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The “Too Many Rules” Debate

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

Was chatting to a couple, who had so many rules I felt like I needed to sign a legally binding contract before touching their arm 🤷‍♂️😂

No kissing, no touching here, no touching there, no eye contact unless during a leap year…

I get that boundaries are important, but at what point do rules kill the fun?

Is the scene becoming too… over-regulated?🙄 Or do clear rules make the experience better?

**It’s a hot take, go easy on me

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By *he KakapoMan
40 weeks ago

A nice rock

Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.

Everyone will set their own boundaries.

The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.

No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.

Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
40 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

They have the right rules for them, but it's ok for that to be the wrong rules for you. That's just fundamental incompatibility and it's ok to just say no thanks and walk away.

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By *ofusplusCouple
40 weeks ago

Limerick


"Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.

Everyone will set their own boundaries.

The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.

No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.

Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you"

I agree with this however....

The 'no kissing rule' especially smacks of insecurity in the relationship and I don't buy the 'keeping something for ourselves' bit. What a couple will always keep for themselves is the intimacy and connection that they share as a committed couple.

But we are all different I suppose. Mrs

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

Fair point — everyone’s boundaries are different, and if they don’t align, no harm, just move on. Totally get that.

But here’s the angle, I was going for. If the rules list gets longer than the actual fun list… is it still swinging, or is it just socialising with a saucy dress code? 😏

I’m genuinely curious — has anyone else walked away from a meet because the “rules” took the heat out of it?


"Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.

Everyone will set their own boundaries.

The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.

No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.

Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you"

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
40 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

Yes it's still swinging. It wouldn't be my choice (we don't have rules for each other) but it's their choice.

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

I agree with you on that, Mrs — especially the “no kissing” thing. To me, that’s more about insecurity than preserving intimacy. The bond and connection you share as a couple is something no one else can replicate, kiss or no kiss.

I get that everyone has their own comfort zones, but if you’re already sharing bodies, banning lips just feels a bit backwards 🤷‍♂️.


"Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.

Everyone will set their own boundaries.

The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.

No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.

Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you

I agree with this however....

The 'no kissing rule' especially smacks of insecurity in the relationship and I don't buy the 'keeping something for ourselves' bit. What a couple will always keep for themselves is the intimacy and connection that they share as a committed couple.

But we are all different I suppose. Mrs "

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
40 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

I would expect those with strong rules to be up front about it so that it didn't get as far as arranging a meet only to find out about the rules at the last min. I have definitely been disappointed before where rules meant we couldn't meet where we had chemistry otherwise.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
40 weeks ago

East / North, Cork


"I agree with you on that, Mrs — especially the “no kissing” thing. To me, that’s more about insecurity than preserving intimacy. The bond and connection you share as a couple is something no one else can replicate, kiss or no kiss.

I get that everyone has their own comfort zones, but if you’re already sharing bodies, banning lips just feels a bit backwards 🤷‍♂️.

Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.

Everyone will set their own boundaries.

The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.

No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.

Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you

I agree with this however....

The 'no kissing rule' especially smacks of insecurity in the relationship and I don't buy the 'keeping something for ourselves' bit. What a couple will always keep for themselves is the intimacy and connection that they share as a committed couple.

But we are all different I suppose. Mrs "

Careful there about judging rules that others have. It's ok for them to have them. There are no bad rules, just compatible rules and in incompatible rules.

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By *ealitybitesMan
40 weeks ago

Belfast

I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.

I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.

I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.

I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.

Bullet point messages to

Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me

Play bi

or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.

And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act.

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

Fair, agree that if it doesn’t match, you just walk away. No drama needed.


"Yes it's still swinging. It wouldn't be my choice (we don't have rules for each other) but it's their choice. "

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
40 weeks ago

East / North, Cork


"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.

I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.

I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.

I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.

Bullet point messages to

Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me

Play bi

or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.

And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. "

Surely it's better to hear about these rules up front rather than down the line?

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By *he KakapoMan
40 weeks ago

A nice rock


"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.

I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.

I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.

I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.

Bullet point messages to

Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me

Play bi

or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.

And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. "

Do you ever have bad experiences with profiles that aren't well known well verified and popular 🤣

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By *ealitybitesMan
40 weeks ago

Belfast


"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.

I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.

I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.

I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.

Bullet point messages to

Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me

Play bi

or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.

And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act.

Surely it's better to hear about these rules up front rather than down the line?"

I agree but there is a difference between a passive list on a profile and an aggressive list sent in a PM to a complete stranger.

I can ignore the former but the latter often comes with insults and threats when refused.

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By *ealitybitesMan
40 weeks ago

Belfast


"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.

I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.

I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.

I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.

Bullet point messages to

Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me

Play bi

or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.

And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act.

Do you ever have bad experiences with profiles that aren't well known well verified and popular 🤣"

I can count on one hand the bad experiences I've had on fab. I don't class any of the above as bad experiences. They're just words on a screen.

The well verified and popular comment is to highlight that shitty behaviour isn't limited to newbies but some have a level of expectation that others are happy to enable.

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By *og-ManMan
40 weeks ago

somewhere

I remember when I first joined the site and from reading the forums I assumed that I'd need a clip board with a list of rules and regulations

I'd never been with anyone where sex was just some fun before and I didn't think I'd fit in because I wouldn't know the do's and don't but did know what was right and wrong

I never sat down with anyone and ticked off a list ....just worked it out as we were going along even when a group was involved with a conversation as the play was happening

You need kissing in my opinion but its only my opinion and plenty of couples have no kissing on their profiles which is their preference

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By *adger BrocMan
40 weeks ago

North Cork

As a not so newbie I am tightly clutching my pearls at the thought of receiving nasty messages from some entitled fabbers who have prohibitive lists of rules for those who they will meet.

My jewels have never been so tightly gripped, in anticipation of an avalanche of abuse.

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

100% with you on that. Stating preferences in a profile is totally fair — gives everyone the choice to proceed and move on.

But firing off a first message that reads like a military drill? Yeah, that’s not “boundaries,” that’s entitlement. And funnily enough, it’s often from the ones who love lecturing others about etiquette on here.


"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.

I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.

I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.

I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.

Bullet point messages to

Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me

Play bi

or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.

And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. "

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

Ease up on the jewels, this is a safe space🤨😂


"As a not so newbie I am tightly clutching my pearls at the thought of receiving nasty messages from some entitled fabbers who have prohibitive lists of rules for those who they will meet.

My jewels have never been so tightly gripped, in anticipation of an avalanche of abuse."

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By *he gentleman 1000Man
40 weeks ago

santry


"Was chatting to a couple, who had so many rules I felt like I needed to sign a legally binding contract before touching their arm 🤷‍♂️😂

No kissing, no touching here, no touching there, no eye contact unless during a leap year…

I get that boundaries are important, but at what point do rules kill the fun?

Is the scene becoming too… over-regulated?🙄 Or do clear rules make the experience better?

**It’s a hot take, go easy on me"
yep those profiles that like small book take one look like fuck that here have fun not be given million rules to follow lol

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By *ammerandthongsCouple
40 weeks ago

Limerick

Each to their own regarding rules provided they say before arranging a meet we generally don't meet people with a list of rules purely as it doesn't suit what we look for as we don't do rules with meets and personally I like kissing which is the most common one which if I can't kiss someone I'm not going to want to shag them.

Amy

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By *nquisitive LadyWoman
40 weeks ago

Midlands

I have my rules that I stick by. My main one is that if someone keeps rescheduling or moving the goal posts I cut my losses as I know they don't respect me or my time.

If someone is pushy then they aren't for me

If someone treats me like a thank you who is next. I'd never meet them again.

Though really they should be unwritten ruled for everyone here .

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By *nquisitive LadyWoman
40 weeks ago

Midlands

Also if I'm not good enough to kiss then you're good for absolutely nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

The no kissing one is a bit mad / extreme alright.

Cher hit the nail on the head , "it's in his kiss 💋 ".

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By *opcattMan
40 weeks ago

co down

Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

I feel like an excess of rules would indicate a kind of rigidity that I would find inhibitory and therefore negative craic for me personally.

I do respect any couple that have found a way to negotiate an ENM relationship that works for them though.

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By *he KakapoMan
40 weeks ago

A nice rock


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie."

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie "

Or, in the absence of a woman, to an apple pie.

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By *opcattMan
40 weeks ago

co down


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie "
apple crumbles more my style lol

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By *nquisitive LadyWoman
40 weeks ago

Midlands


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie apple crumbles more my style lol"

How the cookie crumbles is more mine

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By *agneyandhutchCouple
40 weeks ago

lucan

For us it's about compatibility before we'll go further. We don't have a strict list of do's and dont's but still find it difficult to meet the right fit. It makes me wonder if those with an extensive list of rules ever find the right person/people to play with.

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By *rRiosMan
40 weeks ago

dublin


"I have my rules that I stick by. My main one is that if someone keeps rescheduling or moving the goal posts I cut my losses as I know they don't respect me or my time.

If someone is pushy then they aren't for me

If someone treats me like a thank you who is next. I'd never meet them again.

Though really they should be unwritten ruled for everyone here .

"

These rules could equally apply to all dating and even friendships other than the “thank you, next”

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By *opcattMan
40 weeks ago

co down


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie apple crumbles more my style lol

How the cookie crumbles is more mine "
depend what type of cookie it is, I prefare the gooey ones

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By *rRiosMan
40 weeks ago

dublin


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie

Or, in the absence of a woman, to an apple pie."

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By *he KakapoMan
40 weeks ago

A nice rock


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie

Or, in the absence of a woman, to an apple pie."

I assumed that was implied

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By *nquisitive LadyWoman
40 weeks ago

Midlands


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.

You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie apple crumbles more my style lol

How the cookie crumbles is more mine depend what type of cookie it is, I prefare the gooey ones "

A gooey cookie 🍪

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

Yeah, that’s exactly it, when the rulebook’s thicker than the spark, it kills the craic for me too.

Totally respect couples who’ve found their groove and made it work, but for me, the fun’s in the flow, not in ticking boxes.


"I feel like an excess of rules would indicate a kind of rigidity that I would find inhibitory and therefore negative craic for me personally.

I do respect any couple that have found a way to negotiate an ENM relationship that works for them though."

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

Couldn’t agree more Amy, if I can’t kiss you, chances are I’m not going to want to do anything else either.

For me, kissing’s half the chemistry.


"Each to their own regarding rules provided they say before arranging a meet we generally don't meet people with a list of rules purely as it doesn't suit what we look for as we don't do rules with meets and personally I like kissing which is the most common one which if I can't kiss someone I'm not going to want to shag them.

Amy "

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By *llthewaysMan
40 weeks ago

Dublin/Sallins

Different strokes for different folks, I think most people agree with that. If they have too many rules for you just move along.

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By *xcited And CuriousCouple
40 weeks ago

Dublin

Mr here.

I'm not understanding this issue...

If someone or a couple has a group of preferences (or rules, or boundaries, or whatever label we apply) that don't match yours, how do you end up meeting with them in the first place?

Is it that the meet takes place before the preferences are revealed?

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By *oodOmensfor2Couple
40 weeks ago

Ennis

People can choose and play by whatever rules they want. It's not up to me, you or anyone to judge them. If someone doesn't like the rules they should move on. 🤷‍♂️ But you should never be to a situation where you discover rules mid play, this is why open communication before any play is important. Lay down the rules, if anyone isn't happy or comfortable that's the sign to stop.

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By *ettaManMan
40 weeks ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.

The first rule of fab club, never start a thread questioning other people's approach to fab club (unless they're single males).

The second rule of fab club, if you're a single male, always start a thread bemoaning the lack of replies.

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By *ex0x28 OP   Man
40 weeks ago

Up the Bohs

No fence sitters on this thread!!

Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha

Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?


"The first rule of fab club, never start a thread questioning other people's approach to fab club (unless they're single males).

The second rule of fab club, if you're a single male, always start a thread bemoaning the lack of replies."

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

If people don't have the same interests as you, then it's pretty straight forward. Don't pursue them.

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By *rRiosMan
40 weeks ago

dublin


"No fence sitters on this thread!!

Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha

Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?

The first rule of fab club, never start a thread questioning other people's approach to fab club (unless they're single males).

The second rule of fab club, if you're a single male, always start a thread bemoaning the lack of replies."

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By *ettaManMan
40 weeks ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.


"No fence sitters on this thread!!

Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha

Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?

"

The third rule of fab club is, don't have too many rules.

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By *rotic Stretch MassageCouple
40 weeks ago

Limerick


"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie."

Totally agree with you!!!

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By *og-ManMan
40 weeks ago

somewhere


"No fence sitters on this thread!!

Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha

Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?

The third rule of fab club is, don't have too many rules."

I thought its you dont talk about Fab club

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By *ettaManMan
40 weeks ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.


"

I thought its you dont talk about Fab club "

That was amended, when they last updated the Ts & C's. They wanted to pursue a new growth strategy

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

" The only rule is ...there are no rules " 🤣🤣

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By *og-ManMan
40 weeks ago

somewhere


"

I thought its you dont talk about Fab club

That was amended, when they last updated the Ts & C's. They wanted to pursue a new growth strategy "

When the ladies post sexy videos that definitely encourages a growth strategy

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
40 weeks ago

Newry

Rules can change and adapt over time too. I think at the outset perhaps it's more common to have more as people find their feet. This is ok. Everyobe should move at a pace they are comfortable with. Some rules will stick, some may not.

Just a comment on the kissing. While I was here as a couple, it was me who didn't want to kiss anyone else. I was happy for E too kiss away, and he'd have liked it if I had. I just wasn't comfortable with it and I didn't like it. No insecurity, just my preference. That said, even as a single, I have to be REALLY into someone before I'd want to kiss them.

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By *aid backMan
40 weeks ago

by a lake with my rod out


"" The only rule is ...there are no rules " 🤣🤣"

Well there's one very important rule and it's consent

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By *easingTimMan
40 weeks ago

Loughlinstown

At least they explained the rules to you beforehand instead of during "the fun" Bloody embarrassing it was Swear to god, some people would (and have) taken the fun out of an orgy!!

So, Caveat Swinger "Let the swinger beware"

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By *ettaManMan
40 weeks ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.


"

When the ladies post sexy videos that definitely encourages a growth strategy "

Indeed. It's more than just the stock price that rises

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