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"I know i wouldn't have have the courage or confidence to go to a social as a single male - so i'd say that is a major reason for some men being hesitant to go but also there'll be the guys just looking for easy sex and don't want to get to know people and don't have the social skills to do so anyway i think a speed dating style event would be good for singles who are nervous to go to an event - men are guaranteed the chance to speak to women without the fear of having to approach cliques and women still get the safety and security of a social environment- after the dating it just becomes a normal social and maybe couples and others are invited to join after " I love that idea...sometimes it's difficult to get to speak to lots of different people, and its loud and crazy. I've seen people at events multiple times but for whatever reason missed the chance to chat. It is tough for single or shy people to walk up to someone in a group and talk to them. We've all been there (and still are sometimes 🙈) It is nice to get a quieter atmosphere to have a conversation with people on a one to one. | |||
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went to socials as a single male and as part a couple can say it’s obviously easier when go as couple but going as a single man is key and helps enormously and vast majority at events are welcoming and dead on and even as shy quiet person it gives u great opportunities to make connections and future play fun so definitely single males if serious about fab and wanting be in lifestyle get ur ass to a social asap and they are always fun night out | |||
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"It's been an interesting month or so, which left me a little puzzled. Single women go to social events because it's a little safer to meet new people that way - everyone attending is usually verified and it's easier to gage who they would like to know more from people's behaviours in pm's versus what they're like in a group setting. Couples go to social events because it's more convenient to organize one night off for both where they can meet someone they might fancy, who are also off on the same day (obviously) and take things further either on the night or arrange plans for another time if the chemistry is right. Single guys on other hand... they mainly shy away from group socials as soon as they find out that a social means no sex will be happening at the event. Same guys will go online and moan that nobody wants to meet them, that everyone is in a clique and whatever else they think is stopping them from having a good time. So my question is: Would anyone have any sound idea or a suggestion on how to bridge the gap between single women's point of view - they attend socials to meet guys in a safer environment and men's point of view - they refuse to attend socials to meet women in a safer environment because they're "too shy"? 🤔 Missus " I don't know if you meant to generalize everyone. I think it does way more harm than good. I get it if you're blowing off steam bur throwing negativity back into the community never solved anything. | |||
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"HC have a Telegram chat before the event so you chat to the majority of the people going in advance so you'd know if there's someone from vanilla life attending - also you're both there for the same reason so should both keep each others secret " “Should” being the word but unfortunately not always the case | |||
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"HC have a Telegram chat before the event so you chat to the majority of the people going in advance so you'd know if there's someone from vanilla life attending - also you're both there for the same reason so should both keep each others secret “Should” being the word but unfortunately not always the case " I don’t mean to be funny but if I knew you in the real world, I’d definitely recognise you from your profile pics. What’s the difference between having recognisable pics and people recognising you at a social? | |||
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"It's been an interesting month or so, which left me a little puzzled. Single women go to social events because it's a little safer to meet new people that way - everyone attending is usually verified and it's easier to gage who they would like to know more from people's behaviours in pm's versus what they're like in a group setting. Couples go to social events because it's more convenient to organize one night off for both where they can meet someone they might fancy, who are also off on the same day (obviously) and take things further either on the night or arrange plans for another time if the chemistry is right. Single guys on other hand... they mainly shy away from group socials as soon as they find out that a social means no sex will be happening at the event. Same guys will go online and moan that nobody wants to meet them, that everyone is in a clique and whatever else they think is stopping them from having a good time. So my question is: Would anyone have any sound idea or a suggestion on how to bridge the gap between single women's point of view - they attend socials to meet guys in a safer environment and men's point of view - they refuse to attend socials to meet women in a safer environment because they're "too shy"? 🤔 Missus I don't know if you meant to generalize everyone. I think it does way more harm than good. I get it if you're blowing off steam bur throwing negativity back into the community never solved anything." Nothing anyone can ever say will ever in the history of this universe will ever apply to every single person breathing on this planet. It's common sense not to assume that a general trend or a pattern automatically applies to everyone. You're the only one, who brought negativity to this thread, my friend. Please go pick fights elsewhere ❤️ | |||
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"HC have a Telegram chat before the event so you chat to the majority of the people going in advance so you'd know if there's someone from vanilla life attending - also you're both there for the same reason so should both keep each others secret “Should” being the word but unfortunately not always the case I don’t mean to be funny but if I knew you in the real world, I’d definitely recognise you from your profile pics. What’s the difference between having recognisable pics and people recognising you at a social?" I was just about to say the same thing You might have 50 people at a social and yet hundreds a day on here Can see your face photos | |||
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"HC, to be honest, if I was a single guy, there isn’t a hope I’d go to socials if I was going alone. I have such admiration for the guys who do show up not knowing anyone because it’s extremely hard to walk up to a group of people who know each other and break into the conversation. Especially when single guys are seen by many on here as second class citizens. I know that I have about a 40% drop out of men from socials which is why I over invite men every time. I don’t know what the solution is. If any express nervousness to me in the run up, I will reassure them and remind them that I’m there to introduce them to people and help them get chatting. Tbh, even as a single woman, I wouldn’t go to a social alone so fair fucks to anyone who does. " Well said, I attended a social organised by yourself over a year ago I think and that was exactly it, hard to break into conversation with a group who already know each other. No surprise nothing came of it , so I've never bothered with socials since | |||
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"I’m a single guy and would love to meet people socially with no view to sex straight off (even if I’d still be a little hopeful). My issue with socials is you walk through a door not knowing who you are going to bump into from your vanilla life and unfortunately not everyone here is discreet which is a big non negotiable for me. " We're all different so fair enough since that's how you feel and you might have had bad experiences, but I struggle to relate. A couple spotted at a swinger event? Sure, society's judgement about non-monogamy, think of the children, etc. A single woman at a swinger event? Same, women enjoying their sexuality get stigmatised. But a single man going out to meet people and possibly have sex? I just don't get the negative angle there. I feel like no-one would bat an eyelid. Unless one is married and cheating, I feel like single men are the demographic that probably cares (or should care) the least about getting "outed". | |||
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"HC, to be honest, if I was a single guy, there isn’t a hope I’d go to socials if I was going alone. I have such admiration for the guys who do show up not knowing anyone because it’s extremely hard to walk up to a group of people who know each other and break into the conversation. Especially when single guys are seen by many on here as second class citizens. I know that I have about a 40% drop out of men from socials which is why I over invite men every time. I don’t know what the solution is. If any express nervousness to me in the run up, I will reassure them and remind them that I’m there to introduce them to people and help them get chatting. Tbh, even as a single woman, I wouldn’t go to a social alone so fair fucks to anyone who does. " We were both single back in the olden days and both attended socials, so know first hand the nerves, the expectations, the unknown.. that's why we work on making ours different: 1. Group chat prior to events, so people get a chance to get to know each other. Bigger group chats now even get a slower version going for those, who feel like they can't keep up. 2. We actively introduce people to others when we see them standing on their own. 3. We added ice breakers to the goody bags, so when someone's too shy to approach others and draws a blank trying to come up with a conversation starter due to nerves - they can point at the wee card and ask the random question written on said card. 4. Games - another ice breaker for one's participating as well as ones watching them. 5. Entertainment- another potential conversation starter. 6. Music is turned down lower until last 2h of the event. 7. Not enough chairs - so people mingle about instead of stay in one seat all night (some still do, but we're not chair police). We've been to socials where the organizer just throws you in a room and be "good luck to you" and we refuse to be those people. I genuinely don't know how much more support we can offer 🤔 | |||
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"I've stopped going to socials on my single profile as I'm predominantly looking for guys and there are very rarely any more than 4 or 5 and most of them have plans already made for the night so its pointless to me🤷" That's exactly my point! Single guys tend to be so scared of them 🙈 | |||
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"I know i wouldn't have have the courage or confidence to go to a social as a single male - so i'd say that is a major reason for some men being hesitant to go but also there'll be the guys just looking for easy sex and don't want to get to know people and don't have the social skills to do so anyway i think a speed dating style event would be good for singles who are nervous to go to an event - men are guaranteed the chance to speak to women without the fear of having to approach cliques and women still get the safety and security of a social environment- after the dating it just becomes a normal social and maybe couples and others are invited to join after " I think this is a great idea! | |||
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"HC You actually came over to me at a social once and asked could a woman sit on my lap as there wasn't enough seats You took away the seats in the first place "It worked!   | |||
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"These days I'll avoid the socials with the dj and high volume tunes. That's not my social scene in regular life and doesn't translate for my swing life either. I find it much easier to join a table of people chatting in a day time social. More recently I went to a club and before hand met up a fairly large group for dinner before hand. That was really nice. Incidentally I've been to my fair share of social events and I've never once been introduced to anyone by a host. Ever. " I've always commented on here in regard to volume levels at some socials and seating arrangements which are more antisocial than social issues. The very first social I went to in Kildare, the hosts contacted me beforehand and arranged to meet in the bar when I arrived earlier in the day. They made a point of introducing me to various other fabbers as they arrived and I was grateful for that. Every other social I've been to, I have never seen the hosts mingle at all and I've had to introduce myself. I haven't been to one in about 3 years and the last 3 I've been at were as part of a couple and it was genuinely hilarious the way I was ignored by people who had messaged the day before to say they were looking forward to meeting me. As soon as I walked in with someone they wanted nothing to do with me and when I walked up to them and said hello I was completely blanked. They followed that up with a message the day after saying they had missed me at the event and why hadn't I made myself known to them? All 3 of those women sat at a table together all night holding court. I'm not the most social person out there or the most confident but when I have made the effort to turn up and speak to people who expressed an interest in meeting it can be very off-putting when they turn their back. | |||
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"HC, to be honest, if I was a single guy, there isn’t a hope I’d go to socials if I was going alone. I have such admiration for the guys who do show up not knowing anyone because it’s extremely hard to walk up to a group of people who know each other and break into the conversation. Especially when single guys are seen by many on here as second class citizens. I know that I have about a 40% drop out of men from socials which is why I over invite men every time. I don’t know what the solution is. If any express nervousness to me in the run up, I will reassure them and remind them that I’m there to introduce them to people and help them get chatting. Tbh, even as a single woman, I wouldn’t go to a social alone so fair fucks to anyone who does. Well said, I attended a social organised by yourself over a year ago I think and that was exactly it, hard to break into conversation with a group who already know each other. No surprise nothing came of it , so I've never bothered with socials since" Tbh, that was the first one I ran and things are different now. The setup made it hard to chat. Give it another go. | |||
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"These days I'll avoid the socials with the dj and high volume tunes. That's not my social scene in regular life and doesn't translate for my swing life either. I find it much easier to join a table of people chatting in a day time social. More recently I went to a club and before hand met up a fairly large group for dinner before hand. That was really nice. Incidentally I've been to my fair share of social events and I've never once been introduced to anyone by a host. Ever. " Did you ask the host to introduce you to anyone? If a guy is happy to approach people himself (which you generally are), I’ll let him off unless he asks me to introduce him to someone. | |||
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"HC, to be honest, if I was a single guy, there isn’t a hope I’d go to socials if I was going alone. I have such admiration for the guys who do show up not knowing anyone because it’s extremely hard to walk up to a group of people who know each other and break into the conversation. Especially when single guys are seen by many on here as second class citizens. I know that I have about a 40% drop out of men from socials which is why I over invite men every time. I don’t know what the solution is. If any express nervousness to me in the run up, I will reassure them and remind them that I’m there to introduce them to people and help them get chatting. Tbh, even as a single woman, I wouldn’t go to a social alone so fair fucks to anyone who does. We were both single back in the olden days and both attended socials, so know first hand the nerves, the expectations, the unknown.. that's why we work on making ours different: 1. Group chat prior to events, so people get a chance to get to know each other. Bigger group chats now even get a slower version going for those, who feel like they can't keep up. 2. We actively introduce people to others when we see them standing on their own. 3. We added ice breakers to the goody bags, so when someone's too shy to approach others and draws a blank trying to come up with a conversation starter due to nerves - they can point at the wee card and ask the random question written on said card. 4. Games - another ice breaker for one's participating as well as ones watching them. 5. Entertainment- another potential conversation starter. 6. Music is turned down lower until last 2h of the event. 7. Not enough chairs - so people mingle about instead of stay in one seat all night (some still do, but we're not chair police). We've been to socials where the organizer just throws you in a room and be "good luck to you" and we refuse to be those people. I genuinely don't know how much more support we can offer 🤔" The lack of support comment wasn’t aimed at ye, I know the effort ye put into events. The problem is, if they’ve had a shit experience at other socials, they’re unlikely to try a different one. I honestly don’t know what can be done. It’s all well and good if there’s a cohort of guys that do attend socials but people want to meet new people…that’s why they go to socials. Tis a conundrum! | |||
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"It's been an interesting month or so, which left me a little puzzled. Single women go to social events because it's a little safer to meet new people that way - everyone attending is usually verified and it's easier to gage who they would like to know more from people's behaviours in pm's versus what they're like in a group setting. Couples go to social events because it's more convenient to organize one night off for both where they can meet someone they might fancy, who are also off on the same day (obviously) and take things further either on the night or arrange plans for another time if the chemistry is right. Single guys on other hand... they mainly shy away from group socials as soon as they find out that a social means no sex will be happening at the event. Same guys will go online and moan that nobody wants to meet them, that everyone is in a clique and whatever else they think is stopping them from having a good time. So my question is: Would anyone have any sound idea or a suggestion on how to bridge the gap between single women's point of view - they attend socials to meet guys in a safer environment and men's point of view - they refuse to attend socials to meet women in a safer environment because they're "too shy"? 🤔 Missus " For me, I was always nervous about going to parties on my own when I was younger was because there would be so many people and I would feel a bit overwhelmed. Like I would like to tip my toe into the whole swinging, but a big social party felt like jumping into the deep end. 99 times out of 100, its fine and people are lovely, but the idea could be a little nerve wrecking for some people. But that was just me | |||
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"It's been an interesting month or so, which left me a little puzzled. Single women go to social events because it's a little safer to meet new people that way - everyone attending is usually verified and it's easier to gage who they would like to know more from people's behaviours in pm's versus what they're like in a group setting. Couples go to social events because it's more convenient to organize one night off for both where they can meet someone they might fancy, who are also off on the same day (obviously) and take things further either on the night or arrange plans for another time if the chemistry is right. Single guys on other hand... they mainly shy away from group socials as soon as they find out that a social means no sex will be happening at the event. Same guys will go online and moan that nobody wants to meet them, that everyone is in a clique and whatever else they think is stopping them from having a good time. So my question is: Would anyone have any sound idea or a suggestion on how to bridge the gap between single women's point of view - they attend socials to meet guys in a safer environment and men's point of view - they refuse to attend socials to meet women in a safer environment because they're "too shy"? 🤔 Missus " Really interesting topic !!! I think we need to change the narrative. I think it’s really something the single men need to answer ! When they join fab what do they think the purpose of it is ? I can only speak from my own experiences as someone who has ran events and as a single woman. Vast majority of single men on here aren’t single and are never gonna attend a social gathering of any description but will still buy tickets and take part in group chats and then not show . I think the purpose of this site has evolved over my time on here. I think it’s more a site for sexually open people into casual responsible sex than just “swingers”. Maybe a group chat for men looking to attend socials and events for the first time but have no idea how to go about it or what to expect ? Just my thoughts XXlalaXX | |||
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"It's been an interesting month or so, which left me a little puzzled. Single women go to social events because it's a little safer to meet new people that way - everyone attending is usually verified and it's easier to gage who they would like to know more from people's behaviours in pm's versus what they're like in a group setting. Couples go to social events because it's more convenient to organize one night off for both where they can meet someone they might fancy, who are also off on the same day (obviously) and take things further either on the night or arrange plans for another time if the chemistry is right. Single guys on other hand... they mainly shy away from group socials as soon as they find out that a social means no sex will be happening at the event. Same guys will go online and moan that nobody wants to meet them, that everyone is in a clique and whatever else they think is stopping them from having a good time. So my question is: Would anyone have any sound idea or a suggestion on how to bridge the gap between single women's point of view - they attend socials to meet guys in a safer environment and men's point of view - they refuse to attend socials to meet women in a safer environment because they're "too shy"? 🤔 Missus Really interesting topic !!! I think we need to change the narrative. I think it’s really something the single men need to answer ! When they join fab what do they think the purpose of it is ? I can only speak from my own experiences as someone who has ran events and as a single woman. Vast majority of single men on here aren’t single and are never gonna attend a social gathering of any description but will still buy tickets and take part in group chats and then not show . I think the purpose of this site has evolved over my time on here. I think it’s more a site for sexually open people into casual responsible sex than just “swingers”. Maybe a group chat for men looking to attend socials and events for the first time but have no idea how to go about it or what to expect ? Just my thoughts XXlalaXX " Or a pinned Message. Honestly I think a lot of single guys only hear what they want to hear | |||
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"It's been an interesting month or so, which left me a little puzzled. Single women go to social events because it's a little safer to meet new people that way - everyone attending is usually verified and it's easier to gage who they would like to know more from people's behaviours in pm's versus what they're like in a group setting. Couples go to social events because it's more convenient to organize one night off for both where they can meet someone they might fancy, who are also off on the same day (obviously) and take things further either on the night or arrange plans for another time if the chemistry is right. Single guys on other hand... they mainly shy away from group socials as soon as they find out that a social means no sex will be happening at the event. Same guys will go online and moan that nobody wants to meet them, that everyone is in a clique and whatever else they think is stopping them from having a good time. So my question is: Would anyone have any sound idea or a suggestion on how to bridge the gap between single women's point of view - they attend socials to meet guys in a safer environment and men's point of view - they refuse to attend socials to meet women in a safer environment because they're "too shy"? 🤔 Missus Really interesting topic !!! I think we need to change the narrative. I think it’s really something the single men need to answer ! When they join fab what do they think the purpose of it is ? I can only speak from my own experiences as someone who has ran events and as a single woman. Vast majority of single men on here aren’t single and are never gonna attend a social gathering of any description but will still buy tickets and take part in group chats and then not show . I think the purpose of this site has evolved over my time on here. I think it’s more a site for sexually open people into casual responsible sex than just “swingers”. Maybe a group chat for men looking to attend socials and events for the first time but have no idea how to go about it or what to expect ? Just my thoughts XXlalaXX " first iv heard of a shortage of guys at socials i usually see limited spaces left for single guys, if I'd know this before I'd be all over it. Don't understand how single guys can be shy going to a social anyway in my experience it's just like going to the pub or club, you always bump into someone for a chat. | |||
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" Honestly I think a lot of single guys only hear what they want to hear" Or read what they want to read  | |||
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" Honestly I think a lot of single guys only hear what they want to hear Or read what they want to read "OK cool yes , let's kiss | |||
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" first iv heard of a shortage of guys at socials i usually see limited spaces left for single guys, if I'd know this before I'd be all over it. Don't understand how single guys can be shy going to a social anyway in my experience it's just like going to the pub or club, you always bump into someone for a chat." I wouldn't classify myself as shy but I wouldn't enjoy going to pubs that often, especially if I'm on my own. I don't like clubs even in groups. I have to applaud Jaffa for offering a social experience that isn't either of them. I'd happily go on a social hike, do a game night, or have a dinner out but those are few and far between. | |||
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"I know i wouldn't have have the courage or confidence to go to a social as a single male - so i'd say that is a major reason for some men being hesitant to go but also there'll be the guys just looking for easy sex and don't want to get to know people and don't have the social skills to do so anyway i think a speed dating style event would be good for singles who are nervous to go to an event - men are guaranteed the chance to speak to women without the fear of having to approach cliques and women still get the safety and security of a social environment- after the dating it just becomes a normal social and maybe couples and others are invited to join after " A speed dating style event is a wonderful idea we wonder how this could be adapted to a fab social and would be very interested to take part in | |||
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" first iv heard of a shortage of guys at socials i usually see limited spaces left for single guys, if I'd know this before I'd be all over it. Don't understand how single guys can be shy going to a social anyway in my experience it's just like going to the pub or club, you always bump into someone for a chat." It's kinda like the pub only the potential to have your ego crushed is a lot higher. A lot of guys are gregarious and confident with a few pints and a few friends around but might not feel the same when surrounded by seasoned swingers. Insecurity in a place like that is pretty normal if your new but that's not a normal feeling for a lot of guys to have do deal with on top of thinking they have to impress and pull. Single guys also have to content with a reasonably large cohort of couples who think they shouldn't be there at all. Obviously single women are fine 😂 I've been told to fuck off by more than one d*unk husband who thought I was interested in his wife and I don't court couples at all 🤷🏻♀️ How to reassure guys on the one hand and have clear boundaries on the other is a really great discussion to be having. | |||
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" first iv heard of a shortage of guys at socials i usually see limited spaces left for single guys, if I'd know this before I'd be all over it. Don't understand how single guys can be shy going to a social anyway in my experience it's just like going to the pub or club, you always bump into someone for a chat. I wouldn't classify myself as shy but I wouldn't enjoy going to pubs that often, especially if I'm on my own. I don't like clubs even in groups. I have to applaud Jaffa for offering a social experience that isn't either of them. I'd happily go on a social hike, do a game night, or have a dinner out but those are few and far between. " I understand people have different ways of socialising and that's obviously yours and others, but social events are just for getting to meet new people rather than chatting on here as you don't really know someone until you meet them personally. If there was a hiking social i don't think I'd trust myself from falling off a cliff with these wondering eyes on the fabbettes | |||
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" first iv heard of a shortage of guys at socials i usually see limited spaces left for single guys, if I'd know this before I'd be all over it. Don't understand how single guys can be shy going to a social anyway in my experience it's just like going to the pub or club, you always bump into someone for a chat. It's kinda like the pub only the potential to have your ego crushed is a lot higher. A lot of guys are gregarious and confident with a few pints and a few friends around but might not feel the same when surrounded by seasoned swingers. Insecurity in a place like that is pretty normal if your new but that's not a normal feeling for a lot of guys to have do deal with on top of thinking they have to impress and pull. Single guys also have to content with a reasonably large cohort of couples who think they shouldn't be there at all. Obviously single women are fine 😂 I've been told to fuck off by more than one d*unk husband who thought I was interested in his wife and I don't court couples at all 🤷🏻♀️ How to reassure guys on the one hand and have clear boundaries on the other is a really great discussion to be having." suppose it's part and partial of fab to be honest, iv had the same experience with a hubby although not that rude lol just shopped my meeting and killed the vibe. Wouldn't let it put you off I certainly wouldn't  | |||
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"I know i wouldn't have have the courage or confidence to go to a social as a single male - so i'd say that is a major reason for some men being hesitant to go but also there'll be the guys just looking for easy sex and don't want to get to know people and don't have the social skills to do so anyway i think a speed dating style event would be good for singles who are nervous to go to an event - men are guaranteed the chance to speak to women without the fear of having to approach cliques and women still get the safety and security of a social environment- after the dating it just becomes a normal social and maybe couples and others are invited to join after A speed dating style event is a wonderful idea we wonder how this could be adapted to a fab social and would be very interested to take part in " Speed dating for swingers is something we have thought about. The logistics of balancing couples with singles would be no issue at all we don't think and it should be too hard to pull off | |||
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"I know i wouldn't have have the courage or confidence to go to a social as a single male - so i'd say that is a major reason for some men being hesitant to go but also there'll be the guys just looking for easy sex and don't want to get to know people and don't have the social skills to do so anyway i think a speed dating style event would be good for singles who are nervous to go to an event - men are guaranteed the chance to speak to women without the fear of having to approach cliques and women still get the safety and security of a social environment- after the dating it just becomes a normal social and maybe couples and others are invited to join after A speed dating style event is a wonderful idea we wonder how this could be adapted to a fab social and would be very interested to take part in Speed dating for swingers is something we have thought about. The logistics of balancing couples with singles would be no issue at all we don't think and it should be too hard to pull off "HC, like other guys I don't have the confidence to go to a social - even though I really really really want to - for the same reasons as mentioned by others. It's so difficult just walking into a room when you are by yourself, don't know what to expect, don't know anyone, don't know where to sit, don't know where to stand, worry about being the 'loner' on his own, and maybe don't have the confidence just to walk up to people and start saying hi. However, if there was some type of organised introduction / icebreaker / sppeed dating type of thing, I would be more inclined to go. I've always thought swing speed dating would be a fun thing to do at a social. Matching the ratios would be tricky, so instead of doing that, it could be more of an incebreaker type of thing regardless of gender / sexuality. I'd probably feel relieved just to say hello to anyone, including men, to break the ice and feel less 'alone' at a social. I was involved many years ago in meetups in England (non swinging/sexual events) where we were trying to encourage people to break the ice with each other at events. We did various things like: - 'first-timers' attended a pre-event event, like an hour beforehand to be introduced to the hosts and shown around the venue. - regular attendees would sometimes volunteer to lookout for newbies and actively introduce them to people. - everyone was given a different symbol/word and had to actively go around and try to find the other person in the room who had a matching symbol/word. This was a less intimidating way of people walking up to others to say hi. Once they had found their match, they could ask the bar staff if it was a 'prize word' and if so claim a free shot at the bar. Sounds a bit silly perhaps but actually worked as a way of settling first-timer nerves and getting people to mingle. | |||
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"I know i wouldn't have have the courage or confidence to go to a social as a single male - so i'd say that is a major reason for some men being hesitant to go but also there'll be the guys just looking for easy sex and don't want to get to know people and don't have the social skills to do so anyway i think a speed dating style event would be good for singles who are nervous to go to an event - men are guaranteed the chance to speak to women without the fear of having to approach cliques and women still get the safety and security of a social environment- after the dating it just becomes a normal social and maybe couples and others are invited to join after A speed dating style event is a wonderful idea we wonder how this could be adapted to a fab social and would be very interested to take part in Speed dating for swingers is something we have thought about. The logistics of balancing couples with singles would be no issue at all we don't think and it should be too hard to pull off
HC, like other guys I don't have the confidence to go to a social - even though I really really really want to - for the same reasons as mentioned by others. It's so difficult just walking into a room when you are by yourself, don't know what to expect, don't know anyone, don't know where to sit, don't know where to stand, worry about being the 'loner' on his own, and maybe don't have the confidence just to walk up to people and start saying hi.
However, if there was some type of organised introduction / icebreaker / sppeed dating type of thing, I would be more inclined to go. I've always thought swing speed dating would be a fun thing to do at a social. Matching the ratios would be tricky, so instead of doing that, it could be more of an incebreaker type of thing regardless of gender / sexuality. I'd probably feel relieved just to say hello to anyone, including men, to break the ice and feel less 'alone' at a social.
I was involved many years ago in meetups in England (non swinging/sexual events) where we were trying to encourage people to break the ice with each other at events. We did various things like:
- 'first-timers' attended a pre-event event, like an hour beforehand to be introduced to the hosts and shown around the venue.
- regular attendees would sometimes volunteer to lookout for newbies and actively introduce them to people.
- everyone was given a different symbol/word and had to actively go around and try to find the other person in the room who had a matching symbol/word. This was a less intimidating way of people walking up to others to say hi. Once they had found their match, they could ask the bar staff if it was a 'prize word' and if so claim a free shot at the bar.
Sounds a bit silly perhaps but actually worked as a way of settling first-timer nerves and getting people to mingle."We already do all of those things! Except for it being a straight up "speed dating" themed event. I have listed above 7 official ice breakers that we do at every single event, but there's even more unofficial ones that we use in group chats like topics of the day, opinion polls and conversation starters, advice for newbies to arrive early, advice on etiquette and so on, God, we even do keys in a bowl game where men put their keys into a bowl and women have to pick a key from it, then mingle around all men to find the owner of said keys, then stay with that person and chat. Look over listed ice breakers above too. | |||
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"HC, to be honest, if I was a single guy, there isn’t a hope I’d go to socials if I was going alone. I have such admiration for the guys who do show up not knowing anyone because it’s extremely hard to walk up to a group of people who know each other and break into the conversation. Especially when single guys are seen by many on here as second class citizens. I know that I have about a 40% drop out of men from socials which is why I over invite men every time. I don’t know what the solution is. If any express nervousness to me in the run up, I will reassure them and remind them that I’m there to introduce them to people and help them get chatting. Tbh, even as a single woman, I wouldn’t go to a social alone so fair fucks to anyone who does. We were both single back in the olden days and both attended socials, so know first hand the nerves, the expectations, the unknown.. that's why we work on making ours different: 1. Group chat prior to events, so people get a chance to get to know each other. Bigger group chats now even get a slower version going for those, who feel like they can't keep up. 2. We actively introduce people to others when we see them standing on their own. 3. We added ice breakers to the goody bags, so when someone's too shy to approach others and draws a blank trying to come up with a conversation starter due to nerves - they can point at the wee card and ask the random question written on said card. 4. Games - another ice breaker for one's participating as well as ones watching them. 5. Entertainment- another potential conversation starter. 6. Music is turned down lower until last 2h of the event. 7. Not enough chairs - so people mingle about instead of stay in one seat all night (some still do, but we're not chair police). We've been to socials where the organizer just throws you in a room and be "good luck to you" and we refuse to be those people. I genuinely don't know how much more support we can offer 🤔 The lack of support comment wasn’t aimed at ye, I know the effort ye put into events. The problem is, if they’ve had a shit experience at other socials, they’re unlikely to try a different one. I honestly don’t know what can be done. It’s all well and good if there’s a cohort of guys that do attend socials but people want to meet new people…that’s why they go to socials. Tis a conundrum!" I know it wasn't aimed at us in particular, but so many people keep saying the same thing, so I wrote out a list of what we actually do 😅 Re your comment about a first shit experience is very much valid too! We had so many people, who now have become regulars tell us, that they've had a bad experience attending something else in the past, so it put them off for years and years not to attend another one ❤ | |||
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"HC, to be honest, if I was a single guy, there isn’t a hope I’d go to socials if I was going alone. I have such admiration for the guys who do show up not knowing anyone because it’s extremely hard to walk up to a group of people who know each other and break into the conversation. Especially when single guys are seen by many on here as second class citizens. I know that I have about a 40% drop out of men from socials which is why I over invite men every time. I don’t know what the solution is. If any express nervousness to me in the run up, I will reassure them and remind them that I’m there to introduce them to people and help them get chatting. Tbh, even as a single woman, I wouldn’t go to a social alone so fair fucks to anyone who does. We were both single back in the olden days and both attended socials, so know first hand the nerves, the expectations, the unknown.. that's why we work on making ours different: 1. Group chat prior to events, so people get a chance to get to know each other. Bigger group chats now even get a slower version going for those, who feel like they can't keep up. 2. We actively introduce people to others when we see them standing on their own. 3. We added ice breakers to the goody bags, so when someone's too shy to approach others and draws a blank trying to come up with a conversation starter due to nerves - they can point at the wee card and ask the random question written on said card. 4. Games - another ice breaker for one's participating as well as ones watching them. 5. Entertainment- another potential conversation starter. 6. Music is turned down lower until last 2h of the event. 7. Not enough chairs - so people mingle about instead of stay in one seat all night (some still do, but we're not chair police). We've been to socials where the organizer just throws you in a room and be "good luck to you" and we refuse to be those people. I genuinely don't know how much more support we can offer 🤔 The lack of support comment wasn’t aimed at ye, I know the effort ye put into events. The problem is, if they’ve had a shit experience at other socials, they’re unlikely to try a different one. I honestly don’t know what can be done. It’s all well and good if there’s a cohort of guys that do attend socials but people want to meet new people…that’s why they go to socials. Tis a conundrum! I know it wasn't aimed at us in particular, but so many people keep saying the same thing, so I wrote out a list of what we actually do 😅 Re your comment about a first shit experience is very much valid too! We had so many people, who now have become regulars tell us, that they've had a bad experience attending something else in the past, so it put them off for years and years not to attend another one ❤" I’ve been to socials where I had to ask who the host was…it’s bizarre to me that some hosts don’t actually host! Particularly ones who are charging for a social. | |||
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" I’ve been to socials where I had to ask who the host was…it’s bizarre to me that some hosts don’t actually host! Particularly ones who are charging for a social. " 100% | |||
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" It is interesting to read that single males are a scarcity at socials when in my experience they are often overlooked when invites are being issued and in some cases are deliberately excluded.....just one of Fabs many foibles and idiosyncrasies I guess. " Reliable single men are hard to get to go to socials. Many single men aren't actually single. Many single men think an orgy is on the cards and bail when they find out a social means a social Many single men don't see the point in a social. As one guy said to me 'I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to fuck!' | |||
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" It is interesting to read that single males are a scarcity at socials when in my experience they are often overlooked when invites are being issued and in some cases are deliberately excluded.....just one of Fabs many foibles and idiosyncrasies I guess. " In defence of the hosts and hostesses I know, people that are excluded are excluded for a reason. That reason might be that they don't fit desired dynamic or that reason may be that their reputation has preceded them. People don't get excluded for no reason. And hosts talk to each other. | |||
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"I've seen social events advertised on the forums where it said in the original post that all single men places were full which I suppose is grand if there are a select number of men who attend all these events. I've never been to any of them but in speaking to some who have I've been told that there were only a handful in a room of 100 plus people. That seems a very low percentage to start with and if there were no shows there must be quite a waiting list for the next event if places are continuously filled before advertising. " Ive often wondered that too ... | |||
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"I've seen social events advertised on the forums where it said in the original post that all single men places were full which I suppose is grand if there are a select number of men who attend all these events. I've never been to any of them but in speaking to some who have I've been told that there were only a handful in a room of 100 plus people. That seems a very low percentage to start with and if there were no shows there must be quite a waiting list for the next event if places are continuously filled before advertising. Ive often wondered that too ..." My last coffee social, 45 men asked for invites, 17 showed up… | |||
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"I've seen social events advertised on the forums where it said in the original post that all single men places were full which I suppose is grand if there are a select number of men who attend all these events. I've never been to any of them but in speaking to some who have I've been told that there were only a handful in a room of 100 plus people. That seems a very low percentage to start with and if there were no shows there must be quite a waiting list for the next event if places are continuously filled before advertising. Ive often wondered that too ... My last coffee social, 45 men asked for invites, 17 showed up…"
Yup this is what ive found at most socials unfortunately | |||
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"I've seen social events advertised on the forums where it said in the original post that all single men places were full which I suppose is grand if there are a select number of men who attend all these events. I've never been to any of them but in speaking to some who have I've been told that there were only a handful in a room of 100 plus people. That seems a very low percentage to start with and if there were no shows there must be quite a waiting list for the next event if places are continuously filled before advertising. Ive often wondered that too ... My last coffee social, 45 men asked for invites, 17 showed up…" There was one time last year when we offered anyone to join us two for a drink to have a chat and get verified. 18 men swore up and down that this is such a great opportunity and they will come. 1 showed up 🤦♀️ There was no tickets, no guest lists, no sex, no crowds, nobody to have to approach, just a casual pint in a public bar, so there was absolutely no excuse to say "omg I was too nervous" | |||
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