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"What's the beef with socials?" Nowt my friend, just sometimes people find it daunting going to socials and the pre drinks and the likes. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure I’m the only one who feels a bit ‘out’ of it. | |||
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"What's the beef with socials? Nowt my friend, just sometimes people find it daunting going to socials and the pre drinks and the likes. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure I’m the only one who feels a bit ‘out’ of it. " I don't really understand this. If turning up for a social chat with someone is daunting then how the hell are they gonna get naked in front of someone and perform all the sex. | |||
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"Fab hasn't exactly kept pace with the zeitgeist to be fair. It's overrun with zombie accounts and that appears to be by design. I actually like the retro UX but there are so many simple QOL improvements that could be implemented it's hard not to think that the fabs priority customer base isn't actually swingers at all. If there's ten times (or a hundred? ) the amount of single male accounts then who is keeping the lights on? What's mad is that Fab has the infrastructure for live chats and if they just leaned into that a little more they probably could have stemmed the exodus to telegram. But hey we have bleeding edge emoji technology." I don't know, but I always imagine the lack of development is because they are trying to keep the site free to use / very cheap for supporters. Development costs money that wound need to be recouped from customers somehow. It's more important that the site doesn't have a big barrier to entry (giggidy) than having wizzbang features. | |||
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"Has anyone else noticed how much the overall vibe on here has changed over the past few years? Between this and my old profile, it feels like people are either way more busy or just less engaged in general and a ‘match’ doesn’t always turn into conversations and conversations don’t always go anywhere. Do you think it’s fatigue, too many options, a shit load of mail in woman’s boxes or just a shift in what people are actually looking for? And please, spare me the bollox about socials. Curious to hear if others are experiencing the same thing or if it’s just me." How do you know a match is a match if you aren't having conversations? | |||
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"As a newbie, I find it quite difficult to get a response from people, and I try my best to start a conversation instead of a “hey” or “how are you?”. Thought it was just me " It's not just you it's pretty much normal. The odds are stacked against unverified men messaging out of the blue. You are far better off getting face to face with swingers at some in person thing. | |||
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"What's the beef with socials? Nowt my friend, just sometimes people find it daunting going to socials and the pre drinks and the likes. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure I’m the only one who feels a bit ‘out’ of it. I don't really understand this. If turning up for a social chat with someone is daunting then how the hell are they gonna get naked in front of someone and perform all the sex." Social events and meeting an individual for a coffee and a chat are two very different things | |||
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"What's the beef with socials? Nowt my friend, just sometimes people find it daunting going to socials and the pre drinks and the likes. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure I’m the only one who feels a bit ‘out’ of it. I don't really understand this. If turning up for a social chat with someone is daunting then how the hell are they gonna get naked in front of someone and perform all the sex. Social events and meeting an individual for a coffee and a chat are two very different things" I guess a few people would have social anxiety which would make social meets hard, but Im also imagining that these same people aren't gonna find meeting a stranger for sex easy either. I could be wrong. I'd definitely take the inability to manage a social as a bit of a worry when this hobby is very much a social activity. | |||
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"What's the beef with socials? Nowt my friend, just sometimes people find it daunting going to socials and the pre drinks and the likes. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure I’m the only one who feels a bit ‘out’ of it. I don't really understand this. If turning up for a social chat with someone is daunting then how the hell are they gonna get naked in front of someone and perform all the sex. Social events and meeting an individual for a coffee and a chat are two very different things I guess a few people would have social anxiety which would make social meets hard, but Im also imagining that these same people aren't gonna find meeting a stranger for sex easy either. I could be wrong. I'd definitely take the inability to manage a social as a bit of a worry when this hobby is very much a social activity." Id be much more comfortable with my cock out than sitting making small talk 🤷♂️ Also there is the can't be arsed wasting time with a social factor. For alot of people this is a means to an end rather than an actual hobby | |||
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"Far from being a waste of time, they are a big time saver. Sending messages and not getting responses is a waste of time. Standing in front of real people and having a real chance to shoot your shot with multiple people in one place is such a bonus. Fair enough though I know different strokes for different folks etc." The issue I take with socials is that they are presented as the ideal way for people to meet others and get verified. I've been to a few and even as someone who has been here 10 years and isn't shy about chatting to people they are often anything but welcoming or even very social. The layout of many socials doesn't allow for natural conversation and the volume of the music means you have to shout to be heard. For anyone with social anxiety they must be a complete nightmare and a lot more stressful than a one to one coffee meet. The account of alcohol consumed at large socials often leads to expectations and entitlement. I've left a couple of socials early because of the actions of some well established forum users who were pressing my friend for sex from the minute we walked in the room. | |||
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"Far from being a waste of time, they are a big time saver. Sending messages and not getting responses is a waste of time. Standing in front of real people and having a real chance to shoot your shot with multiple people in one place is such a bonus. Fair enough though I know different strokes for different folks etc. The issue I take with socials is that they are presented as the ideal way for people to meet others and get verified. I've been to a few and even as someone who has been here 10 years and isn't shy about chatting to people they are often anything but welcoming or even very social. The layout of many socials doesn't allow for natural conversation and the volume of the music means you have to shout to be heard. For anyone with social anxiety they must be a complete nightmare and a lot more stressful than a one to one coffee meet. The account of alcohol consumed at large socials often leads to expectations and entitlement. I've left a couple of socials early because of the actions of some well established forum users who were pressing my friend for sex from the minute we walked in the room. " It sounds like you were very unlucky there, that has never been my experience. When we used to run socials we would always try and make everyone feel welcomed and comfortable. One to one socials are brilliant too, but it can be tricky to arrange if messages are going unanswered. | |||
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"Fab hasn't exactly kept pace with the zeitgeist to be fair. It's overrun with zombie accounts and that appears to be by design. I actually like the retro UX but there are so many simple QOL improvements that could be implemented it's hard not to think that the fabs priority customer base isn't actually swingers at all. If there's ten times (or a hundred? ) the amount of single male accounts then who is keeping the lights on? What's mad is that Fab has the infrastructure for live chats and if they just leaned into that a little more they probably could have stemmed the exodus to telegram. But hey we have bleeding edge emoji technology." This is fairly spot on! The site needs to tweek a few small features that are easier to use. Live chats and the ability to have chat groups is a big issue, hundreds only come her occasionally now because they're in Telegram groups with hundreds of people. Also simple things like being able to scroll a profiles photos and better search filters would make a huge difference. It's seems full of silhouette male profiles and other fakes, because many spend more time on other social media platforms. | |||
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"I totally get why socials are a nerve-wracking event especially for a single person at their first one. I still get nervous sometimes and it's way easier as a couple. I don't know how it used to be, but I love meeting people one to one, and I find that there are guys that don't want to go to events or can't because of weekend commitments, but they still can meet and chat and get naked quite comfortably. If anything it's easier to chat and take things further on a one to one without the music, drink and other distractions. " That was my mistake...I didn't get naked😜 | |||
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"I'm not sure it has changed that much in the 7 years I've been here. I have and what I'm looking for has though. With regards to socials, I'm not sure you get to call it bollocks. You know I offered advice and said we'd look out for you so you had someone to touch base with. We spent a fair amount of time with people who were attending their first social on Saturday and we kept an eye out for you all evening but you never showed. I'm not sure how much more help and reassurance I could have given. By all means call it bollocks if you hated it but not when you don't turn up. " I appreciated you reaching out to me, it was about three weeks ago when we’d mailed and I do recognise you made an effort to be welcoming to me on the night and I appreciated your mails to me and that didn’t go unnoticed. I’m sorry for not showing up on Saturday, I chickened out at about lunchtime and couldn’t go through with it. That’s on me but I cannot help my nervousness unfortunately, I suppose some of us are built differently but I couldn’t go because I was so nervous. Thank you for being so kind to me in your mails. When I said “bollocks,” it wasn’t about the people or the effort that they or you put in, it was more about how I’ve been feeling about the whole scene lately. I think I’m just in a different place and looking for something a bit different socially. I meant by saying bollox about socials was that always on the forums, it’s always said that you have to get to socials if you want to meet someone, that was all I meant by that sentence. I can meet someone one on one, and while nervous to walk in, I can do it because it’s only one person. I know that doesn’t make sense to some on here. I didn’t mean to dismiss what you did, and I’m grateful you were looking out for me. I am sorry to you and thank you for being so kind in your offer and advice.I just probably didn’t handle expressing that in the best way to you or the two ladies who organised it. | |||
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"I'm not sure it has changed that much in the 7 years I've been here. I have and what I'm looking for has though. With regards to socials, I'm not sure you get to call it bollocks. You know I offered advice and said we'd look out for you so you had someone to touch base with. We spent a fair amount of time with people who were attending their first social on Saturday and we kept an eye out for you all evening but you never showed. I'm not sure how much more help and reassurance I could have given. By all means call it bollocks if you hated it but not when you don't turn up. I appreciated you reaching out to me, it was about three weeks ago when we’d mailed and I do recognise you made an effort to be welcoming to me on the night and I appreciated your mails to me and that didn’t go unnoticed. I’m sorry for not showing up on Saturday, I chickened out at about lunchtime and couldn’t go through with it. That’s on me but I cannot help my nervousness unfortunately, I suppose some of us are built differently but I couldn’t go because I was so nervous. Thank you for being so kind to me in your mails. When I said “bollocks,” it wasn’t about the people or the effort that they or you put in, it was more about how I’ve been feeling about the whole scene lately. I think I’m just in a different place and looking for something a bit different socially. I meant by saying bollox about socials was that always on the forums, it’s always said that you have to get to socials if you want to meet someone, that was all I meant by that sentence. I can meet someone one on one, and while nervous to walk in, I can do it because it’s only one person. I know that doesn’t make sense to some on here. I didn’t mean to dismiss what you did, and I’m grateful you were looking out for me. I am sorry to you and thank you for being so kind in your offer and advice.I just probably didn’t handle expressing that in the best way to you or the two ladies who organised it." ..... Wow. Don't know the details but a really well put together post. My experiences of 1 to 1 meets have always been relaxed and quite positive. But then I don't have a lot of social anxiety and enjoy chatting to new acquaintances. Similarly for group socials, once you get past the loud music, often accompanied by the even louder clicking(sic) noise, and manage to avoid the over indulgers, it can be quite an enjoyable and sometimes rewarding experience. Now dont get me started on those awful walking group meets where you have to stroll, in public, with different people and chat to them at the same time. And end up having to sit with them for coffee and cake afterwards. Perish the thought.  🤣 | |||
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"I'm not sure it has changed that much in the 7 years I've been here. I have and what I'm looking for has though. With regards to socials, I'm not sure you get to call it bollocks. You know I offered advice and said we'd look out for you so you had someone to touch base with. We spent a fair amount of time with people who were attending their first social on Saturday and we kept an eye out for you all evening but you never showed. I'm not sure how much more help and reassurance I could have given. By all means call it bollocks if you hated it but not when you don't turn up. I appreciated you reaching out to me, it was about three weeks ago when we’d mailed and I do recognise you made an effort to be welcoming to me on the night and I appreciated your mails to me and that didn’t go unnoticed. I’m sorry for not showing up on Saturday, I chickened out at about lunchtime and couldn’t go through with it. That’s on me but I cannot help my nervousness unfortunately, I suppose some of us are built differently but I couldn’t go because I was so nervous. Thank you for being so kind to me in your mails. When I said “bollocks,” it wasn’t about the people or the effort that they or you put in, it was more about how I’ve been feeling about the whole scene lately. I think I’m just in a different place and looking for something a bit different socially. I meant by saying bollox about socials was that always on the forums, it’s always said that you have to get to socials if you want to meet someone, that was all I meant by that sentence. I can meet someone one on one, and while nervous to walk in, I can do it because it’s only one person. I know that doesn’t make sense to some on here. I didn’t mean to dismiss what you did, and I’m grateful you were looking out for me. I am sorry to you and thank you for being so kind in your offer and advice.I just probably didn’t handle expressing that in the best way to you or the two ladies who organised it. ..... Wow. Don't know the details but a really well put together post. My experiences of 1 to 1 meets have always been relaxed and quite positive. But then I don't have a lot of social anxiety and enjoy chatting to new acquaintances. Similarly for group socials, once you get past the loud music, often accompanied by the even louder clicking(sic) noise, and manage to avoid the over indulgers, it can be quite an enjoyable and sometimes rewarding experience. Now dont get me started on those awful walking group meets where you have to stroll, in public, with different people and chat to them at the same time. And end up having to sit with them for coffee and cake afterwards. Perish the thought. 🤣"There you go, making assumptions about something you weren't even at 🤷 | |||
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"I'm not sure it has changed that much in the 7 years I've been here. I have and what I'm looking for has though. With regards to socials, I'm not sure you get to call it bollocks. You know I offered advice and said we'd look out for you so you had someone to touch base with. We spent a fair amount of time with people who were attending their first social on Saturday and we kept an eye out for you all evening but you never showed. I'm not sure how much more help and reassurance I could have given. By all means call it bollocks if you hated it but not when you don't turn up. I appreciated you reaching out to me, it was about three weeks ago when we’d mailed and I do recognise you made an effort to be welcoming to me on the night and I appreciated your mails to me and that didn’t go unnoticed. I’m sorry for not showing up on Saturday, I chickened out at about lunchtime and couldn’t go through with it. That’s on me but I cannot help my nervousness unfortunately, I suppose some of us are built differently but I couldn’t go because I was so nervous. Thank you for being so kind to me in your mails. When I said “bollocks,” it wasn’t about the people or the effort that they or you put in, it was more about how I’ve been feeling about the whole scene lately. I think I’m just in a different place and looking for something a bit different socially. I meant by saying bollox about socials was that always on the forums, it’s always said that you have to get to socials if you want to meet someone, that was all I meant by that sentence. I can meet someone one on one, and while nervous to walk in, I can do it because it’s only one person. I know that doesn’t make sense to some on here. I didn’t mean to dismiss what you did, and I’m grateful you were looking out for me. I am sorry to you and thank you for being so kind in your offer and advice.I just probably didn’t handle expressing that in the best way to you or the two ladies who organised it. ..... Wow. Don't know the details but a really well put together post. My experiences of 1 to 1 meets have always been relaxed and quite positive. But then I don't have a lot of social anxiety and enjoy chatting to new acquaintances. Similarly for group socials, once you get past the loud music, often accompanied by the even louder clicking(sic) noise, and manage to avoid the over indulgers, it can be quite an enjoyable and sometimes rewarding experience. Now don’t get me started on those awful walking group meets where you have to stroll, in public, with different people and chat to them at the same time. And end up having to sit with them for coffee and cake afterwards. Perish the thought. 🤣
There you go, making assumptions about something you weren't even at 🤷
".... I thought my post made it quite clear that I was talking about my personal experiences of 1 on 1 and group socials which I had attended. It was in no way directed at events that I hadn't attended therefore I believe no assumptions were made on my part. Regarding the previous post I clearly stated that I didn't know the details but mearly felt that the post itself was well put together. As a previous organiser of Fab related gatherings I fully appreciate the difficulty involved in accommodating everyone that wishes to attend and also the frustration of no shows. But that doesn't prevent me from recognising a well constructed post when I read one. My comments weren't in reference to any particular event that you may have been involved in and I can only apologise for the lack of clarity if you got that impression. | |||
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"Has anyone else noticed how much the overall vibe on here has changed over the past few years? Between this and my old profile, it feels like people are either way more busy or just less engaged in general and a ‘match’ doesn’t always turn into conversations and conversations don’t always go anywhere. Do you think it’s fatigue, too many options, a shit load of mail in woman’s boxes or just a shift in what people are actually looking for? And please, spare me the bollox about socials. Curious to hear if others are experiencing the same thing or if it’s just me." I first joined Fab in 2007. Then, pretty much every exchange led to a great meet. I’m still in touch with some of those people. COVID saw a shift from genuine swingers to tourists, and it’s fair to say that the site has increasingly become a vehicle for fantasies more than actual experiences. Over the last year, there has been some improvement, but we’re a long way from the innocent hedonism of 2007, when the founders invited my then partner and I to a house party in North London. The vibe was very different then. | |||
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