FabSwingers.com forum: Single parents question?

By *rRios OP Man
9 weeks ago

dublin

How much, if at all, do you do things with your ex partner? For example, do you buy the Christmas presents together or separate? Would you both bring your kid to their first day of school, or if one could not attend, would you send pics/expect pics? Parent teacher meetings?

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
9 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

"How much, if at all, do you do things with your ex partner? For example, do you buy the Christmas presents together or separate? Would you both bring your kid to their first day of school, or if one could not attend, would you send pics/expect pics? Parent teacher meetings?

I'm remarried rather than single, but we have run things the same way from day 1 since separation.

We don't do many things together, but we do work together in co-parenting. At Christmas one of us has the kids for Christmas eve until lunchtime Christmas day, and the other has them for Christmas dinner and that evening. We alternate years so we both get to do both parts. We do first days at school, birthdays, plays and other major events together as far as possible. I would take pics for her if asked. The kids live with me nearly half the time and with her the rest of the time. You will find a system that works for you as everyone is different.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
9 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

With regards Christmas presents we buy separate presents apart from 1 gift each from both of us.

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By *phrodite72Woman
9 weeks ago

dublin/galway

I split with my ex 9 years ago when kids were 11 and 13..since then .we have bought seperate presents for them for birthdays and Xmas although until they left school we always bought each other birthday presents Xmas presents and mothers and fathers day presents for the kids to give us...we have only all gone out twice in the 9 years which was to celebrate both kids leaving cert results

He never attended any parent teacher meetings any rugby training sessions or matches or dance competitions etc but he never did when we were married either

I have kept things as amicable as possible so I imagine the next time we will all b together will b their graduations from DCU next year and the year after

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By *electableicecreamMan
9 weeks ago

The West

I have the kids half the time and we co parent. For us that means we are in touch about the kids welfare and we discuss any decisions that need to be made around education and medically. We each have our own way of parenting at home and we respect the others right to do so whether we agree or not.

We split or alternate holidays and make sure one of us is available for school events though we both try to attend parent teacher meetings together.

We buy presents separately.

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By *otorman20021Man
9 weeks ago

East Cork

My kids are fairly young so we let them decide what they want for Christmas and we pay half each, back to school expenses is split both ways too. The only gathering we had since we split was communion two years ago the cost of which was split. On Christmas morning I get a phone call when they wake and they wait till I arrive to open presents. We have breakfast together and then I have had them the last few years to take to my family for Christmas dinner.

You need to find a balance that works for everyone as the kids did not ask to be brought into this mess so the best my ex and I can do is give them the best we can.

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By *s LollyWoman
9 weeks ago

The pub then supermacs ...

Im separated just over 9yrs at this stage we've always split everything when it comes to the kids, hes always spend Christmas with us and then they go if they want off with him on St Stephens Day, if he wasn't working he'd attend as much meeting, training and events as possible, we've gone away together to sports events with the youngest, my two are turning 21&18 soon so he's booked a week out foreign for the three of them and the grandson he did offer to include me but id rather do a few nights away here on my own which i am.....😁

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By *rRios OP Man
9 weeks ago

dublin

Thank you for the answers thus far. For context, I do not have children. I know a split couple with two. He thinks he is being cut out and excluded. She thinks he is irresponsible and unreliable so it easier to do it herself.

I think they both have valid points but communication has broken down and it’s just getting more toxic. Sadly, it’ll be the kids who suffer.

I was just wondering what the dynamics are in “normal” mature adult relationships.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
9 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

"Thank you for the answers thus far. For context, I do not have children. I know a split couple with two. He thinks he is being cut out and excluded. She thinks he is irresponsible and unreliable so it easier to do it herself.

I think they both have valid points but communication has broken down and it’s just getting more toxic. Sadly, it’ll be the kids who suffer.

I was just wondering what the dynamics are in “normal” mature adult relationships. "

Mediation can really help where people aren't able to communicate properly. A schedule can be worked out and documented which will give him a chance to prove he can keep to it.

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By *ubadubdubWoman
9 weeks ago

Hereabouts

My kids were teens when we split up and they lived with me full time due to lack of accommodation options for him. but he lives nearby and they would be up and down to him or he'd come up here and cook for them.

We'd share paying for presents and they wanted to have him over on Christmas Eve to do Christmas morning together so we did that. He also kept doing Christmas dinner here for a while which was a relief 😂

We'd share school runs and attend events as a family too. Despite our split we've retained a sense of family even now they are all grown up. It's cool.

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By *rRios OP Man
9 weeks ago

dublin

[Removed by poster at 21/09/24 22:41:15]

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By *rRios OP Man
9 weeks ago

dublin

I think they both have valid points but communication has broken down and it’s just getting more toxic. Sadly, it’ll be the kids who suffer.

I was just wondering what the dynamics are in “normal” mature adult relationships.

Mediation can really help where people aren't able to communicate properly. A schedule can be worked out and documented which will give him a chance to prove he can keep to it."

This has been suggested, if only they were mature and adult

thanks for the advice though

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

My separation was a no fault one, neither of us had been unfaithful so that blame or hurt wasn’t an issue for us, we had our moments but genuinely put our children first and if that was going to cup finals together or eating Christmas dinner together so be it.

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By *orrie77Man
9 weeks ago

city

you should do whatever ye are comfortable with. it's helps if both parents can get along.

At the end of the day it's all about your kids growing up in a healthy environment and not a toxic one. just because parents are spilt up doesn't mean they can't co parent.

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