FabSwingers.com forum: Giving up or walking away from a friendship

By *ueen_Meadhbh OP Woman
2 weeks ago

sligo

How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

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By *rmrs1234Couple
2 weeks ago

Waterford

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

If things seem to be a one way street where all the texts, calls etc seem to be coming from you and nothing reciprocated, id be pretty much done

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By *om TangoMan
2 weeks ago

aughnacloy monaghan area

When your gut tells you.

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By *aughty MilfCouple
2 weeks ago

Fermanagh/Monaghan Ireland , Northern Ireland

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

If things seem to be a one way street where all the texts, calls etc seem to be coming from you and nothing reciprocated, id be pretty much done"
Agree

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By *ot really famousMan
2 weeks ago

monaghan

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

"
...define friendship?

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By *lueLotusWoman
2 weeks ago

the wilderness

Friendship or friend with benefit-ship?

Either way I'd just put it on pause... unless they've broken it, then shove em off!

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By *exyScientistsCouple
2 weeks ago

Castlebar

Friendship is a close and mutual bond between individuals characterized by affection, trust, and support. It often involves shared experiences, interests, and values, and can provide emotional support, companionship.

If it is not providing any positive experiences and only negative then I'd say it's time to pull away...

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By *eard and BoobsCouple
2 weeks ago

Portstewart

The communication is all one way and and communication is very dry and usually one word answers

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By *iresmillyWoman
2 weeks ago

Dublin

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

If things seem to be a one way street where all the texts, calls etc seem to be coming from you and nothing reciprocated, id be pretty much done"

Agreed. Also if I feel I’m sharing life things and they share nothing with me, doubts creep in. Honestly I have 3 true friends. Friends since childhood, lots of acquaintances, but only 3 that I can count on.

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By *ueen_Meadhbh OP Woman
2 weeks ago

sligo

A friendship nothing to do with sex at all

If I could find one of them I wouldn't be walking away

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By *astelloWoman
2 weeks ago

Far far away

When it's one sided..lack of effort to cultivate the friendship e.g doing things together or poor communication..

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By *ionycusMan
2 weeks ago

Babylon

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

When you ask this question.

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By *ueen_Meadhbh OP Woman
2 weeks ago

sligo

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

When you ask this question."

I did think of this answer when I wrote the question

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By *ionycusMan
2 weeks ago

Babylon

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

When you ask this question.

I did think of this answer when I wrote the question"

There are certain people to avoid in life, the funny thing is when you meet them first you don't realize what they are truly like. (Bill Eddy

5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities) is an excellent read. Avoiding high conflict personalities. Savage cabbage.

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By *aybeLadyWoman
2 weeks ago

West Dublin

A so-called friend of mine treated me very badly recently. She knew my personal circumstances yet acted totally ignorant to all that.

I cut her off. I've never fallen out with a friend, ever. Its her. She tried reaching out to me in relation to an IG post I put up about sth personal to me. I ignored her.

Dont need a 'friend' like that in my life.

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By *panishRebelMan
2 weeks ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

[Removed by poster at 02/12/24 00:26:13]

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By *panishRebelMan
2 weeks ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

None of us know your circumstances etc. We can't really tell you "how you know when to walk away".

We can give general advice.

My two pennies worth is be careful. Don't rush but don't be afraid to what you understand to be best!

I'm reminded of a Jerry Fish song...

True Friends.

Have a listen to it.

Lyrics of True Friends by Jerry Fish, The Mudbug Club

Day will break, stars will fall

There′s always something you'll forget to say

Don′t dismay

True friends never part

Time will pass, paths will stray

There's always someone who will break your heart

There's no point, being cruel

True friends never part

We′ll meet again

Trust me my friend

There′s no harm in goodbye

Give me your glass

Follow your heart

Wipe that tear from your eye

Time makes amends

Don't be afraid

You′ll not let love pass you by

Remember this

True friends never part

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By *dfabMan
2 weeks ago

Dunboyne

Everyone is going through different stuff at varying times.

I have a close friend for 30yrs. There's been times where we didn't properly speak for over a year. I only recently discovered he was on anti depressants and had gone through some tough times.

Yes I gave out to him for not sharing with me as I'd been a mentor to him in younger days. He's now much more open about any mental health issues and we have some very long conversations but our friendship is stronger than ever, regardless of distance.

Be understanding but also ask them questions to see if you can determine if they are going through something they may not want to share but perhaps would be better off if they did.

Not saying this is a definitive answer but one you should consider. Hope it works out

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By *ack1971Man
2 weeks ago

Cork

I've never walked away from a friendship, but with moving to various countries over the years and circumstances changing generally due to work, friendships have come and gone.

I've come to learn about effort, and it's not all one way. If you have to question it, or feel that you're doing the running, then stand still and see what happens.

28 years ago I walked out of a bar in Kenmare telling my buddies I am done with this lifestyle, I have to change it. (Back then it was a serious drinking town) I lived with some of them, worked with the others. To this day, not one bothered to question why or what was I going through, and they' re still around there drinking away. But yet, if I go to that bar today, they'll be there still. They didn't change, I did.

I accepted I made the changes which affected the friendships, but did they meet me halfway? I thought if friendship meant anything, they would have made some effort to understand. Nope. I kind of blamed them without realising too. I was only looking for more out of my life at that time, than sitting in a pub.

So at what cost are some friendships?

Some changes just have to be made. If the friendship matters, the others must step up.

I always leave the door open for anyone to walk through and a lot of friendships are not as close as before, or have evolved in different directions. Others have become deeper over time.

I never take anything personal with regards to friendships. They are what they are.

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By *irdnBorisMan
2 weeks ago

meath

"A so-called friend of mine treated me very badly recently. She knew my personal circumstances yet acted totally ignorant to all that.

I cut her off. I've never fallen out with a friend, ever. Its her. She tried reaching out to me in relation to an IG post I put up about sth personal to me. I ignored her.

Dont need a 'frend' like that in my life. "
totally agree a true friend stays through to give you support when you need it the most in life .life is very tough for us all at the moment but once we are there for people it means a lot if one sided so called friends time to give them the heave ho no matter if there lifelong friends

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By *agic mike1Man
2 weeks ago

around

When they question everything you do.

When they ask for photo verification of where you are,at that moment.

When they answer your question with a question.

When they arrive at where you are without telling you they were coming.( surprise my arse)

When they lie to you!!

I think that's a fair explanation of how a friendship, friendship with benefits or an actual lover will decay or be destroyed!!!???

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By *ext chapterMan
2 weeks ago

town

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

When it's become a constant drag to keep the friendship going. When you don't even look forward to sending or receiving a message. When you sigh When you see the name coming up. I think at that stage it's fizzling out anyway.

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By *chochamberWoman
2 weeks ago

Munster

A slow fade is a good option. No need for conflict. Just stop contact.

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By *oo32Man
2 weeks ago

tipperary

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

If you feel its time to walk away from it then it's probably time to go,drop them,

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By *rystalsswingCouple
2 weeks ago

Galway

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

Friendship requires a bit of effort, but it shouldn't be a head f*xk. Everyone has their moments, but if you notice a pattern it's prob time to walk away

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By *oxic1998Woman
2 weeks ago

Belfast

Sometimes we take a sole stand, even if it’s against close friends. Maybe we won’t budge because we know we’re right (or refuse to admit we’re wrong). And if we can’t make sense of it all, maybe we wonder if we should let it be.

Friendship is a 2 way relationship. You may think your the wronged one but blaming the friend for everything needs to be looked at.

Still figuring out who’s to blame? That means you’re still dwelling in the past.

Blaming something on anyone brings back up your fighting stance. Definitely counterproductive in fixing any relationship.

Accept the situation for what it is even if it doesn’t make any sense at the moment.

No one’s perfect in this world, and the last thing you want to do is stir the proverbial pot when trying to fix your friendship.

Find a way to climb on top of that and gain the advantage of seeing over your obstacles.

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By *he ChamberCouple
2 weeks ago

Dublin/Midlands

Friends come and go , we all do it , different life stages different needs , be your own best friend, I don't hang on to dead wood, new people come along all the time need space for them to connect. Dead.wood gets in the way of that .

Luther

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By *chochamberWoman
2 weeks ago

Munster

"Friends come and go , we all do it , different life stages different needs , be your own best friend, I don't hang on to dead wood, new people come along all the time need space for them to connect. Dead.wood gets in the way of that .

Luther

100% friends change, so do we.

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By *ozzlesMan
2 weeks ago

galway

Who knows what's going on with others. Id just ease back, no need for ultimatums or interventions just move on leaving options for the future when one or both of you may have need each other again.

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By *unsigntwoCouple
2 weeks ago

athlone

"A slow fade is a good option. No need for conflict. Just stop contact. "

Agree with this

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By *rank7737Man
2 weeks ago

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

Whenever the trust has gone!

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By *unsigntwoCouple
2 weeks ago

athlone

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

Friendship requires a bit of effort, but it shouldn't be a head f*xk. Everyone has their moments, but if you notice a pattern it's prob time to walk away"

Have to say agree here too

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By *ueen_Meadhbh OP Woman
2 weeks ago

sligo

Thanks everyone

I've decided to walk away as I have done so much for this person over the years, lent her a large sum of money which took over a year to get back even though she had 2 holidays during the year. Took time of work to help her out and she has had a go at me about not keeping in touch.

Will just fade away as I have my own struggles and honestly can't be arsed being the one making the attempts.

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By *oo32Man
2 weeks ago

tipperary

"Thanks everyone

Will just fade away as I have my own struggles and honestly can't be arsed being the one making the attempts.

If its one way the whole time then it's probably for the best

It's a dose being taken for granted,

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By *chochamberWoman
2 weeks ago

Munster

Some people are inherently selfish.

Birth order has a big impact. Some people are blinkered and think they are the centre of the universe.

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By *udding RoseWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere out there

"Thanks everyone

Will just fade away as I have my own struggles and honestly can't be arsed being the one making the attempts.

Do what feels right for you. It sounds like you have made your decision, stick to it. If you're making that much effort and it's not appreciated, it's not a great friendship, it's best to walk away then. xx

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By *ornywife20Couple
2 weeks ago

North Cork

Mr here I have a few people I consider very good friends.

I don't speak to them every day or even every week. But I know when I need them they are there for me and they know when they need me I am there for them . We might meet up a few times some weeks and then not for a few weeks again

But we always make time if one of us needs something.

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By *chochamberWoman
2 weeks ago

Munster

Losing a friendship is hard, there is a grief attached to it.

But if they are no longer a genuine friend, then it's best not to entertain any falsness.

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By *ofusplusCouple
2 weeks ago

Limerick

"Thanks everyone

Will just fade away as I have my own struggles and honestly can't be arsed being the one making the attempts.

It's probably the right decision but maybe stay open to her coming back when she realises what she has lost. Just don't make it too easy for her. Good luck with it xx

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By *ardyboy54321Man
2 weeks ago

Fermanagh

Go with your gut walk away. It's never to far wrong

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By *ustBoWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

When you realise they are not a true friend. When you begin to dread seeing their name coming up on your phone or when you see them.

Friendships come and go, sometimes because you just grow apart,sometimes because you realise that it was always just a one way friendship and it no longer is worth the effort of trying to keep it going.

Sometimes you need to just pull away from someone to bring peace to your own life.

True friendships are worth their weight in gold though and definitely worth keeping. But only when you both are there for each other through the good and the bad times.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"Thanks everyone

Will just fade away as I have my own struggles and honestly can't be arsed being the one making the attempts.

"
Best of luck with your decision. Onwards and upwards.. believe in yourself and don't look back x

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By *agic mike1Man
2 weeks ago

around

"Losing a friendship is hard, there is a grief attached to it.

But if they are no longer a genuine friend, then it's best not to entertain any falsness. "

Well spoken!!

Sorry, actually written!!

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By *lavemale66Man
2 weeks ago

Carlow

If things seem to be a one way street where all the texts, calls etc seem to be coming from you and nothing reciprocated, id be pretty much done"

I would very much agree with this as much as it hurts me to do so but I am giving on a number of people because of situations like this.

Some are quick to ring, text or call to the house when they want something but not so quick just to make contact just for a quick chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"I've never walked away from a friendship, but with moving to various countries over the years and circumstances changing generally due to work, friendships have come and gone.

I've come to learn about effort, and it's not all one way. If you have to question it, or feel that you're doing the running, then stand still and see what happens.

So at what cost are some friendships?

Some changes just have to be made. If the friendship matters, the others must step up.

I always leave the door open for anyone to walk through and a lot of friendships are not as close as before, or have evolved in different directions. Others have become deeper over time.

I never take anything personal with regards to friendships. They are what they are."

Very wise words

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By *avy8931Man
2 weeks ago

ballymena

Listen to your gut feeling or the voices in your head.

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By *leasurer77Man
2 weeks ago

Athlone

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

Never ever walk away from a friend.

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By *unsigntwoCouple
2 weeks ago

athlone

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

Never ever walk away from a friend."

Sometimes you have to for your own peace

It is hard but sometimes it has to be done

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By *udding RoseWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere out there

"How do you know it's time to walk away from a friendship that seems to have fallen apart,?

Never ever walk away from a friend.

Sometimes you have to for your own peace

It is hard but sometimes it has to be done"

Yeah, I agree with this.

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By *ofusplusCouple
2 weeks ago

Limerick

I'm disagreeing with most people tbh. You don't know what's going on in her life or in her head.

As I previously said, walk away for your own peace of mind but be open to her coming back if/when she is ready.

Be firm that you can't tolerate her behaviour, things need to change etc etc. You've been too tolerant in the past and she needs a reality check.

She may well need you, but she doesn't realise it yet.

It's a tough one, it may not be as simple as cutting ties permanently. Only you know what to do.

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By *ionycusMan
2 weeks ago

Babylon

"I'm disagreeing with most people tbh. You don't know what's going on in her life or in her head.

As I previously said, walk away for your own peace of mind but be open to her coming back if/when she is ready.

Be firm that you can't tolerate her behaviour, things need to change etc etc. You've been too tolerant in the past and she needs a reality check.

She may well need you, but she doesn't realise it yet.

It's a tough one, it may not be as simple as cutting ties permanently. Only you know what to do. "

Nah ,

Cut ties ,

Burn the bitch before they take more of your energy.

Forgiveness is awarded not taken.

Create boundaries, label people appropriately, friend, colleague, acquaintance.

I disagree with your approach.

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By *ofusplusCouple
2 weeks ago

Limerick

"I'm disagreeing with most people tbh. You don't know what's going on in her life or in her head.

As I previously said, walk away for your own peace of mind but be open to her coming back if/when she is ready.

Be firm that you can't tolerate her behaviour, things need to change etc etc. You've been too tolerant in the past and she needs a reality check.

She may well need you, but she doesn't realise it yet.

It's a tough one, it may not be as simple as cutting ties permanently. Only you know what to do.

Nah ,

Cut ties ,

Burn the bitch before they take more of your energy.

Forgiveness is awarded not taken.

Create boundaries, label people appropriately, friend, colleague, acquaintance.

I disagree with your approach."

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By *van_AlmightyMan
2 weeks ago

West

Agreed, there’s 2 sides to every coin. I think a lot of people assume in a case where they might have a friend that is showing low effort/ not being a good friends that’s it’s vindictive

And then with hindsight will realise that the friend was going through a rough patch ! I’d say let them know you’re there for them but you have to put things on pause while they sort themself out, don’t burn the bridge completely

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By *unsigntwoCouple
2 weeks ago

athlone

"I'm disagreeing with most people tbh. You don't know what's going on in her life or in her head.

As I previously said, walk away for your own peace of mind but be open to her coming back if/when she is ready.

Be firm that you can't tolerate her behaviour, things need to change etc etc. You've been too tolerant in the past and she needs a reality check.

She may well need you, but she doesn't realise it yet.

It's a tough one, it may not be as simple as cutting ties permanently. Only you know what to do. "

I have found in the pass they don't tend to come back to you these so called friends they take with no care to how they have treated you as a friend just my experience

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By *ueen_Meadhbh OP Woman
2 weeks ago

sligo

"I'm disagreeing with most people tbh. You don't know what's going on in her life or in her head.

As I previously said, walk away for your own peace of mind but be open to her coming back if/when she is ready.

Be firm that you can't tolerate her behaviour, things need to change etc etc. You've been too tolerant in the past and she needs a reality check.

She may well need you, but she doesn't realise it yet.

It's a tough one, it may not be as simple as cutting ties permanently. Only you know what to do. "

The problem is I'm the one that's needed the friend and she hasn't been there.

I have let people walk all over me and gone out of my way for a lot of people over the years but yet at my darkest very few of them so called friends were at my door.

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By *leasurer77Man
2 weeks ago

Athlone

"I'm disagreeing with most people tbh. You don't know what's going on in her life or in her head.

As I previously said, walk away for your own peace of mind but be open to her coming back if/when she is ready.

Be firm that you can't tolerate her behaviour, things need to change etc etc. You've been too tolerant in the past and she needs a reality check.

She may well need you, but she doesn't realise it yet.

It's a tough one, it may not be as simple as cutting ties permanently. Only you know what to do.

The problem is I'm the one that's needed the friend and she hasn't been there.

I have let people walk all over me and gone out of my way for a lot of people over the years but yet at my darkest very few of them so called friends were at my door.

Ok it's clearer now. They weren't friends at all really.

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