FabSwingers.com forum: The "CLIQUE "

By *ornywife20 OP Couple
8 weeks ago

North Cork

I wish people would stop going on about the clique at events.

Is it so fecking wrong to chat with a group of friends you know that you only meet at fab events. We have never been to an event where we chatted or sat down with people where we were ignored or made feel unwelcome.

I am sorry guys but it's not play school where the teacher holds your hand and tells everyone you are new and to be nice and be your new best friend.

You cant sit in the corner and expect people to come to you.

My advice is, if you are unsure stand at the bar chat to people as they come up say hi I/we are new do you mind if we join you guys. 99.9% of people will say yes come on I will introduce you . You have to make the first move. I know its not always easy but it is always worth the effort.

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By *ark_2009_1Man
8 weeks ago

tullamore

"I wish people would stop going on about the clique at events.

I am sorry guys but it's not play school where the teacher holds your hand and tells everyone you are new and to be nice and be your new best friend.

You cant sit in the corner and expect people to come to you.

I agree with most of what you said but there is a clique element to be found at the regular events.

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By *og-ManMan
8 weeks ago

somewhere

A clique by definition dont allow other people into their group

Yet from my very first social I have been welcomed by everybody I've ever talked to without exception

Some people only meet at socials so yes they're going to chat to people they've always spoken to over the years at these socials

It's like anything you've ever joined in from the time you were born .....get involved or you'll end up complaining from the sidelines

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By *iscuits8Man
8 weeks ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

To me anyway, the clique thing for the most part is an accusation thrown around by people venting their frustration because they joined here thinking they'd be getting their hole left, right and centre, and it's not turned out that way.

I've been told I'm part of a clique on here... I can only guess it's from the amount of forum activity over the years because I've never attended a social or any sort of Fab group setting. Only 1 on 1 socials/meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

We prefer to be called a cult thank you very much

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By *rRiosMan
8 weeks ago

dublin

I’ve seen a clique live in action and it very much does exist. It’s like American high school drama with the “cool people table” or whatever. And I’ve seen people being ignored or their input dismissed. Unsurprisingly there are knobheads in all walks of life!

Thankfully the majority I’ve experienced has not been like this!

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By *inky Bear and VicsCouple
8 weeks ago

Belfast and Tyrone

"I’ve seen a clique live in action and it very much does exist. It’s like American high school drama with the “cool people table” or whatever. And I’ve seen people being ignored or their input dismissed. Unsurprisingly there are knobheads in all walks of life!

Thankfully the majority I’ve experienced has not been like this!

A good example of a clique Ive seen is at a party a bunch of youngish broccoli haired guys with orange girlfriends with eyelashes so heavy they'd nearly topple forwards. Very much a vibe of "don't talk to us' and that was fine! I'm chunky and over 50. I wouldn't want to play with them either. They do no harm. They are clearly all mates, I leave them alone and they are having fun.

A clique that involves leadership or organisers is worse. A toxic power exchange with egos and ladder climbers saying yes yes yes, and then sometimes closing ranks against perceived criticism or around obvious predators. This is a bad clique.

Generally though, most people just chin wag with people they meet, or already know, and it might look like a clique but it's not. If you hover nearby you might get drawn in. If you say 'nice shoes' etc you may get a friendly smile. I love the idea above about hovering at the bar and saying I'm new, can I join? Most people will want to help out a newbie. Just takes a big deep breath and some bravery.

Says me who went to an event, had an anxiety attack, had to be to be talked down from 'crazy" by several swingers and spent a lot of the night crying. Don't do as I do lol. I've got better at socialising since then.

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By *appyhoppyMan
8 weeks ago

North

Naturist events are great ice breakers for socials . While not sexual they have a great way of equalising everything from the off

try a swimming meet or yoga. There's instantly something in common to help with the introductions

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By *entleGent13Man
8 weeks ago

Somewhere

"I wish people would stop going on about the clique at events.

I am sorry guys but it's not play school where the teacher holds your hand and tells everyone you are new and to be nice and be your new best friend.

You cant sit in the corner and expect people to come to you.

I suppose "cliques" exist in all walks of life. But my experience from my very first social was anything but that.

I found people to be warm, friendly, and open.

But you are right. You do have to make an effort and introduce yourself. Stating its your first time is a good idea. That let's people know a little more.

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By * BlackMan
8 weeks ago

Laois/ Dublin

Cliques what's that??? I've been hearing this for years in the lifestyle. To echo comments already, build a bridge and enjoy it

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
8 weeks ago

Lucan

We're taking notes here and we'll discuss it all at our meeting later on today.

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By *he KakapoMan
8 weeks ago

A nice rock

There are of course cliques as there are in all walks of life.

What there isn't is "a fab cliques"

Nobody here is organised or bothered enough to unite all cliques under one illuminati style model.

And the ones that are bothers enough to do that would end up arguing with their own shadow before they ended up with a plan

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By *ittycouple4funCouple
8 weeks ago

stillorgan

100% agree, everyone has to make an effort 👌

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

Sadly those with low self esteem will always gravitate towards some alpha types and before you know it you have a loud "clicking noise" emanating from that exclusive group. The alphas wallow in the attention and the minions exclude others to jealousy guard the little recognition they are getting.

Excluding others obviously also increases their odds of getting a ride from within that group.

I have been to bigger social events where I have been ignored and even have had people collectively turn their back on me when I tried to engage. But equally I have been to smaller Fab gatherings where everyone interacts with each other and proper social interaction prevails.

Fab is a microcosm of society at large but with the element of sexual jealousy and frustration added in. It is often more about egos and exclusion than interaction and inclusion.

It is also amusing to watch a pattern develop online where people block you, for whatever reason they might have, but then others from their closely aligned group feel obliged, or worse still, are told to do the same.

Walk your own path with passion and pride leaving those unwilling to join you to travel their own fab journey.

♥️🕊🤗

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By *intyballsMan
8 weeks ago

Meath

[Removed by poster at 30/05/25 11:02:59]

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By *ishWoman
8 weeks ago

Mullingar

I don't think there is cliques as such it's more in the mind of the person my 1st social when I arrived everyone was already in a group chatting with each other and for me as a single lady it was very daunting but I pulled up my big girls pants and joined in and haven't looked back since

Now when I go to socials if I see someone on their own I'll go and bring them into the chat as I know how scary it can be

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By *haosQueenWoman
8 weeks ago

Galway

"We prefer to be called a cult thank you very much "

10 out of 10. No notes!

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By *intyballsMan
8 weeks ago

Meath

I heard the word elite group too is this different from cliques? Or the same?

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By * BlackMan
8 weeks ago

Laois/ Dublin

"We're taking notes here and we'll discuss it all at our meeting later on today. "

Through the chair person of course

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By *og-ManMan
8 weeks ago

somewhere

Forgot that at my age most of my bones click ffs

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By *electableicecreamMan
8 weeks ago

The West

In all the discussions about The Clique the only thing you'll never read is someone saying, 'actually yes, we just prefer to keep out those who are not our kind of people.'

Clique's are by their nature identified from the outside and there definitely is cliquish elements in the scene.

So yes, it's not just because no one is attracted to you or because no one likes you, there is actually a centrally coordinated group of fabsters conspiring to stop you getting the ride and making sure you are (cock) blocked at every possible juncture. There's even an AGM ffs.

Here's the thing, if you find yourself crying clique or moaning about being blocked at every opportunity, why do you care?

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By *ealitybitesMan
8 weeks ago

Belfast

I've been accused of being in "THE" clique and always found it hilarious.

There are cliques on fab regardless of what some will say but they aren't all about excluding individuals.

There is definitely a lot of tension between certain event organisers so that must carry over to those who attend an event run by "them"!

I don't have any experience of it but I've said before that I've commented on threads here about certain events or issues that people were experiencing and got messages from others who run socials etc thanking me for my support and hinting at bullying and blacklisting.

I honestly haven't a clue what I was supposed to have supported as I don't know any of these people and have never been to any of their events or even know anyone who has.

Hard to be a member of something when I've no idea who any of the other members are.

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By *P_80Man
8 weeks ago

Waterford

I'm only back on here a few months after a four year break.

I see that a lot of the 'clique' from over four years ago are gone and a lot of new profiles (to me), are in the so called clique now.

It's almost like people who chat to each other on the forums every day or so develop a friendship and chat back and forth amongst themselves regularly. And hang out with each other at socials.

Scandalous behaviour altogether.

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By *otass and scorpioCouple
8 weeks ago

limerick cork tipperary clare waterford

Ah there are cliques to be sure , but we just force our way in anyways lol , if we feel unwelcome we move along

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By *aid backMan
8 weeks ago

by a lake with my rod out

It's only a clique to those that can't get invites to things

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By *ornywife20 OP Couple
8 weeks ago

North Cork

[Removed by poster at 30/05/25 16:37:27]

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By *ornywife20 OP Couple
8 weeks ago

North Cork

[Removed by poster at 30/05/25 16:37:31]

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By *aybeLadyWoman
8 weeks ago

West Dublin

"It's only a clique to those that can't get invites to things"

Dont agree with that statement at all.

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

I have no issue with people on Fab wanting to remain within tight groups....its their choice if they wish to limit their Fab experience to a small intimate circle of friends.

What I do take issue with is people encouraging others to join them in excluding particular people from their Fab interactions because of their own personal prejudice. This can extend to being blacklisted from attending what are portrayed as being open and inclusive events or being excluded from participating in relevant chat groups.

I have been told, on a few different occasions, by people that I met in Fab social settings that they had been told I was weird, creepy, arrogant, opinionated and even worse. Accusations that they realise when they have met me in person are totally false.....well apart from the opinionated one maybe.

Such badmouthing and backstabbing reflects totally the smallmindedness of those who seek to put others down in a vain effort to make more of themselves than they will ever be.

I have found my tribe on fab and I am happy to bask in their friendship while letting the begrudgers to continue in their closed minded cliqueishness.

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By *r_Insatiable666Man
8 weeks ago

Cork

It's an interesting thread, there hasn't been this much talk of a clique since the Chinese Civil War. In my opinion, social settings CAN be hard for single men because the pressure is on us to get involved and handle rejection. It can be hard for single women, they can get swamped by men and women, they can get excluded too. It's so easy for people to be divisive today, instead of just thinking how it must be for others and sympathizing with them.

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By *aybeLadyWoman
8 weeks ago

West Dublin

I personally find the couple groups who stick together difficult to approach or chat to.

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By *rialbyfire1235Man
8 weeks ago

South KK

"Walk your own path with passion and pride leaving those unwilling to join you to travel their own fab journey.

♥️🕊🤗"

100% this. Great advice not just for Fab but for life.

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By *ushin realityCouple
8 weeks ago

swords

We only get to a certain amount of socials so definitely want to catch up with alot of Fab friends on the night. I love meeting new people and especially people that make a small effort to say hi.The group I sit with at socials are very welcoming ,the more the merrier

Ber xxx

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By *weetNspiceyCouple
8 weeks ago

Limerick, Galway

"Sadly those with low self esteem will always gravitate towards some alpha types and before you know it you have a loud "clicking noise" emanating from that exclusive group. The alphas wallow in the attention and the minions exclude others to jealousy guard the little recognition they are getting.

Excluding others obviously also increases their odds of getting a ride from within that group.

Fab is a microcosm of society at large but with the element of sexual jealousy and frustration added in. It is often more about egos and exclusion than interaction and inclusion.

Walk your own path with passion and pride leaving those unwilling to join you to travel their own fab journey.

♥️🕊🤗"

Very well put

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

Today's court judgement in favour of the Great Ambassador for peace has got me thinking about putting some manners on the Fab BBC (Big Bad Clique)....

Would my defamed reputation warrant some compensation in the form of the odd ride or two.....

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By *om TangoMan
8 weeks ago

aughnacloy monaghan area

cliques Do and can happen. But it’s just friends that know each other for a long time and haven’t seen each other from one social to another and are just catching up with each other. For me as a single fella I will try pick a male or 2 from a couple in that group and hang about the bar a wait till one of them comes to the bar and start a chat with them. If he’s dead I’d say to him I on a mission to meet 3 new people on the night and most of the time he will introduce you to a few he knows. I never start up conversation with the lady’s. If the man is comfortable with me and I show him respect he will introduce me to his friends. Another thing I do. If I’m going to a social in Belfast I will touch base with someone I know going and ask him or her if they would introduce me to 3 new people and I’ll return the favour. So far it works for me.

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By *an from Galway says yesMan
8 weeks ago

somewhere sexy

"I wish people would stop going on about the clique at events.

I am sorry guys but it's not play school where the teacher holds your hand and tells everyone you are new and to be nice and be your new best friend.

You cant sit in the corner and expect people to come to you.

Cliques are everywhere its normal to find a group

Its in our nature we use it as a fall back/security blanket to help us when we venture further afield to seek our fortune

If it doesn't work out we can always come home to clique to lick our wounds

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By *ack1971Man
8 weeks ago

Cork

In all the years going to events alone or with partners, I've/we've never felt the presence of a clique. What I have seen though is people clustering together through familiarity or belonging to a type of "tribe" and they have things in common to communicate with like metal heads, petrol heads, nerds, geek, movie guru' etc but all have been welcoming and never two faced.

What I absolutely do see online is different to that reality and abhorant. And these people do attend events also but are easy to spot. Good event goers know how to play good poker.

The other thing is that there are people who are absolutely gaslighting others and virtue signalling online but in reality go to no events and have nothing to offer but online clickey bullshit to feel "part of the crowd but you're not welcome" arseyness.

You'll know when you are at the right event when you don't have to deal with the shite coming through your screen, at the event.

Event organisers know the score. There's good ones and bad ones. When you know who you're dealing with, you'll know the environment.

And there's not many good ones on here.

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By *dfabMan
8 weeks ago

Dunboyne

Can't believe this has returned

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By *ark_2009_1Man
8 weeks ago

tullamore

Heading to Budapest now for the weekend. The whole clique is going

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By *wooneMan
8 weeks ago

Dublin

I’ve nothing against cliques as long as I’m in them LOL

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By *astelloWoman
8 weeks ago

Far far away

If the clique is founded in the forum chat... !!.. l haven't met most of the regulars on forums..maybe l just like to chat, voice an opinion or have laugh.

Does it mean I'm a cult member now🤣

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By *ildfire MiaWoman
8 weeks ago

Dublin

I agree that being proactive is key. This isn’t kindergarten, so if you want to have fun and meet people, it’s worth taking the first step.

In my opinion, on the other hand, it’s important to understand where the talk of “cliques” comes from. Sometimes it’s just the feeling a newbie gets when they see groups of people who already know each other well, and they can feel a bit left out, even if no one means to be rude. Not everyone has to connect with everyone, but sometimes a simple friendly “hey” is enough to show someone they’re welcome. Small gestures like these can make a huge difference.

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By *ewcorkcpl23Couple
8 weeks ago

Cork

We haven't been to any party's, male half would like to but fem half isn't into them atm just has real fear of meeting someone in her job or someone she knows, she feels she can control that situation more in 4sone environment and that's totally cool , it takes 2 to tango here. One thing I will say I don't feel there's a clique atal on here there's people who know people well yes but to call them a clique is insulting theses people's intelligence I feel, we have chatted with a few couples on here big into the party scene and they have been nothing but so so nice, so so accepting of new people it's a actually emotional a bit if ya get me how people ya don't know just get ya so easily because we all want the same thing here, to have good adult fun in a safe and respectful environment. Some day maybe we'll get there. I know maybe I've side tracked a bit but hi.

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By *on Draper2.0Man
8 weeks ago

Maynooth

"I don't think there is cliques as such it's more in the mind of the person my 1st social when I arrived everyone was already in a group chatting with each other and for me as a single lady it was very daunting but I pulled up my big girls pants and joined in and haven't looked back since

Now when I go to socials if I see someone on their own I'll go and bring them into the chat as I know how scary it can be"

I think this is brilliant. It would make such a difference to someone if they are invited over to a group. The awkward shyness you might feel would be dispelled very quickly. I'm sure there are some people who appear standoffish but are simply really nice but shy.

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By *udding RoseWoman
8 weeks ago

Somewhere out there

I find some chat groups are the worst for the cliques!! Some people forget that some have to travel quite far to an event so you can't go to an event as regular as you'd like!! I feel that some organisers need reminding of that!!

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By *entleGent13Man
8 weeks ago

Somewhere

Now when I go to socials if I see someone on their own I'll go and bring them into the chat as I know how scary it can be"

That's the spirit people should follow!

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
8 weeks ago

Newry

There are groups of friends who absolutely are exclusionary. On the surface of it they might seem friendly but sure as shit if your face doesn't fit, or you're in any way - in their eyes - worthy of ridicule, you'll be made fun of and mocked behind your back. It's difficult to deny that it exists when you've seen it first hand and made the decision to remove yourself from the toxicity

That said, thankfully those people are in the minority. Generally people are friendly and welcoming - including groups of people who already know each other.

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By *ogladyWoman
8 weeks ago

The bog

When I started here first and tried to go to a social I was denied but then the host changed her mind and I went.. I was told later that night the reason behind me being denied in the first place was because the person was told by a group of ladies that I was a stuck up snop, full of myself and thought I was better than everyone else.. Thankful people saw this was not the case at all... The point I'm trying to make is people make judgments here without even meeting the person weather it be a single person or a group or clique...

I always do my own thing and will talk to anyone

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By *xplicitMan
8 weeks ago

donegal

Decided years ago that the only way I could control the clique was not to let anyone else join and kept my club exclusive ever since

Seriously though whilst I also hate the term 'clique' I have definitely experienced jabs and comments from people I have never met or interacted with and it's hard to figure out why they fairly consistently have a go.

I can understand why some people in similar circumstances feel they aren't welcome. Unfortunately it's hard to spot unless you are the victim as often these slights are subtle. Personally I always think the perpetrators are just twats, and yes, they are often well verified, regular forum posters.It would be extremely naive to believe 'everyone' is very welcoming, but that shouldn't stop you trying to fit into the social scene if you want to.

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By *ealitybitesMan
8 weeks ago

Belfast

It's refreshing but not surprising to see that a few women who have attended numerous socials have experienced the exclusion zones that many will claim don't exist.

Not all of those "friendship" groups are as wholesome as they are often portrayed.

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

That said, thankfully those people are in the minority. Generally people are friendly and welcoming - including groups of people who already know each other. "

👍

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

"When I started here first and tried to go to a social I was denied but then the host changed her mind and I went.. I was told later that night the reason behind me being denied in the first place was because the person was told by a group of ladies that I was a stuck up snop, full of myself and thought I was better than everyone else.. Thankful people saw this was not the case at all... The point I'm trying to make is people make judgments here without even meeting the person weather it be a single person or a group or clique...

I always do my own thing and will talk to anyone "

👍

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

"Decided years ago that the only way I could control the clique was not to let anyone else join and kept my club exclusive ever since

👍

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By *adger BrocMan
8 weeks ago

Co. Cork

"It's refreshing but not surprising to see that a few women who have attended numerous socials have experienced the exclusion zones that many will claim don't exist.

Not all of those "friendship" groups are as wholesome as they are often portrayed. "

👍

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By *0ndayMan
7 weeks ago

Newcastle

So is there cliques. Perhaps there should be a simple yes or no vote. No waffle just a yes or no

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By *adger BrocMan
7 weeks ago

Co. Cork

Turkeys are never likely to vote for Christmas....

🦃✅

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By *iscuits8Man
7 weeks ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

Does it matter if there are "cliques"? There are threads on this everh month.

If you don't think there are cliques then great, happy days. If someone thinks there are cliques, just avoid them and use the site your own way. Nobody has a monopoly over Fab and it's not worth getting hung up over.

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By *udding RoseWoman
7 weeks ago

Somewhere out there

"So is there cliques. Perhaps there should be a simple yes or no vote. No waffle just a yes or no"

There may or may not be cliques!!

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By *hePixieAndTheBearCouple
7 weeks ago

Galway

We joined the Connacht Cabal ourselves. Not the best funded clique, but a sound bunch and they do a mean breakfast after AGMs.

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By *otownkid1967Man
7 weeks ago

Portlaoise

I'm going to start up a midlands clique myself. Please send your C.V by DM to me .

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By *ubadubdubWoman
7 weeks ago

Hereabouts

"We joined the Connacht Cabal ourselves. Not the best funded clique, but a sound bunch and they do a mean breakfast after AGMs.

Sold! Where do I sign up

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By *electableicecreamMan
7 weeks ago

The West

"We joined the Connacht Cabal ourselves. Not the best funded clique, but a sound bunch and they do a mean breakfast after AGMs.

I'm in. Can't wait to see the Agenda.

Love a clique with an agenda. And minutes.

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By *ildfire MiaWoman
7 weeks ago

Dublin

What are the required skills and scope of duties? .... I wonder if I have any chance of getting to one before I start sending my CV and application.

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By *ammerandthongsCouple
7 weeks ago

Limerick

"We joined the Connacht Cabal ourselves. Not the best funded clique, but a sound bunch and they do a mean breakfast after AGMs.

Very good. Do they keep a blow by blow account of proceedings we wonder

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
7 weeks ago

Home

The limerick one is next to near impossible to get into

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By *adger BrocMan
7 weeks ago

Co. Cork

The Cork Clique is populated with local rebels and a fair few from other places also who have rebelled against their own clan cliques and were welcomed into the Cork one......therefore by definition is the Cork Clique actually a clique...

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By *otownkid1967Man
7 weeks ago

Portlaoise

"What are the required skills and scope of duties? .... I wonder if I have any chance of getting to one before I start sending my CV and application."

You can join my clique anytime, we culchies are fairly civilised now.

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By *imerick ladyWoman
7 weeks ago

suburbs

Its definitely harder as a single person attending these events to not feel left out . My first social was very daunting . Seeing groups of people huddled up , not making much of an effort to approach singletons definitely brought a cliquey vibe to the night . Friendships formed years before hand makes it hard for relitave newbies to penetrate these groups . I’ve found single males the least cliquey/most approachable.

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