FabSwingers.com forum: Zero sexual attraction

By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

I have zero sexual attraction to any of the people that message us when they are just an abstract concept of a random person in the inbox.

Attraction for me starts after meeting in person, or at the very least a connection built with personalities if we are finding common values and a fun conversation.

This doesn't seem to be the other way around. Many single male profiles seem to project on to me that I am sexy even though they have no idea if I am or not (to them). This is something I find insulting. They aren't interested in me, but an idea of me. So why not get to know me, and then if you find me sexy I'll believe it. One of them today started off great guns, until he wanted the phone call. I rebuffed. He pushed. I said I don't sext or call. He said he didn't want sexting or chat wank anyway. Oh yeah that must be why he'd already told me was so horny?

Such a turn off and an easy one to block.

Who can find genuine sexual attraction from an online chat, especially from the get go. Or do you get to know someone first, then meet them and THEN find attraction for them in person.

Because that's me.

Vics (f)

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By *rRiosMan
19 weeks ago

dublin

Depends on the person, depends on the chat. But I can find pictures of people I can’t text sexually attractive (a well spent youth!).

I think men and women can be wired differently when it comes to thing like this. Commonly thought as, men are more sexually stimulated visually than women. I’m aware this a a generalization.

My advice, not that you asked for it, would be to just entertain the people who you are interested in based on your interactions

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By *og-ManMan
19 weeks ago

somewhere

It's the men that think a blank female profile is sexy that I don't understand

I can find pics on here that show a person is sexy without wanting to meet them and that's about it

It's when you meet them in person and then when they post pictures they turn the sexiness up a notch because I now see their face when I see their pictures

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By *ueen_MeadhbhWoman
19 weeks ago

sligo

Totally get this, a message saying "oh your hot" ' sexy" etc just turns me off straight away.

For me I just think piss off, as have been rejected quite clearly by guys in public so words like that do nothing for me.

I definitely need to meet someone before I can tell if I'm.attracted to them.

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By *ittleBoPeepingWoman
19 weeks ago

Galway, Clare

"It's the men that think a blank female profile is sexy that I don't understand

I can find pics on here that show a person is sexy without wanting to meet them and that's about it

It's when you meet them in person and then when they post pictures they turn the sexiness up a notch because I now see their face when I see their pictures "

Exactly this.

When I came back as a single profile I had no photos at all up for a while. Yet still got messages from gobsghites telling me how gorgeous I am. Fuuuuxks sake

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By *exyScientistsCouple
19 weeks ago

Castlebar

Meeting someone is the only way to tell for sure if there's an attraction.

That's one of the reasons I prefer not to see a face pic before I meet. I can't tell from that if I might be attracted to someone. I wish I could, it would be much easier. I find messages a better gauge but even then before I meet I think there will be an attraction but then on meeting, it isn't there.

It's something I can never predict.

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By *mmmm300Woman
19 weeks ago

cork

"Meeting someone is the only way to tell for sure if there's an attraction.

It's something I can never predict. "

Same here, now I am sexy and gorgeous, but someone telling me this that has never met me is just full of she..e really. It's an immediate block, not at all the way into my bed. I say this like everyone wants to be in my bed, lololol

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By *rRiosMan
19 weeks ago

dublin

Tinder would fail at the get go if this was the case 🙃

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By *og-ManMan
19 weeks ago

somewhere

"Tinder would fail at the get go if this was the case 🙃"

But Tinder hasn't got boobs I presume

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By *rRiosMan
19 weeks ago

dublin

"Tinder would fail at the get go if this was the case 🙃

But Tinder hasn't got boobs I presume "

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

Tinder (I've never used it) sounds like my idea of hell.

I am more than my boobs!

I'm not looking to start a relationship here but at the same time if there's no respect and I'm treated like a hole then there's no attraction from me.

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

"Meeting someone is the only way to tell for sure if there's an attraction.

It's something I can never predict. "

There's no alternative to meeting someone in person. Even vid chat isn't a good substitute but it's still better than messages. Messages can be done as a starting point as long as they show interest and respect and treat me like a human being. The bar is low here.

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Some can look amazing put if they have a shite personality I'd personally feel no attraction and the only way to gauge someone's personality is by meeting them amd talking.

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By *nna and CorkianCouple
19 weeks ago

Laois

Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth!

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

"Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth! "

I actually find looks aren't that important. I think a sense of humour is one of the sexiest things anyone can have.

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By *exyScientistsCouple
19 weeks ago

Castlebar

"Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth!

I actually find looks aren't that important. I think a sense of humour is one of the sexiest things anyone can have. "

It really is 😈

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By *ueen_MeadhbhWoman
19 weeks ago

sligo

"Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth! "

So true,

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By *adger BrocMan
19 weeks ago

Co. Cork

"Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth!

I actually find looks aren't that important. I think a sense of humour is one of the sexiest things anyone can have.

It really is 😈"

Unfortunately, just like beauty being in the eye of the beholder, humour is also very subjective and not everyone has the same sense of humour and will not always get the joke........as I have learned oncce or twice to my cost on fab.

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

"Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth!

I actually find looks aren't that important. I think a sense of humour is one of the sexiest things anyone can have.

It really is 😈

I get that. That's why I think it's important to meet up and see how the personalities align.

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By *adger BrocMan
19 weeks ago

Co. Cork

"Oh definitely, the spark has to be there even if they're the most physically beautiful person on earth!

I actually find looks aren't that important. I think a sense of humour is one of the sexiest things anyone can have.

It really is 😈

I get that. That's why I think it's important to meet up and see how the personalities align. "

....

Absolutely. A sense of humour is very difficult to put across in a message or a forum post and can often be totally misinterpreted.

If you meet in person you will hear the humour in a person's voice and see it in the twinkle in their eyes and in their smile....😍👀😀

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By *astelloWoman
19 weeks ago

Far far away

Attraction is difficult to determine. For me, it's like the ebb and flow of conversation, eye contact, tactile nature and humour. That's hard to get across in a message. I'm often surprised by what I'm attracted to, thinking l had a type..but clearly it's the person not the type...

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
19 weeks ago

Newry

I need to find the person visually attractive "to me" or I won't even consider meeting them socially. I also prefer they find me visually attractive too. For it to go beyond that, I've got to find the personality attractive too.

You've got to start somewhere and that somewhere will be different for everyone. I don't think that a man telling me here he finds me attractive necessarily equates to him thinking I'm just a hole, no more than I think he's just a cock because I think he looks hot. It's a starting point, nothing more.

*Disclaimer - I'm not talking about oul flannel. That's easy spotted.

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By *affa31Woman
19 weeks ago

Galway

I can be attracted to a person based on their pics and chat but I won’t know if I really want to fuck them until we’ve met in person.

So initial attraction online, yes definitely.

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

"I can be attracted to a person based on their pics and chat but I won’t know if I really want to fuck them until we’ve met in person.

So initial attraction online, yes definitely. "

I can see if someone is objectively hot. Nice eyes, body or aligns with my own preferences of chunky bearded guy or curvy girl.

It's a good start, but I need that backed up with a personality that vibes with ours.

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By *ischief2020Man
19 weeks ago

Borderline

"I can be attracted to a person based on their pics and chat but I won’t know if I really want to fuck them until we’ve met in person.

So initial attraction online, yes definitely. "

So, my pics weren’t attractive enough for you? I think they are pretty good, but didn’t get a reply even though you did read my message. Must be my turn of phrase?

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
19 weeks ago

Belfast

"I can be attracted to a person based on their pics and chat but I won’t know if I really want to fuck them until we’ve met in person.

So initial attraction online, yes definitely.

So, my pics weren’t attractive enough for you? I think they are pretty good, but didn’t get a reply even though you did read my message. Must be my turn of phrase?

Single women get many hundreds of messages.

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By *affa31Woman
19 weeks ago

Galway

"I can be attracted to a person based on their pics and chat but I won’t know if I really want to fuck them until we’ve met in person.

So initial attraction online, yes definitely.

So, my pics weren’t attractive enough for you? I think they are pretty good, but didn’t get a reply even though you did read my message. Must be my turn of phrase?

You’ve never messaged me, from your current profile anyway. You couldn’t because over 50s can’t

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By *ealitybitesMan
19 weeks ago

Belfast

I don't have a hotlist because I'm not attracted to images on a screen.

I don't sext because I find it unsexy and boring.

I don't meet people without chatting for weeks or even months.

I don't meet without a social.

I've gone to meet lots of people without knowing what they looked like because I had already determined we weren't sexually compatible but they seemed like a decent skin and I was happy to meet for a coffee.

Lots of women say how they are inundated with messages telling them how stunning they are despite only having a few pics.

A profile could have 100 pics of every inch of them including their face and I still wouldn't find them stunning if I hadn't met them face to face and we hit it off.

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By *uddlyBear1972Man
19 weeks ago

North Meath, beyond that there be dragons

Chemistry is impossible to find on the other side of a screen.

I just realised I am speaking from an alcoholic night out so please excuse my rambling. Yes some pictures and some profiles have been intriguing but I quickly found that attraction is only really found meeting face to face.

Sorry for rambling.

Can I say that I may have joined Fab for hook ups, but my perspective changed very quickly after my first social. Instead I have found a very diverse bunch of people with so many interesting stories to tell. I propose that attraction online is mainly projection onto the recipient of an initial message.

As a guideline I only message someone I have met in person first. Unless there is a status, pic or comment I find intriguing. In which case, I message my appreciation but I do not expect a reply.

When a coffee meet occurs, my expectation is to have a nice chat, nothing more.

Attraction is of course physical but a compatible sense of humour, similar kinks and an appreciation of their personality is just as important if not more so.

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By *attooYouMan
19 weeks ago

just about northside

For length of time it took to read the initial post I was sure it was written by Gen Z........

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By *uddlyBear1972Man
19 weeks ago

North Meath, beyond that there be dragons

"For length of time it took to read the initial post I was sure it was written by Gen Z........"

Gen Z don't have a monopoly on verbal diarrhea. All generations do it see my post above

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By *ueen_MeadhbhWoman
19 weeks ago

sligo

"Chemistry is impossible to find on the other side of a screen.

Sorry for rambling.

As a guideline I only message someone I have met in person first. Unless there is a status, pic or comment I find intriguing. In which case, I message my appreciation but I do not expect a reply.

When a coffee meet occurs, my expectation is to have a nice chat, nothing more.

Attraction is of course physical but a compatible sense of humour, similar kinks and an appreciation of their personality is just as important if not more so."

This is a great response

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By *ozzlesMan
19 weeks ago

galway

Shared humour, opinions and nice pictures can give an indication but for me it's only face to face that will determine interest.

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By *ngloirishcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Dundalk

"I have zero sexual attraction to any of the people that message us when they are just an abstract concept of a random person in the inbox.

Attraction for me starts after meeting in person, or at the very least a connection built with personalities if we are finding common values and a fun conversation.

Such a turn off and an easy one to block.

Who can find genuine sexual attraction from an online chat, especially from the get go. Or do you get to know someone first, then meet them and THEN find attraction for them in person.

Because that's me.

Vics (f)

Heya Vics.

I think a lot of people think that Fab is either a hump and dump site, or that is the be all and end all of swinging.

Fab is a tool to use to become part of the scene, in my opinion. We use it to find and host socials as it's very true what you say. You only get an idea of someone online and meeting them in person can be a very different experience and I mean that both ways, you sometimes meet someone and their personality is so attractive that going by the profile you wouldn't be that interested.

I suppose it depends on the mentality you approach the lifestyle with.

Andy

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By *man1044Man
19 weeks ago

North Galway

Definitely there would have to be attraction on both sides have a nice chat and like the first dates decide if like another meet , if not still be polite and move on. I do same when ask lady out dancing times when we just don’t click so leave it at that.

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Very much relate to everything you wrote here, and I know a lot of people who feel the same.

I don't think it's as simple as men are one way, women are another - I've met plenty who defy stereotypes. But I do see more women like me who experience attraction as a slow burn, and not instantaneous.

It makes Fab really really hard to navigate.

I think men on here would do well to listen to women's perspectives on this more.

There are a number of social reasons that contribute to this. The social dynamics of sex are incredibly different if you move through the world as a woman. For example, we all hear the stereotypes that "men will fuck anything" It's not even seen as a compliment. If a man wants to have sex with you, it's just kind of a given that if you ask of nothing else there will be a man who will put his penis in you.

It's objectifying - a term people usually misunderstand. Objectification sees you as an instrument without autonomy without any agency. It sees you as interchangeable with other objects (other women). It feels like someone saying "you'll do".

I also definitely find meeting people better, but the issue is when you meet people. They often have this expectation that you've already decided you like them. And then you meet people and they're perfectly nice and look fine, attraction is a gut feeling and sometimes it's just not there.

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By *tevie-wonderboyMan
19 weeks ago

Limerick

I agree 100% with OP I struggle to get any meets as single or couples will say I'm not their type simply after 1 message and looking at my profile I really believe a true attraction starts when u interact and get to know someone. Many who have met me know I'm really relaxed and down to earth and can have a good laugh why can't more profile do this

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By *iktikiCouple
19 weeks ago

city centre

"I have zero sexual attraction to any of the people that message us when they are just an abstract concept of a random person in the inbox.

Attraction for me starts after meeting in person, or at the very least a connection built with personalities if we are finding common values and a fun conversation.

Such a turn off and an easy one to block.

Who can find genuine sexual attraction from an online chat, especially from the get go. Or do you get to know someone first, then meet them and THEN find attraction for them in person.

Because that's me.

Vics (f)

"
👏👏well written

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
18 weeks ago

Belfast

"we all hear the stereotypes that "men will fuck anything" It's not even seen as a compliment."

I really agree with this. If a guy has no standards it's not a compliment that they want to fuck me.

I need a guy to be interested in me, fancy me, find me sexy. If there's no keenness there, I don't find them attractive. And I dont care how good looking they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

"we all hear the stereotypes that "men will fuck anything" It's not even seen as a compliment.

I really agree with this. If a guy has no standards it's not a compliment that they want to fuck me.

I need a guy to be interested in me, fancy me, find me sexy. If there's no keenness there, I don't find them attractive. And I dont care how good looking they are. "

That's called respect & connection

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By *inky Bear and Vics OP Couple
18 weeks ago

Belfast

"we all hear the stereotypes that "men will fuck anything" It's not even seen as a compliment.

I really agree with this. If a guy has no standards it's not a compliment that they want to fuck me.

I need a guy to be interested in me, fancy me, find me sexy. If there's no keenness there, I don't find them attractive. And I dont care how good looking they are.

That's called respect & connection "

Yes true. The male contributors to this thread arent the ones that are a problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
18 weeks ago

If Even though there's no pictures up a guy can tell if a woman is beautiful to him by what's written on her profile there can be a connection without pictures, it's not all about trying to get laid at 1st , even though a lady is here ,she is a still a human being & should be treated as such not just someone to get laid with ,there can be a connection without even seeing someone.

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