FabSwingers.com forum: A newbie guide for reading profiles

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.

Profiles and what they really mean.

Adventurous = Total slut

30 something = 41

Fun = Annoying

Wild = Gets pissed easily

6ft = 5'8

Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse

Slim = About 5yrs ago

Headstrong = Argumentative

Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic

New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny

Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything

Watersports = Incontinent

Gusher = Weak bladder

Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss

Living the dream = Lives at home

Loves being fisted = Huge vag

Reliable = Won't turn up

I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars

Experienced = In masterbation

Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone

Has Kik = Give me your pics

Has whatsapp = Give me your pics

Has email = Give me your pics

Curvy = Fat fecker

Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker

Cuddly = Fat Fecker

Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker

Athletic = No tits

Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball

Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun

Can't accom = Lives at home

Can't accom = Married

Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter

Giving = Will let you suck my cock

Generous = Will let you suck my cock

We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore

NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site

Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me

Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas

Outdoor fun = See above

Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting

Open minded = Will look down and judge you

Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!

No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go

Profile picture = High chance it isn't them

I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.

Loves all women = Just a pulse needed

Has Skype = Professional wanker

I'm sure there's loads more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lmao and I am a misogynist who likes to insult

sure we are Irish lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orethanenough73Man
over a year ago

City centre

Totally screwed so.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's gas, I nearly pissed in my pants reading that pmsl!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isdirtygirlWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

excellent!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dread to decipher my profile then ........... reckon I am ROYALLY fooooooked

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eghannWoman
over a year ago

Waterford/Wexford

Thank you pmsl , that's so useful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can travel. Has bus pass.

Trimmed where it counts. Married.

No veries in a year. Under the care of an std clinic.

Not meeting right now. Chuff like a wizards sleeve.

Fit and looking for same. Shallow.

No time wasters. Time waster.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Straight in profile means bi in messages

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Straight in profile means bi in messages"

I call that being 'fab straight'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *cotsguyyMan
over a year ago

Belfast and Fife

Ahhhhhhhhh.......!

Now this site makes sense!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urious2013cCouple
over a year ago

Co Cork

Brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andaCouple
over a year ago

co down

spot on!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilderMan
over a year ago

dublin

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cue 90% of guys running off to change their profile...!!

Excellent post OP

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lo1 slo2Couple
over a year ago

newry

Brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Cue 90% of guys running off to change their profile...!!

Excellent post OP"

I think we all will be

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iktikiCouple
over a year ago

city centre

"Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.

Profiles and what they really mean.

Adventurous = Total slut

30 something = 41

Fun = Annoying

Wild = Gets pissed easily

6ft = 5'8

Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse

Slim = About 5yrs ago

Headstrong = Argumentative

Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic

New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny

Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything

Watersports = Incontinent

Gusher = Weak bladder

Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss

Living the dream = Lives at home

Loves being fisted = Huge vag

Reliable = Won't turn up

I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars

Experienced = In masterbation

Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone

Has Kik = Give me your pics

Has whatsapp = Give me your pics

Has email = Give me your pics

Curvy = Fat fecker

Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker

Cuddly = Fat Fecker

Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker

Athletic = No tits

Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball

Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun

Can't accom = Lives at home

Can't accom = Married

Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter

Giving = Will let you suck my cock

Generous = Will let you suck my cock

We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore

NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site

Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me

Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas

Outdoor fun = See above

Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting

Open minded = Will look down and judge you

Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!

No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go

Profile picture = High chance it isn't them

I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.

Loves all women = Just a pulse needed

Has Skype = Professional wanker

I'm sure there's loads more

I though I warned you about using our profile,,,,Jez just gonna have to set dat aussie university on you now

Brilliant post btw

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I always thought generous = willing to pay for it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very clever

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *Belfast_FellaMan
over a year ago

belfast

Brilliant, lol. Though I dread to look at my own profile now!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *leasureOrbitCouple
over a year ago

city centre

Quality not quantity = you must have a pulse

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilderMan
over a year ago

dublin

"Straight in profile means bi in messages"

Speak for yourself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seeks knight in shining armour - needy as fuck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Kinky = No pulse needed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's great! Very entertaining

All noobs should see this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath."
Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *kcoupleCouple
over a year ago

.....

*Rethinks profile text*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's gas, I nearly pissed in my pants reading that pmsl!!!!

That means you're a squirter Rosie!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's gas, I nearly pissed in my pants reading that pmsl!!!!

That means you're a squirter Rosie!

Ha ha you got me there lol!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Superb lol just superb! I find myself looking at profiles now and this thread comoletely changes my perspective lol well done OP

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great stuff!

Now to.. umm.. not check my profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hilarious OP -think you covered it all there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath. Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that"

We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe. "
Agree to disagree then mr mingo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Excellent OP

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilderMan
over a year ago

dublin

We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe. "

Ditto Mr Mingo!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm screwed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ean0001Man
over a year ago

Dublin West

We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe.

Ditto Mr Mingo!

Its only going to get worse again next year when the movie part 2 is out again...

Duracell already ramping up production of batteries..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *haggyhandsomeMan
over a year ago

Blanchardstown

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

"Bubbly"= fucking irritating

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""Bubbly"= fucking irritating "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Bubbly"= fucking irritating

Excellent thread - thanks for giving me a laugh

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *addy36Man
over a year ago

Mayo

It's at times like this that I'm happy that I put so much thought and effort into my profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *addy36Man
over a year ago

Mayo

Oops sorry, I didn't mean to kill this thread

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cue 90% of guys running off to change their profile...!!

Excellent post OP"

No I won't I can whloeheartly say that what I say I'm telling it honestly as it is

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.

Profiles and what they really mean.

Adventurous = Total slut

30 something = 41

Fun = Annoying

Wild = Gets pissed easily

6ft = 5'8

Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse

Slim = About 5yrs ago

Headstrong = Argumentative

Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic

New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny

Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything

Watersports = Incontinent

Gusher = Weak bladder

Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss

Living the dream = Lives at home

Loves being fisted = Huge vag

Reliable = Won't turn up

I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars

Experienced = In masterbation

Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone

Has Kik = Give me your pics

Has whatsapp = Give me your pics

Has email = Give me your pics

Curvy = Fat fecker

Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker

Cuddly = Fat Fecker

Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker

Athletic = No tits

Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball

Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun

Can't accom = Lives at home

Can't accom = Married

Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter

Giving = Will let you suck my cock

Generous = Will let you suck my cock

We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore

NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site

Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me

Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas

Outdoor fun = See above

Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting

Open minded = Will look down and judge you

Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!

No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go

Profile picture = High chance it isn't them

I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.

Loves all women = Just a pulse needed

Has Skype = Professional wanker

I'm sure there's loads more

A side splittingly concise users guide index for fab!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

superb OP if there were awards for posts...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ne of manyMan
over a year ago

east Galway

Thanks op that is hilarious

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any definition on "no drama" or I missed it!

Wtf no drama means on this site? Still dont get it!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adylaceWoman
over a year ago

Waterford City

Haha. Absolutely love it. Best post since I got back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great work!

A few for the list...'bubbly' 'genuine' 'professional'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ain4uWoman
over a year ago

dublin

So funny love it

I'm a fat fecker that pisses a lot so

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any verification that reads 'to die for'

I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any verification that reads 'to die for'

I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job

That's what I love about you Flash, I just never know what the fuck you're on about. Thanks for the veri

Please tell me I told you you had a cock to die for?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Couples only = I don't trust him/her enough to be around single men/women

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rDarcy37Man
over a year ago

lucan

Absolutely brilliant
"Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.

Profiles and what they really mean.

Adventurous = Total slut

30 something = 41

Fun = Annoying

Wild = Gets pissed easily

6ft = 5'8

Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse

Slim = About 5yrs ago

Headstrong = Argumentative

Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic

New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny

Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything

Watersports = Incontinent

Gusher = Weak bladder

Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss

Living the dream = Lives at home

Loves being fisted = Huge vag

Reliable = Won't turn up

I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars

Experienced = In masterbation

Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone

Has Kik = Give me your pics

Has whatsapp = Give me your pics

Has email = Give me your pics

Curvy = Fat fecker

Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker

Cuddly = Fat Fecker

Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker

Athletic = No tits

Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball

Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun

Can't accom = Lives at home

Can't accom = Married

Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter

Giving = Will let you suck my cock

Generous = Will let you suck my cock

We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore

NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site

Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me

Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas

Outdoor fun = See above

Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting

Open minded = Will look down and judge you

Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!

No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go

Profile picture = High chance it isn't them

I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.

Loves all women = Just a pulse needed

Has Skype = Professional wanker

I'm sure there's loads more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any verification that reads 'to die for'

I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job

That's what I love about you Flash, I just never know what the fuck you're on about. Thanks for the veri

Please tell me I told you you had a cock to die for?

Oh yeah I was supposed to do that. Lads she has a pussy 'made for premature ejaculation'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ACKTHELAD40Man
over a year ago

Blanchardstown

Best post ive read in this forum so far .pmsl

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evilsAdvocate72Woman
over a year ago

East

"superb OP if there were awards for posts...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of truth is said in jest, some very funny ones there though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any verification that reads 'to die for'

I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job

That's what I love about you Flash, I just never know what the fuck you're on about. Thanks for the veri

Please tell me I told you you had a cock to die for?

Oh yeah I was supposed to do that. Lads she has a pussy 'made for premature ejaculation'

I always wanted to do one with wow wow wow or hot hot hot but felt people would think I was taking the piss of those with speech impediments. Good to see you and your cervix dagger are in great form Flash

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ildareguy3Man
over a year ago

maynooth clane

"Ahhhhhhhhh.......!

Now this site makes sense!

Not just this one !!????

Brilliant, Im nearly in tears ????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread