FabSwingers.com forum: Any bdsm lovers out there?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey guys and gals! How many of ye here I've tried bdsm? I think it's great

anyone looking to get into it? It'll change your sex life forever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/07/15 19:11:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's great fun especially with the right person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/07/15 19:12:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bd yes, I'll pass in the sm thanks

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By *osafewordneededMan
over a year ago

City

Yeah its good craic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We love it but don't involve third parties in it. Something for us and us alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love it but don't involve third parties in it. Something for us and us alone."

I can see what you mean there, it's an intimate thing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We love it but don't involve third parties in it. Something for us and us alone."

Exactly! It should be left to 2 people.. Trust is a massive factor!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Buying stuff online as we speak

any suggestions?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bd yes, I'll pass in the sm thanks"

Hey

I've a playroom in my new house! Great fun! Converted the attic for it

bd is great but the sm part needs trust x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very enjoyable with the right partner(s)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really curious to try it more. Any teachers out there???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah def with the right guy though has to be with someone I trust alot...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah def with the right guy though has to be with someone I trust alot..."

Totally agree has to be with someone I can trust 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust is important and knowing how far the other persons boundries and limits can be pushed to?

The excitement is getting them to thier limits?

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By *eauhoMan
over a year ago

City Centre

I'd love to give it a go!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah def with the right guy though has to be with someone I trust alot...

Totally agree has to be with someone I can trust 100%

Trust is definitely the basis of it all especially when you wander further into the dark depths of s and m, Trust and reassurance is what keeps a person from getting emotionally and physically damaged

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah def with the right guy though has to be with someone I trust alot...

Totally agree has to be with someone I can trust 100%

Some people want to be damaged. Loads of people say they need trust for it. But the same people are first to give up their bodies at a whim to people they barely know.

There are different levels I think. I dunno maybe I'm just pissed cause I'm Dropping like a stone after a BDSM filled weekend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always wonder how much it is possible to trust a Dom you've exchanged a few messages from over the Internet. It's ALWAYS a gamble. I guess you have to weigh up the risk vs reward. Let's not pretend it isn't a risk though.

People can and do get hurt.

People can and do have wonderful experiences.

I guess we are all risk takers to some extent on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always wonder how much it is possible to trust a Dom you've exchanged a few messages from over the Internet. It's ALWAYS a gamble. I guess you have to weigh up the risk vs reward. Let's not pretend it isn't a risk though.

People can and do get hurt.

People can and do have wonderful experiences.

I guess we are all risk takers to some extent on here. "

Ty for articulating what I was trying to say in a less snarky way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can and do get hurt.

People can and do have wonderful experiences.

I guess we are all risk takers to some extent on here. "

I suppose a risk is always taken initially but I'd always meet someone socially first so you get a feel for them luckily for me, I've only had amazing experiences with people i feel comfortable with

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

I guess you would have to really trust someone a few messages over Internet is such a gamble.

I'm not into bdsm a such

I've been blindfolded with a meet and someone else. I totally trusted my friend would not do it with nothers trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes a social meet first is a sensible step.. It doesn't eliminate risk though. Particularly for sub females who might not be as physically powerful, or who may consent initially to restraint.. and subsequently lose the ability to escape.

For me, there has to be a power exchange for it to be hot. But in giving this power exchange you are opening yourself up to abuse.

As I said it's risk vs reward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust is built up over years in my opinion. I play bdsm wise with several people and it's a constant struggle on both sides. Even after months, I don't trust any of them. But yet we play. People throw the trust word around a lot. But have no idea what it actually means.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust can form faster than normal though it all depends on the two people involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would disagree Lim. I wouldn't trust kitty with anyone from here bdsm after a few months. Too many plastic Doms/Dommes who don't have a clue what they are doing. Trust takes time and effort to earn. Not something done in a short amount of time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get this risk thing. The risk is having poor judgement and meeting a nutjob from the dregs of society.

A safe word should cover everything else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would disagree Lim. I wouldn't trust kitty with anyone from here bdsm after a few months. Too many plastic Doms/Dommes who don't have a clue what they are doing. Trust takes time and effort to earn. Not something done in a short amount of time. "

Well over the course of a few months I believe I could trust a person, I'm not saying you meet and then next week you are dominating someone or them you

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Well over the course of a few months I believe I could trust a person, I'm not saying you meet and then next week you are dominating someone or them you"

But it does happen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well over the course of a few months I believe I could trust a person, I'm not saying you meet and then next week you are dominating someone or them you

But it does happen

All I know is I like what I'm doing and I'm quiet happy to continue it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't get this risk thing. The risk is having poor judgement and meeting a nutjob from the dregs of society.

A safe word should cover everything else. "

Safe words are useful yea, but sometimes people are so far into subspace that they are unable to use them. That's where they need to trust that you know what you're doing and can see that.

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By *oughandCurvyCouple
over a year ago

galway

[Removed by poster at 21/07/15 14:59:49]

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By *oughandCurvyCouple
over a year ago

galway

I like a bit of bdsm every now and then but not with everyone, it really depends on the person and there has to be a level of trust there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given. "

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm"

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I believe in trust. Bdsm is full of pleasure and if don't wrong.. It's full of the wrong kinda pain. It works better when your in a relationship with the other person! Safe word is the key! Respect it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet? "

Exact point I was trying to make aswell. And some people will "groom" for several months before they show their true colours. And what is a defenceless restrained sub supposed to do while in that vulnerable position with an abusive person. Throw a word at them...

A safe word is a word that is used in a trusting relationship. Which takes time and work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet? "

No but you start slowly, you don't dive in head first, you discuss boundaries, etc.. it's working for me, maybe I'm just lucky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...It works better when your in a relationship with the other person!... "

I dunno about that. The added thrill of someone who isn't your partner can be quite thrilling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

A safe word is a word that is used in a trusting relationship. Which takes time and work. "

I think this is fear mongering for the most part.

I've no doubt there are nutjobs out there but with 100s of guys to choose from you girls can surely not end up meeting them with a bit of cop on.

Abuse/assault would be easily traced back to the abuser for prosecution anyway. Although maybe emails asking for it could blur the lines of investigation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

No but you start slowly, you don't dive in head first, you discuss boundaries, etc.. it's working for me, maybe I'm just lucky"

If you're powerless and restrained then discussing boundaries with someone who doesn't respect them isn't gonna stop you getting hurt.

You would also likely be able to use physical force to get your way out of a situation if you had to. It's not so easy for others.

I realise I'm talking about a worst case scenario, and in most cases things woukd be fine... but it DOES happen here. I've spoken to people who have had issues in this area.

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By *randub69Man
over a year ago

city

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

No but you start slowly, you don't dive in head first, you discuss boundaries, etc.. it's working for me, maybe I'm just lucky"

I think the safest way is to have a full time partner/husband or wife with you when you play(especially when being gagged and tied up).. anything else is just too risky especially if you are being tied up by someone you met on one of the sites...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not trying to fear monger at all. Just have seen some things over the past while that I thought i would highlight. As hunter said, mostly worst case scenario.

Just my bad mood today! Don't mind me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

No but you start slowly, you don't dive in head first, you discuss boundaries, etc.. it's working for me, maybe I'm just lucky

If you're powerless and restrained then discussing boundaries with someone who doesn't respect them isn't gonna stop you getting hurt.

You would also likely be able to use physical force to get your way out of a situation if you had to. It's not so easy for others.

I realise I'm talking about a worst case scenario, and in most cases things woukd be fine... but it DOES happen here. I've spoken to people who have had issues in this area. "

Ya I completely understand, it's easier as a guy due to my size, strength etc.. I understand that there are people who are into bdsm because they like to abuse and others who are into it because they see it as self harm by proxy. I guess it's just hugely complex scene

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

No but you start slowly, you don't dive in head first, you discuss boundaries, etc.. it's working for me, maybe I'm just lucky

Totally agree with u if the Dom is let's say new to u a person u have built trust with sitting in the corner is not an out of the way request

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bondage is something I would try but not an S&M fan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...It works better when your in a relationship with the other person!...

I dunno about that. The added thrill of someone who isn't your partner can be quite thrilling."

Absolutely agree with Candy here giving yourself completely to a stranger can be exhilarating and a whole new level. Wouldn't recommend it from a sensible point of view though but wow, what a rush!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

love bdsm, have been involved on and off for over 15 years now, the biggest problem is when someone thinks they know what they are doing after watching a few clips on the internet. most people think its all whips and chains, one can have an amazing bdsm session whit no whips, no chains and no pain, there is so much to bdsm that there is something for everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Numerous valid points have been made and all by people who we as a couple we respect. We will say one thing. The safe word situation was mentioned where a sub is so deep in subspace they couldn't utter the safe word if they tried. This does happen. If say you don't know the sub well enough you could do serious damage or worse to them. If kitty is in distress I know it straight away for the simple fact I know my girl that well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes that can be a problem. Some are so sub they find it hard.

That also assumes that the 'Dom' will respect the safe word. That's by no means a given.

If a dom doesn't respect the safe word then they don't respect the sub and it's abuse not bdsm

My point exactly. The problem is knowing the difference. Can you tell an abuser from a coffee meet?

A safe word is a word that is used in a trusting relationship. Which takes time and work. "

Totally agree x! Bdsm is great tho x love it!

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By *ts artMan
over a year ago

Londonderry

"Numerous valid points have been made and all by people who we as a couple we respect. We will say one thing. The safe word situation was mentioned where a sub is so deep in subspace they couldn't utter the safe word if they tried. This does happen. If say you don't know the sub well enough you could do serious damage or worse to them. If kitty is in distress I know it straight away for the simple fact I know my girl that well. "

A good Dom will always pay attention to the verbal and nonverbal signals and check on with a new sub as to how they are. As the relationship develops and grows that understanding should deepen so yes your right lots of fun to be enjoyed with safe sane people

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By *arkedMan
over a year ago

Trim

"Bd yes, I'll pass in the sm thanks"

Same here

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By *arkedMan
over a year ago

Trim

People can and do get hurt.

People can and do have wonderful experiences.

I guess we are all risk takers to some extent on here. "

But isn't that true for people not on here as well, is it any less of a risk to meet someone in a club/pub and trust them a handful of 'dates' later?

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