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40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN

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By *ustfulLilly OP   Woman
15 weeks ago

Naas

I found this on the internet and found it great, so decided to share; it might improve many people's encounters, hahaha.

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her

feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting

out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of

foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference

between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to

extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake

repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side

to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they

get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're

trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly

sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your

tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like

you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the

whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and

West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which

you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown

Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled

fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take

the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.

Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along

side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.

Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they

plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there,keep

going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist

with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present,

not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.

Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.

Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still

believe that the vagina is where it's all at. This is okay in

principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's

best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first,

then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.

You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in

the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move

toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of

buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can

do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an

assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up

slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.

If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,

the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few

seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites

of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the

mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At

least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold

her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.

You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you

really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.

Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth

down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her

clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.

Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it

will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about

three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use

her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie

there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them.

In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does

all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much

like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

This is how men earn a reputatio n for not being able to follow directions. If you

want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being d*unk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.

When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words

"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring

honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all

handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.

There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a

Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual

partner

with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.

Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they

have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.

It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the

neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty

scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big

turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line.

If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.

You have to finish the job. Keep on trying unt il you get it right, and

she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.

Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too

heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you.Your bedroom is not a soup

kitchen.

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By *ouple_BrCouple
15 weeks ago

Dublin North

Perfect description.

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By *iresmillyWoman
15 weeks ago

South Dublin

The sock thing is 100% accurate. I detest any man naked man in socks- total ick

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

Fecking brilliant

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By *ingerrrrWoman
15 weeks ago

Meath

lol.. all true.. but god help them.. we definitely are a minefield for them to have to tiptoe through to get to the goal…

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By *agic mike1Man
15 weeks ago

around

Now that's an in-depth do and don't !!!

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By *TinyDelight-Woman
15 weeks ago

City Centre

This is probably weird to say, but my list would not look like this.

I strongly agree with No 24 though, but I don't like that "talk to her seductively" and she'll give you oral nonsense.

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By *lickdickMan
15 weeks ago

Belfast

Brilliant 😂🤣

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By *rafter69Man
15 weeks ago

upminster

Brilliant

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By *og-ManMan
15 weeks ago

somewhere

Is sticking it in her belly button on the list

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By *penminddmanMan
15 weeks ago

Lisburn

Dumping load unprotected should surely be number 1 😂😂 and yes to my discredit I am speaking from experience

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By *TinyDelight-Woman
15 weeks ago

City Centre


"Is sticking it in her belly button on the list "

No, but giving her a wedgie is frowned upon 😄

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By *rRiosMan
15 weeks ago

dublin


"Is sticking it in her belly button on the list

No, but giving her a wedgie is frowned upon 😄"

Front or back?

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By *eekyNerdMan
15 weeks ago

Portarlington

That's a good list, you would think most of it would be common sense....

Then again, male brain and common sense do not go hand in hand.

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By *ot really famousMan
15 weeks ago

monaghan


"That's a good list, you would think most of it would be common sense....

Then again, male brain and common sense do not go hand in hand."

..well done...you win this week's white Knight award...

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By *affa31Woman
15 weeks ago

Galway

A lot of that seems very outdated tbh.

Some people like their nipples bitten. Don’t stop for a break? No one is a fucking machine, stop if you need a break. Don’t ask if she’s cum? Some people aren’t loud, so ask if you’re not sure or ask if she wants you to keep going to help her cum…maybe she’s just not going to get there that time!

People aren’t psychic…communication is the main thing you need to focus on.

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By *exyScientistsCouple
15 weeks ago

Castlebar

I'd be thinking on the whole these should be in the fab rules of etiquette but some are very subjective. Hard, soft, fast,slow depend on the person. And I'm not sure wall hangings would keep me entertained during a sex marathon

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By *exyScientistsCouple
15 weeks ago

Castlebar

Snoring too loudly afterwards doesn't even get a mention?

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

Love it spot on 👌

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By *aybeLadyWoman
15 weeks ago

West Dublin

1, 16 & 2....in that order. Take note guys

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By *ea ShellsWoman
15 weeks ago

Sligo

With a general consensus that most men think of just sex and sport not necessarily in that order, how many will have read past number 5!

Those great lovers don’t need 40 items on a list. Their instinct (nose!) will lead them to mutual satisfaction.

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By *ethmeonfireMan
15 weeks ago

Dublin

One More

Taking a No as a No if it doesn’t happen again respectfully. People take it too hard on their egos but possibly taking it with respect might make it more gentlemen like.

Seth

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
15 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

Gotta say, there are a few things here that are personal preferences and not what every woman thinks.

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By *ealitybitesMan
15 weeks ago

Belfast

Turning up

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By *on Juan the MADridMan
15 weeks ago

Lisbon/ North England/ Wales/ Madrid/

Wow !!! Definitely I don’t qualify ☹️

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By *ittleBoPeepingWoman
15 weeks ago

Galway, Clare


"Is sticking it in her belly button on the list "

What if she has an outie?

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By *lickdickMan
15 weeks ago

Belfast

Then it could be bigger than there's 🤣

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By *og-ManMan
15 weeks ago

somewhere


"Is sticking it in her belly button on the list

What if she has an outie?"

A third nipple

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By *electableicecreamMan
15 weeks ago

The West

Can't be arsed reading all that. Who wants a dick pic?

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By *ursecretmischiefCouple
15 weeks ago

The West


"I found this on the internet and found it great, so decided to share; it might improve many people's encounters, hahaha.

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her

feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting

out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of

foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference

between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to

extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake

repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side

to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they

get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're

trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly

sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your

tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like

you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the

whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and

West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which

you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown

Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled

fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take

the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.

Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along

side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.

Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they

plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there,keep

going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist

with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present,

not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.

Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.

Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still

believe that the vagina is where it's all at. This is okay in

principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's

best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first,

then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.

You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in

the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move

toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of

buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can

do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an

assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up

slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.

If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,

the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few

seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites

of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the

mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At

least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold

her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.

You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you

really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.

Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth

down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her

clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.

Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it

will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about

three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use

her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie

there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them.

In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does

all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much

like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

This is how men earn a reputatio n for not being able to follow directions. If you

want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being d*unk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.

When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words

"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring

honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all

handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.

There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a

Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual

partner

with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.

Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they

have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.

It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the

neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty

scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big

turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line.

If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.

You have to finish the job. Keep on trying unt il you get it right, and

she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.

Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too

heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you.Your bedroom is not a soup

kitchen.

"

Hey look,I'm not reading all that.

I'm happy for you though, or I'm sorry that happened.

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By *agic mike1Man
15 weeks ago

around


"Can't be arsed reading all that. Who wants a dick pic? "

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By *allyCD123TV/TS
15 weeks ago

Wexford

I'm pretty amazed Lilly managed to compact it down to 40 rules :D LOL

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By *exyScientistsCouple
15 weeks ago

Castlebar


"I'm pretty amazed Lilly managed to compact it down to 40 rules :D LOL"

I've 140

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By *adger BrocMan
15 weeks ago

Co. Cork

Biggest mistake women make is not going for the "low hanging fruit".....

🍒 😉😇

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By *exyScientistsCouple
15 weeks ago

Castlebar


"Biggest mistake women make is not going for the "low hanging fruit".....

🍒 😉😇"

Need even longer arms for those bad boys

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By *adger BrocMan
15 weeks ago

Co. Cork


"Biggest mistake women make is not going for the "low hanging fruit".....

🍒 😉😇

Need even longer arms for those bad boys "

.....

Not when they swing "like a pendulum do".....

And anyone that recognises those lyrics is certainly long in the scrotal department...

🤣😂🤣

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By *ustfulLilly OP   Woman
14 weeks ago

Naas

People, I don’t have the credit for the list, i found it online while searching something else, but I found it super funny and decided to share asa joke, not as a criticism 🤪🤣🤣

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By *rakesterlingMan
14 weeks ago

Dublin

Hmmm... *raises his eyebrow perplexed*

Funny how some of these items are what the ladies have actually been asking for? So... Like... Do it or not? Make up your mind?

On the other hand, men have urges and instincts of their own as well. If one can't read that particular cat stretching ladies do, then another one is equally unaware if not understanding the excitement and lust behind man's firm grasp of the feminine body and form.

But I do hate it when they grab my member and start yanking it is if they are playing X-Wing vs Tie Fighter!

C'mon! I like a little kissing, foreplay, kinky naughty shit spoken into my ear...

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By *ot so needyMan
14 weeks ago

Galway

Number 40.

Never say thanks.

I just find that rude.

I always say thanks it's just the polite thing to do.🤔

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By *exyScientistsCouple
14 weeks ago

Castlebar


"Number 40.

Never say thanks.

I just find that rude.

I always say thanks it's just the polite thing to do.🤔"

I agree. It's lovely for someone to say thanks for a lovely night/quicky/meeting if someone took time out of their life to spend it with you. And it works both ways

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

Ah you forgot, breathing some women hate when men do that too 😂

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