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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/09/15 10:22:25]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I asked the wife did she want to try the new glow in the dark condoms......you should have seen her face light up!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

.....

He was dead.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Il be sure to add that one to my collection

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

Did you hear about the little pebble who had no self-confidence?

He wished he was boulder

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So bad its good

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

Binary, simple as 001 010 011

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By *igglesAndGeekCouple
over a year ago

Galway

There two types of people in the world.

Those that can extrapolate information from incomplete data.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually only joined fab to sell my vacuum cleaner .... It was just gathering dust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stood watching 4 guys walking around a grave yard for 15 mins carrying a coffin. Thought to myself they've lost the fuckin plot!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Stood watching 4 guys walking around a grave yard for 15 mins carrying a coffin. Thought to myself they've lost the fuckin plot!!"

Hahaha

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

Cops arrested a battery and a firework last night, they charged one and let the other off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.

After a few glasses each they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.

She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".

The old guy says "Oh God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.

After a few glasses each they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.

She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".

The old guy says "Oh God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen.""

That's too good for the bad joke section

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Cops arrested a battery and a firework last night, they charged one and let the other off"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.

After a few glasses each they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.

She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".

The old guy says "Oh God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."

That's too good for the bad joke section "

Jaysus I have loads & i've been told they are bad....

Saw a scarecrow playing with himself. Thought to myself he's clutching at straw

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.

After a few glasses each they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.

She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".

The old guy says "Oh God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."

That's too good for the bad joke section

Jaysus I have loads & i've been told they are bad....

Saw a scarecrow playing with himself. Thought to myself he's clutching at straw"

Maybe I'm just easily amused...

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor? Turned into a field

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Did you see the film about the tractor?? Me neither but I saw the trailer......

Now there's some bad jokes

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By *ordjeffMan
over a year ago

around and about ,as travel.

Mickey mouse is in court .wants a divorce from Minnie mouse.

The judge says. " I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds that Minnie mouse has buck teeth! "

"No your honour, I didn't say she has buck teeth, she's fucking goofy !"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you see the film about the tractor?? Me neither but I saw the trailer......

Now there's some bad jokes"

They bad

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By *randub69Man
over a year ago

city

A set of jump leads walks into a bar, the barman says,I'll serve you, but don't start anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/09/15 12:42:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's worse than David Cameron jizzing in a pigs mouth?

Nick Clegg asking for a straw...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was Christmas Eve & a woman arrived home laden with bags after a busy day shopping. Stripping off to have a shower , her husband noticed marks on the inside of her legs. He asked her what the marks were, to which she replied "I visited a tattoo parlour today and got Merry Christmas tattooed on the inside of my left leg & Happy New Year tattooed on the inside of my right leg".

Perplexed he asked,"Why did you do that?". "Well," she replied " now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years" !!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It was Christmas Eve & a woman arrived home laden with bags after a busy day shopping. Stripping off to have a shower , her husband noticed marks on the inside of her legs. He asked her what the marks were, to which she replied "I visited a tattoo parlour today and got Merry Christmas tattooed on the inside of my left leg & Happy New Year tattooed on the inside of my right leg".

Perplexed he asked,"Why did you do that?". "Well," she replied " now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years" !!!!!

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.

After a few glasses each they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.

She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".

The old guy says "Oh God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen.""

He gets excited and asks for sex. Afterwards he tells her it was lovely and if he had known she was that tight he would have asked her ages ago. She replied "If I'd known you get it up I'd have taken my tights off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where does The General keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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By *unkMan
over a year ago

tallaght

[Removed by poster at 23/09/15 14:21:57]

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By *unkMan
over a year ago

tallaght

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....

I tried to catch some fog...I mist...

Did you hear about the weather in Detroit? Three Degrees, Four Tops.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very good. Best one yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man told his wife he bought the newly released Official Olympic branded condoms.

They are made in Gold, Silver and Bronze colours.

Wife asked "can you wear the Silver ones tonight?"

He replied "why? Is it because it contrasts with your neatly trimmed auburn pubic hair?"

Wife replied "No!! It would just be nice if you fucking came second for a change!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hot blonde walks into a cocktail bar, winks at the barman and says "I'll have a large double entendre".

So he gave her one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man told his wife he bought the newly released Official Olympic branded condoms.

They are made in Gold, Silver and Bronze colours.

Wife asked "can you wear the Silver ones tonight?"

He replied "why? Is it because it contrasts with your neatly trimmed auburn pubic hair?"

Wife replied "No!! It would just be nice if you fucking came second for a change!!" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It was Christmas Eve & a woman arrived home laden with bags after a busy day shopping. Stripping off to have a shower , her husband noticed marks on the inside of her legs. He asked her what the marks were, to which she replied "I visited a tattoo parlour today and got Merry Christmas tattooed on the inside of my left leg & Happy New Year tattooed on the inside of my right leg".

Perplexed he asked,"Why did you do that?". "Well," she replied " now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years" !!!!!

"

brilliant!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As mum got ready for her bath her inquisitive sibling pointed to her vagina and enquired "whats that mummy?"

The mummy was somewhat embarrassed and replied,

"thats where your daddy hit me with a knife"

Child replied " what a shit!! Right on the cunt!

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

what do you call a man with a gull on his head? ?

cliff

what do you call a guy with a shovel in his head ??

dug

what do you call a Japanese joyrider?

tommy nicamomo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's a wok?......

Someting you trow at a wabbit..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Patient: Doctor doctor i feel like a jelly baby.

So the doctor ate the face of him.

Patient: Doctor doctor i feel like a pair of curtains.

Doctor: pull yourself together man.

Patient: Doctor doctor i have custard and jelly in one ear and fresh cream and sponge in the other ear.

Doctor: Ah yes, youre a trifle deaf.

Patient: Doctor doctor i always think i am Tom Jones.

Doctor: well thats not unusual Sir.

Patient: Doctor doctor can you give me something for this bad wind.

Doctor: hands him a kite.

Patient. Doctor doctor why my cum is white and my piss is green?

Doctor: Yes sir, thats so you know whether youre cumin or going.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I witnessed an attempted murder earlier.....

Luckily only one crow showed up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I witnessed an attempted murder earlier.....

Luckily only one crow showed up.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An Elephant was drinking by the watering hole, anyway a camel walks the elephant roars jaysis lads look at that with boobs on its back.The Camel replies fuck sake that rich comming from someone with a cock hanging from its face.

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By *ay and DeborahCouple
over a year ago

Co. Down

Lol lol...truly brightened my day...thanks xxx

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By *rossflow daveMan
over a year ago

Mullingar

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the sea ?

Bob

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you calk a guy with a seagull on hes head? CLIFF ha ha ha.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What do you call a woman between two house's? Elaine

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What do you call a woman with 2 legs? Noleen

What do you call a woman with 1 leg? Eileen

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

Yo mama is so fat....we're all extremely concerned for her health

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man who owes a shovel?. Doug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It was Christmas Eve & a woman arrived home laden with bags after a busy day shopping. Stripping off to have a shower , her husband noticed marks on the inside of her legs. He asked her what the marks were, to which she replied "I visited a tattoo parlour today and got Merry Christmas tattooed on the inside of my left leg & Happy New Year tattooed on the inside of my right leg".

Perplexed he asked,"Why did you do that?". "Well," she replied " now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years" !!!!!

"

I love that !!! Class

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What's long and hard and has cum in it?? Cucumber

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When is it appropriate to hit a midget?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man finds a snail on his porch, he picks it up and throws it across the road. A year later he hears a knock on the door, he answers it and the snail says "What the fuck was THAT all about?!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man finds a snail on his porch, he picks it up and throws it across the road. A year later he hears a knock on the door, he answers it and the snail says "What the fuck was THAT all about?!" "

lmao ha ha ha ha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man finds a snail on his porch, he picks it up and throws it across the road. A year later he hears a knock on the door, he answers it and the snail says "What the fuck was THAT all about?!" "

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By *adgaggzMan
over a year ago

N'S

Wat do you call 2 Scottish lesbian? Eileen Over & Eulick Mcgee

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

Two birds on a perch, one turns to the other and asks "Do you smell fish?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A horse walks into a bar

The barman says "why the long face"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 snowmen in the garden, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bargain Pet Shop...."budgies going cheap"....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you call a man lying down inside your front door?

Matt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the wheat and barley was flattened in a parish in the Midlands.... Gardai are looking for a cereal killer..

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

Hear about the big hole in the ground found last? Gardai are looking into it

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady

How do you confuse an Irishman?

Put 10 shovels against a wall and tell him to take his pick

Why do birds fly South for Winter?

It's too far to walk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How are a chicken and a grape alike?

They are both purple,except for the chicken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/09/15 21:21:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/09/15 21:22:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

Want to hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An old couple are at mass. In the middle of the service the old man lets out a fart. He whispers to his wife do you think anyone heard that. She says turn up your fucking hearing aid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How would you describe a prostitute with a runny nose........

FULL...

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By *kylerandMunstergentCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Police man on a horse stops a teenager on a dark January evening.

Cop asks him did Santa bring you the bike. Boy said he did. Cops says next time your writing to Santa tell him bring lights for the bike.

Cycling away The boy turns and says to the cop. Did Santa bring you the horse. Cop playing along said he did. Well says the boy when your writing to Santa again tell him out the bollocks under the horse not on top of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two ducks went for dinner. The waiter asks if they want to pay for the meal now. The ducks reply no put it on our bill.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a lighter note you insomniacs only have 5 more sleeps until Christmas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As mum got ready for her bath her inquisitive sibling pointed to her vagina and enquired "whats that mummy?"

The mummy was somewhat embarrassed and replied,

"thats where your daddy hit me with a knife"

Child replied " what a shit!! Right on the cunt! "

Sibling?

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

All the toilets were stolen from a garda station yesterday. Gardai say they've nothing to go on

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By *randub69Man
over a year ago

city

what do u call a donkey with three legs.......A wonkey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definition of a salted peanut?

Kojak with dandruff.

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By *ockhard and SweetcheeksCouple
over a year ago

City

What brown and sticky??

A stick!!!

Why did the tomato turn red??

He saw the salad dressing!!

What did the sea do when he saw the boat??

Nothing..He just waved!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between light and hard ?

You can sleep with the light on , but you can't sleep with a hard on

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady

[Removed by poster at 24/09/15 11:11:35]

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady


"As mum got ready for her bath her inquisitive sibling pointed to her vagina and enquired "whats that mummy?"

The mummy was somewhat embarrassed and replied,

"thats where your daddy hit me with a knife"

Child replied " what a shit!! Right on the cunt!

Sibling?"

I would have thought that in East Antrim it's quite normal for siblings to be your Mummy! (It's a joke, please don't shoot me!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Binary, simple as 001 010 011"

My Linux read that joke and is now breaking its primary drive laughing.

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast


"A man finds a snail on his porch, he picks it up and throws it across the road. A year later he hears a knock on the door, he answers it and the snail says "What the fuck was THAT all about?!" "

I had a racing snail once. I removed its shell to make it go faster. It didn't work. If anything it made it more sluggish ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me : I had to leave my job today. I couldn't work for my boss after what he said to me

Friend : why what did he say?

Me : your fired

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By *ownhillrageMan
over a year ago

athlone

Did ya hear about the hooker called polo ? She made a mint with her hole !!

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By *lfieWoman
over a year ago

South Dublin

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent."

Pterrible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what do u call a donkey with three legs.......A wonkey"

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?

A winky wonky.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs, one eye, and listens to country music?

A honky tonky winky wonky.

Red.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guy just knocked at my door looking for donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like it ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my last one..... Mr & Mrs Blobbly are in bed, Mrs Blobbly says "blib blob blobble blub bibble bob bubbly blib". Mr Blobbly says "for fuck sake just swallow it".

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By *lfieWoman
over a year ago

South Dublin

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

Because he was too far out man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what do u call a donkey with three legs.......A wonkey

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?

A winky wonky.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs, one eye, and listens to country music?

A honky tonky winky wonky.

Red. "

Do you know his cousin, He's always filthy? He's called Manky honky tonky winky wonky...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the egg blush....

Cos someone saw its yoke...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/09/15 18:51:49]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor tells him, "You have to stop masturbating." The man says, "Why?" The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't really old women have sex?

Have you ever opened a toasted cheese sandwich...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why don't really old women have sex?

Have you ever opened a toasted cheese sandwich..."

Aww and I love a good cheese toastie. Or I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why don't really old women have sex?

Have you ever opened a toasted cheese sandwich..."

Pmsl good but very bad

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

A guy and his new wife go for a drink and they bump into her ex husband, the ex is a prick and say "what's it like riding a 2nd hand pussy?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Guy says to ex "After the first 2 inches its like new"

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By *antyfetishTV/TS
over a year ago

Collooney/Sligo/Dublin

the yoke of an egg is white or the yoke of an are white.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you seen the new period drama on the menstrual cycle...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"my last one..... Mr & Mrs Blobbly are in bed, Mrs Blobbly says "blib blob blobble blub bibble bob bubbly blib". Mr Blobbly says "for fuck sake just swallow it".

"

This has to be your best one so far

As Mrs Blobby would say "keep them cumin"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man called the psni and reported that he and 4 of his neighbours have been headbutted by a 6ft cockroach when they opened their front door. The police told him that theyre aware theres a nasty bug going around"

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By *ord Willy McFuck-BucketMan
over a year ago

newcastle

my uncle must have been the worlds worst ventriloquist - he used to stick his fingers up my arse and get me to say nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"my uncle must have been the worlds worst ventriloquist - he used to stick his fingers up my arse and get me to say nothing"

Brilliant!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the yoke of an egg is white or the yoke of an are white....."

Lol had 2 read it twice

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady


"the yoke of an egg is white or the yoke of an are white.....

Lol had 2 read it twice "

I'm obviously thick. I just can't see it. Clue please?

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By *antyfetishTV/TS
over a year ago

Collooney/Sligo/Dublin


"the yoke of an egg is white or the yoke of an are white.....

Lol had 2 read it twice

I'm obviously thick. I just can't see it. Clue please?"

the yoke of an egg is yellow,....lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats white sits beside your bed and takes the piss put of you?.................

A kidney dialysis machine

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By *rbadguy64Couple
over a year ago

bangor

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

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By *ne of manyMan
over a year ago

east Galway


"A man finds a snail on his porch, he picks it up and throws it across the road. A year later he hears a knock on the door, he answers it and the snail says "What the fuck was THAT all about?!" "
PMSL ...

thank you

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By *rash_pandaMan
over a year ago

Dublin

What's worse than a dead dog on your piano?

.........

.........

An infected pussy on your organ!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's worse than a dead dog on your piano?

.........

.........

An infected pussy on your organ! "

Haha brilliant. Gonna rob that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The GP says to his patient:Sir, you are an anatomic miracle. You got three balls". Leaving the doctor the man approaches some random fellow on the street:"Can you imagine that the two of us have 5 balls together?". The man looked at him with pity and replied:"Poor you, have you got only one?"

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Doyouthinkhesawus

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

What do call a man with no arms, no legs but can play the piano?

Clever dick

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?

Russell

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

I studied hard to become a doctor but eventually had to give it up as I didn't have the patients.

Boom boom.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

A couple were having a dinner party in their house near the beach. The woman fancied something different so she sent her husband off to collect some snails along the beach. Off he went with his bucket and started collecting them. As he was returning home he bumped into an old flame that he still fancied and they got chatting. She invited him back to hers and they went at it for hours. It was 3 in the morning when he got home and realised he had no key with him. After a few attempts at opening the door he could hear his wife storming down the stairs and she was going to be really angry Just before the door opened he quickly emptied the snails all over the steps and as his wife looked out he looked down at the snails on the ground and said "right lads,come on, we're almost there"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A couple were having a dinner party in their house near the beach. The woman fancied something different so she sent her husband off to collect some snails along the beach. Off he went with his bucket and started collecting them. As he was returning home he bumped into an old flame that he still fancied and they got chatting. She invited him back to hers and they went at it for hours. It was 3 in the morning when he got home and realised he had no key with him. After a few attempts at opening the door he could hear his wife storming down the stairs and she was going to be really angry Just before the door opened he quickly emptied the snails all over the steps and as his wife looked out he looked down at the snails on the ground and said "right lads,come on, we're almost there" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently broke up with my Chameleon lover...

I just couldn't see him any more.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

A young Galway woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Atlantic, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.

"With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I'm getting a free trip to Italy ."

"I see," the captain says. Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Arran Islands Ferry."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a bullet proof scouser?

Kev laa

#YNWA

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was asked the other day in a job interview Where do I see myself within the company in. Five years time ???? I replied I Do. Not. Know. Has I have not got. 20 20 vision

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I was asked the other day in a job interview Where do I see myself within the company in. Five years time ???? I replied I Do. Not. Know. Has I have not got. 20 20 vision "

next please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the mermaid wear seashells to cover her bewbies?

Because B shells were too small...

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