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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"

"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

"Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road when they needed some gas. After a while, they saw a sign that read "Free Sex with Fill-up." They decided to pull in and asked the attendant for a full tank. After he was done, they paid and the attendant started to walk away.

"Wait," the driver yelled, "what about my free sex?" The attendant rolled his eyes and came back to the car.

"Okay, but you will have to guess a number between 1 and 10."

"6."

"No, the answer was 3. Sorry." As the attendant started to walk off, the passenger asked to guess. The attendant agreed.

"7."

"No, I told you the answer was 3." The driver then sped off.

"I think that game was rigged," said the passenger. "There is no way to win.'

"Uh-uh," the driver said. "My wife won three times last week."

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By *rishAngelbaby69Woman
over a year ago

Coleraine.

a mansunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis.a mate suggests dipping it in a cold saucer of milk.later his blonde woman comes home and finds him with his willy in a saucer of milk.good heavens what are you doing she asks.

I always wondered how you re loaded them things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went into the chemists and asked the guy behind the counter, "Have you got cottonwool balls?"

He said "What do you think I am, a fuckin' teddy bear?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a man asks a waiter 2 take a bottle of wine 2 an attactive woman dining alone in a restaurant.she sends a note back 2 him reading for me to accept this wine u must have a mercedes,£1m in the bank &7" in ur pants. the man sends a note back saying 'i have a ferrari,a bmw, a porsche & £20m in the bank but not even for a beauty such as u would i cut off 3".please return the wine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lmao

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes funny…”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said, “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Husband says to his wife “Do you fancy playing the rape game?” Wife says, “No.” Husband replies “That’s the spirit!”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Dirty Jokes

Our benchmark collection of disgustingly filthy jokes are great for everything from livening up that depressing funeral procession to breaking the ice with your tax auditor. Whatever the occasion, you can stoop to new lows when you’re high on our dirty jokes!

Marriage Counselor Joke

Posted July 2nd, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A married couple go to a marriage counselor to work out some problems. The counselor sits them on the couch and says, “For starters, lets talk about something you both have in common.” The husband says “Well, neither of us suck dick.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man is watching a game of golf on TV, but he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.

"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he says to his wife.

"For Heaven's sake, watch them," his wife says. "You already know how to play golf!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i saw Roy Hodgson in the car twenty minutes ago. he was doing around 140 mph the wrong way up a one way street with a can of beer in one hand, smoking a spliff and beeping his horn. That man will do anything to get three points nowadays

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The vicar at my local church is so selfish during services.

It's all 'hymn, hymn, hymn'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heard the one about the philidomide porn star ?

He had an arm like a babys cock !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to know some lesbian twin sisters

They werent identical , but they LICKED a like !!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

An Essex girl gets into a car crash, and is in a daze when the paramedic shows up. "I think I've got concussion!" she says. "Don't panic miss," the medic says, "How many fingers do I have up?" "Oh no!" the blonde wails, "I've lost all feeling in my fanny, as well!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

An Essex girl gets into a car crash, and is in a daze when the paramedic shows up. "I think I've got concussion!" she says. "Don't panic miss," the medic says, "How many fingers do I have up?" "Oh no!" the blonde wails, "I've lost all feeling in my fanny, as well!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A man leaves home to go and fight in the Crusades and decides that his wife should wear a chastity belt in his absence. So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I'm not back in four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life." The husband leaves on horseback and about half an hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong?" he asks. "You gave me the wrong key,” his friend replies

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

how do you know when you're reading the paper upside down ?..........liverpool are in second

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bloke walks into the doctors office and says "Doctor Could you please look at my penis?" as he slaps it out onto the table.

So the Doc picks it up and looks it all over, examining it VERY closely.

"Well Mr. Smith im really cant see anything wrong with your penis!" he says.

"Yeah i know its a fucking beauty isn't it!!"

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