FabSwingers.com forum: Stress to anxiety to brain fog to despair

By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

1st of all its the Mr here. This is a very old inactive profile going back 15 years from when my wife and i swung together.

Im currently in a bout of severe despair after the last few months of stress digging too deep into my energy and finally close to absolute breaking point.

The reasons are unimportant and not relationship related. The stress has developed into anxiety in a cyclical way and that has led to further anxiety causing an increase of cortosil and now brain fog. The good days are becoming less and less and its leading to despair.

Yes I have shared and reached out and raised the flags, yes I am on medication and yes I have reached out for therapy. Im told to live moment by moment but in my mid 50s its hard when the fog blanks out everything.

More and more negative thought come in but I know I won't do anything because of my child and my wife.

What do I do. As most of the middle we are stretched to the limit as it is if i lose my job that will only make things worse.

I've tried most things and reaching out to the community as a elder as someone who always helped others for advice. Crazy I know but any help would be appreciated. Thank you for reading this.

Please don't message profile privately. Unless its advice that you can't say here to others.

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By *og-ManMan
4 weeks ago

somewhere

Are you in danger of losing your job or is it just a fear you have

Most people would be a couple of wage packets away from being in financial trouble and they try not to think about it if its not under their control

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By *ookAndDorkCouple
4 weeks ago

The West

There is an end to it.

You will be ok.

Survive

Keep going.

Triage your life to the point where you can operate with the absolute minimum output.

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By *rRiosMan
4 weeks ago

dublin

You’ve pretty much touched on all the standard point people would offer in such circumstances. One that wasn’t mentioned was exercise which can be great for mental heath. As can forest bathing.

Meditation can be a great relaxer for some, never really worked for me but the breathing techniques alone can help.

Try to surround yourself with friends and positive influences.

Life can be tough, hope you feel better soon!

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
4 weeks ago

Newry

It can take time to find the right therapist and/or therapy - they're definitely not one size fits all. I'd respectfully suggest that if, despite therapy and medication, you aren't doing better then you need to keep looking for the right combination for you, and pestering the people that can assist you in finding it.

Do you have interests and things that keep you sociable and occupied? Have you tried support groups or even just a club or society for something that interests you?

Do some things just for you. Do things that bring you joy - even in a small way - every day.

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By *thwonderMan
4 weeks ago

nearby

I get what your saying, here's a few things that works when I have been similar.

Detach from social media.

Spend time doing what I enjoy, not drinking creamy pints..

Spend time around people i actually like.

Do not watch RTE news or any news tbh.

Get out walking, eat well for me that's big juicy steaks.

Remember if you cannot focus on yourself, you can't be fighting fit to protect the people you need to.

Make yourself priority 1

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"Are you in danger of losing your job or is it just a fear you have

Most people would be a couple of wage packets away from being in financial trouble and they try not to think about it if its not under their control "

Ty for reaching out. Logically I'm at odds with whether its real or a fear. I've done a good job for many years always went beyond etc. Just when I'm only able to perform at 30 or 50% cos of the brain fog for last while I'm fearful it may be out of my control and my bib is dirtied in a way, its a professional role and would sadly be seen as a weakness in a job i love and hope to retire in

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"There is an end to it.

You will be ok.

Survive

Keep going.

Triage your life to the point where you can operate with the absolute minimum output.

Ty so much .. i have helped people in similar situations all my life. And I agree with everything you have said. Its just so hard to see thru to positivity when u dont know when the fod will hit.

The triage is a good idea and will try elements of it ty

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"You’ve pretty much touched on all the standard point people would offer in such circumstances. One that wasn’t mentioned was exercise which can be great for mental heath. As can forest bathing.

Meditation can be a great relaxer for some, never really worked for me but the breathing techniques alone can help.

Try to surround yourself with friends and positive influences.

Life can be tough, hope you feel better soon! "

Absolutely agree with you but its so hard to exercise when ur body hurts. I've been trying to get to 3 or 4k steps as opposed to 8 or 10k. 3 or 4 is better than 1 or 2. I know I need to give myself a break. As regards the spiritual side I have been a spiritual healer to others so this is doubly hard even to ask for help but ty

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"It can take time to find the right therapist and/or therapy - they're definitely not one size fits all. I'd respectfully suggest that if, despite therapy and medication, you aren't doing better then you need to keep looking for the right combination for you, and pestering the people that can assist you in finding it.

Do you have interests and things that keep you sociable and occupied? Have you tried support groups or even just a club or society for something that interests you?

Do some things just for you. Do things that bring you joy - even in a small way - every day.

Thank you and socially I have retreated and not been hugely outgoing even though I've organised parties and stuff over the years.

Friends are mostly those who I've met here over the years but very few friends I can rely on in real life.

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

Do you have interests and things that keep you sociable and occupied? Have you tried support groups or even just a club or society for something that interests you?

Do some things just for you. Do things that bring you joy - even in a small way - every day.

And yes one moment at time trying not to fall is how I'm trying hard to survive

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"I get what your saying, here's a few things that works when I have been similar.

Detach from social media.

Spend time doing what I enjoy, not drinking creamy pints..

Spend time around people i actually like.

Do not watch RTE news or any news tbh.

Get out walking, eat well for me that's big juicy steaks.

Remember if you cannot focus on yourself, you can't be fighting fit to protect the people you need to.

Make yourself priority 1

Ty and yes that would be advice i give to all. At my age I'm not really on social media. And as a giver and provider its always been hard to put myself first but I know I have to even if it feels alien to me

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By *obSexyBMan
4 weeks ago

Clare

I those times, I go to the things that switch off thinking. A particular activity I'm good at, that gets me away from the mundane of the every day and requires full focus on said activity.

The mind is clear for an hour or two and not to mention the released endorphins, adrenaline and the boost in testosterone. All good for reducing cortisol.

This and diet.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
4 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

It's hard to make useful suggestions when you don't know the root cause of what's going on.... But something I find really useful is doing something creative, or learning a new skill. Try something you've never done before or find a new way of expressing yourself. Art, music, dancing, new experiences, exploring old passions and finding new ones. These are the things that full up my cup anyway. All the best!

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By *enerationfornicationMan
4 weeks ago

In a place not far from...

A suggestion can be hard without knowing what causes your issues.

One thing I a sure of, you need to chat with your GP before following advice from here.

As for someone to talk to e.g. A therapist, it can be hard to find the right one (been there and found the silence frustrating when trying to build a rapport) - talk with your GP or take a look at citizens information. Most employments have some version of an employee assistance programme which wither function great or are useless.

No one can really understand what's going on inside your head, unless they have walked in your shoes.

Medication isn't always the answer either, sometimes it can make you worse before the uplift that requires on going monitoring.

A walk in the morning or late evening can do wonders (even if it's a version of S.A.D, you are experiencing) , but you need to force yourself to do it at times to maintain consistency.

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"I those times, I go to the things that switch off thinking. A particular activity I'm good at, that gets me away from the mundane of the every day and requires full focus on said activity.

The mind is clear for an hour or two and not to mention the released endorphins, adrenaline and the boost in testosterone. All good for reducing cortisol.

This and diet."

Great advice thank you

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"It's hard to make useful suggestions when you don't know the root cause of what's going on.... But something I find really useful is doing something creative, or learning a new skill. Try something you've never done before or find a new way of expressing yourself. Art, music, dancing, new experiences, exploring old passions and finding new ones. These are the things that full up my cup anyway. All the best!"

The vast majority of this was work related stress and digging into the barrel too many times even when I knew it was empty. So my piece of plywood has come close to permanently disfigured/ breaking. But I dont blame work i blame myself more. I think age as well has a lot to do with it. Plus the stress overflowed and took away most of the other things in my life

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By *armel and Francis OP Couple
4 weeks ago

North wex

"A suggestion can be hard without knowing what causes your issues.

One thing I a sure of, you need to chat with your GP before following advice from here.

No one can really understand what's going on inside your head, unless they have walked in your shoes.

Medication isn't always the answer either, sometimes it can make you worse before the uplift that requires on going monitoring.

A walk in the morning or late evening can do wonders (even if it's a version of S.A.D, you are experiencing) , but you need to force yourself to do it at times to maintain consistency.

Thank you for that as per earlier reply its mostly work related

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By *enerationfornicationMan
2 days ago

In a place not far from...

"Work replayed stress" is very broad without knowing the ins and outs.

I'm a previous job, I lived and worked in a stressful situation 24/7 but that stress was a lot different to what experience now.

example / my current job can be stressful at different points of the year. Much of this "work related stress" wouldn't be an issue if the person in the role above me was competent (this person is not and likes to shift blame)

I've stopped and thought about it, then looked at the individual that appointed the person that causes me my stress and although this other individual can walk the walk and talk the talk - I see them as total idiots appointed to the position for who know and not what they can deliver (going for the job 3 times before being appointed says a lot)

My observations, neither of them like what they do but enjoy being at the centre. So they build their entourage to inflate their egos and lash out at those in dissent who are "disloyal"

In turn, this affects your home life. You become more grumpy. You loose interest in what once brought you joy. Your "positive sex life" 💣 🤯 💨 💥

You enter a period of spiral dispair 😵‍💫 and if your lucky, there is some there to kick you out if it or you reach out, find a hook and return to the safe zone.

Getting to that stop isn't easy and if you have been feeling this longer than 2 weeks, you need to seek help. A GP visit with a few pills, isn't going to fix it and could make it worse before it gets better.

If you feel like a chat, DM me.

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By *nspokenEdgeMan
2 days ago

Down

Firstly keep fighting man… your will power can be immense and don’t underestimate it. Kids need their parents and that’s the bottom line.

Keep your body active as the body will heal from exercise and bring back problem solving attention into your mind. Go outdoors, we are trapped in a concrete jungle and nature will heal in many ways.

Wish you the best man, power to you.

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By *stpeekMan
2 days ago

city

Some great advice above,

Always remember , you are never alone in life , be it friends , work mates or family,

I know us Irish hate being a burden to others ,.. but at same time love giving others help. Don't forget that it's ok to ask people for chats, walks and honest opinion, sometimes sharing and saying out loud to others halves the problem.

Journal can be great also at formulating your problems into concrete talking /discussion points and formulating your narrative.

Keep strong, hopefully you come into a calmer period soon.

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By *otownkid1967Man
2 days ago

Portlaoise

I'm not in a position to offer any advice, just hope you get better OP.

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By *inky Bear and VicsCouple
2 days ago

Co Antrim

Vics here, I was actually talking to my friends son about this yesterday, he is a therapist (in training) and he was talking about anhedonia, the state of chronic stress leading to disassociation and not feeling the feelings. It's a way for the brain to protect itself and is very normal.

I know there is generic advice and I'm sure you've dispensed it yourself. One thing I thought about was have you had your testosterone levels checked? Your iron levels too. There's a company called Thriva that do blood tests. I recently ordered some myself, I wanted to check my estrogen and testosterone and Vit B12 levels. But your Doc maybe able to give you a bloods panel.

Then on that vein are you eating well, minimising junk (a McDonalds literally sends me to sleep) and getting walking in, or your outdoor activity of choice. Also don't underestimate the power of a good book. It gives your brain a rest from being you. Transports you to another world, another life.

Like others have said pull everything back to only honour the minimum of commitments. To a life audit, write it all down. Book a trip away, something that motivates you. Day out at a classic car museum? Check out that festival, book it.

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By *ild WomanWoman
2 days ago

carlow

Asking for help is not a weakness but strength and once you start looking for the help you will find the right one. There're lot of groups that can help like grow who give a small goal to work on for the next meeting.

Break everyone into small pieces and just focus on each piece and you will see it come together.We are hardest critic and many of us will overthink things.

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By *earuisceMan
2 days ago

south sligo

"Asking for help is not a weakness but strength and once you start looking for the help you will find the right one. There're lot of groups that can help like grow who give a small goal to work on for the next meeting.

Break everyone into small pieces and just focus on each piece and you will see it come together.We are hardest critic and many of us will overthink things. "
A great piece of sound advice

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By *enerationfornicationMan
2 days ago

In a place not far from...

"Vics here, I was actually talking to my friends son about this yesterday, he is a therapist (in training) and he was talking about anhedonia, the state of chronic stress leading to disassociation and not feeling the feelings. It's a way for the brain to protect itself and is very normal.

Good thought and often over looked tbh.

As a rule, men and women don't get their bloods done regularly. I never used to until a few years back. I went from the odd time, to yearly to the point of twice yearly.

Book an appointment and ask for fasting bloods, get everything checked (and avoid Dr Google)

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By *he shamMan
2 days ago

Galway

I felt just like you until I met bill and bob 10 years ago hope you feel better soon one day at a time 😉

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