FabSwingers.com forum: Sure the feckers can't help themselves

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A few threads on here recently caught my eye on here, they went along the lines of "Weirdest First message", "creepy things guys said", that sort of thing.

But it got me thinking about the first time I have ever done some tthings and made a complete balls of it. My first roundabout when learning how to drive. I am sure someone out there has PTSD after being around me for that one.

You know some of these poor saps we have laughed at could actually be lovely people. Fucking clueless but lovely.

So to give the lovely ones a shot at it. Why don't we give them a hand.

Below I have drafted a "Paste in the blanks and tick the boxes" very first newbie introductory template message.

I think I'm the interests of helping the newbie and developing their social and sexual prowess we all now honed over many mind blowing meets over the years and share our experience.

Ladies this is in your interests here to help hone this script and in turn the "wana gimme a bj", "fancy a fuk" messages you get so often.

[start]

Hello [PASTE THEIR PROFILE NAME],

At huge, yes I said huge risk of being another random [PASTE PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTE FROM THEIR PROFILE] guy, but I came across your profile and you appear absolutely breathtaking and I just wanted to let you know without being too creepy or weird about it. So there you have it.....

..... However, and here comes the desperate attempt to meet socially, I do frequently stay in [PASTE THEIR PROFILE LOCATION] when I am [PASTE SEXUAL INTEREST FROM THEIR PROFILE] in the area. If you fancied a coffee or drink some fun conversation and maybe innocent flirting with no expectations ....

...however, here comes the desperate and crudely sexual image, we could enjoy some long moments in pillow biting bliss as we [PASTE THEIR SEXUAL INTEREST FROM PROFILE] each other again and again to exhaustion. And then we can go for a bag of chips. ;

Listen if you have got this far I am one of the good guys. I am single funny and a damn good lover.

So check out my:

CHECK ALL THAT APPLY

[ ] verifications

[ ] BIG PENIS PHOTOGRAPHS

[ ] Similar Weird Sexual Predilection

[ ] small penis pic

[ ] Criminal Record

and let me know.

I feel I need to spend more time in [PASTE LOCATION FROM PROFILE].

Bye

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fuck that's abit long winded sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dude, you need to get a hobby

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dude, you need to get a hobby"

It's these long dark nights in the bogs it does things to you I tells ya!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry gave up early. Damn my poor attention span

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Do I have to read that all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried to read it all but my immaturity can never get past "I came across your profile"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tried to read it all but my immaturity can never get past "I came across your profile"

"
hehe

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Jesus y'all need to start on the omega3 and vitamin B12 to get comcentratikn going. It's is long Maybe it needs illustrations. !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tried to read it all but my immaturity can never get past "I came across your profile"

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By *igerclawsCouple
over a year ago

cork

"Dude, you need to get a hobby

It's these long dark nights in the bogs it does things to you I tells ya!"

We heard there is a lot of UFOs in the bogs is this true?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A nice idea in theory. But there's something all this that just look you're going to create a template for people to "game the system" in an attempt to get that bj/sex.

The best advice people should do is try and be themselves. Don't act or pretend to be something your not. If people like you, they like you. If not then, they don't. Just because someone, or even everyone, doesn't message you back doesn't make you a bad/ugly/undesirable person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dude, you need to get a hobby

It's these long dark nights in the bogs it does things to you I tells ya!

We heard there is a lot of UFOs in the bogs is this true?

Jesus I just thought the neighbours where a bit strange. But that UFO theory could explain a lot actually.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A nice idea in theory. But there's something all this that just look you're going to create a template for people to "game the system" in an attempt to get that bj/sex.

Yeah there is that. But I was just trying to get a smile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A nice idea in theory. But there's something all this that just look you're going to create a template for people to "game the system" in an attempt to get that bj/sex.

Yeah there is that. But I was just trying to get a smile. "

Tell a joke next time?

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By *llie and ApplesCouple
over a year ago

where ever

I would think ' wow impressive ' knickers are off

Apples

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By *isdirtygirlWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

Youre an awful waffler anyway Westie..Id expect nothing else from ye.. carry on! Ill give ye 10/10 for effort and the chuckle I had from the responses

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would think ' wow impressive ' knickers are off

Apples

Thanks apples. Throw them over her ill mind them for you.

Right that's it, this puppy is now copyrighted. I am selling this manuscript.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A nice idea in theory. But there's something all this that just look you're going to create a template for people to "game the system" in an attempt to get that bj/sex.

Yeah there is that. But I was just trying to get a smile.

Tell a joke next time?

And give up my budding writing Career are ye daft man

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

"A nice idea in theory. But there's something all this that just look you're going to create a template for people to "game the system" in an attempt to get that bj/sex.

Yeah there is that. But I was just trying to get a smile.

Tell a joke next time?

I think he was. You just missed it.

Op. I thought it was cute x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea I just realised I should have actually read what he wrote before replying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it, it's a damn sight better than the woe is me posts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks Cherry, thanks for saying that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Love it, it's a damn sight better than the woe is me posts.

Don't get me started, after the day I've had and that fecker of a boss .......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Youre an awful waffler anyway Westie..Id expect nothing else from ye.. carry on! Ill give ye 10/10 for effort and the chuckle I had from the responses

Hiya MissDirty how's it going? I have heard you talk a wee bit now and then myself. Thanks

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By *isdirtygirlWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

"Youre an awful waffler anyway Westie..Id expect nothing else from ye.. carry on! Ill give ye 10/10 for effort and the chuckle I had from the responses

Hiya MissDirty how's it going? I have heard you talk a wee bit now and then myself. Thanks "

Im very quiet really

I just break out of the shackles and ballgags every once in a while

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead. "

Where about on your body, may I ask?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Youre an awful waffler anyway Westie..Id expect nothing else from ye.. carry on! Ill give ye 10/10 for effort and the chuckle I had from the responses

Hiya MissDirty how's it going? I have heard you talk a wee bit now and then myself. Thanks

Im very quiet really

I just break out of the shackles and ballgags every once in a while

Ballgag!! That's what I need for those susssshhhh, its playtime moments.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis. "

Phwoar! Show us!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis.

Phwoar! Show us!

Well it's Braille so you'll have to close your eyes and hold out your hand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Genius ??

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis.

Phwoar! Show us!

Well it's Braille so you'll have to close your eyes and hold out your hand.

I can't read Braille, anyone who can help me out here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes Doghunter Lol

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Yes Doghunter Lol"

Now it's getting interesting, I listen and watch while you're reading and we take it from there

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes Doghunter Lol"

Kalvin I think DH has cleverly made you take one for the team.

okay so hands out. You might need a friend, let me get this thing untangled.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis.

Phwoar! Show us!

Well it's Braille so you'll have to close your eyes and hold out your hand.

I can't read Braille, anyone who can help me out here? "

Nice move

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By *isdirtygirlWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

"Yes Doghunter Lol

Now it's getting interesting, I listen and watch while you're reading and we take it from there

Ha ha!!!!!

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis.

Phwoar! Show us!

Well it's Braille so you'll have to close your eyes and hold out your hand.

I can't read Braille, anyone who can help me out here?

Nice move"

Why only go for one if there's a chance of two

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do I have to read that all?

DH, No but I have it tattooed on me in Braille you can come feel it instead.

Where about on your body, may I ask?

Well actually it's the large Braille edition so I only just about got it on my penis.

Phwoar! Show us!

Well it's Braille so you'll have to close your eyes and hold out your hand.

I can't read Braille, anyone who can help me out here?

Nice move

Why only go for one if there's a chance of two

A true huntress I doff my cap and do a wee curtsy, we played madam. And thanks the old mmf is a favourite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Youre an awful waffler anyway Westie..Id expect nothing else from ye.. carry on! Ill give ye 10/10 for effort and the chuckle I had from the responses

Hiya MissDirty how's it going? I have heard you talk a wee bit now and then myself. Thanks "

A WEE bit?

You do mean squirting don't ya?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Youre an awful waffler anyway Westie..Id expect nothing else from ye.. carry on! Ill give ye 10/10 for effort and the chuckle I had from the responses

Hiya MissDirty how's it going? I have heard you talk a wee bit now and then myself. Thanks

A WEE bit?

You do mean squirting don't ya?

Furtherst thing from my mind at the time. Although now you have me second guessing myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

LoL pillow bitting definitely caught my interest and good on you for being different but no need for all the

Big cock pic

Small cock pic

Criminal record

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to sit down and craft an articulate and witty first message and then copy and paste it to every lady on the Internet.

"wanna fuck?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like to sit down and craft an articulate and witty first message and then copy and paste it to every lady on the Internet.

"wanna fuck?""

Your quite the wordsmith, Superflash, I can hear the woosh of lingerie hitting the floor from here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's more of a splunck than a woosh...panties already soaked as they fly through the air and hit the wall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to sit down and craft an articulate and witty first message and then copy and paste it to every lady on the Internet.

"wanna fuck?"

Your quite the wordsmith, Superflash, I can hear the woosh of lingerie hitting the floor from here. "

Does lingerie Woosh? Regardless I'll be using it from now on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's more of a splunck than a woosh...panties already soaked as they fly through the air and hit the wall

Surely it's more of "Splaaatttt" as splunck to my ear has a more solid texture, crusty almost, and possibly a health and safety risk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's more of a splunck than a woosh...panties already soaked as they fly through the air and hit the wall

Surely it's more of "Splaaatttt" as splunck to my ear has a more solid texture, crusty almost, and possibly a health and safety risk."

Spluunk does suggest maybe a doctor's visit is needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it's just a splashing noise... Like someone left a tap running

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's more of a splunck than a woosh...panties already soaked as they fly through the air and hit the wall

Surely it's more of "Splaaatttt" as splunck to my ear has a more solid texture, crusty almost, and possibly a health and safety risk.

Spluunk does suggest maybe a doctor's visit is needed

All aboard The Clap Bus. Next stop outpatients department.

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