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Bad joke thread©

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

.

.

A shoe...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did anyone hear about the three eggs the other day???

2 bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo youuuu have dilllldosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy AAA pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do.."

"Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff ?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many lives did the Nazi cat have?

Nien

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By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

What do you call a cat that's just eaten a duck?

A duck filled fatty puss!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm not too keen on smutty inuendos on my threads so please don't try to slip one in....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel like a million dollars, all green and crumpled

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By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I entered ten puns in a competition hoping they'd win.

But no pun in ten did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between people from dubai and the people from abu dahbi?

People from dubai don't like the flintstones....

People from abu dahbi dooooo!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did humpty humpty push his girlfriend off the wall. . . Cos he wanted to see her crack

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock who there? Ya. ya who? Sorry I prefer Google.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the egg get arrested. . Cos he was walking down the road with his yoke hangin out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate lollypop ladies. . . Cos they always make me cross

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has premature ejaculation and hide and seek got in common . . . "Ready or not ,here I come"

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By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea

Two ducks walking through Belfast. The first one turns around and said "quack quack' The second one replied "shut up, I'm going as quack as I can".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horse walks into a bar

Barman asks why the long face ????

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By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I hate people who take drugs...

...the gardai, customs men, etc...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Fisherman walks into a bar with his catch, barman says you've got a long Plaice there pal...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sandwich walked into a bar and asks for a pint. Sorry says barman. We dont serve barfood here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pair of jumpleads walk into a bar and asks for a pint . Ok says barman. On one condition that u dont start anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last night in the dark I accidentally took a sip of tipex instead of my liquid viagra. . Well jesus I woke up two hours later with a massive correction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Straight Guys" who want guy on guy fun

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By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. barman raises an eyebrow but he's seen weirder so no big deal.

guy orders pints for himself and the giraffe. this goes on a for a while until both of them get very d*unk.

the man gets up to leave and the giraffe collapses on the floor.

"hey" says the barman to the guy sternly, "you can't leave that lyin' there!"

to which the guy replies, "it's not a lion you idiot, it's a giraffe!"

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By *ommickMan
over a year ago

cork

What do snowmen eat for breakfast........ Snowflakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party ?

I wanted to find a tight seal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat the shit out of him!!!

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By *anaduABCMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I bought a Two litre bottle of tippex today.....big mistake!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Two ducks walking through Belfast. The first one turns around and said "quack quack' The second one replied "shut up, I'm going as quack as I can"."
that's brilliant lmao

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By *ceryMan
over a year ago

Malahide & Waterford

Sexual Exhaustion

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Miss Maguire's class had just got the results of their sex education exam and three of the lads weren't happy. One of them had got 30% and he swore that if he met her he was going to pull her dress up around her neck. The second guy had got 25% and he said he was going to pull down her knickers. The other guy had got only 2% and he declared that he was going to kick her in the balls!

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By *rutus83Man
over a year ago

naas

A d*unk man was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

A man goes into a hardware store and asks for a bottle of methylated spirit. The shopkeeper refuses on the basis that he knows the man and is aware that he has a huge alcohol problem, sleeps on a park bench and is most likely to drink the stuff. Yer man explained that he had turned over a new leaf and was now working as a house painter. He said he appreciated the way the shopkeeper was looking out for him and respected his position but he really needed the methylated spirits for work and assured him that he had no ulterior motive. The shopkeeper was impressed and shook yer man's hand, congratulating him for getting his life sorted. He reached under the counter and pulled out a bottles of meths and insisted it was on the house. Yer man looked the shopkeeper in the eye and said.... "would you have a cold one, by any chance?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do Nasa organize their parties?

They Planet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do u call a polar bear in the forest?

Lost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats brown n sticky

.

.

A stick

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A carrot

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

OMG! I've just been attacked by a little Ginger child using his martial arts!

He must have been The Carroty Kid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who is the boss off all the hankies in the world. . . . . Why the hankerchief . Of coarse

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By *errymacMan
over a year ago

Galway

Why are there no tablets in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat em all

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Jesus, these really are bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are so bad they are good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's big red and eats rocks

A big red Rock eater

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By *arry and AnnCouple
over a year ago

Louth

What's the difference between a lobster with big tits and a filthy Bus Eireann?

One's a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff, ba dum cha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Ban Garda with a shaved pussy?

Constable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the guy that stole the calender?

He got 12 months

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My boy swallowed some Lego, I rushed him to the hospital & thankfully the doc told us he'll be fine but he's still shitting bricks...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I swalowed all the letters out of the game of scrabble. . . . Im really worried now that my next poo could spell disaster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two gay cowboys. . One said yup. The other said yip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did Hanibal say when he saw three elephants coming over the hill? "There's 3 elephants coming over the hill".

What did he say when he saw three elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on? Nothing because he didn't recognise them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?

A piece of ass that makes you're eyes water. ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These are really bad :p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two peanuts walking down the road when one of them was assaulted

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My friend David was a victim of ID theft.

Now we have to call him Dav...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why didn't the Skeleton cross the road?

He had no guts....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Name the first black guy to ride a derby winner?

Lester piggots cellmate. ..

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By *rishstud1987Man
over a year ago

d7

What did the fish say when it hit the wall????

Damm

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By *rishstud1987Man
over a year ago

d7

I always wanted to be a doctor......

But I never had the patients!!!!

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By *urious and lookingCouple
over a year ago

cork

I bought some Velcro today...

What a rip off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My pet mouse Elvis died yesterday.

He was caught in a trap!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two packets of crisps walking down the road...A car stops and the driver asked would you like a lift...and the crisps replied no thanks we're WALKER'S. ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Name the first black guy to ride a derby winner?

Lester piggots cellmate. .. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says "spit out that gum", the other says "chew chew"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do fish keep there money?

In a river bank

har har har

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By *amRod 77Man
over a year ago

Dublin

You know why Miss Piggy can't count to 70 ?

She gets to 69 & she gets a frog in her throat.

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By *emonade1248Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere near...

What DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Did you hear about the Gynecologist who could decorate his hall through the letterbox?...

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By *azzer121Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

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By *un_guy_69Man
over a year ago

Limerick Tipp border

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

One Texan turned to the other and said “That little gal is havin’ a bad time. I’m gonna go over there and help.”

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big Texan hands and asked “Kin ya swaller?”

Gasping, she shook her head “No.”

He asked “Can ya breathe?”

Still gasping she again shook her head “No.”

With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her ass. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own.

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said “Ya know, it’s amazin’ — that hind-lick maneuver always works!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One year I decided to buy my mother in law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The following year I bought her nothing and she asked why? I told her she didn't use last year's present yet

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By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea

How do you stop a rhino charging?

Take away his credit card...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paul McCartney bought heather Mills a plane for her birthday. ....she already had a Phillips ladyshave for the other leg.....

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By *andyrackkyMan
over a year ago

South

I went to a comedy and philosophy convention last night.

Laughed more than I thought.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My dog is called Minton.

Today he ate a shuttlecock.

"Bad Minton!"

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By *ussyseeker777Man
over a year ago

kilkenny

My friend GAV has just died

He took too may indigestion tablets

Cant believe

GAV IS CON

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

One Texan turned to the other and said “That little gal is havin’ a bad time. I’m gonna go over there and help.”

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big Texan hands and asked “Kin ya swaller?”

Gasping, she shook her head “No.”

He asked “Can ya breathe?”

Still gasping she again shook her head “No.”

With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her ass. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own.

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said “Ya know, it’s amazin’ — that hind-lick maneuver always works!”"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *andsomeman100Man
over a year ago

Ah sure now...

Did you hear about the Agnostic Dyslexic Insomniac?

Stayed up all night wondering was there a dog.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

did you hear about the dirty egg?

it walked down the road with its yolk hanging out.

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By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

Just how deep is the average Virgina. Actually?

Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog, and half of his savings and assets..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

*setting up an e-mail account in Russia

'Please enter a password'

*types Beef stew

'Sorry, your password is not Stroganoff'

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

A man walks into a bar in rural Offaly and total silence ensues. One of the lads drinking in the corner walks over and asks him what his business is. He explains that he's a taxidermist. Yer gets a bit edgy and asks him what the fuck a taxidermist is. The stranger explains that he mounts animals. Yer man turns around to his waiting friends in the corner and shouts... "it's alright boys, he's one of us"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow...

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By *iktikiCouple
over a year ago

cork

How do you turn a dog into a fox?

err maybe not some jokes should stay in the locker room haha

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By *rDarcy37Man
over a year ago

lucan

Why are Pirates call Pirates......

They just Arrrrrrrrh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why are Pirates call Pirates......

They just Arrrrrrrrh"

'Twas a pirate indeed who told me that one. He'd been washed up to Hamleys in London.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy gets phone call from Police....

" Sorry Sir, but your place was broken into today and the robbers drank all your beer and shagged your wife "

Paddy says " OMG cant believe they shagged my wife after only four cans of beer "

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By *aywhatnowMan
over a year ago

North County

How do you make a duck soulfull??..........

Stick it in the oven until it's bill withers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a Polish girl and a bowling ball...

You could eat a bowling ball if you really had to....

Ps.. (.insert nationally of your choice)..no Polish girls were harmed in the making of this joke.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How much do Londoners pay for shampoo?

Pantene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do you turn a dog into a fox?

err maybe not some jokes should stay in the locker room haha "
.....drink ten pints?....

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By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea

A ship carrying a cargo of red paint has collided with a ship carrying a cargo of blue paint. No one was injured but both ships are now marooned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A three-legged dog walks into a Wild West saloon and says "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What's the difference between a Chick pea & a Potato?

You wouldn't pay to have a Potato on you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the diff between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the diff between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a pig that's lost its voice?

Disgruntled

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man is walking down the road when he is attacked by a giant grasshopper, which knocks him put. He wakes up in hospital and describes his attack. "Ah yes", says the doctor, "you're the sixth case we've had today. There's a very nasty bug going around".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens werent invented!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A chicken and an egg were lying naked in bed.

The chicken looks at the egg who lit up a fag for a smoke and said "well that answers that age old question"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the pervert cross the road. . . Cos the chicken was still stuck on the end of his cock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People think my dad is a bit strange but i disagree. He's a great kisser though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two old ladies sitting in a park. Guy walks up and flashes them. One had a stroke. The other couldn't reach.

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady


"Did anyone hear about the three eggs the other day???

2 bad"

Or did you hear about the three holes in the ground?

No?

Well well well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Irish man says to a Yank in a bar "I know everything about the USA"

Yank says "Really? Well name all the states then!"

Paddy goes "Alaska, Alabama, Texas,Pearl Harbour.."

Yank "Wrong, Pearl Harbour isnt a state"

Paddy says "It fecking was when the Japanese left it!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Opened my Birthday Card earlier, and a load of Rice fell out.

It came from my Uncle Ben.

When I opened another of my Birthday Cards, 4 Yorkshire Puddings fell out.

That one was off my Aunt Bessie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pet shop sales..... budgies going cheep

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?

It's ass...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A white Horse goes into the bar and the barman says "hey we have a whisky named after you.

The white horse replied " what? Fred??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you greet a German barber?

Good morning Herr Dresser

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sheriff went into the saloon and declared" am a looking for the brown paper kid. He has a brown paper horse with a brown paper saddle.

The barman enquires "whats the filhy varmint guilty af sheriff"

The sheriff lifts his cowskin hat which painted a shadow on his face with caloused index finger, peers through his piercing brown eyes and as he removed the toothpick from his sand dried lips, replies

"rustling!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man walks into a bar in rural Offaly and total silence ensues. One of the lads drinking in the corner walks over and asks him what his business is. He explains that he's a taxidermist. Yer gets a bit edgy and asks him what the fuck a taxidermist is. The stranger explains that he mounts animals. Yer man turns around to his waiting friends in the corner and shouts... "it's alright boys, he's one of us" "

Oh...This made me burst out laughing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man comes out of the doctors crying.

His mate caringly asks " what did he say?"

The man replies "i've got the big C"

His mate enquires "what Cancer?"

The man replies "no Dyslexia"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Barney your jokes are first prize on the worst jokes.... lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Barney your jokes are first prize on the worst jokes.... lol "

Awk youre just too kind but they can get worse lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Barney your jokes are first prize on the worst jokes.... lol

Awk youre just too kind but they can get worse lol "

Is that possible????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Barney your jokes are first prize on the worst jokes.... lol

Awk youre just too kind but they can get worse lol

Is that possible???? "

For me its easier than you think lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just for proof. A man walks into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper for 2 wasps.

The shopkeeper replies "sorry sir, we dont sell wasps."

The man replies " but you have 2 in the window"

Barney stoops lower and swings'' lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just for proof. A man walks into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper for 2 wasps.

The shopkeeper replies "sorry sir, we dont sell wasps."

The man replies " but you have 2 in the window"

Barney stoops lower and swings'' lol "

I stand corrected.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just for proof. A man walks into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper for 2 wasps.

The shopkeeper replies "sorry sir, we dont sell wasps."

The man replies " but you have 2 in the window"

Barney stoops lower and swings'' lol

I stand corrected..... "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The Mexican weightlifter got banned for ingesting too much protein powder. When he appealed the ban he was told "No whey José"...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a clown - one says - think this tastes funny lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I eventually sold my hoover.....it was just sitting there gathering dust. ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call it when Batman missed church?

Christian Bale.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/08/16 12:05:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seen Steve Austin the other day, he looks a million dollars.

He's really let himself go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little Bo Peep - loved the d9ildo joke - still laughing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

 Used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
over a year ago

..

Waz chattin the other day to these two fellas from Ballinasloe , Which i would have thought wise.

One told me they built a rocket to go to the sun & land on it. well i thought for a wile where's the catch & asked yous will get burnt , fried alive !

One replied no it will be fine were planing to go @ night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the doctores because my cock was shaped like a rocket.

The doctor asked "how does your wife feel about this?

I replied "fuck shes over the moon!!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Did you hear who won the Lumberjack contest in Nova Scotia?

Tree fellas from Dublin...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've an evening of painting ceilings ahead of me. Things are looking up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dr Dr I think I have Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common?"

Dr "Well it's not unusual"

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
over a year ago

..

Should never mix chocolate with sex !

She will almost certainly end up l@@king like Morph.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy pulls up at the lights next to a lovely young blonde bird, he smiles and lowers his window. She smiles back and lowers her window, so Paddy leans across and says.... "Have you just farted as well?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/08/16 10:31:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A nun walks into a library and asks,

"Have you got any books on the immaculate conception please? "

"Yes, " replied the librarian, "over in the theology section, having a little refresher are we sister? "

"No," she replied, "I'm pregnant and I just want to make sure I get my story right.

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By *eiseguy83Man
over a year ago

Waterford

A man was looking for work in a blacksmiths once.

The black Smith asks can you shoe a horse to which the man replied

I don't know but I once told a donkey to fuck off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42PM last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of his death. An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous woman for a candle lit dinner. The first thing the parrot says is " Hey bitch how much for a handjob". She takes one look at our middle-aged friend, and runs out the door. The next night, Our friend is visited by his mother. The parrot opens up with,"I'll suck that crusty coin-slot crack of yours for a senior citizen discount, if you lose that over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, and wiggle those droopy dum dums for me. Our friend recieves a smack that leaves a fire-engine-red print, followed by a future threat from his father. Well Our frustrated friend can stands no more. He grabs the little motherfucker and throws it into the freezer. After about 15 minutes of swearing and kicking from the bad bird, all is quiet. Another 5 min of silence passes by. Our friend gets curious and opens the fridge. The bird calmly perches on his finger. "Have you learned your lesson?", he sternly said. All the parrot can say is "I sure have. I just have one question. What the Fuck happened to the chicken?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Hamster died today. he fell asleep at the wheel...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Second person dies after being bludgeoned to death with a cornflakes box....garda headquarters are looking for a cereal killer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die.

A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A husband and wife have seven sons. The oldest six are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God the bastard didn't ask about the other six."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A recent survey shows that 2 out of 10 men are as stupid as the other 9

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was serenaded & given a rose on Grafton st the other day by a tramp. I guess he's one of those homeless romatics...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little Johnny: Mom! When I grow up, how will my wife have a baby?

Mom: (after thinking for sometime): An angel will come from heaven and hand over a baby to your wife.

Litte Johnny: So, who do I need to fuck? Wife or the angel?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

One.

.

.

.

How many Psychics does it take to change a light bulb???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/08/16 11:41:14]

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan


"A recent survey shows that 2 out of 10 men are as stupid as the other 9 "

That has no place in a bad joke thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a Penis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they would soon find me attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excellent thanks I like that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A doctor found a mouse in a woman's tummy , her pussy feel asleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm enjoying this list of jokes. Thanks for starting it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very good I like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Laughter is best medicine,

Anyone ever try laughing yoga?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Laughter is best medicine,

Anyone ever try laughing yoga? "

The nearest classes were too far away, I couldn't stretch...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried it on a trip too china once, in a park they were holding them,

Keeps ya wrinkle free apparantly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stephen hawking had a heart attack recently.

The paramedics didn't know whether to bring him to hospital or P C world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol

Love that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Today a man knocked at my door & asked if I would be able to give a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

So I gave him a glass of water.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When wearing a bikini women reveal 90% of there body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming & yellii like the passengers in his car.

One of my favs.

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady


"What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity "

I don't find that funny any more!

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By *laveishMan
over a year ago

kildare

what do you call a fly with no wings

a walk !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It is better to love a midget than to never love a tall...

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By *rStridesGuyMan
over a year ago

In the sticks

The circus is in town, and the clairvoyant dwarf is carrying out a spree of burglaries. .......Gardai say there is a small, medium at large.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it me or is the Saudi Arabian Paralympic team just made up of thieves.......

I know, I know. Wrong on so many levels, but it is a bad joke thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little old lady answers phone says " helloooooo"

Heavy breather says " u want me to come to your house cover you in cream lick you all over and fuck you senseless "

Old lady " you could tell all that just from hellooooo "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How does a Solicitor sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Why do lesbian relationships never work?

Because nobody is ever wrong...

(Nods to Anglo)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I hear jokes about white sugar all the time, but not about brown sugar...Demerera.

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