FabSwingers.com forum: Advice please

By *umwhore1 OP Woman
over a year ago

Limerick/Tipperary

Due to recent circumstances I have been spending a great deal of time with my ex and realized I want him back. He is currently living with another woman. Is it wrong for me to try get him back ? We have two children together , and we're together for nine years before he cheated on me, which caused the break up. Any advice would be welcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Due to recent circumstances I have been spending a great deal of time with my ex and realized I want him back. He is currently living with another woman. Is it wrong for me to try get him back ? We have two children together , and we're together for nine years before he cheated on me, which caused the break up. Any advice would be welcome."

I think its only right to leave the man be and make his own choices,if hes happy why interfere with his new life,its a bit of a mind fuck when your with someone for a long time then they break up with you and when your happily getting on with your life they want you back,speaking from experience here btw, in all honesty is not fair,i know it sounds harsh but youve had your chance and it didnt work so unless hes coming to you saying he wants you back you should just leave it be,thats my 2c anyways

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By *rutus83Man
over a year ago

naas

If it didn't work out the first time given it a second chance is gonna have the same outcome and ruin the relationship ye have as single parents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All due respect to you mrs tipp, but have to agree with kinky. Let sleeping dogs ly and move on with your life. You will be better for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say he cheated on you, which caused you two to break up. Understandably, so it must have hurt to say the least.

Think of it then as you being the woman he cheats with on this other woman he's living with. Would you want her to go through what you did?

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By *isdirtygirlWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

Id agree with the posters above im sorry to say. In all honesty would you trust him again without having niggling doubts in your mind whether or not he'd cheat on you again. I know youve had a hard time lately and might be feeling vulnerable and a bit low. Turning to him for comfort might be ok now but in the long run i think youre setting yourself up to be hurt again. Things will brighten up for you my friend,be patient with yourself first and the rest will fall into place for you xxxx

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

He might not feel the same as you op, has that crossed your mind. Maybe just getting on with you for kids too. .. I would personally not go there......

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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

Tricky...don't think you will feel good either way .....if he returns your advances while living with someone else well then that's not good and if he doesn't that's not good either your between a rock and a hard place....leave things be and just be good parents...a good father to your children is worth his waight in gold

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave sleeping dogs lie and as u say, he's now in a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tricky...don't think you will feel good either way .....if he returns your advances while living with someone else well then that's not good and if he doesn't that's not good either your between a rock and a hard place....leave things be and just be good parents...a good father to your children is worth his waight in gold"

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By *umwhore1 OP Woman
over a year ago

Limerick/Tipperary

We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?

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By *0shadesofashWoman
over a year ago

DUBLIN

"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?"
and what if he done the same thing all over again on you is it really worth going threw all that heartbreak again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does your husband know that you are on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He sounds like a piece of work...I'd say good riddance if I were you!

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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

Only you can answer that...but I think you should wait until he is unattached.....and you could both make a new start....good luck whatever you choose xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sorta see where your coming from OP in an ideal world maybe if you both wanted it to work it could. But he's with someone else and he obviously doesn't want it like you do. Move on xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah a real catch it seems..... Being a good father is no reason to get back together with an ex... Being a good father should be natural and not considered a blessing if you ask me,self worth is what you need to think of here i feel tho, is it really worth all the bullshit thats going to come with getting back together, you are at the end of the day talking about trying to steal some other womans man which isnt a very nice Thing to be doing,if he does go back to you doesnt it prove that he hasnt changed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?"
no its not he cheated and lied to you and also lied to the other girl he will do it again and you will be thinking every time he's out is he with someone else

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By *umwhore1 OP Woman
over a year ago

Limerick/Tipperary

"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ? and what if he done the same thing all over again on you is it really worth going threw all that heartbreak again "

Honest answer is I don't know. It was so much the cheating, was more the shame that he got someone else pregnant. Everyone knows he did this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your questioning if you should do this or not, then deep down you know your answer, sorry he put you through this, but chances are even if ye got back together - you will forever question his fidelity and you deserve much better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once a cheater, always a cheater. There is something in people that enable them to cheat. When he did previously, he demonstrated a blatant disregard for your heart and the feelings that you had for him then. To then cheat knowing your feelings takes a different mentality. It's something i wouldn't go back to personally. You just need to do what is best for you. Good luck OP x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If in doubt, there is no doubt

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By *umwhore1 OP Woman
over a year ago

Limerick/Tipperary

How is it stealing another woman's man. I'm his wife.

He doesn't know I'm on here. If we got back together , I would suggest we swing together. That way we both could indulge in others but done on a trust basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You poor woman, as someone who had the same thing done on them I would agree with the other comments. You probably need to get some counseling and work on yourself, you've been through a lot and your probably focusing on the good times instead of the bed times you both shared. You need to learn how to respect yourself and realise that you deserve so much more and that's where the counselling will help. I know it's hard to hear but you'll get strong and you'll meet someone who will treat you with the love honesty and respect you deserve, stay strong x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww not easy. If it is to be, it will be. I think if ur hubby wanted you back he would have approached the subject by now. I suggest surround yourself with others. Get out there. Join something new, i.e. New gym class, hobby etc. Just mingle with other peeps, guys and gals. Flirt, have a laugh. Find yourself and find happiness. Good luck OP x.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How is it stealing another woman's man. I'm his wife.

He doesn't know I'm on here. If we got back together , I would suggest we swing together. That way we both could indulge in others but done on a trust basis."

U are his wife but yet he's playing happy families with someone else.. If the lady he cheated on u with didn't get pregnant, would you of found out?? Would he have left you??

Honestly I think you've made your mind up..but don't forget all the hurt he had caused. Your willing to put yourself and your kids through that again ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand it's hard to turn your feelings off for someone, especially after nine years. You've done the right thing asking for advice instead of rushing into anything, although I do think you're leaning one way a bit more than the other. If as you say the other woman broke up with him too then that's a little different, if not you've been in her shoes remember that.

As others have said, take a good step back and make sure any feelings aren't just from your end.

In the meantime just enjoy the moment, if it happens it happens. Good luck with whatever you decide OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My guess is you don't really know why he cheated on you,if there is a reason, their could be many.You dearly want to know, and you want answers which youre intitled to and you probably might be healthier knowing them.No it is not wrong to want him back. but it can and will never go back to where you first started.It would and will be an entirely new relationship.You wont be able to just simply pick up from where you last were .If you want him back truly want him back it has to be a well thought through descision, accepting that you will have to make many changes that you as yet don't know what they my be .You may not be able to make these changes through no fault of youre own . In which case a reconciliation is doomed and pointless.I fear that you were too quick to give him the door .Which you now have to regret as you want him back and he has a value and worth to you that you didn't consider at the time of you breaking up with him .If you can accept what you already know and are prepared to share blame where ever it has yet to be found and have the inner resources to eat a lot of pride and search for those ugly truths that you wont want to find , you should then proceed, with a view that a reconciliation is viable and worth while for all considered. All and any of this will only happen if he wants it the same as you or at least he can be brought to at least give it his full countenance.You will have to be totally honest with him, and him with you.You have a great chance as youre still on good terms and he is the father of youre two lovely children.For now enhance youre friendship, with him ,ffs don't be seen with other men. Present yourself in the best light possible in his company and eyeshot.Let him know slowly that you regret youre speedy dismissal of him, and show a total willingness to change and learn what went wrong , thing to remember is you don't know what it is yet.When the time is right , have it well thought out and the trap set , let him know youre thoughts , and hopefully he will tell you his.This may take many attempts and some time .Again you might not like what youre going to hear so be prepared.If and only if and that's all that it is , that he does open up and tell you , why he cheated on you? ,what kind of a man he really is? ,and or wants to be , then and only then can you proceed to the next step, which is now that you are in possession of the knowledge you hitherto hav'nt had , do you want to proceed with a full reconciliation. You may not.If you do and again youre confident you can match his requirements and his yours , well just be plain bold about it go for it , ask him out straight.If he doesn't accept initially don't panic keep that door open that you once closed in haste, for right or for wrong. Give it time let it slow burn. The very fact that you have sown that little acorn in youre efforts, it may well grow.If given long enough and it doesn't come back youre way. Fully accept it and move on ,but tell him so at that time .It will do you good and cover youre arse if he ever comes running back , when he finally knows that door is closed.This whole process could be a lengthy one . Let the kids know you love daddy and you want him back beleive me they will fight on youre behalf behind closed doors when youre not about, like little wee solicitors they will argue youre case like no one else .Each big hug and kiss you plant on him in front of the kids it is another stab at his current relationship and a bandage on youre own that you want back. You will have to be ruthless and have zero regard for his new woman in youre heart of hearts , Faint heart never won fair lady and less so in the pursuit of a mans heart.So its answers first , descision second ,application third ,execution last in that order. lastly what ever will happen will happen and you will a have to live with that and run with it.I hope this was of some help for you , and best of luck to you .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You poor woman, as someone who had the same thing done on them I would agree with the other comments. You probably need to get some counseling and work on yourself, you've been through a lot and your probably focusing on the good times instead of the bed times you both shared. You need to learn how to respect yourself and realise that you deserve so much more and that's where the counselling will help. I know it's hard to hear but you'll get strong and you'll meet someone who will treat you with the love honesty and respect you deserve, stay strong x "

This is good advice OP, I know that it's hard but why would you want him back after what he has done to you and your children , I say let her keep him , what a prize .

Chin up it will take time but you will get there

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By *excockMan
over a year ago

waterford

I hate to hear of someone being cheated on.. it breaks my heart.. it has to be the most cowardly way to treat someone.

As you can tell... stuff like this makes my blood boil!

Relationships end.. when they do people should have the decency to leave without ripping the other persons world apart.

It sounds like he left you and the other woman he cheated on you with.. left you both to raise his kids.. while he fucked off.

How many other women has he done this too since leaving you? Who knows. Its true once a cheater..always will be.

You need to stay well clear of this guy.. let him see his kids but keep your distance yourself.. I know you're probably thinking it'll be good for the kids, and it would if he was a good guy.. but he didn't care before..he won't care now.. I can't see any happy ending here for you with him.

The good news is.. You'll find someone much better for you

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By *r8 kisserMan
over a year ago

087 2141 220

Hi cumwhore how can u say he "cheated"? just curious was he a swinger himself? if he wasn't and didn't know that you are, sure isn't it you that's been doing the cheating lol. sorry if this is an invasive question, just an opinion

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By *umwhore1 OP Woman
over a year ago

Limerick/Tipperary

He cheated with another woman who didn't know he was married. She got pregnant and also broke up with him. She also felt cheated. He now has a different girlfriend which he lives with. I was not on the site when this happened, only joined afterwards. I don't know if he was on site, don't think he was. I just feel I'm still his wife and deserve to give it another go. I'm afraid it might happen again also will people loose respect for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never go back!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I can add is that only you can decide as to what your future will be.

I highly doubt anyone will lose respect for you, why would they?

Although there's one thing I might ask...

Have you both spoken about rekindling what you had, or is it something you TRULY wanted??

If your ex is the one who's brought up the thoughts of getting back together then I'd be very sceptical as you don't really know what's going on behind (his) closed doors.

If it's something that YOU have thought about and haven't been influenced by someone else then ok.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck and I hope things work out, one way or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay friends - but move on would be my advice. How long has he been with his new woman ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think leave it is the best thing to do for now.

Chances are high he would cheat again,are you prepared to out yourself and your kids through the heartache of that again?

I understand you're his wife and I totally get where you're coming from. If it was just you in your own I'd have no hesitation in saying "go for it" but you've your two kids to take into account aswell.

In an ideal world their parents would be together and happy but this hasn't worked out once, I don't know if I could be prepared to try again after all of what you've just described, no matter how much I missed him and wanted him back

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By *irdnBorisMan
over a year ago

meath

To be honest with you op hes moved on to another after the other woman dumped him so what does that tell you read all the comments stay well clear of him let him do his fatherhood duties as he should and leave it at that you would have your heart ripped apart again and again and as for if you got back together and wanted him to get into swinging i dont think many would want to meet him hes probly on here anyways and once an ass always an ass he doesnt deserve you so dont be foolish and let him walk over you again and get the divorce papers asap so you can move on with your life in what ever you decide to do all the best op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think the usual move on is what the OP want to hear she knows that already! She want her husband back! I say go for it becareful dont lunch an attack let him come rather than you chase him ! How you say? Well for start regain your power ,be busy , unavailable make yourself desirable dress well classy but sexy always look 110% not only you will look good but you will feel sexier and more confident! We all want what we can have remember that! When you get him set your conditions straight! If you feel its worth the risk go for it take it you only live once and we lear from experiences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont get why someone would want to take back someone who has cheated and not just on them but multiple others.... Seriously some of you ladys can be so silly,weather its a confidence thing or what i dunno ..... Do ye not realize there are men out there that will treat you like a queen and never cheat on you or hurt you? Everybody DESERVES the best in a partner,your worth more than to be treated like that again OP and we dont even know each other!

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By *rDarcy37Man
over a year ago

lucan

Hi, I believe a leopard won't change his spots if he cheated he will probably do it again. Your remembering the good times but not taking into account the pain he caused you.

If he wanted to get back together he would not be with the other lady. You deserve better, someone that respects and honors you by staying loyal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He cheated with another woman who didn't know he was married. She got pregnant and also broke up with him. She also felt cheated. He now has a different girlfriend which he lives with. I was not on the site when this happened, only joined afterwards. I don't know if he was on site, don't think he was. I just feel I'm still his wife and deserve to give it another go. I'm afraid it might happen again also will people loose respect for me."

Maybe deep down he knows he cant stay faithfull to any woman, its just the way he is , that's not youre fault .Name calling and silly tag assignment wheter youre right or wrong wont help you, (Im not saying you have called him names )You must move on beyond that , the first step is to find out ,why ??? if their is a reason, you want something, but the truth is youre unsure . He may well be all the horrible things the wise people on here say he is . but you have to come to that conclusion yourself .Go there , you have the courage to ask , fair play now take that walk, worst case scenario you will get answers.You are a good and fair human being in so far as you will re-examine this .I don't want to be seen to make excuses for him ,well who knows ,only you can find them if they exist.If there arnt well all the better for you and youre conscience.He has had a problem with you and the world, that doesn't automatically make it youre fault and its not , go find out what it was /is.If that's possible. He may be a total bastard and not tell you, Maybe hes unable to for what ever reason.Once you are in possession of more of what he feels /felt then you can proceed.too many egits on here ahhh one strike and youre out , leopard never changes and all that shite . get youre answers first,walk that last mile along the journey if it is to be youre last with him , (in a relationship sense)see what happens .My bet is you wont find out that youre a bad human being ,or weak or at fault but you are indeed a truely very worthwhile person. Go get it , if nothing else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I think you've no respect for yourself or for the poor woman he's living with and definitely no respect for you're ex.

If he wanted to be back with you, he wouldn't have cheated or moved in with someone else. I think you should just accept that he does not want you like that anymore. Move on like he has and leave him, his relationship and his life alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Safe to assume if he was totally available right now you wouldn't be interested in him at all . The workings of the female mind never fail to amaze.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think the usual move on is what the OP want to hear she knows that already! She want her husband back! I say go for it becareful dont lunch an attack let him come rather than you chase him ! How you say? Well for start regain your power ,be busy , unavailable make yourself desirable dress well classy but sexy always look 110% not only you will look good but you will feel sexier and more confident! We all want what we can have remember that! When you get him set your conditions straight! If you feel its worth the risk go for it take it you only live once and we lear from experiences

It may not be what she wants to hear but she did ask for advice.

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By *r8 kisserMan
over a year ago

087 2141 220

Sorry hun, but he sounds a right "Player" and I should know, coz I cheated on my wife, with a new woman who I stayed with for 10yrs, and then I cheated on her too. So, don't ever go back to him, coz if he anything like me he cant promise you fidelity...ever. Move on girl, you deserve better than men like us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry hun, but he sounds a right "Player" and I should know, coz I cheated on my wife, with a new woman who I stayed with for 10yrs, and then I cheated on her too. So, don't ever go back to him, coz if he anything like me he cant promise you fidelity...ever. Move on girl, you deserve better than men like us."

This is precisely the sort of brutal honesty, you need to be able to confront in the pursuit of truth and reasoning.The above may well be a reason , maybe something worse , maybe nothing at all,he may well be like the character above, if he is lets hope hes as honest as the character above , and take his advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such a raw honest post, so refreshing to read!! Fair play to you my dear for reaching out to warn and prevent further hurt for the OP..

My thoughts are with you OP, there is always a bond to our childrens father but at the end of the day kids are on loan.. Your relationship must have good foundations for survival after parenting duties are done.. Swinging with him is not the answer to keep his urges away, yer play is supposed to be yer sexuallity as a couple together not to scratch certain urges and fuck other to keep things new with the security of staying together.. In my humble opinion anyway.. Absolute best of luck my dear hope you make the right choice for yourself!!!

Jules xxx

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick

Do you remember how it felt when you found out he was cheating on you... Why would you take the chance of that happening again. And yes I know some couples do get over it. But the fact you're asking means you have your answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the same position as you a couple of years ago, I felt that maybe myself and my ex could really make a go of it again and I think you still have feelings for him as I did with mine. It's a total head fcuk.

Honestly I weighed everything up.

A: Could I trust her again?

B: What was in it for our kids?

C: A relationship has to happen when 2 people are ready for it, if he's with someone else realistically your being the other woman in his "happy" relationship.

D: Look how far you've come in your life...do you need to go backwards?

E: Work on yourself, don't let the little bit of insecurity take hold. You are where you are in life.

I wouldn't change my life now. I'm happy out and nearing my divorce which I'm doing myself...the feelings I did have for my ex where signs of my insecurities which I worked on and I then realized it wouldn't have worked out.

Take gratitude for where you are in life...it happened for a reason. Best of luck.

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By *umwhore1 OP Woman
over a year ago

Limerick/Tipperary

Thanks guys and dolls for the advice. I still don't know what to do , might just leave it for set to think it through more.

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