Theres nothing wrong with having some feelings towards the person you're meeting. After all we wouldn't be human if we didn't.

I am very fond of some of the guys I meet but it has never turned into anything romantic for me. On the other hand it has for them and I've had to break it off before they got hurt.

I suppose it really depends on the the couples definition of having an affair is when it comes to swinging. We have rules about meeting others and so far it's worked out. I have just never seen any guy I meet like that. I see them as fun and I see them as a friend.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

I don't know how ppl are able to compartmentalise their feelings like that. If they are friends and fun, and you fuck them, how can feelings not develope

I'd imagine it's harder for women to do this than men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know how ppl are able to compartmentalise their feelings like that. If they are friends and fun, and you fuck them, how can feelings not develope

I'd imagine it's harder for women to do this than men "

I do have feelings for them, its just not romantic feelings for them. I care about them and they are my friend but that's it. Maybe I'm really a man

or it could be that the relationship with my hubby is strong enough and emotionally enough that I don't need to look for it elsewhere.

I'm not saying it would never happen. But it hasn't so far. If it did I would be taking a big giant step back and looking at my marraige to see what's wrong. He's the most important person to me and if I'm looking at someone else the way I shouldn't then something is wrong.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

That's why the no strings thing is very hard for alot of women. I, in the past have found women get and develop feelings easier then lads.i also thing It's a reason why so few women are on here plus the small minded people labelling them sluts Where's etc for having sex outside of a relationship

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"That's why the no strings thing is very hard for alot of women. I, in the past have found women get and develop feelings easier then lads.i also thing It's a reason why so few women are on here plus the small minded people labelling them sluts Where's etc for having sex outside of a relationship "
sluts Whores etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its also very difficult for a lot of men. A lot of men....

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

Its also very difficult for a lot of men. A lot of men.... "
i wouldn't know and can only speak about myself but if it's no strings it's no strings, simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its also very difficult for a lot of men. A lot of men.... i wouldn't know and can only speak about myself but if it's no strings it's no strings, simple as that. "

I know where you're coming from as my husband the exact same problem. After a while they get attached despite him being upfront and honest with them.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

Its also very difficult for a lot of men. A lot of men.... i wouldn't know and can only speak about myself but if it's no strings it's no strings, simple as that.

I know where you're coming from as my husband the exact same problem. After a while they get attached despite him being upfront and honest with them.

But in my experience men can get very attached. I think it's a case of wanting what you can't have. And I dont mean me in particular I just mean they want a relationship because they know they know they can't. "
ye I get you. It's a tricky situation but best bet is to be up front and honest then nobody can have any complaining. That's why I also think a regular fuck buddy type thing is dangerous. Feelings could develop of seeing alot of each other but only an observation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea it can be if you choose the wrong person. I've always been upfront about my situation and if I feel they are becoming emotionally involved I'll break it off. It's not fair on them. I'm only here for fun and friendship. I don't want to hurt anyone.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

"Yea it can be if you choose the wrong person. I've always been upfront about my situation and if I feel they are becoming emotionally involved I'll break it off. It's not fair on them. I'm only here for fun and friendship. I don't want to hurt anyone. "

spot on

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By *iss SadisticWoman
over a year ago

Nowhere

Personally I wouldn't call it an affair as you're aware of it. I'm married and I have a partner who isn't my husband. We go away together, he stays all night in my house, all those things would be considered an affair if my husband doesn't know, but he does. It's a relationship outside my marriage. He has one also, he spends a lot of time with her as well. I would call this more an open relationship rather than an affair but that's just my take on it.

Love happens, passion happens. Feelings happen. People who think that they don't or never will are naive. It's the challenge we all face with non monogamy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like the line has crossed and its become a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn't call it an affair as you're aware of it. I'm married and I have a partner who isn't my husband. We go away together, he stays all night in my house, all those things would be considered an affair if my husband doesn't know, but he does. It's a relationship outside my marriage. He has one also, he spends a lot of time with her as well. I would call this more an open relationship rather than an affair but that's just my take on it.

Love happens, passion happens. Feelings happen. People who think that they don't or never will are naive. It's the challenge we all face with non monogamy. "

Exactly. It all depends on what way the couple view it.

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By *armakazzyCouple
over a year ago

dublin south

"its a relationship, not even an affair.

an affair would be more of a sexual thing, this is way beyond that."

Completely agree that's def a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say anything outside of clearly defined rules to begin with could be affair territory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When the connection with the third party is going beyond the boundaries already agreed between the couple, and the other partner has clearly communicated their concerns, persisting with the relationship means the person has lost all sense of where their prorities lie, the secondary relationship is more important, and the marriage is in serious trouble.

You don't need a label for it. "Affair" or not, the marriage needs attenion."

I responded before reading this fully. But, yeah, this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you to everyone for their views on the subject. It seems like this could be dangerous territory and as most people said it is a very fine line. It goes to show that if a couple decide to play outside their box there must be rules and also lots and lots of trust..food for thought anyway. Happy swinging people

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

It's always up to d people in d relationship which way u go .it sounds like there's very strong feelings in this relationship

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By *lik UrgeeMan
over a year ago

mallow

As soon as ye held hands it became an affair!!! WAY too intimate holding hands !!??

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