FabSwingers.com forum: Complaint to sex shop

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dear Eve,

Thank you so much for the spreader bars that arrived by courier yesterday. It was a delight indeed to watch Mrs. Houch skip down the garden to collect them before the chap had even alighted from his van.

However, we took the opportunity to make good use of them today and this is the reason we are returning the bits that we can find.

We were right in the thick of things with Mrs. Houchs legs spread above her head and the wand dangling from the centre of the bar attached with gaffa, when we heard two loud pings followed by what sounded like a cat in heat.

Please find enclosed the spreader bar less one link pin and two buckle cuffs. Also please find enclosed the vet bill for my neighbours cat. Apparently, cats don't look well with piercings.

We look forward to your response.

Regards

The Houchies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmsl

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By *lo1 slo2Couple
over a year ago

newry

pmsl

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Dear Houchies.

É have studied your complaint and have the following points to make. It appears that instead of contacting the sex shop, you appear to have inadvertently contacted Home Store and More which is just down the road. Consequently, the spreader bar which was delivered was designed for spreading jam on toast, rather than the deviant purpose for which you used it. We have attached a link to Specsavers website, and we would recommend you visit this, after you have visited the parish priest, whose address we have also attached.

P.S. He may be in a position to advise you on the purchase of the aforementioned deviant devices.

Your's sincerely, Eve.

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By *lo1 slo2Couple
over a year ago

newry

wetting my self laughing

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Sweet jayus the poor cat

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By *outheast22Couple
over a year ago

carlow

Good very good pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dear Eve,

Thank you for such a swift response.

Apologies for sending the complaint to the wrong shop. We have had similar problems using your wardrobe poles and this is probably why.

This does not detract from the obviously embarrassing knock on our door from the neighbour and me having to try explain how his cat got pierced. And as for spreading jam, well that's about all the spreader bars are good for now.

Regards

One very unhappy Mrs Houch

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Dear Mrs Houch.

Thank you for your further correspondence re the issue with the spreader bar. We would like to point out that under the Geneva Convention, since 1918 it has been illegal to keep poles in wardrobes. We would draw your attention to a dispute that arose over such issues in the period between September 1939 and June 1945, and indeed led to many criminal prosecutions. We would like to disassociate ourselves from the imprisonment of poles, or indeed any other nationality, in said wardrobe.

Your's sincerely, Eve.

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By *lo1 slo2Couple
over a year ago

newry

rotflmao

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Brilliant just brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

epic lmfao

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Ha ha that id hilarious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mwa hahaha!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"mwa hahaha!!!

Though I don't know which is funnier, the original post or Michaels reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lmao brilliant

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lmfao, brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The makings of a great double act I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Houchs and Mc Carthy need to go on the road, immediately!!

Hilarious guys!!!

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"The Houchs and Mc Carthy need to go on the road, immediately!!

Hilarious guys!!!

awe there u are thought we lost u down the side of mc carthys sofa yesterday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Houchs and Mc Carthy need to go on the road, immediately!!

Hilarious guys!!!

awe there u are thought we lost u down the side of mc carthys sofa yesterday

Lol, are you trying to say I'm not able for you two?!?!

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"The Houchs and Mc Carthy need to go on the road, immediately!!

Hilarious guys!!!

awe there u are thought we lost u down the side of mc carthys sofa yesterday

Lol, are you trying to say I'm not able for you two?!?!

well we wont know till we try

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By *SinfullyCuriousCouple
over a year ago

Co Antrim

Lmao love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Houchs and Mc Carthy need to go on the road, immediately!!

Hilarious guys!!!

awe there u are thought we lost u down the side of mc carthys sofa yesterday

Lol, are you trying to say I'm not able for you two?!?!

well we wont know till we try

Game on

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"The Houchs and Mc Carthy need to go on the road, immediately!!

Hilarious guys!!!

awe there u are thought we lost u down the side of mc carthys sofa yesterday

Lol, are you trying to say I'm not able for you two?!?!

well we wont know till we try

Game on

typical mc carthy never around when u need him

awe well we will just have to start without him

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

I'm waitin' in the long grass...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm waitin' in the long grass...

I'm going on a treasure hunt to find you...

Will there be a prize at the end?

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

"I'm waitin' in the long grass...

I'm going on a treasure hunt to find you...

Will there be a prize at the end?

A surprise rather than a prize.

I say surprise, but what I really mean is a shock!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm waitin' in the long grass...

I'm going on a treasure hunt to find you...

Will there be a prize at the end?

A surprise rather than a prize.

I say surprise, but what I really mean is a shock!

Oh the suspense.... Bring it!!

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

You have to find me first!

That'll give me time to think of something!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have to find me first!

That'll give me time to think of something!

I'm en route...

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

"You have to find me first!

That'll give me time to think of something!

I'm en route...

I'm thinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lmao just the laugh I needed sat here in my hospital bed thanks guys

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"I'm waitin' in the long grass...

I'm going on a treasure hunt to find you...

Will there be a prize at the end?

so we are moving outside isn't that how we got on the sofa in the first place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lmao just the laugh I needed sat here in my hospital bed thanks guys

"
good to hear ur on the mend,M, enjoy the book!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely Hilarious reading!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant....

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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

just seen this now...... great

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dear Eve,

As much as it is interesting, the Geneva convention certainly doesn't cover my household and I have never had a problem keeping a pole in my wardrobe, this is clearly evident from my profile pics. I myself assembled the said wardrobe and clearly remember arrows saying 'attach pole here and here'....it said nothing about attaching any other nationality.

On a more positive footing the cat is now able to eat solids again but the constant screeching every time it goes to sit down is a little off putting for the neighbour.

We would like to know if you are going to replace the spreader bar and if so could you please make sure it's reinforced, Mrs Houch is a.......'determined' little minx and has high hopes of dangling from the rafters at the weekend upside down.

Thanking you in advance

The Houchies

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Dear Houchies.

Thank you for contacting our customer service department.

We must insist that you immediately desist from the practice of keeping polish people in your wardrobe, and we have already dealt with that matter.

As regards the issue with the cat, we have two alternative suggestions. Firstly, you could contact the love /hate production team at rte, as reports suggest that they have found a foolproof method for dealing with feline nuisance issues.

Alternatively, you might consider releasing your neighbour, as you've now be detaining him for quite some time, and kidnapping is technically a teensy weensy bit illegal.

As regards the question of replacement of the bars, dream on sunshine. As we have pointed out , they were not designed for such uses, but however, as a gesture of good will, and with no admission of liability on our part, we would like to help you with your difficult situation. We therefore suggest that we send our representative, a Mr McCarthy, to observe your difficulties, and possibly design some equipment to assist you. We trust that you will treat me, sorry, I mean Mr McCarthy, with the ride, sorry, respect, he deserves.

Your's sincerely, Eve

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By *ippcoupe2Couple
over a year ago

cahir/cashel

dont mention the czech or the iron curtains?

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By *acheldTV/TS
over a year ago

Dundalk

This was just so so funny. Loved it.

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By *lo1 slo2Couple
over a year ago

newry

brilliant

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