FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Ireland

Would you tell...

Jump to newest
 

By *oupleuncut OP   Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire

My friend and her boyfriend have been together 12 years. They live together (she inherited her family home) but have no children as he doesn't want any. He has never proposed (he got down on one knee one night in a pub in front of all her friends and asked would she go to dinner with him....we didn't see the funny side!). She was hurt badly by an ex who cheated. I split from my husband almost two years ago and just after I split with him my friends boyfriend messaged me out of the blue, first asking how I was and then telling me how crap his sex life is and how bored he is. I confided in another friend and we both agreed not to say anything but we are concerned that she is waiting her time on this man. She would love to get married and have kids but time is slipping away...she's 37 now. I received another message from him on Friday just asking had I any news which I ignored. My friend mentioned before that he has three mobile phones which raised alarm bells for me. My ex cheated on me so I know how devastating it can be and I don't want to ruin our friendship....what would you do?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me personally I would tell her

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like he is well able to play games. I'd tell her that he has texted u and your not sure if he realises who he's talking to

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't tell her when you didn't say it at the time, if it was me I'd question why my friend took so long to tell me something like that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you aren't going to tell her about the first time he text then obviously you should tell her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd tell her in a heartbeat. She's your friend. A few mths ago I got a letter from a *friend* (never found out who).. Saying she saw hubby having coffee with a woman. Of course I knew but it pissed me off that she didn't have the decency to tell me to my face. If I ever find out who it is we won't be friends anymore.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oupleuncut OP   Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire

The reason I took so long is because it happened to me and it felt like my whole world had ended at the time. I actually used to wish that I didn't know so that's the reason I'm hesitant about telling her. I'm sure she knows deep down. He's always away playing golf etc and he hasn't given her any commitment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The reason I took so long is because it happened to me and it felt like my whole world had ended at the time. I actually used to wish that I didn't know so that's the reason I'm hesitant about telling her. I'm sure she knows deep down. He's always away playing golf etc and he hasn't given her any commitment."

She'll be more hurt when she finds out you kept it a secret from her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't tell her, she's already made the decision to live in a state of denial.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

I believe you should tell her.... She is missing out on.what she is looking for in life...kids marriage etc.... There is other men out there that would give her that...

It sounds to me he is using her...

Also the longer he stays in her house and has letters, bills in his name going to her house.... The longer he stays there he will be entitled to a share in the house.... This happened to someone I know... I think it is after 9 or 12 years that he will have rights...

Assume he could know this...

Someone here might verify this...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ale4U2Man
over a year ago

Nearby

I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sisters before Misters. As pointed out though, it may already be too late.

I would have sent her the text he sent me as a screenshot immediately.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just make sure he doesn't try turning it back on you that you started it etc... You know what way things can be twisted

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone."

But it is her business, he involved her by texting

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ale4U2Man
over a year ago

Nearby


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

But it is her business, he involved her by texting "

It's also her prerogative whether she stays involved or removes herself from the equation

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd tell her.

You had good reason and the right intention at the time to not say, although I imagine she might not understand that right away.

Ultimately what's worse, your friend being a little miffed at you for a while but finding out the truth from a friend or finding out you kept quiet and this guy breaking her heart down the line? No brainer.

An inkling doesn't always prepare you for the actual realisation. Tell her and if needs be give her space and just be there to pick up the pieces.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

But it is her business, he involved her by texting

It's also her prerogative whether she stays involved or removes herself from the equation"

Sooooo? Her friends fella texts her so now she can't be friends any more??????

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow it's a hard one to call, I found myself in a worse situation, went away with a mate of mine last year, he is in a long term relationship frist child on the way, he fuck off with a lady, I said nothing,but it's ripping me up inside to think someone man or woman can do it to someone there ment to love,pull him aside tell him to back off your not interested, if he does it again blow his world apart..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ale4U2Man
over a year ago

Nearby


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

But it is her business, he involved her by texting

It's also her prerogative whether she stays involved or removes herself from the equation

Sooooo? Her friends fella texts her so now she can't be friends any more??????"

Noooo Candy. I meant by blocking his number and not giving him the opportunity to confide in her. She should always be there for her pal, defo ... But sometimes confronting people ain't always the best way forward. If she were to confront anyone it should be him and warn him off !!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

As friends we all want to see our friends be happy....

You already know your friend is not happy with her partner.... Yes she may not like you telling her...

Another way is helping her to figure it out for herself.... Tell her to write down what she wants by the time she is 40 and what she thinksher current partner wants..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

But it is her business, he involved her by texting

It's also her prerogative whether she stays involved or removes herself from the equation

Sooooo? Her friends fella texts her so now she can't be friends any more??????

Noooo Candy. I meant by blocking his number and not giving him the opportunity to confide in her. She should always be there for her pal, defo ... But sometimes confronting people ain't always the best way forward. If she were to confront anyone it should be him and warn him off !!"

Ah. Right, but it's not her problem, tell the BF & let her deal with him. The OP is an innocent party so it seems.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*BF bestie

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As friends we all want to see our friends be happy....

You already know your friend is not happy with her partner.... Yes she may not like you telling her...

Another way is helping her to figure it out for herself.... Tell her to write down what she wants by the time she is 40 and what she thinksher current partner wants.. "

Far kinder in the long run that presenting her with "evidence" that the guy could plausibly talk his way out of (I have to wonder why he has your number in the first place OP??). It's not your place to speculate on what he may or may not be doing behind her back. (Also have to wonder how the other friend knows he has 3 phones, yet his partner apparently does not - the devil is in the detail with all these "dilemmas" )

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ale4U2Man
over a year ago

Nearby


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

But it is her business, he involved her by texting

It's also her prerogative whether she stays involved or removes herself from the equation

Sooooo? Her friends fella texts her so now she can't be friends any more??????

Noooo Candy. I meant by blocking his number and not giving him the opportunity to confide in her. She should always be there for her pal, defo ... But sometimes confronting people ain't always the best way forward. If she were to confront anyone it should be him and warn him off !!

Ah. Right, but it's not her problem, tell the BF & let her deal with him. The OP is an innocent party so it seems."

Defo the innocent party !! I'd just hate if I were her pal and brought down her whole world by telling her of this just to make me feel better ... Look there's no easy way I suppose, just hope it gets resolved one way or the other ..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *irdnBorisMan
over a year ago

meath

Op you should tell her your her friend and she should value your friendship and you will be there to help her out if and when you do ur friend deserves to be happy in life like every1 does all the best with it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oughandCurvyCouple
over a year ago

galway

I would generally say keep you're nose out of other people's business and if you were so worried about you're friend knowing you would have told her immediately after the first text instead of agreeing to keep it from her!

It's easy to judge from the outside but they is always more than one side to a story!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

What has this bloke actually done ? Told someone his sex life is boring ,has 3 phones and went down on one knee as a joke its not exactly a list of war crimes. Just because an ex of yours cheated doesnt mean that this bloke is cheating. Also what has the fact that this guys doesn't want to get married have to do with anything. If your friend does then she needs to grow a pair and find someone that does.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/05/16 15:29:28]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

I'd say you're going to burn your on fingers with this by telling her because there are to many assumptions

How about confronting him?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From experince be prepared to lose her as a friend ..it can go one of two ways

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From experince be prepared to lose her as a friend ..it can go one of two ways "

I'd tell at the very least your friend deserves to know all the facts so she can make her own mind up . It's the right thing to do . I can't stand cheaters anyone who would treat someone they say they love so badly is the lowest of the low IMO

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

12 years is a long time and a lot to lose over allegations with no concrete evidence imo. If you didn't say before, see no reason why you would now. Could break your friends heart, if you are wrong. I think I would have to speak to the alleged, and certainly if any evidence of cheating you should definitely say to your friend. Otherwise, say nothing. I have a few good friends with guys imo don't deserve them, and are no good, but my friends love these guys, so I would only intervene if evidence...hope all works out well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd rather keep my nose out of other people's business ... Yes you might feel better for saying it, but the knock on effects and devastation caused won't be worth it .. Forget the phone call, block his number and leave well alone.

But it is her business, he involved her by texting

It's also her prerogative whether she stays involved or removes herself from the equation

Sooooo? Her friends fella texts her so now she can't be friends any more??????

Noooo Candy. I meant by blocking his number and not giving him the opportunity to confide in her. She should always be there for her pal, defo ... But sometimes confronting people ain't always the best way forward. If she were to confront anyone it should be him and warn him off !!

Ah. Right, but it's not her problem, tell the BF & let her deal with him. The OP is an innocent party so it seems.

Defo the innocent party !! I'd just hate if I were her pal and brought down her whole world by telling her of this just to make me feel better ... Look there's no easy way I suppose, just hope it gets resolved one way or the other .."

I'd personally hate to be planning a life with a gal like that and you can be damn sure my mates would tell me if I was been made a fool of... Just saying reverse the rolls guys we know the answer

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No evidence this guy has cheated from what I have read. Has the other half of this guy complained that she isn't happy? There are a lot of unknowns to make any call on the happiness in this relationship as far as I can see.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think I read a similar post from you before op...

I'd concentrate on your own relationship and keep your nose out of others....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think I read a similar post from you before op...

I'd concentrate on your own relationship and keep your nose out of others...."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oupleuncut OP   Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire


"Just make sure he doesn't try turning it back on you that you started it etc... You know what way things can be twisted "
that's exactly what I thought! At the time I was just out of a marriage and didn't want to deal with anyone else's problems. I feel guilty about it but I do think she's seriously in denial

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oupleuncut OP   Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire


"As friends we all want to see our friends be happy....

You already know your friend is not happy with her partner.... Yes she may not like you telling her...

Another way is helping her to figure it out for herself.... Tell her to write down what she wants by the time she is 40 and what she thinksher current partner wants.. "
I actually did something like this on new year's eve with her, I asked my friends their three regrets and their three hopes and hers was to get married which gave me a lump in my throat. I'm just hoping that something will'click' with her and she'll realize that there's more out there for her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oupleuncut OP   Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire


"As friends we all want to see our friends be happy....

You already know your friend is not happy with her partner.... Yes she may not like you telling her...

Another way is helping her to figure it out for herself.... Tell her to write down what she wants by the time she is 40 and what she thinksher current partner wants..

Far kinder in the long run that presenting her with "evidence" that the guy could plausibly talk his way out of (I have to wonder why he has your number in the first place OP??). It's not your place to speculate on what he may or may not be doing behind her back. (Also have to wonder how the other friend knows he has 3 phones, yet his partner apparently does not - the devil is in the detail with all these "dilemmas" )"
he contacted me through facebook messenger. My ex has a couple of phones so I'm always wary about that, just from my own experience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oupleuncut OP   Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire


"Think I read a similar post from you before op...

I'd concentrate on your own relationship and keep your nose out of others...."
I thought the forum was for getting people's opinions. You usually get good advice and it's interesting to get other people's perspective outside your own circle

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *llen n SebbCouple
over a year ago

Walkinstown

Why doesn't she find a guy she can marry and have kids with ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Irrespective of personal issues, 12 years a waiting is a long time...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *llen n SebbCouple
over a year ago

Walkinstown


"Irrespective of personal issues, 12 years a waiting is a long time..."

True...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually... Get your friend to do a threesome, then get the guy into that action as well... Like a blind threesome date akin to Matthew O'Cuntohue rom com situations...

Then either someone will get shagged, or... Someone will get shagged.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was my friend, I'd stalk him, take pictures of his whereabouts and send them to her. He is clearly cheating with other women so let he know otherwise time will just pass her by.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"Irrespective of personal issues, 12 years a waiting is a long time...

True..."

Not every frog turns into a prince when you kiss him

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Irrespective of personal issues, 12 years a waiting is a long time...

True...

Not every frog turns into a prince when you kiss him "

Some turn into filthy rich sheikhs with harems...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top