FabSwingers.com forum: Joke

By *uca OP Woman
5 days ago

dublin

Can I hear some funny jokes?

Need me some cheering up

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By *oshSardineMan
5 days ago

Castleknock

"Can I hear some funny jokes?

Need me some cheering up "

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic.

The mechanic says, “It’ll take about an hour to check it out.” So the penguin goes across the street to the ice cream shop and orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. He makes a bit of a mess with ice cream all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic, who looks up and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin wipes his mouth and says, “No, no, it’s just ice cream!”

Oldie but goldie this one.

Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but they only have one Euro between them. Paddy takes the Euro, goes off and buys a Sausage. Murphy says “R U Mad?” Now we’re skint!” Come on, says Paddy, follow me. They go into the pub, order two pints and drink them down before they pay. Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper in his jeans and tells Murphy, “Get down on your knees and suck it”. The barman goes berserk and throws them out. 10 Pubs and 10 Pints later Murphy says “I can’t do this anymore, my knees are sore and I’m pissed”. “How do you think I feel”, says Paddy, “I can’t even remember which Pub I lost the sausage in”!

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By *ionycusMan
5 days ago

Babylon

😂

Excellent

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By *rRiosMan
5 days ago

dublin

What’s the difference between a zippo and a hippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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By *uca OP Woman
5 days ago

dublin

"What’s the difference between a zippo and a hippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

this is a fav of mine!

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By *uca OP Woman
5 days ago

dublin

"Can I hear some funny jokes?

Need me some cheering up

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic.

Oldie but goldie this one.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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By *panishRebelMan
5 days ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

2 nuns are in a car when the Devil jumps on the car bonnet (hood). Sister Mary, alarmed by this, brings the car to a stop. She turns to Sister Jane and says,

“Quickly sister, show him your cross!”

Sister Jane leans her head out of the window and screams,

“Oy! Get off our f**king bonnet!”

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By *panishRebelMan
5 days ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

What do call an Ex Provo who teaches Yoga?

Bobby Sandles

From Kneecap

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By *eremy44Man
4 days ago

Wicklow

Babe I’m bit dry, spit on me…

Fucker!

Not into my face 😀

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By *eremy44Man
4 days ago

Wicklow

This world is getting worse and worse !

I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette …

I almost dropped my bear 🤷🏼‍♂️

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By *ornycracksMan
4 days ago

Limerick and around clare alot

Naked woman laying on bed.

Man whips off his jocks to reveal small willy

Woman says "who you going to pleasure with that"

Man says "me"

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By *eremy44Man
4 days ago

Wicklow

Wife tells her husband: those tablets for increase the size of your penis are working fine because today you’re bigger dick than yesterday

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By *ex coupleCouple
4 days ago

wexford

"Can I hear some funny jokes?

Need me some cheering up

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic.

Oldie but goldie this one.

Winner

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By *rRiosMan
4 days ago

dublin

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian "do you have that book for men with small penis's"

She checks the computer then says "I don't think it is in yet"

"yeah that's the one!!!" the man replies

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By *ursecretmischiefCouple
4 days ago

The West

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds:

“Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!”

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By *leasurer77Man
4 days ago

Athlone

"This world is getting worse and worse !

I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette …

I almost dropped my bear 🤷🏼‍♂️"

Was it a grizzly, polar or a panda?

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By *ack1971Man
4 days ago

Cork

When does a joke turn into a dad joke?

When it's apparent......

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By *uca OP Woman
4 days ago

dublin

"What do call an Ex Provo who teaches Yoga?

Bobby Sandles

From Kneecap"

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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By *uca OP Woman
4 days ago

dublin

Got a right giggle out of these thanks lads... was needed 😘😘😘

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By *r_HoodooMan
4 days ago

South Belfast

Paddy and Murphy having a few scoops, discuss the idea of a bit of swapping. Paddy says, leave it to me I'll run it by the Mrs. It's all agreed, and after an hour Murphy says to Paddy, I wonder how the girls are getting on.

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By *eremy44Man
4 days ago

Wicklow

"This world is getting worse and worse !

I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette …

I almost dropped my beer 🤷🏼‍♂️"

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By *ormsterMan
4 days ago

Newtownabbey

"What do call an Ex Provo who teaches Yoga?

Bobby Sandles

From Kneecap

Fantastic film

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"

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By *4thfloorTV/TS
4 days ago

Dublin

"A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

“Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!”"

😂

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
4 days ago

"This world is getting worse and worse !

I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette …

I almost dropped my beer 🤷🏼‍♂️"

Comical that one.bet you don't know the only church in Ireland you can smoke in..

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By *huCullainMan
4 days ago

Rathowen

2 dyslexics walk into a bra

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By *r_Insatiable666Man
4 days ago

Cork

Feet people have no shame, but a lot of sole.

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By *ortFabbersMan
4 days ago

Westport

Paddy was stranded on a desert island with only a pig and a dog for company, after a few weeks poor paddy was very lonely and rather horny and the pig was looking good, One night he went up to the pig and tried to have his way with her but the dog bit him on the arse , Paddy was annoyed but every few days he’d try his luck with the pig as he was getting hornier and and hornier but every time the dog would bite him in the arse . One morning Paddy woke up to see a stunning blonde was washed up on the beach , He ran over to and said thank god you’re here would you mind walking that bloody dog

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By *tesset69TV/TS
4 days ago

N.Down

There was a youn guy from China

He thought he was a rock climber

He fell on a rock and broke off his cxxk

And now hes got a vagina ...

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By *easingTimMan
4 days ago

Loughlinstown

What happens when a fire breaks out at a swinger’s convention?

It causes premature evacuation

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By *hewestswingMan
4 days ago

Ballydeknob

I got sacked from the ice cream shop today.all because I can't work sundaes.

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By *adger BrocMan
3 days ago

Co. Cork

I'm feb up of people ringing the doorbell looking for donations....

I just had a woman from the sperm bank call and boy did I give her a mouthful.....🥵🤬🤭

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By *adger BrocMan
3 days ago

Co. Cork

"I'm feb up of people ringing the doorbell looking for donations....

I just had a woman from the sperm bank call and boy did I give her a mouthful.....🥵🤬🤭"

*fed* up

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By *ickin2Man
3 days ago

Kilkenny

Nice joke

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By *adger BrocMan
3 days ago

Co. Cork

"Nice joke"

The pleasure of plagiarism...

🤒

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By *ickin2Man
3 days ago

Kilkenny

"Nice joke

The pleasure of plagiarism...

🤒"

Well done

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By *rRiosMan
3 days ago

dublin

"2 dyslexics walk into a bra"

Two dyslexics in a room. Gar to Rob, “Can you smell gas?” Rob to Gar, “Smell gas? Dude, I can’t even smell my own name!”

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By (user no longer on site)
3 days ago

A young teacher starts her first day in school, when she goes to the blackboard she notices a small penis and rubs it out. The next morning she comes in there is a bigger penis drawn on the blackboard and she rubs it out thereafter she turns to the pupils and says it is not funny and if it continues she will have to report the matter to the Principal. The following morning she comes in and there is a massive penis on the blackboard, it took her a while to rub it out looking at the pupils she said enough is enough and she marched down to the Principal and explained the story and how upset she was. He simply said do you not know, the more you rub those things the bigger they get.

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By *rRiosMan
2 days ago

dublin

Is it possible to have a skin graph taken from a buttock for a non-relative?

Arse skin for a friend…

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
1 day ago

Northside

2 dyslexics run into a bank...1st dyslexic gives a note to the teller,it reads "Air in the hands mother stickers,this is a fuck up!!"

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By *LargeLadMan
1 day ago

Westmeath

A husband and wife are taking their son to the zoo. They have a fun time, and eventually the husband needs to use the restroom. He leaves the son and the mother next to the elephant exhibit.

The son points to one of the male elephants and says to his mother, "Mummy, what's that thing between the elephant's legs?"

Embarrassed, the mother goes "Oh, erm, that's nothing, don't worry about it."

The father comes back, and the mother excuses herself to also use the restroom. The son points to the male elephant and says to his father, "Dad, what's that thing between the elephant's legs?"

"Well son, that's his penis," says the father.

"Oh, but mummy said it was nothing!" the son exclaims.

Sighing, the father just shakes his head and says "I've spoiled that woman."

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By *LargeLadMan
1 day ago

Westmeath

An Irish woman and Greek man are getting married. The Irish woman's mother goes to her daughter the night before the wedding and says "Now, I am not happy about this marriage, but I am happy for you and love you always. Greek men are known for their... tastes, so I want you to promise me that if he ever asks you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, I want you to leave right away and come back home!"

The two get married, go on their honeymoon, and have a lovely time. For five years they live a comfortable and happy life, loving each other as much as the day they got married and just having a wonderful, blissful life.

One evening, as they are getting ready for bed, the husband says "So, my darling, I was wondering, perhaps we could try the other hole?"

The woman immediately begins sobbing. "I knew it! I knew this day would come! My mother warned me about this! I am leaving and going to stay with my mother!"

In a panicked voice, the husband says "Honey, I don't understand! I thought you said you wanted to try and have a child!"

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By *panishRebelMan
1 day ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

I parked in a disabled spot today.

A traffic warden shouted at me, "What's your disability?" As he was about to ticket me.

"Tourettes you c*nt now f*ck off" I said.

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By *panishRebelMan
1 day ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

"If a threesome is with 3 people and a twosome is with 2 people; do you understand why people call you handsome?"

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By *panishRebelMan
1 day ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

"You're so childish. I am leaving you!"

"Good luck with that! The floor is lava!"

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By *oe Cool xxxMan
22 hours ago

South Dublin

Why does Mrs Clause wish Santa was like a Xmas stocking ?

Cause they’re hung 😂😂

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By *andrewsMan
20 hours ago

Here and There

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

What did the elephant ask the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing!

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By *uca OP Woman
19 hours ago

dublin

"2 dyslexics walk into a bra

Two dyslexics in a room. Gar to Rob, “Can you smell gas?” Rob to Gar, “Smell gas? Dude, I can’t even smell my own name!” "

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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By *unterxMan
15 hours ago

Derry

Why do you not get a pregnant Barbie?

Cause Ken came in a different box..

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By *unterxMan
15 hours ago

Derry

I went to the doctors and he told me I had to stop masturbating...

Confused I asked him why?

Cause I'm trying to examine you...

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By *panishRebelMan
13 hours ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

I broke my leg in 3 places.

I'm not going back to those places.

🥁🙈

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By *ionycusMan
5 hours ago

Babylon

A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmer’s hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore, he is worried. Next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens, but he is screwing the turkeys, ducks, and even the cow. Later, the farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead, and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young rooster’s limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, “Shhhh!, they are about to land."

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By *inkywife1981Couple
4 hours ago

A town near you

A guy walks into a bar with an Ostrich and a black cat, all night the guy and the Ostrich are buying drinks for the 3. At closing time the bar man comments that as strange as it is why didn't the cat buy a round all night, the guy replied "I went to a dating agency and asked for a bird with long legs and a tight black pussy"

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By *ealitybitesMan
4 hours ago

Belfast

Superman is hosting a sex party and he notices a guy he doesn't recognise standing in the corner and goes over to find out who he is.

"I'm Bruce Banner and I came as myself as I thought if I turned up as the Hulk it might cause issues."

"Have you had any luck tonight with any of the ladies?" Superman asked.

"I passed one of the rooms earlier" said Bruce "and Wonder Woman was spreadeagled naked across the bed and it was too much for me"

"I turned into the Hulk, ran into the room and dived on the bed!"

"I bet she was surprised!" Superman said.

"She sure was" replied Bruce "but not half as surprised as the Invisible man was!!!"

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