FabSwingers.com forum: How do I get my wife onto this site with me?

By *rishperson36 OP Man
7 weeks ago

Newbridge

Wife and I don’t have a very active or adventurous sex life, but we do have sex when we can (two kids).

I have lots of fantasies and interests, and would love to get her involved. Would also love to get her on here, share vids of us and get off together seeing the responses. Ultimately would love to play with other couples in the future!

But she is pretty prudish, does not like porn, and I think will reflexively be horrified by the idea! That being said, she loves sucking dick and can get quite into it when she’s horny.

So where do I go from here? Just keep wanking on my own when she goes to bed?

Would be worried about broaching the subject in case she starts to think I’m cheating on her!

Anyone had luck getting their wife more involved in their perversions?

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By *4thfloorTV/TS
7 weeks ago

Dublin

There are no shortcuts around open and honest communication with your partner.

By the sounds of things you don't really talk to each other about your desires at all, so I wouldn't be jumping in the deep end with suggesting adding other people to the mix. It could be a very, very long time before she's ready for that, if indeed she ever is.

Talk to her. Ask what fantasies and desires *she* has. See where your common interests are and explore outward from there.

We're all repressed to different degrees, and being honest about our sexual desires can be absolutely terrifying, but you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable with her if you're ever going to experience the kind of real deep intimacy you're seeking.

At the end of the day you also have to be open to the fact that sometimes people just aren't sexually compatible. It's nobody's fault, it just is what it is.

Good luck on your journey.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
7 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

I think the key here is telling her what's in it for her. Try discussing each others fantasies. Maybe try some roleplay. Tread carefully because you both need to look at this as something to enhance your relationship with each other, as she is going to be worried that you are looking to have sex with someone else because she isn't able to satisfy you, which is going to bring up some big feelings.

Ultimately this isn't for everyone, and not all fantasies need to be acted upon and are best remaining fantasies.

You are going to have to have some brilliant communication before, during, and after if you're gonna make this work. Good luck 🤞

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By *ickey ThumbWoman
7 weeks ago

South Down

You can't ever hope to even see if she might be interested unless you have an open and honest conversation. There is no other way.

Please don't ever be tempted to post videos taken covertly without her consent.

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By *itlbeeCouple
7 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 09/10/24 16:24:55]

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By *itlbeeCouple
7 weeks ago

Well, you're off to a bad start by having this account in the first place.

Sounds like there's already a bit of dishonesty in your marriage. That may come up down the line.

Swinging takes a lot of trust, vulnerability, communication, and empathy. Are you up for that?

it's not all about fucking it's something that really tests relationships, and it holds a light up to the cracks that are already there.

Going to disagree with you about not liking porn = prude.

I'm a swinger. I don't like porn.Those things aren't connected.

Porn is made primarily for men, it's an entirely visual medium, women are routinely treated badly, and consent is downplayed.

Swinging is almost all physical where consent is paramount. Everyone can go at their own pace. After I started swinging I actually found porn to be even more fake than before.

Some swingers are surprised at how unsexy it was to see a pile of bodies in a bedroom at a party. It can feel a little like a nature documentary. It doesn't look like porn. Those people aren't playing it up for some camera. They're just doing their thing. I always feel entirely neutral watching that.

You can enjoy experiencing sex, without being into the visuals of watching other people do it.

Too often men are quick use labels like 'prude' or 'sexually repressed' whenever a woman doesn't immediately like the thing they want her to like.

You'll need to get over that.Her sexuality is different to yours.

She will have her own desires and preferences.

She might not be into having videos of herself shared because no platform is safe, they might end up on a porn site and women tend to receive worse fallout than men.I don't really like putting photos up for strangers either. I only enjoy doing it for my friends. I don't feel any gratification when a random man in Wales 'Fabs' a photo. That's not everyone's thing.

You're going to have to talk to her, and find a way to look for ways to spice things up. Do this without sounding like your whining about how boring you think she is - That's not very sexy, and not going to build up her confidence.

Id suggest you start with just focusing on the two of you, and having more sex and love in your lives. Swinging opens people up to insecurity and jealousy, She would need to feel very confident in your love and desire for her. A lack of sex is usually a symptom of a lack of closeness and emotional connection in a relationship.

So go do some kind of date, a hotel weekend away, experiment with toys. Film yourselves with no intention to share it. But some spark into your desire for her, THEN talk about swinging.

and even then, you'd be trying to find a scenario that most appeals to her. That could be a hot younger man flirting with her online before joining you both for dinner and drinks...

the most important thing is not to pressure her. Pressure kills desire. She would need to set the pace.

Hope there's something in there for you to think about.

I have... a lot of opinions on this topic.

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By *exyScientistsCouple
7 weeks ago

Castlebar

I never would have considered this as an option for me (Mrs) until Mr suggested it, mainly as a way of going to social events, meeting people etc but it evolved quickly from there. I do have a less emotional opinion of sex in general. But initially I thought he was crazy when suggesting it.

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By *heBlowinsCouple
7 weeks ago

West Cork

Every post on here is great and exactly the advice you need OP.

Bitlee's post should be your goto reference moving forward OP. Check back and reread that post ad nauseum.

Personal opinion: get off Fab. Sort your marriage out. Come back when you're strong.

This place (and any non-traditional sexual environment) should *enhance* your sex life - this is not a place to fix relationships.

Good luck OP

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By *ursecretmischiefCouple
7 weeks ago

The West

All of the above is good advice. Being able to communicate is really the key. That will become a lot easier if you're on here together, you'll have conversations you never thought you'd have.

*Belive me, she has fantasies and desires also, that's a guarantee!* Wether she wants to share them is another thing.

If you create the right environment for her, where she might feel comfortable to start discussing these things with you, and grow it from there.

There's a good point above, "what's in it for her"....and are you ready for what's in it for her?

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By *eckme70Man
7 weeks ago

Strabane

"I never would have considered this as an option for me (Mrs) until Mr suggested it, mainly as a way of going to social events, meeting people etc but it evolved quickly from there. I do have a less emotional opinion of sex in general. But initially I thought he was crazy when suggesting it. "

How did Mr find out about Fab and how did you react at the start? X

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By *exyScientistsCouple
7 weeks ago

Castlebar

How did Mr find out about Fab and how did you react at the start? X"

He was on here as a single man with my knowledge....

I was fine with going to socials and meeting people but clearly he knew that I would get into it more than I thought I would 🤣

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By *haquele oatmealMan
7 weeks ago

cork

If your not having a lot of good sex already don't get her into it and the reason ye are not having a lot of sex is because the sex is no good iv kids 2 sex life has never been better and hotter

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By *panishRebelMan
7 weeks ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

"If your not having a lot of good sex already don't get her into it and the reason ye are not having a lot of sex is because the sex is no good iv kids 2 sex life has never been better and hotter"

I wouldn't be as definite about the reasons for the sex life being bad (unsatisfying) as Shaquil says. From the vantage point of reading your op, we can't know! It could just be that tiredness of raising young kids leaves your woman with no energy for sex, or or or or ....we don't know.

But fab will not sort out this dissatisfaction. Like the other answers above say, if you don't say it or discuss it, nothing will happen and frustration can turn bitter and resentful, which is a place of disaster and hurt. Best avoid going down that route if you can!

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By *haquele oatmealMan
7 weeks ago

cork

If your in a relationship and not having sex it's because it's bad sex and she isn't being turned on or being satisfied,if you make your partner feel desired and sexy and your making her cum loads you get loads of sex it's very simple,I hear all these complaints about my wife has no interest in sex that's because the sex is shit or she isn't attracted to you anymore buy her a wand and some sexy lingerie compliment her on how sexy she looks I can understand after giving birth the sex might take a nose dive for a few months but it shouldn't stay that way,

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By *ittleBoPeepingWoman
7 weeks ago

Galway, Clare

"If your in a relationship and not having sex it's because it's bad sex and she isn't being turned on or being satisfied,if you make your partner feel desired and sexy and your making her cum loads you get loads of sex it's very simple,I hear all these complaints about my wife has no interest in sex that's because the sex is shit or she isn't attracted to you anymore buy her a wand and some sexy lingerie compliment her on how sexy she looks I can understand after giving birth the sex might take a nose dive for a few months but it shouldn't stay that way,"

There are many other reasons a woman goes off sex than just from it being 'bad'. It may have absolutely nothing to do with sex at all. If you think a quick grope of her boobs and new lingerie is enough to get her wanting it again, that's a lot of pressure on her and incredibly selfish, in my opinion.

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By *I TwoCouple
7 weeks ago

PDI 12-26th Nov 24

There was a documentary on ch4 about a swingers club, Put that on TV and see what her reaction is.

Bad reaction .... Probably better to switch it off and delete your fab account

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By *haquele oatmealMan
7 weeks ago

cork

How is making your wife feel sexy and desired putting her under pressure and how is it selfish total nonsense who said anything about a quick grope of her boobs where are you getting this from I get menopause and shit might play apart but the op is 36 so I don't know about that sex has to stay exciting a lot of people let themselves go later in a relationship and the same sex all the time gets boring unless you make an effort to spicing it up all I know is I'm having way more sex now than I used to be 10 yrs ago because I'm giving my wife more attention and I'm making her feel sexy and attractive and I'm a far better lover than I used to be back then lol and I'm reeping the benefits she always wants sex now compared to before so I'm sticking to my theory you have yours the reason partners don't want sex is because the sex Is shit

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

"Wife and I don’t have a very active or adventurous sex life, but we do have sex when we can (two kids).

But she is pretty prudish, does not like porn, and I think will reflexively be horrified by the idea! That being said, she loves sucking dick and can get quite into it when she’s horny.

So where do I go from here? Just keep wanking on my own when she goes to bed?

Would be worried about broaching the subject in case she starts to think I’m cheating on her!

Anyone had luck getting their wife more involved in their perversions?"

Always the danger that if a guy's wife lands here in a couple etc that she may have Sex with a guy that totally blows her mind ,has a cock that she worship's & then starts to meet that guy on her own& her hubby is left on his own , or maybe not ...be careful what you wish for .

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By *ursecretmischiefCouple
7 weeks ago

The West

"There was a documentary on ch4 about a swingers club, Put that on TV and see what her reaction is.

Bad reaction .... Probably better to switch it off and delete your fab account "

I was going to say something similar, earlier. The OPs question is often raised here, but it is never really answered.

It's all well and good to talk about communication and that. But how many of you just arrived home one evening and said, "my dear, I think we should go swinging!"?

If you're not able to tease or mess with each other, then this topic is unlikely to be discussed.

For most, it happens over a period of time. Maybe you watch a movie or Netflix series and there's some part of it about swinging, you're both just sitting there on the couch, and pass a few comments on it, get each other's reaction, have a laugh, call each other a dirty stop out!!

Maybe later when you're getting frisky the topic comes up in some naughty chat and you both open up a bit more about it, fantasies and desires get explored over a period of time.

Maybe another day, one of you brings it up in a different environment, like when you're having breakfast. Suddenly your discussion is in a different realm and it develops from there.....well, that's our story anyway!!

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By *ickey ThumbWoman
7 weeks ago

South Down

Perhaps that's your reason and that's valid. What also is valid is that a dip in either partner's sex drive can be, and often is, more multifaceted than "the sex is shit".

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By *electableicecreamMan
7 weeks ago

The West

While it may not apply to everyone, it is really good that you found a way to help your wife enjoy sex with you and im sure its been great for your relationship.

I wonder if it would be also useful for the OP if you shared how you broached the subject of being on Fab and sleeping with other people. That was the reason for his post after all. He's interested in introducing his wife to swinging and you seem to have done a good job of having good sex at home and meeting people through fab.

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By *urker6969Man
7 weeks ago

Dublin

I sympathise with you OP. I’m in a similar boat myself, in that my wife and I are on different pages when it comes to sex.

I wish I were in the privileged position to be able to tell you how to resolve your difficulties, but that’s not the case. I’m not actively trying to bring her here though, we’re working on some more fundamental stuff at the moment. Also, we’re a long way from sorting our own issues out. So, bear in mind that what I say below comes from that standpoint.

Firstly I think that there is something of value in every response posted so far, but everyone’s circumstances are different. Nobody here knows the dynamics of your relationship, and even if we had more information available to us, it’s really only you and your wife who have the full picture. The point I’m building toward is that when it comes to advice you receive on here, your mileage may vary. It’s up to you to figure out what parts make sense for your relationship and how to apply any suggestions.

Now for my own take on the subject. I suggest you think really deeply about what your goal is.

For instance, it might well be that you want a non-monogamous relationship, that it’s important for you to be able to have sexual experiences with more than one person, that you feel its part of who you are. This is a perfectly legitimate goal to have.

However, the fact of the matter is that most people are not cut out for non-monogamy, and the conventional wisdom is that using it to compensate for problems in the relationship often has the opposite effect. So, swinging might be for you but it may well not be too. Also, even if it’s what you want, there’s every chance that your wife will feel differently about the subject.

Perhaps instead you might have a different goal. It could be as you say to make your sex life more adventurous. One does not need to become a swinger to have a varied and exciting sex life - it just takes two people who are open to exploring.

Alternatively the goal might be to improve the frequency of sex - you’ve mentioned that your wife does get quite into it when you are together, which indicates that desire is there. So maybe it’s a matter of logistics? Could you help more with the household and kids, or if you already do, can you lean on family members or paid help to create more time for you and your wife?

You might read the above and say that you want to all, and I wouldn’t blame you. What I’m saying though is that you should really focus in on what aspect of your current relationship dynamic is the most important to address. If you do that, then either you’ll find yourself being satisfied, or you’ll turn your focus on the next piece and build from there.

Regardless of what you end up prioritising, there is one goal you should always be working toward: increasing your connection to and intimacy with your wife. That really is fundamental: you won’t get anywhere with the rest of this stuff if you’re not continually investing in your general intimacy as a couple. That means talking about things, sharing the good, bad and ugly, supporting one another, holding each other both physically and emotionally, flirting, being interesting to your wife and being interested in her too. It’s an ongoing project.

I’ve rambled on a good bit now so I’ll wrap this up with a final suggestion: take a look at a book named Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski. The premise of the book is to explain how female sexual response works, but as the author explains there’s a lot more overlap between men and women than we typically give credit for. The book has a lot to offer for understanding what kind of things affect sexual response (both positively and negatively) and how to bridge the gap when there are differences in levels of desire and interest in sex. Worth reading alone but much better for you both to read it together. You might find that it becomes easier for you and your wife to discuss your sex life, which makes a good foundation for taking the conversation further.

Good luck OP, and I hope the above is of some help to you on your journey.

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By *ursecretmischiefCouple
7 weeks ago

The West

While it may not apply to everyone, it is really good that you found a way to help your wife enjoy sex with you and im sure its been great for your relationship.

Good question, does it turn her on that you meet others, or has she recently started meeting others too?

How are you so sure it's you that has recently made your wife feel sexy, attractive, and desired?

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By *haquele oatmealMan
7 weeks ago

cork

It's my attitude that changed before I didn't make her feel sexy i took her for granted,now I worship and adore her I buy her sexy outfits pour baby oil on her ass massage her tell her how lucky I am to be able to fuck her I talk dirty to her during sex about my fantasies about her fucking other guys while I watch so I'm pretty sure it's me that's turning her on and tbh we have sex nearly everyday so I doubt it's someone else that's turning her on

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By *electableicecreamMan
7 weeks ago

The West

"It's my attitude that changed before I didn't make her feel sexy i took her for granted,now I worship and adore her I buy her sexy outfits pour baby oil on her ass massage her tell her how lucky I am to be able to fuck her I talk dirty to her during sex about my fantasies about her fucking other guys while I watch so I'm pretty sure it's me that's turning her on and tbh we have sex nearly everyday so I doubt it's someone else that's turning her on

What about fab though? How did you broach the subject with her? Does she have her own account?

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

" would be worried about broaching the subject in case she thinks l'm cheating on her "

...is not being here without her knowledge cheating ..no ? or maybe you're here for the craic ...

To me if a person doesn't know a person is here that's already cheating but hey it's each to their own in this jungle.

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