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"Well I suppose if we are going to blame something it may as well be religion and not the people " Most people are just shaped by the culture they grow up in, often without realizing it. So it’s more about understanding how culture and religion influences affect how people talk and behave, rather than blaming anyone. | |||
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"Honestly, even putting the religious stuff aside for a second, Ireland had other things going on that kept sexual attitudes pretty tight. We were way behind on legalising contraception and divorce, which tells you a lot. There was also a really intense social pressure and fear of shame, probably more so than in the UK. Reputation in rural Ireland is a big thing. And the less said about our history of sex education, the better – basically non-existent . As above I find the Swingers Chat pretty trashy. The Lounge is mostly non sexual shit-posting. I find our Ireland section to be a nice balance. " We were way behind on contraception and divorce primarily because of pressure from the Catholic church on politician's | |||
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"I don't think it's a religious thing. It's much more a societal thing, that may have stemmed from religious society. We've both lived and worked in the UK but never been apart of its swinging scene. Just from this site, it does appear to have some really cool aspects, but it's general base looks a bit trashy. Having visited near a few clubs at day time, there is no way I'd return at night!! The base in the UK appears to be a fuckathon of anyone or anything, with safe sex a distant thought. The Irish scene definitely appears to have a bit more class and decorum about it, where people are looking more for experiences and events with people they're attracted to and keep connections. (This does annoy some who prefer the fuckallaroundyou approach, the infamous "clique"). Just my opinion, not hating on anyone!" If I'd expanded on my earlier post this is where it would have gone ⬆️ If you visit The Lounge (and the Support and Advice section), the regular posters there tend to have a similar outlook to here, and the posters that straight up want to talk about sex head to the parts of the forums that are more directly about that. Having arranged meets on both sides of the water, I found that those who contacted me were no more or less direct than here. There are more large diverse cities which may in turn lead to a broader range of attitudes but I've lived in both a small city and a rural village in England (which is perhaps more reflective of Ireland in general) and it was pretty conservative in those places. We also contend with the "everybody knows everybody" phenomenon here which may cause folks to - subconsciously or otherwise -be a little more reserved in their Fab online presence, interactions and forum posting. | |||
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"Is the Irish forum not the equivalent of The Lounge and not the forum called UK I sometimes read The Lounge but never read the UK forum so don't know what it's like I do know that I couldn't care about just sex talk in a forum but maybe the op could start a few threads to see if others want to chat " Is the Irish forum supposed to be the equivalent of another forum? I would have thought that the Irish forum on a swingers website should be representative of just that! | |||
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"There are other socio economic factors at play. You only have to look at other predominantly Catholic countries who have a much more progressive attitude towards sex to be able to see this." That is definitely a factor, particularly as a European country. You need to think about how far Ireland has come in the last 50yrs alone. A very short period of time after an exceptional long period of oppression and poverty that formed society. The effects of the Church exasperated that. The majority of other EU countries were oppressors. That's why you see a change in young people today. Nobody here in their 20s has a parent that had to emigrate due to poverty. Maybe a lack of opportunity, but not poverty! That society created alot of our stigmas. | |||
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"Is the Irish forum not the equivalent of The Lounge and not the forum called UK I sometimes read The Lounge but never read the UK forum so don't know what it's like I do know that I couldn't care about just sex talk in a forum but maybe the op could start a few threads to see if others want to chat Is the Irish forum supposed to be the equivalent of another forum? I would have thought that the Irish forum on a swingers website should be representative of just that! " I don't think anyone is saying it's supposed to be anything, more that it has evolved to be like The Lounge where people talk about all sorts. There are sub forums about all sorts of topics, including those that are more specifically about sex, that are open for all to use. We've no-one to blame but ourselves for our lack of representation there | |||
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"We find the Irish part of fab is very ageist compared to over the water and you only have to look at differences between the profiles as well uk everyone is more open about there face pics whereas ireland hidden profiles!just an observation 😉 that's all " I think that's because the older generations would have felt the stigma more than the younger generations and so there are fewer people here in that demographic and those that there are are more secretive and cautious. | |||
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"Only a miniscule amount of people use forums, which means that the same topics would just get boring in no time. I mean imagine opening forums and every single forum post is just about sex. It would look like: ● I had sex ● Sex with extra two people ● Couples having sex with others ● Anal sex ● Vaginal sex ● BBW sex ● Skinny sex ● Lingerie sex ● Latex sex ● Sexy sex Assuming you would post your opinion on them once. Would you not get bored super quickly and just not come back? 🤔 Missus " I could talk about the sexy sex all day, Jak sie masz | |||
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"Only a miniscule amount of people use forums, which means that the same topics would just get boring in no time. I mean imagine opening forums and every single forum post is just about sex. It would look like: ● I had sex ● Sex with extra two people ● Couples having sex with others ● Anal sex ● Vaginal sex ● BBW sex ● Skinny sex ● Lingerie sex ● Latex sex ● Sexy sex Assuming you would post your opinion on them once. Would you not get bored super quickly and just not come back? 🤔 Missus " Oh I could post on some of these all day every day   | |||
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"We find the Irish part of fab is very ageist compared to over the water and you only have to look at differences between the profiles as well uk everyone is more open about there face pics whereas ireland hidden profiles!just an observation 😉 that's all " I'm not sure it's ageist to not want to have sex with people outwith your own age demographic | |||
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"As an Irish person I've spent a lot of time in the UK, dating, living, swinging and have family and friends there. The UK forums suit me better culturally and for my sexual interests. I love the diversity. I find the Irish forums uninteresting and cliquey especially throughout the covid period. One person would make a post and all the usual suspects either jump on someone outside the clique with a different take on it , or be arsey enough to make passive aggressive comments to gaslight people. On the other hand it's like being part of the local credit union. There's nothing exciting in the Irish forums. I mean GAA? Seriously? Fuck that. Everyone in Midleton knows everyone in Midleton. Everyone in Banagher knows everyone in Banagher. So what good is that chatting to Mrs Purcell down the road on here? Burns my brain. Rant over. I'm off to check on Spain.... " You ok Hun? 😂 | |||
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"I don't think it's a religious thing. It's much more a societal thing, that may have stemmed from religious society. We've both lived and worked in the UK but never been apart of its swinging scene. Just from this site, it does appear to have some really cool aspects, but it's general base looks a bit trashy. Having visited near a few clubs at day time, there is no way I'd return at night!! The base in the UK appears to be a fuckathon of anyone or anything, with safe sex a distant thought. The Irish scene definitely appears to have a bit more class and decorum about it, where people are looking more for experiences and events with people they're attracted to and keep connections. (This does annoy some who prefer the fuckallaroundyou approach, the infamous "clique"). Just my opinion, not hating on anyone! If I'd expanded on my earlier post this is where it would have gone ⬆️ If you visit The Lounge (and the Support and Advice section), the regular posters there tend to have a similar outlook to here, and the posters that straight up want to talk about sex head to the parts of the forums that are more directly about that. Having arranged meets on both sides of the water, I found that those who contacted me were no more or less direct than here. There are more large diverse cities which may in turn lead to a broader range of attitudes but I've lived in both a small city and a rural village in England (which is perhaps more reflective of Ireland in general) and it was pretty conservative in those places. We also contend with the "everybody knows everybody" phenomenon here which may cause folks to - subconsciously or otherwise -be a little more reserved in their Fab online presence, interactions and forum posting. " I agree 👍 I think it's a bit of a numbers game. There are 60 million (odd) people in the UK, so far less chance of running into the neighbors. | |||
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"I don't think it's a religious thing. It's much more a societal thing, that may have stemmed from religious society. We've both lived and worked in the UK but never been apart of its swinging scene. Just from this site, it does appear to have some really cool aspects, but it's general base looks a bit trashy. Having visited near a few clubs at day time, there is no way I'd return at night!! The base in the UK appears to be a fuckathon of anyone or anything, with safe sex a distant thought. The Irish scene definitely appears to have a bit more class and decorum about it, where people are looking more for experiences and events with people they're attracted to and keep connections. (This does annoy some who prefer the fuckallaroundyou approach, the infamous "clique"). Just my opinion, not hating on anyone! If I'd expanded on my earlier post this is where it would have gone ⬆️ If you visit The Lounge (and the Support and Advice section), the regular posters there tend to have a similar outlook to here, and the posters that straight up want to talk about sex head to the parts of the forums that are more directly about that. Having arranged meets on both sides of the water, I found that those who contacted me were no more or less direct than here. There are more large diverse cities which may in turn lead to a broader range of attitudes but I've lived in both a small city and a rural village in England (which is perhaps more reflective of Ireland in general) and it was pretty conservative in those places. We also contend with the "everybody knows everybody" phenomenon here which may cause folks to - subconsciously or otherwise -be a little more reserved in their Fab online presence, interactions and forum posting. I agree 👍 I think it's a bit of a numbers game. There are 60 million (odd) people in the UK, so far less chance of running into the neighbors." You'd think that would be the case, wouldn't you!!!   | |||
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"As an Irish person I've spent a lot of time in the UK, dating, living, swinging and have family and friends there. The UK forums suit me better culturally and for my sexual interests. I love the diversity. I find the Irish forums uninteresting and cliquey especially throughout the covid period. One person would make a post and all the usual suspects either jump on someone outside the clique with a different take on it , or be arsey enough to make passive aggressive comments to gaslight people. On the other hand it's like being part of the local credit union. There's nothing exciting in the Irish forums. I mean GAA? Seriously? Fuck that. Everyone in Midleton knows everyone in Midleton. Everyone in Banagher knows everyone in Banagher. So what good is that chatting to Mrs Purcell down the road on here? Burns my brain. Rant over. I'm off to check on Spain.... " And that's why there's a range of sub forums. Post in the ones that interest and suit you best. There's nothing to stop people from Ireland posting in those that are more sex orientated if that's what they want, rather than confining themselves to this one. However the topics discussed in any of the sub forums - this one included - are entirely driven by those posting them. | |||
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"As an I find the Irish forums uninteresting and cliquey especially throughout the covid period. One person would make a post and all the usual suspects either jump on someone outside the clique with a different take on it , or be arsey enough to make passive aggressive comments to gaslight people. " You obviously don't hang out in the lounge. 😂 | |||
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"You literally started a thread comparing them. 😂 " Oh do read the messages properly Con! But I'm glad you are laughing anyway it's good to smile. | |||
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"I always find it funny when people compare and contrast different forums because in all the years I've been using them I don't see any difference. Lots of people posting in the lounge use the same language as is used here in regards to likes and dislikes. There are many comments about discretion and the lack thereof as well as lots of similar hangups. I've seen plenty of threads and posters being shot down for valid comments and lots of talk about cliques and love ins among the regulars. There are a number of fabbers who used to be active in the lounge who aren't allowed to post anymore because of their words and actions so it's wrong to say it's a more open minded and accepting space. There are also a number of long term lounge users who have left due to people outing them on social media. None of that hints at the UK as a whole being any more forward thinking than here. There are kink threads that raise questions about consent and many experiences of information sharing in chat groups and lots of lounge users who say they will never share facepics. There are trolls starting grenade threads and winding people up just as there are here. How many threads have there been here with people claiming they aren't having any luck on fab and are much more successful on other platforms? The first question then is why are they still here? The same could be asked from those criticising the Ireland forum or Irish fabbers in general. If it works so much better elsewhere why are you wasting your time here? I know that isn't what the op is saying but in general I don't see the point in saying the grass is greener over there. There have been some asking for a Northern Ireland sub forum claiming it would be so much better and very popular and yet this forum moves at a snails pace most days in comparison to the lounge so diluting it further is pointless. " Just because people may dislike some aspects of a particular forum doesn't mean they should automatically leave and go elsewhere. | |||
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"I always find it funny when people compare and contrast different forums because in all the years I've been using them I don't see any difference. Lots of people posting in the lounge use the same language as is used here in regards to likes and dislikes. There are many comments about discretion and the lack thereof as well as lots of similar hangups. I've seen plenty of threads and posters being shot down for valid comments and lots of talk about cliques and love ins among the regulars. There are a number of fabbers who used to be active in the lounge who aren't allowed to post anymore because of their words and actions so it's wrong to say it's a more open minded and accepting space. There are also a number of long term lounge users who have left due to people outing them on social media. None of that hints at the UK as a whole being any more forward thinking than here. There are kink threads that raise questions about consent and many experiences of information sharing in chat groups and lots of lounge users who say they will never share facepics. There are trolls starting grenade threads and winding people up just as there are here. How many threads have there been here with people claiming they aren't having any luck on fab and are much more successful on other platforms? The first question then is why are they still here? The same could be asked from those criticising the Ireland forum or Irish fabbers in general. If it works so much better elsewhere why are you wasting your time here? I know that isn't what the op is saying but in general I don't see the point in saying the grass is greener over there. There have been some asking for a Northern Ireland sub forum claiming it would be so much better and very popular and yet this forum moves at a snails pace most days in comparison to the lounge so diluting it further is pointless. Just because people may dislike some aspects of a particular forum doesn't mean they should automatically leave and go elsewhere. " I agree completely and I've already acknowledged that you weren't being critical but some people seem to do nothing but complain about different parts of the forum. It seems strange that if they feel so strongly about it or are constantly whining about what they see as negative aspects of the site why are they still here? | |||
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"Yes we are more repressed here than in the UK. Yes it's probably the Catholic churchs fault who taught the Irish that sex is shameful. " Are people not over that yet, if you were 60+ I would concur but the majority of people here seem to be in the 35 to 50 age | |||
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"Yes we are more repressed here than in the UK. Yes it's probably the Catholic churchs fault who taught the Irish that sex is shameful. Are people not over that yet, if you were 60+ I would concur but the majority of people here seem to be in the 35 to 50 age " And most of those 35-50 year olds would still have received their education in schools run by the church. I never received any sex ed and sex was regarded as something “polite” girls didn’t mention. | |||
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"Hmm I think it’s just down to the population… that and the UK is a little ahead of Ireland in terms of a scene existing. The Ireland forum is dominated by the same dozen people, they seem to weigh in on every post and take over, that’s why I spend more time in other forums. I dip into Ireland every now and then… but choose not to stay too long!" ..... I guess if the same dozen forum regulars didn't post as often as they do, many thread topics would never get past the initial OP post. The forums are open to all and yes there are those who will sometimes dump on you but if you stand your ground the fab trolls will quickly disappear back into their sad little under bridge realms. | |||
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"Hmm I think it’s just down to the population… that and the UK is a little ahead of Ireland in terms of a scene existing. The Ireland forum is dominated by the same dozen people, they seem to weigh in on every post and take over, that’s why I spend more time in other forums. I dip into Ireland every now and then… but choose not to stay too long! ..... I guess if the same dozen forum regulars didn't post as often as they do, many thread topics would never get past the initial OP post. The forums are open to all and yes there are those who will sometimes dump on you but if you stand your ground the fab trolls will quickly disappear back into their sad little under bridge realms. " Or if the 'same dozen' didn't post as often maybe more people would feel comfortable enough to engage more. It can work both ways. I hope disagreeing doesn't make me on of those despicable Trolls you speak of  | |||
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"Hmm I think it’s just down to the population… that and the UK is a little ahead of Ireland in terms of a scene existing. The Ireland forum is dominated by the same dozen people, they seem to weigh in on every post and take over, that’s why I spend more time in other forums. I dip into Ireland every now and then… but choose not to stay too long!" Again, it's no different to the Lounge. There are only a dozen or so people who start threads in there and it's always obvious who the first couple of responders are going to be. Those dozen might claim they are keeping the forum alive but as with most things there is an alternative view that others are reluctant to start threads because they will never get the same traction because newbies have to run the gauntlet before being accepted. There really is no difference between the lounge and the Ireland forums. Same topics, same positive and negative aspects, same levels of inclusivity and same degree of exclusivity. | |||
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"I'm looking forward to sitting down later and having a read of this thread! See! Not always boring 😌 " I'm just going to stare at that arse for a while.  | |||
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"And most of those 35-50 year olds would still have received their education in schools run by the church. I never received any sex ed and sex was regarded as something “polite” girls didn’t mention. " Yes, that I do understand but repressed to me means downtrodden, anyone born between 1955 and 1965 fall into the category, IMHO. By challenging ourselves, even by being here mean that we have overcome that repression | |||
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"Hmm I think it’s just down to the population… that and the UK is a little ahead of Ireland in terms of a scene existing. The Ireland forum is dominated by the same dozen people, they seem to weigh in on every post and take over, that’s why I spend more time in other forums. I dip into Ireland every now and then… but choose not to stay too long! ..... I guess if the same dozen forum regulars didn't post as often as they do, many thread topics would never get past the initial OP post. The forums are open to all and yes there are those who will sometimes dump on you but if you stand your ground the fab trolls will quickly disappear back into their sad little under bridge realms. Or if the 'same dozen' didn't post as often maybe more people would feel comfortable enough to engage more. It can work both ways. I hope disagreeing doesn't make me on of those despicable Trolls you speak of "..... Disagreeing should absolutely be part of what the forums are about. If everyone agreed about every topic the forums would be very boring indeed. If people have something to post that they believe others might be interested in reading, and possibly commenting on, then they should give it a try. | |||
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"Majority just stopped using fab forums, chats are in telegram, much much more fun and you can pick and choose who you want to interact with and especially those you don't want to chat too. " This definitely has a lot to do with it | |||
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"There's possibly another reason Ireland isn't as risqué as the UK. Recently I posted something about a sexual thing myself and my partner do, in pretty graphic terms. It's now a few days later and I'm still getting private messages from guys about what I said. Fairly thirsty messages, fantasy pushing, demands for the same. Similar thing happened in a thread a few months ago about sex toys. It generated unwanted messages. I even got a fresh message about that last week. So maybe if some men on here weren't quite so quick to push themselves into someone's inbox it would be a safe space to actually discuss sexy things on here. Vics (woman)" I don't think that's exclusive to the Irish side of fab though | |||
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"There's possibly another reason Ireland isn't as risqué as the UK. Recently I posted something about a sexual thing myself and my partner do, in pretty graphic terms. It's now a few days later and I'm still getting private messages from guys about what I said. Fairly thirsty messages, fantasy pushing, demands for the same. Similar thing happened in a thread a few months ago about sex toys. It generated unwanted messages. I even got a fresh message about that last week. So maybe if some men on here weren't quite so quick to push themselves into someone's inbox it would be a safe space to actually discuss sexy things on here. Vics (woman) I don't think that's exclusive to the Irish side of fab though " I was thinking it's relevance was because Ireland has a much smaller travel area and so people feel they are in with a chance of having that person dispense their fantasy, whereas in the UK one that's less feasible. | |||
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"Honestly, even putting the religious stuff aside for a second, Ireland had other things going on that kept sexual attitudes pretty tight. We were way behind on legalising contraception and divorce, which tells you a lot. There was also a really intense social pressure and fear of shame, probably more so than in the UK. Reputation in rural Ireland is a big thing. And the less said about our history of sex education, the better – basically non-existent . As above I find the Swingers Chat pretty trashy. The Lounge is mostly non sexual shit-posting. I find our Ireland section to be a nice balance. " I completely agree with you here and you're making some great points. I do think it's changing though; it's more so a problem with the older generation. I'm from the UK and have spent the last few years in Dublin and I see a massive difference in people when it comes to talking about sex. I do find the UK is a lot more easy going and there isn't as much shame regarding sex and swinging but it really isn't surprising considering the history of Ireland. I mean abortion wasn't even legal until recently right? And even now, there are still tight rules in place. I think we are moving in the right direction but there's still a long way to go and so many things to reframe. I have a few older friends who are parents to young children, and they are shocked that their kids are learning about sex education in such a healthy and positive way. I don't really go in the UK forum but I do use The Lounge as that's mostly UK and they are a good crowd. But so is this place depending on the day. 😉 | |||
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