FabSwingers.com forum: Reasons we cheat

By *oupleuncut OP Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire

I know this is a sensitive subject and I'm not judging anyone. My ex husband cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and at the end of the marriage I cheated on him. The reason was because I had no self esteem, felt rejected and unloved and when an attractive man took an interest in me I felt alive again, my spark came back. I have a married friend who is quite plain but in her 20s she made the most of her looks by wearing nice clothes, keeping her hair styled well and was generally well put together. She met her husband, a very attractive, very dynamic and sociable man. They have been married four years, together eight and have a two year old daughter. Over the last number of years my friend has stopped making an effort with her looks. Her hair is a dull colour, she doesn't bother with makeup and she doesn't socialise anymore. Her husband is still as attractive and sociable as ever. Another friend of ours mentioned that she'd want to be careful because if she doesn't put more of an effort into herself he will end up looking elsewhere...so my question is...why do people cheat?

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By *shoreMan
over a year ago

cork

A good comment....and to be honest i could not answer it....i imagne there are many reasons...

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By *cjoyCouple
over a year ago

Galway

I've wondered this for years...... All I can come up with is that people seem to have a 'grass is greener' mentality.

Miss Mcjoy

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By *irtypair00Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

Well another question is why has she stopped as you say looking after herself ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this is a sensitive subject and I'm not judging anyone. My ex husband cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and at the end of the marriage I cheated on him. The reason was because I had no self esteem, felt rejected and unloved and when an attractive man took an interest in me I felt alive again, my spark came back. I have a married friend who is quite plain but in her 20s she made the most of her looks by wearing nice clothes, keeping her hair styled well and was generally well put together. She met her husband, a very attractive, very dynamic and sociable man. They have been married four years, together eight and have a two year old daughter. Over the last number of years my friend has stopped making an effort with her looks. Her hair is a dull colour, she doesn't bother with makeup and she doesn't socialise anymore. Her husband is still as attractive and sociable as ever. Another friend of ours mentioned that she'd want to be careful because if she doesn't put more of an effort into herself he will end up looking elsewhere...so my question is...why do people cheat?"

I don't think there's one reason, everyone has a different story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because we can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it was because I have two sides to my life which is obvious enough from my profile. My other side has been a part of me since I was a child and having tried to stop many times because of shame abuse and personal guilt I could never shake that need to express myself with others with the same sexual understanding and needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there's one reason, everyone has a different story. "

This

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By *oughandCurvyCouple
over a year ago

galway

That's an interesting question. Sadly I dont think there is an easy answer, every couple's dynamic is differnt and every situation is differnt. I think for some it's low self esteem like the op said, other times I think its the thrill of having a secret, selfishness? I think in most cases it comes down to a lack of good communication, but who knows maybe we just can't help it maybe we're not built for monogamy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's an interesting question. Sadly I dont think there is an easy answer, every couple's dynamic is differnt and every situation is differnt. I think for some it's low self esteem like the op said, other times I think its the thrill of having a secret, selfishness? I think in most cases it comes down to a lack of good communication, but who knows maybe we just can't help it maybe we're not built for monogamy?"

Monogamy is a relatively new ideal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My reason was I had trauma from childhood that drove me to act certain ways, take unnecessary risks. It's not a very good reason but it's the only one I've got unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so if one's partner refuses you any form of sexual activity, do you

a..do with out ..or

b.. look elsewhere. ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so if one's partner refuses you any form of sexual activity, do you

a..do with out ..or

b.. look elsewhere. ?? "

Bin them. Life is literally too short to wait around for someone!

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By *oughandCurvyCouple
over a year ago

galway

Monogamy is a relatively new ideal"

Hah that's my line! People really forget that monogamy hasnt really been around all that long but people still feel pressured into marriage and realise too late that it isnt really for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do we falter at anything? Monogamy is neat and tidy and undoubtedly conducive to child rearing etc. But it's perhaps not for everybody and people don't always feel able to discuss how they actually feel and instead they voice how they think they should feel.

I've never been able to stay faithful and can only imagine how much harder it must be as you get older and things become monotonous and predictable. I doth my cap to anyone that can make a relationship work for many many years with complete honesty, but as of yet I've not even got close and as we can only judge the world through or own experiences, I'm very skeptical of any 'love at first sight' stories. I believe a lot of older couples that make it to old age whitewash the story of their relationship to fit an accepted narrative

Leonard Cohen sang 'there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in' People are not infallible,that's why we cheat.

'The happy functional family' or 'the loving committed couple' are obviously popular narratives and we all want to believe in them. But people will remain fallible until the end of time, so we will always wrong each other.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

There are endless reasons for going astray if you ask me.

obviously nearly everyone on here is not made for monogamy. Couples on here are in the lucky position that they share the same point of view regarding living out their sexual desires. As we know that's not the case in everyone's relationship. We don't know what goes on in other people lives and heads and I certainly don't judge anyone as it's not of my business and the other way around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well another question is why has she stopped as you say looking after herself ? "

Alas, its quite a common ocurrence anongst women who have become settled

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By *oupleuncut OP Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire

"For me it was because I have two sides to my life which is obvious enough from my profile. My other side has been a part of me since I was a child and having tried to stop many times because of shame abuse and personal guilt I could never shake that need to express myself with others with the same sexual understanding and needs.

While my partner is sexually very open and in my opinion very attractive this side of my personality just isn't something she would be into and I have probed many different times to get her opinion on tvs. So for me this is how I fill that void. Fab stops me from going insane and facilitates this side of my life. I cheat and as one female said here last week people like me are cunts full stop no matter what the reason "her words not mine" I found it hard to argue. It's very easy for people to judge someone like me and all I can do is give my side of the story. Fab is the only place I can be honest about the mind fuck that is my life "
it's really sad that you can't be yourself and that you feel your wife wouldn't understand this side of you. Sometimes it's hard to say things out loud because once they are said there is no going back. I'm not sure how I would handle my boyfriend having a need to dress up like you do. I'd like to think that I would accept it because he is an amazing person who I love very much and him expressing himself by dressing up wouldn't change how he is as a person. I took my ex back after he cheated but I always felt that the relationship was tainted, it was never the same for either of us but we dragged it out until the bitter end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well another question is why has she stopped as you say looking after herself ?

Alas, its quite a common ocurrence anongst women who have become settled"

And men

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By *ir1967Man
over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

It is indeed a complex question. Lets start first with the definition of what cheating is.

May be this serves as a base : cheating is the effort of one spouse to satisfy a need outside of his / her committed partnership without the consent of the other spouse or behind the back of the same. As such cheating is not limited to start at sex, it rather has its climax in sexual encounter.

Now let us focus on the sexual part.

By nature the human species is not programmed for monogamy, or any monogam approach is only required for a limited time. That would be the time any offspring needs to evolve to a humam equipped with all features needed fir cave men survival. Approx 4 years from birth of the child It maybe mentioned that the females in their animalistic search are even more hardwired for promiscuity then males. This is due that the cave men programming keeps a woman always interested in supply for healthy genes for her offspring (gatherers). This search continues as longest the fertile cycle of a woman lasts. Usually has peaks during ovulation. Men(hunters) have a decrease in their cavemen need to spread after they have reproduced. After succesful reproduction men go to flirt around to confirm themselve their own vitality, e.g. fooling around with women much younger then themself. However the performance peak for men is beteeen 18 and 30. It is oriven that mens sexual energy to reproduce decreases from the afe of 30 with a small peak revival around 40 to 45 (miflife crisis) . Femal sexual power starts to rause from the age of 30 so it is counter cyclic. In fact the increase of need for sexual satisfaction outperforms males at same age when the woman is in her and 30 mid 40.

Lifetime monogamy is a patriarchic social concept and as for several 1000 years among humans females were rather considered property then equaks with the excemption of sone exclusive upper class environments where women were able to even obtain power ( Nofrete Cleopatra, Elisabeth I , Katharina II to nane a few. Even in todays western society the emancipation of women is still teenaging, enforced by the fact thst the hjnters are iften single breadwinners. That enforfes the social demand of fidelity .

The scenario the OP reveals several causes for infidelity

1) low selfesteem of either partner which hibders to communicate mutually desires and needs. Since in Ireland sex is still considered as some sinful and dirty hanky panky affair, partners often do not dare to address their needs. This can be birn out of insecurity or shame deoending on the childhood background. Modern media and pornography doesn't maje it better as it often creates inages of what sec us supposed to be far from reality. Even for fetish desires industrial porn often displays a distorted picture..but that us worth another thread.

2. Everyone knows the buttrrfly feeling in the stomag at the early days of a relation. But we all grow up with the concept whereby the definition of love is degraded to a bartering deal of i give you and you give me. That ends fast in a bakanceshèet reconciliation where ine if the spouses will feel shortchanged. This combined that the person we project into the other partner is not the same we wake up to two years later. A good recipe to trigger future cheating. Many couples..not all...convert after the butterfly phase of the early days from soul mates into room mates. And if we assume that pizza is your favorite meal...would you like to have it every day for the rest of your life? I doubt it, says my caveman.

Conclusion

The need for multiple partners us given by nature

To manage this needs in open communication rather than dishonest cheating is based on the individual maturity of the partners to address their desired.

Got a little long... sorry

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By *ir1967Man
over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

This was typed on the phonr. So sorry fir the typos

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By *ymguylMan
over a year ago

ennis

the blame game has no where to go on this one' people stop talking to one another' people don't change because of not going to gym or doing there hair or looking fab all the time' people forget the the first rule' talking

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By *ojos jugsWoman
over a year ago

Bangor

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By *ojos jugsWoman
over a year ago

Bangor

While my partner is sexually very open and in my opinion very attractive this side of my personality just isn't something she would be into and I have probed many different times to get her opinion on tvs. So for me this is how I fill that void. Fab stops me from going insane and facilitates this side of my life. I cheat and as one female said here last week people like me are cunts full stop no matter what the reason "her words not mine" I found it hard to argue. It's very easy for people to judge someone like me and all I can do is give my side of the story. Fab is the only place I can be honest about the mind fuck that is my life it's really sad that you can't be yourself and that you feel your wife wouldn't understand this side of you. Sometimes it's hard to say things out loud because once they are said there is no going back. I'm not sure how I would handle my boyfriend having a need to dress up like you do. I'd like to think that I would accept it because he is an amazing person who I love very much and him expressing himself by dressing up wouldn't change how he is as a person. I took my ex back after he cheated but I always felt that the relationship was tainted, it was never the same for either of us but we dragged it out until the bitter end."

He will always be the same person you fell in luv with, no matter wot he wears.. Clothes don't maketh the man as they say. I was in a long relationship with a married man once, he eventually told me about his need to crossdress and I thot `why not`.. he wife was very prude and definately wud not have understood his needs, the poor guy was tormented for many years.. it was such a relief for him to disclose his fantasies eventually tho and the sex was outa this world!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some very detailed interesting dialogue to date....Is Monogamy an unnatural state of expectation? ..Yes for many it will be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boredom can light the fire, but if it's not kept under control, those cracks are going to become chasms.

Everyone likes to feel wanted, don't give your partner a reason to play with matches...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attractive btw). My ex wife went from someone who took care of herself to not brushing her hair showering etc. I was 100% convinced it was post natal depression. Before all you ladies jump in your high horse I offered help. It was so

Draining for me. I was working, coming home cooking, cleaning etc ( again before high horse is mounted ladies I know a lot of woman do

This). But in my eyes i looked at my mates who

Would not lift a finger

And think I'm helping her here what's up! Their wives were praising me. In the end we ended up in separate rooms. So 14 months with no

Sex no

Kissing and separate beds I cheated. I did not want to

Be a cheat. But i craved attention. I was 32 and in my eyes in good shape. I was sociable, outgoing and looked after myself. In the end we split up. But I regret everyday cheating. Lesson ppl don't cheat it morally fucks your head up! Not worth it! But we cheat for many reasons

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By *usantv40TV/TS
over a year ago

north co dublin

I have two reasons I am a tv my wife hates it and she not in to sex any more and I am

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By *hiteKniteMan
over a year ago

Nearby

I think the self esteem aspect of it shouldn't be under estimated

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once asked a "happily" married guy why he cheated and he said its just how I am... Now I know it stems from his wife making him feel like he's inferior... Then he cheats with another women and feels like a man again. It's an ego boost.

I think people cheat because ultimately they want to feel better about themselves. That may come in the form of living out sexual fantasies that would be unacceptable to your partner or just looking for friendship and comfort.

Not all cheaters want to leave their partners they just need that release.

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth."

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why...

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why..."

Ahh bullshit. The reason why is selfishness simple as. Saying anything else is just another flat out lie to themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

I wish things were so black and white. Not that I'm going to share my personal and individual reason for cheating but there are reasons and very valid ones. I'll never apologise or feel guilty for it. Must be a nice seat to sit on, the seat of judgement.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Itd be great to live the perfect life eh!!...

...live and let live folks..

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why...

Ahh bullshit. The reason why is selfishness simple as. Saying anything else is just another flat out lie to themselves "

There seems to be many reasons... and a few honest replies why they cheat.

I meet a married lady now and then, her hubby is in wheelchair and can't even get a horn.. so in your eyes she should do without!!

Yes she is a cheater, freely admit to it... but she wants/needs/enjoys sex now and then.

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read somewhere that humans aren't designed to be monogamous. ...who can say really.. Some people believe in it because of their religious beliefs, or maybe because of their upbringing. Its the dogma that pisses me off about it. What right has anyone, to judge complete strangers on their lifestyle.. surely only a narrow minded person would tar all people who commit adultery, with the same brush..May I suggest a little tolerance perhaps. .

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

"I read somewhere that humans aren't designed to be monogamous. ...who can say really.. Some people believe in it because of their religious beliefs, or maybe because of their upbringing. Its the dogma that pisses me off about it. What right has anyone, to judge complete strangers on their lifestyle.. surely only a narrow minded person would tar all people who commit adultery, with the same brush..May I suggest a little tolerance perhaps. ."

Very well said!

Like in my post above, this lady looks after her hubby in w/chair, I do her garden for her and every now and then we meet for fun.

Not at it every day.... but every now and then she just needs sex.

Why she should have to do without.. or why someone should say she must do without is very unreasonable!

She is termed a cheater etc etc... Her life is hard enough!!

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By *appyone4uMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I say live and let live. I don't judge and don't want to be judged. Everyone has their own reasons for what they do. I always say if you don't like something, walk away. Why some people take so much energy to judge others is beyond me?

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

well this lady was only 31 when her hubby fell off ladder at home.. why someone should insist she should never have sex again is beyond me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well this lady was only 31 when her hubby fell off ladder at home.. why someone should insist she should never have sex again is beyond me!"
....would she ever mention any bi tendencies at all....?...(coughs...)

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

"well this lady was only 31 when her hubby fell off ladder at home.. why someone should insist she should never have sex again is beyond me!....would she ever mention any bi tendencies at all....?...(coughs...)"

Not that I know of...

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

"I say live and let live. I don't judge and don't want to be judged. Everyone has their own reasons for what they do. I always say if you don't like something, walk away. Why some people take so much energy to judge others is beyond me?"

Oh stop. If you're attached and fucking someone behind your partners back then your a cheat and basically a selfish ass. There's no getting around that fact. Cry judge all you like but the truth is the truth.

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

Yes this lady is a cheat and selfish ass! 100%

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

Yes this lady is a cheat and selfish ass! 100%"

Well if her husband doesn't know then yeah she'd be a cheat.

I know I sound pretty rigid on this topic and I am. There's just some things that just aren't ok and lying to your partner and trying to justify it is at the top of the list.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well this lady was only 31 when her hubby fell off ladder at home.. why someone should insist she should never have sex again is beyond me!"
....There are always those who would imagine that their personal opinion is somehow a standard that we should all adhere to....I wouldn't worry too much about them. ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on. "
..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No doubt about it. Folk love to shout shame at others because their sins are different to my sins.

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

"No doubt about it. Folk love to shout shame at others because their sins are different to my sins. "

Nothing to do with that. There's right and wrong. No in between with a lot of things and this is one of those things.

Instead maybe it's best to treat people the way you want to be treated.....especially the ppl we say we love and have a commitment to.

It's usually the people that scream "don't judge me" are the ones most guilty or feeling guilt bc of something shitty they've done n don't want to face up to it. The less hipracritical ones will say "yeah, I fucked up. I own it and I'm not making that mistake again"

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By *appyone4uMan
over a year ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 17/05/16 16:09:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha ha....guilty until proved innocent. ....guantanamo beckons. ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yawn!!!!!!

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By *appyone4uMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on. "

Well said... 100% agree...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No doubt about it. Folk love to shout shame at others because their sins are different to my sins.

Nothing to do with that. There's right and wrong. No in between with a lot of things and this is one of those things.

Instead maybe it's best to treat people the way you want to be treated.....especially the ppl we say we love and have a commitment to.

I made that mistake, I cheated. I regret it every day, your right I'm a piece of shit. It's a moral judgement that I made which has changed my life for the better. You can judge me all you like because I'm happy in myself and as things stand I haven't hurt anyone. The decision to cheat hurts no one, doing it in a manner that will destroy someone you love does. But ye know I'm not as blessed as some with the perfect relationship, how boring would that be.

While you are entitled to your opinion I find it pretty narrow minded, not a phrase I like using but your choice of words is less forgiving so I don't think you will mind. Thing is sooner or later a family member or close friend will cheat and yu will support them or at least keep quiet about it because while you might have a strong opinion on it I seriously doubt your moral conviction's are so strong that you would hang them out to dry. No one agrees with the idea of cheating but you would be lying to yourself as well as us if you said you turned a blind eye to it with someone you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No doubt about it. Folk love to shout shame at others because their sins are different to my sins.

Nothing to do with that. There's right and wrong. No in between with a lot of things and this is one of those things.

Instead maybe it's best to treat people the way you want to be treated.....especially the ppl we say we love and have a commitment to.

Did someone cheat on you ? You have a very strong opinion on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People who don't cheat seem to think that people who do don't love their partners. I haven't seen one person on this thread or any other thread say one of the reasons they cheat is that they don't love their partner. Life isn't black and white. It's multi coloured and complicated and often shit. People do what they need to do and who is anyone else to judge?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People who don't cheat seem to think that people who do don't love their partners. I haven't seen one person on this thread or any other thread say one of the reasons they cheat is that they don't love their partner. Life isn't black and white. It's multi coloured and complicated and often shit. People do what they need to do and who is anyone else to judge?"

Well said.

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

"No doubt about it. Folk love to shout shame at others because their sins are different to my sins.

Nothing to do with that. There's right and wrong. No in between with a lot of things and this is one of those things.

Instead maybe it's best to treat people the way you want to be treated.....especially the ppl we say we love and have a commitment to.

Did someone cheat on you ? You have a very strong opinion on it."

You don't have to be a victim of something to have a strong opinion on it one way or another.

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By *herry_bombshellWoman
over a year ago

northside

In this case you mean people do what they WANT to do. Never in my life have I ever heard someone say they needed to cheat on their partner.

I do find it interesting the word judge/judging is being used so much. It's something nearly required on this. We judge when we read a profile, we judge when we look at posted or shared photos, we judge when we meet face to face to see if it will go further yet to take a stand on something as morally wrong as betraying a partner for personal gratification is bringing uproar. God. I love fab some days. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

funny way of showing love, it you cheat and lie to them day in day out don't you think..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well another question is why has she stopped as you say looking after herself ? "

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By *ornybelfastcplCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

Each person has their own particular reasoning and justification, however it all boils down to the biological imperative to reproduce, to spread our genes far and wide. We are simple animals restricted by an artificial set of rules. try as we might, we cannot deny our true nature, we might be deeply in love with our partner but that doesn't stop us gagging to knock a slice off Bridgid with the big tits across the street, hence swinging...

polygamy and polyamory are the best compromise..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Each person has their own particular reasoning and justification, however it all boils down to the biological imperative to reproduce, to spread our genes far and wide. We are simple animals restricted by an artificial set of rules. try as we might, we cannot deny our true nature, we might be deeply in love with our partner but that doesn't stop us gagging to knock a slice off Bridgid with the big tits across the street, hence swinging...

polygamy and polyamory are the best compromise..

"
.....sounds good to us.....unfortunately the westboro bapist church seems to have opened a branch office on fab...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Again...natural hardwiring in humans brain is polygame. Religions and any sort of beliefs are social fenomens not genetic.

However since no longer are at cavemen level and have developed sskills and ethtics, norms how to treat each other our cavemen instincts does not hinder us to have monogamous commitment. And i cannot see why i need to satisfy my needs clandestine if my spouse is my soulbody. Being attracted to more then one is natural....hiding it from the most loved one is not. Usually the pain of being cheated is sourced by the lie to hide the deed not the deed itself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on. "

Pretty sure i could manage a day as a married man without tripping and falling into another pussy

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By *amdublinMan
over a year ago

Paris

cheating is d worst thing to its better to be honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on.

Pretty sure i could manage a day as a married man without tripping and falling into another pussy"

I know its a serious subject but this made me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on.

Pretty sure i could manage a day as a married man without tripping and falling into another pussy"

You might managed it but that doesn't mean your bride would

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By *oupleuncut OP Couple
over a year ago

dun laoghaire

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why...

Ahh bullshit. The reason why is selfishness simple as. Saying anything else is just another flat out lie to themselves

There seems to be many reasons... and a few honest replies why they cheat.

I meet a married lady now and then, her hubby is in wheelchair and can't even get a horn.. so in your eyes she should do without!!

Yes she is a cheater, freely admit to it... but she wants/needs/enjoys sex now and then.

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime!"
people in wheelchairs can still get an erection and can have a sex life...

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why...

Ahh bullshit. The reason why is selfishness simple as. Saying anything else is just another flat out lie to themselves

There seems to be many reasons... and a few honest replies why they cheat.

I meet a married lady now and then, her hubby is in wheelchair and can't even get a horn.. so in your eyes she should do without!!

Yes she is a cheater, freely admit to it... but she wants/needs/enjoys sex now and then.

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime! people in wheelchairs can still get an erection and can have a sex life..."

Depends on his condition

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why...

Ahh bullshit. The reason why is selfishness simple as. Saying anything else is just another flat out lie to themselves

There seems to be many reasons... and a few honest replies why they cheat.

I meet a married lady now and then, her hubby is in wheelchair and can't even get a horn.. so in your eyes she should do without!!

Yes she is a cheater, freely admit to it... but she wants/needs/enjoys sex now and then.

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime! people in wheelchairs can still get an erection and can have a sex life...

Depends on his condition "

My heart goes out to her, and she's dead right to seek out some pleasure in her life. Only someone in that situation knows what it's like.

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By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

Why one cheats....

Lack of communication, to much texting...

Listening to family and friends giving relationship advice...

And if you don't give enough attention to your partner another person will..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/05/16 19:36:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody bar those involved will know the complexities of a relationship, the only thing we all know is that nothing is ever black and white; there is no one reason and no end to the reasons. To say there's no inbetween is unfair, in my opinion.

Sex doesn’t make a relationship yet it may be the only thing lacking for some; it is something most need after all, for lack of a better word. Just because someone seeks as much on here or elsewhere doesn’t mean they don’t love their partner. Sex is like any other aspect of a relationship, yes it will play varying levels of importance but it’s just one of many things that make one; none of which define a relationship. The emphasis put on sex as a means of expressing yourself is skewed, is it shameful to seek comfort in conversation with another if you feel you can’t express yourself to your partner? Does that mean you don’t love them? No.

It can also be complicated, like life in general. I can’t imagine what it may be like to feel you can’t fully express yourself to your partner; be that through a mere fantasy, a lifestyle or a genuine physical hindrance. I can’t imagine what it may be like to be in an emotionally disconnected relationship. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship.

Yes there'll be vindictive and negative reasons for some but I won't tar everyone with the same brush. Just because I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors doesn’t mean I have to be ignorant to it. That’s my two cents anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im relatively new to the site and read the forums from time to time and laugh at some of the topics.

At a guess I would say there are very few on here that broadcast that they are swingers or cheaters or CDs or gay and basically it is no ones business but their own.

How many swinging couples have told their family they have sex with others with their partners approval and even with their partners there?"

Without pointing fingers and it's been my experience of the male of some couples looking to meet on the sly. Needless to say that's definitely not for me and have said so.

So maybe some people should think twice before judging others, life is a long road and we don't know what the future holds. All we can do is our best and we'll never please all of the people all of the time.

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By *ir1967Man
over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

"Nobody bar those involved will know the complexities of a relationship, the only thing we all know is that nothing is ever black and white; there is no one reason and no end to the reasons. To say there's no inbetween is unfair, in my opinion.

I am not getting it. An emotionkess relationship? What is the point you sustain it? Martyrdom?

And abusive relationship...well get da gell out of it....

But either is not a justification for lie and betrayal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We cheated by, LACK of sex,passion,armony,spark,looks sexy before u partner,ideas,be a good cook,conversartion,etc..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said. So many on here who take the moral high ground on their high horse. It's a long long way down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We cheat because we feel the need to its simple as that if we didnt we wouldnt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, putting it bluntly I don't care what anyone thinks about cheating. If you don't like it don't message me. Simple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People lie and cheat because they don't care enough about their partner to be honest. End of.

Slice it any way you want try to defend it any way you want but it's the hard truth.

Reading through the thread it seems people have admitted they are cheating... but many are giving the reasons Why!

Yes it is the hard trust but so also are the reasons Why...

Ahh bullshit. The reason why is selfishness simple as. Saying anything else is just another flat out lie to themselves

There seems to be many reasons... and a few honest replies why they cheat.

I meet a married lady now and then, her hubby is in wheelchair and can't even get a horn.. so in your eyes she should do without!!

Yes she is a cheater, freely admit to it... but she wants/needs/enjoys sex now and then.

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime! people in wheelchairs can still get an erection and can have a sex life...

Depends on his condition

My heart goes out to her, and she's dead right to seek out some pleasure in her life. Only someone in that situation knows what it's like. "

Exactly, i mean why let something as meaningless as a marriage vow get in the way of your bit of fun, eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well, putting it bluntly I don't care what anyone thinks about cheating. If you don't like it don't message me. Simple. "

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By *ojos jugsWoman
over a year ago

Bangor

"Itd be great to live the perfect life eh!!...

...live and let live folks.."

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By *ouple 0073Couple
over a year ago

donegal

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By *ornybelfastcplCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

It is absolutely human nature, honed by millions of year of evolutionary biology. Free will is an illusion, every decision we make is driven by needs and desires that we have no control over...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want some cake then...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow such judgement. As they say, walk a day in my shoes and see how you get on.

Pretty sure i could manage a day as a married man without tripping and falling into another pussy"
.....as long as the married pussy has "permission".....you're ok with it....lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not getting it. An emotionkess relationship? What is the point you sustain it? Martyrdom?

And abusive relationship...well get da gell out of it....

But either is not a justification for lie and betrayal."
......women's refuges are full of people who "got the hell out".....with the clothes on their back.....you have no idea what you're talking about sir....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/05/16 22:48:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure how useful these type of threads asking opinion on moral stances are, if only to inform the status of other fabbers. It is always a very divisive subject with each of our own experiences tarnishing our views on the subject. As everyone entitled to their opinion, I would never challenge another fabbers stance. I personally don't judge anyone. I am not walking in their shoes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *eadue stallionMan
over a year ago

Yes

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime! people in wheelchairs can still get an erection and can have a sex life..."

Indeed... but this guy can't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She is only in her early 40's, so in your eyes she should never have any more sex in her lifetime! people in wheelchairs can still get an erection and can have a sex life...

Indeed... but this guy can't!"

She absolutely deserves happiness and to live a life with a physical connection. She's not alone.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

It's easy to moralise and preach when you're in a 'perfect' relationship where both sides are into swinging and life is all rosy or when you have no commitments whatsoever - until things go wrong.... I don't wish anyone bad, and may destiny never put any hurdles into your way.

However life is not black and white for everyone, and sometimes life can be a bitch. Unfortunately not everyone finds the 'perfect' relationship but it still might be a good one, one with happy kids, but also one with some flaws, ie no sex for what reason whatsoever. Now according to the moralists rather than cheating the recommendation is to break up the relationship and turn a whole family's life upside down or alternatively just be a good boy/girl and get on with your sexless life.

As far as I know adultery is no crime in this country otherwise we wouldn't be on a swinger site but some make it sound like it is one. Aren't we all here for the same? Why do some feel they're more entitled to live out their sexual desires over others? It's simple and sheer sex, we don't speak about emotions and affairs. You'd really expect that a swinger has a bit more understanding and tolerance. By that I'm don't mean you've to applaud cheating but maybe to think twice before you reach a verdict.

Finally I certainly don't feel empowered to question other people's love, relationship, decisions and life style, especially when I don't even know them. It's rather arrogant tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so if one's partner refuses you any form of sexual activity, do you

a..do with out ..or

b.. look elsewhere. ?? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so if one's partner refuses you any form of sexual activity, do you

a..do with out ..or

b.. look elsewhere. ??

My partner completely went off sex about 3 years ago,tried till talk to see why but till no avail, think the last time anything happens between us was last August,after her asking for me to get the snip and me agreeing still nothing, so does one as the above says just do without an wank every night or go and look elsewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so if one's partner refuses you any form of sexual activity, do you

a..do with out ..or

b.. look elsewhere. ??

Well that's you're choice. Freedom of choice and responsibilities of consequence. Without judgement.

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By *eep Sexy VoiceMan
over a year ago

South

Well said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's easy to moralise and preach when you're in a 'perfect' relationship where both sides are into swinging and life is all rosy or when you have no commitments whatsoever - until things go wrong.... I don't wish anyone bad, and may destiny never put any hurdles into your way.

However life is not black and white for everyone, and sometimes life can be a bitch. Unfortunately not everyone finds the 'perfect' relationship but it still might be a good one, one with happy kids, but also one with some flaws, eg. no sex for whatever reason . Now according to the moralists rather than cheating the recommendation is to break up the relationship and turn a whole family's life upside down or alternatively just be a good boy/girl and get on with your sexless life.

Finally I certainly don't feel empowered to question other people's love, relationship, decisions and life style, especially when I don't even know them. It's rather arrogant tbh. "

If this was aimed on our posts...apologies if anyone feels judged, that was not intended.

We agree, nothing is black and white, but there is no such thing like "finding the perfect relationship". A couple can work on creating one, and it is not an overnight thing as well as it needs permanent maintenance, but it certainly cannot be found like one may find a coin on the street nor does it come itself.

If cheating is triggered by short falls within the relationship, one would think the relationship is at limbo anyways. Sustaining it for the sake of the kids....well.... Are the kids still that happy if the love of their parents is broken, even if they don't know why there is an issue between mum and dad, they certainly feel it and it certainly has a negative impact on their happiness, but that's worth another thread.

No, adultery is no crime indeed. But does cheating solve any of the issues within the relationship or does it actually bring things from bad to worse if revealed. ( And this is a small country, no matter how clandestine one organizes it, earlier or later the cheated one will know...)

We do not issue verdicts, we only state how we for our self would think and feel about it. If you feel it is a verdict...then it is an interpretation of our statement but not the content of our statement itself.

It is however inconvenient to play with a cheater and then getting the drama or even the the blame for their failing relationship...

Again, this is our view on the matter and should not serve as verdict about others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Finally I certainly don't feel empowered to question other people's love, relationship, decisions and life style, especially when I don't even know them. It's rather arrogant tbh. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My reason was I had trauma from childhood that drove me to act certain ways, take unnecessary risks. It's not a very good reason but it's the only one I've got unfortunately "

I think there are a lot of people on FAB that have been influenced by childhood trauma / events .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My reason was I had trauma from childhood that drove me to act certain ways, take unnecessary risks. It's not a very good reason but it's the only one I've got unfortunately

I think there are a lot of people on FAB that have been influenced by childhood trauma / events .

Yep it seems to be a coping mechanism for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My reason was I had trauma from childhood that drove me to act certain ways, take unnecessary risks. It's not a very good reason but it's the only one I've got unfortunately

I think there are a lot of people on FAB that have been influenced by childhood trauma / events .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I blame my illness for the most part.

The rest is on me though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some have a greater need for variety than others.....

Some are more selfish than others...

Some are more needy than others

Some are bolder than others

Guilty on all counts

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