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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad?" Oh the old wedding invites/summons 
Part of the wedding party, its a 500 from us. 200 minimum as guests.
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad?" Sorry mate….think I’d have to go with the 500  | |||
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"It blows my fucking mind that people give more money if they’re part of the wedding party! You’re already feckin helping out. Tbh I find being expected to give €100 per person or whatever to attend a wedding disgusting…they chose to have the wedding, why the fuck am I paying for it? " I agree, give them a gift if you want to,if you don't, don't. Or decline the invitation, life is too short to waste attending events if you don't want to, and are then expected to fork out money for. | |||
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"It blows my fucking mind that people give more money if they’re part of the wedding party! You’re already feckin helping out. Tbh I find being expected to give €100 per person or whatever to attend a wedding disgusting…they chose to have the wedding, why the fuck am I paying for it? I agree, give them a gift if you want to,if you don't, don't. Or decline the invitation, life is too short to waste attending events if you don't want to, and are then expected to fork out money for. " 
I just don't go. It's nothing to do with the expected gift...I just would rather gouge my own eyes out than spend the day penned in with a bunch of pissed strangers making small talk | |||
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"It blows my fucking mind that people give more money if they’re part of the wedding party! You’re already feckin helping out. Tbh I find being expected to give €100 per person or whatever to attend a wedding disgusting…they chose to have the wedding, why the fuck am I paying for it? " I completely agree with this, always felt this way. If I'm going to a wedding and the expectation is I'll pay for my meal and then give a bit towards the cost of the chair covers, I'd rather bring my own. If you need your guests to help pay for your wedding, then don't have such a big bloody wedding and let your guests enjoy the thought of coming rather than the stress of the expense of it, for them. | |||
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I think €100 is plenty.
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"It blows my fucking mind that people give more money if they’re part of the wedding party! You’re already feckin helping out. Tbh I find being expected to give €100 per person or whatever to attend a wedding disgusting…they chose to have the wedding, why the fuck am I paying for it? " I'm in agreement. Are couples going down the path of ceremonies and expensive receptions with a curated list of attendees that will give them 100s in cash to pay for it? You shouldn't have to cover the cost of what the bride and groom are paying out for you to be there. It's something that grinds my gears. | |||
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"It blows my fucking mind that people give more money if they’re part of the wedding party! You’re already feckin helping out. Tbh I find being expected to give €100 per person or whatever to attend a wedding disgusting…they chose to have the wedding, why the fuck am I paying for it? " I like how you think Jaffa | |||
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad? Oh the old wedding invites/summons
Part of the wedding party, its a 500 from us. 200 minimum as guests.
Absolutely bananas "Lovely | |||
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad? Sorry mate….think I’d have to go with the 500 "Most likely | |||
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad? Sorry mate….think I’d have to go with the 500 "Why on earth would a groomsman give €500??....Madness! Its these type of people that start all this nonsense in the first place! I wouldn't give it and I most certainly would not expect it from anyone. | |||
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"It blows my fucking mind that people give more money if they’re part of the wedding party! You’re already feckin helping out. Tbh I find being expected to give €100 per person or whatever to attend a wedding disgusting…they chose to have the wedding, why the fuck am I paying for it? I'm in agreement. Are couples going down the path of ceremonies and expensive receptions with a curated list of attendees that will give them 100s in cash to pay for it? You shouldn't have to cover the cost of what the bride and groom are paying out for you to be there. It's something that grinds my gears. " There are definitely some that do this, without a doubt. I know one or two who spent the morning after counting money on the bed. Because they hadn't anywhere near enough money to cover the day they'd splashed out on for themsleves! | |||
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad?" I gave 500 being groomsman | |||
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"I was only saying the other day I've not been a guest at a wedding in years. Reading this I'm glad "One of the perks of being divorced is avoiding the merry-go-round of my kids' cousins' weddings | |||
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"Wait, what???? Guests paying a contribution towards the cost of the wedding? When did this become a thing? Consider my mind boggled! Regarding gifts, buy something you can comfortably afford. I wouldn't spend more than £50 unless it was a close friend or family member, and even then it wouldn't be more than £100." I could count on one hand the number of weddings I've been a guest at and never gave more than £50 or bought a gift for that amount. Last one I was at was my niece and I gave them towels and something else that totalled to about £60. £500 my arse. | |||
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"Live a good wedding!! Tie round head and knee slide on the dance floor!! past couple of weddings, £50 in a card or same in gift voucher, Its what I could afford at the time for the happy couples. Give what you can afford is what i say, if that's £€200/300 All well and good If it's €£50 all well and good 3 weddings on the bounce be tight enough going, "Exactly!! Give whatever you can and enjoy the day | |||
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"Give them some good advice to not get married" Haha this | |||
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"I don't understand the principle behind a groomsman or best man giving a big amount. I've been best man and still gave a gift worth £50. I'm helping them out on their day already. Why the fuck would I be giving them £500 when they asked me to do it? " There is a belief amongst some couples that when "they" go all out on wedding clothes, locations, vehicles etc. that the wedding party should, for some reason, be contributing! I'd be mortified if people thought that of me, not a chance! | |||
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"Wait, what???? Guests paying a contribution towards the cost of the wedding? When did this become a thing? Consider my mind boggled! Regarding gifts, buy something you can comfortably afford. I wouldn't spend more than £50 unless it was a close friend or family member, and even then it wouldn't be more than £100. I could count on one hand the number of weddings I've been a guest at and never gave more than £50 or bought a gift for that amount. Last one I was at was my niece and I gave them towels and something else that totalled to about £60. £500 my arse." I can't get my head around it and I've honestly not encountered it. Is it something that's more prevalent in the ROI than up here I wonder? | |||
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"Sister got married at the start of the month. Gave them a 100 did the same for my god daughter's communion a week after. No one gave out or complained" Lol oh no one complained, yes they did! | |||
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"Wait, what???? Guests paying a contribution towards the cost of the wedding? When did this become a thing? Consider my mind boggled! Regarding gifts, buy something you can comfortably afford. I wouldn't spend more than £50 unless it was a close friend or family member, and even then it wouldn't be more than £100. I could count on one hand the number of weddings I've been a guest at and never gave more than £50 or bought a gift for that amount. Last one I was at was my niece and I gave them towels and something else that totalled to about £60. £500 my arse. I can't get my head around it and I've honestly not encountered it. Is it something that's more prevalent in the ROI than up here I wonder?" Have to agree, standard to give big present down south, being to English weddings before, and 50 or 60 is enough to give. One wedding London was one by half 11. Bar closed , end of. | |||
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"Nephew's or Niece's €200 There the only wedding's I get invited too Goddaughter getting married later this year and €500 has been discussed I've refused to go to foreign weddings or weddings that you have to book 2 nights in an uncomfortable country house as a guest because you can't book one night Have a wedding in 3 weeks its €500 for one night so I'll get a taxi home " Many years ago I went to a wedding about 100km from Dublin and I got a bus home after two am. Was in my own bed after four (after sleeping on bus). No checking out at eleven am with a hangover for me .
My only regret was as I waited for the bus the local night club was emptying. I thought feck it I should have bailed on the wedding after midnight and chanced my arm in the club (in my suit) .
I had done that a few years previous with a mate and had a much better night because of it . There's only so may times you can hear a wedding band playing sweet Caroline etc | |||
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"Wait, what???? Guests paying a contribution towards the cost of the wedding? When did this become a thing? Consider my mind boggled! Regarding gifts, buy something you can comfortably afford. I wouldn't spend more than £50 unless it was a close friend or family member, and even then it wouldn't be more than £100." That's 1 off my wedding list | |||
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"Tbf, anytime we've been part of the wedding party, they've either been siblings or very close friends. They paid for our accommodation, hair, make up, dress / suit etc. So we never gave it a 2nd thought! That's from 2 of us also, absolutely Wouldn't expect someone as a single to give that much! One of my bridesmaids made me a beautiful piece of art and I absolutely love it! Can't remember what most gave in cards. (Not being ungrateful, its just a long time ago!) So for me, the thought definitely counts! Give what you can afford and enjoy celebrating the day, life is too short to sweat the small stuff "Thanks for the advice | |||
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"If going single €100 is more than enough imo, a gift is also acceptable. As a couple, we'd usually give €200-250 depending on association! As for being a part of the wedding party, not really been in years, but don't see why it should be more than attending as a couple!? " That's fair enough thanks | |||
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"All great advice folks & thank you xx I was just thinking bk to my own wedding day which was 20yrs ago..yes I'm THAT old lol our choice of venue, meal plan etc was based on what WE COULD AFFORD ... at no stage sis we think awh sure all the money we get from people will pay for it. we actually paid off the venue in advance on a weekly basis so the day after wedding they had to give us money back. Is this the approach to a wedding nowadays? that the money from guests will help pay for someone's lavish tastes? no wonder I avoided them over the years! these 3 weddings are close friends & family & I can't get away with the same dress ro each of them either so 3 new dresses & suits for himself too...on top of hair, make up, tan.....think I'll be ringing in sick on the morning of the weddings tbh" Suits?....surely you mean suit? | |||
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"So if you get an invite to a wedding and turn it down do you still get the couple a present Got invited to a wedding in The Gold coast once They offered to pay one night in the very fancy hotel they had picked Said no ....then got an email wondering how much of a contribution was I giving them towards their happy day Told her to fuck off by email Bit awkward when they visited Ireland and came to my house but they're divorced now anyway "I got one in India 5 or 6 years ago. The invitation email arrived 3 weeks before the wedding and the big day was 10 days before Christmas in a tiny mountain village. I turned it down but not before looking at the logistics. Flights alone were £3k followed by a 10 hour bus journey(no trains going direct). Then I would have to hire a car and drive for another 3 or 4 hours to get to the village. When I turned it down and said the timing was all wrong for me. (I didn't say anything about the cost) they asked if I could give them a present. I was a bit wary but asked if there was anything they would like and they said yes, the next time they visited Ireland they wanted me to take them hiking in the Mournes. I agreed and that's what we did a couple of years later. | |||
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"The whole “at least cover the cost of your meal” refrain makes me laugh. It must be the only invite to dinner that you have to pay for and for mediocre food too. You’d get a much better meal in a restaurant and better food most of the time! The whole culture around lavish Irish weddings is mad as far as I’m concerned. Happy to go to weddings of family and very close friends…the rest can do without me "Couldn't agree more!...The mentality is terrible and it's got to the point that couples will plan big lavish weddings they can't really afford and then invite 300 people to try an pay for it! And with the Instagram generation all getting to the wedding period of their lives, it's getting worse and worse! | |||
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"3 new dresses & suits for himself too...on top of hair, make up, tan.....think I'll be ringing in sick on the morning of the weddings tbh" If you did want to attend all three surely there are some huge corners you can cut here, no? Does he have 1/2 decent fitting suits already? I own two suits - a navy and a grey - and they just get rotated with different combinations of shirt/shoes/tie/pocket square etc. Is there a need for 3 individual dresses or could you buy one and wear it to the 1st/3rd wedding and an existing one in between? Have you family/friends in make-up who'd do the job as a nixer? Not having a go at all by the way! Just I know well how expensive they are and I've often gone out of my way to keep my spend down. Not even exaggerating when I say you can easily get a package holiday abroad for a week for less than a night or two at a wedding a couple of hours from home. | |||
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"The whole “at least cover the cost of your meal” refrain makes me laugh. It must be the only invite to dinner that you have to pay for and for mediocre food too. You’d get a much better meal in a restaurant and better food most of the time! The whole culture around lavish Irish weddings is mad as far as I’m concerned. Happy to go to weddings of family and very close friends…the rest can do without me "Absofuckinglutely !! And when you pay for a restaurant meal you get to choose your table companions too ! | |||
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"The whole “at least cover the cost of your meal” refrain makes me laugh. It must be the only invite to dinner that you have to pay for and for mediocre food too. You’d get a much better meal in a restaurant and better food most of the time! The whole culture around lavish Irish weddings is mad as far as I’m concerned. Happy to go to weddings of family and very close friends…the rest can do without me
Absofuckinglutely !! And when you pay for a restaurant meal you get to choose your table companions too !"or even none at all! | |||
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"The whole “at least cover the cost of your meal” refrain makes me laugh. It must be the only invite to dinner that you have to pay for and for mediocre food too. You’d get a much better meal in a restaurant and better food most of the time! The whole culture around lavish Irish weddings is mad as far as I’m concerned. Happy to go to weddings of family and very close friends…the rest can do without me
Absofuckinglutely !! And when you pay for a restaurant meal you get to choose your table companions too !"& No fecking speeches | |||
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"So we have THREE weddings....3 weekends in a row (fs) It's been years since I attended a wedding. Normally I decline wedding invites as they are just such a long day but these 3 specific ones I can't decline. So my question is..what is the 'going rate' as a present to the happy couple? I doubt a toaster or kettle is acceptable nowadays. Pinks xxxx" Give what you can afford simple as that. | |||
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"God I miss getting an invite to the afters of a wedding but sadly they're few & far between as ya get older it's mostly the whole shebang "An invite to the afters of a wedding is the golden ticket!! We have a wedding in a few weeks that starts at 6pm. There will be finger food and dancing! We are really looking forward to it, it'll be like a regular night out. So much easier to plan childcare and its local so we will be home afterwards. Takes a lot of pressure off! | |||
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"God I miss getting an invite to the afters of a wedding but sadly they're few & far between as ya get older it's mostly the whole shebang
An invite to the afters of a wedding is the golden ticket!!
We have a wedding in a few weeks that starts at 6pm. There will be finger food and dancing! We are really looking forward to it, it'll be like a regular night out. So much easier to plan childcare and its local so we will be home afterwards. Takes a lot of pressure off! "They're the dream not got one in a long time now it was more years ago when the cousins would get invited to afters or friend of a friend was getting married, small family weddings with as many as ya like invited to the afters should be the norm again but unfortunately most wanna show off now inviting hundreds to all of it | |||
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"The whole “at least cover the cost of your meal” refrain makes me laugh. It must be the only invite to dinner that you have to pay for and for mediocre food too. You’d get a much better meal in a restaurant and better food most of the time! The whole culture around lavish Irish weddings is mad as far as I’m concerned. Happy to go to weddings of family and very close friends…the rest can do without me
Couldn't agree more!...The mentality is terrible and it's got to the point that couples will plan big lavish weddings they can't really afford and then invite 300 people to try an pay for it!
And with the Instagram generation all getting to the wedding period of their lives, it's getting worse and worse!"There is nothing lavish or grand about Irish weddings; they are all the same. Rip off doesn't equate to lavish. | |||
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"So we have THREE weddings....3 weekends in a row (fs) It's been years since I attended a wedding. Normally I decline wedding invites as they are just such a long day but these 3 specific ones I can't decline. So my question is..what is the 'going rate' as a present to the happy couple? I doubt a toaster or kettle is acceptable nowadays. Pinks xxxx" It's now the norm to put €100 in a card | |||
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"Jajaja !!! I try to reward their effort too. " That’s it, don’t leave them in the red | |||
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"Jajaja !!! I try to reward their effort too. That’s it, don’t leave them in the red " Why are we expected to pay for an event they planned themselves? If they can’t afford it, don’t do it!!! Weddings piss me the fuck off tbh | |||
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"So we have THREE weddings....3 weekends in a row (fs) It's been years since I attended a wedding. Normally I decline wedding invites as they are just such a long day but these 3 specific ones I can't decline. So my question is..what is the 'going rate' as a present to the happy couple? I doubt a toaster or kettle is acceptable nowadays. Pinks xxxx" Put in whatever you are comfortable with being able to afford | |||
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"Me thinks €500 is the norm that's a +1 Food in some of these hotels starts at €110 per head.." But the couple chooses to have their wedding at these stupidly expensive places!!! Like in what world do you invite someone for dinner and then say oh it costs €110 for the food so you’ll need to give me €200 cash each please and thanks. Fuck right off ☺️ I just don’t see why family and friends are expected to pay for people to get married. I couldn’t give a shite if you’re married or not. | |||
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"It's a tricky one . Cost of a wedding breakfast differs according to the day you pick, the meal, the band. Had a wedding up in Louth recently and the couple were paying for it themselves. It worked out at€95 per head and then the band cost €2900. There were 110 people at it. So just for argument sake if everyone gave €100, they would have lost money on their big day, which they did anyway. Personally I wouldn't attend 3 weddings in 3 weeks as I couldn't afford it. The ones I will go to will get€150 as I'm a single printer." Why shouldn't they lose money on the day? Are people only being invited to weddings now to make up numbers so they can have a free day out? Surely this has gone beyond a joke now and it's influenced by influencers? Someone on social media at some stage thought this was a good idea and it has grown legs. It's right up there with the stupidest shite I've read on here but if people are dumb enough to go along with it then rock on. Pay for your own wedding you tight bastards. | |||
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"It's a tricky one . Cost of a wedding breakfast differs according to the day you pick, the meal, the band. Had a wedding up in Louth recently and the couple were paying for it themselves. It worked out at€95 per head and then the band cost €2900. There were 110 people at it. So just for argument sake if everyone gave €100, they would have lost money on their big day, which they did anyway. Personally I wouldn't attend 3 weddings in 3 weeks as I couldn't afford it. The ones I will go to will get€150 as I'm a single printer. Why shouldn't they lose money on the day? Are people only being invited to weddings now to make up numbers so they can have a free day out? Surely this has gone beyond a joke now and it's influenced by influencers? Someone on social media at some stage thought this was a good idea and it has grown legs. It's right up there with the stupidest shite I've read on here but if people are dumb enough to go along with it then rock on. Pay for your own wedding you tight bastards. " You old romantic, you!  | |||
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"It's a tricky one . Cost of a wedding breakfast differs according to the day you pick, the meal, the band. Had a wedding up in Louth recently and the couple were paying for it themselves. It worked out at€95 per head and then the band cost €2900. There were 110 people at it. So just for argument sake if everyone gave €100, they would have lost money on their big day, which they did anyway. Personally I wouldn't attend 3 weddings in 3 weeks as I couldn't afford it. The ones I will go to will get€150 as I'm a single printer. Why shouldn't they lose money on the day? Are people only being invited to weddings now to make up numbers so they can have a free day out? Surely this has gone beyond a joke now and it's influenced by influencers? Someone on social media at some stage thought this was a good idea and it has grown legs. It's right up there with the stupidest shite I've read on here but if people are dumb enough to go along with it then rock on. Pay for your own wedding you tight bastards. " Unfortunately it's the way it has gone recently. There are weddings with 350 + every weekend in the big hotels. Most have to be booked at least a year to 18 months in advance. The best wedding I have been at recently was in Rome. The whole wedding party was 40 people. The couple insisted that there was no presents because people had made the effort to travel. | |||
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"It's a tricky one . Cost of a wedding breakfast differs according to the day you pick, the meal, the band. Had a wedding up in Louth recently and the couple were paying for it themselves. It worked out at€95 per head and then the band cost €2900. There were 110 people at it. So just for argument sake if everyone gave €100, they would have lost money on their big day, which they did anyway. Personally I wouldn't attend 3 weddings in 3 weeks as I couldn't afford it. The ones I will go to will get€150 as I'm a single printer. Why shouldn't they lose money on the day? Are people only being invited to weddings now to make up numbers so they can have a free day out? Surely this has gone beyond a joke now and it's influenced by influencers? Someone on social media at some stage thought this was a good idea and it has grown legs. It's right up there with the stupidest shite I've read on here but if people are dumb enough to go along with it then rock on. Pay for your own wedding you tight bastards. You old romantic, you! " | |||
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"Is it frowned upping nowadays to approach your divorced friends and ask for your present back? And then want to say 'I tried to warn ya' once they do?... "No, fire ahead. Let us know how it goes for you | |||
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"Has anyone been invited to a wedding cause the people wanted them at the wedding then no? " Based on the responses so far it would appear not - couples plan weddings with the intention of draining family/friends' bank accounts. The "expectation" being parroted throughout this thread is self imposed - no one is telling anyone to contribute some of the sums that have been mentioned. Anyone who feels strongly against making a contribution towards a nice day with friends/family, decline the invite and sit at home. The wedding will still proceed, with or without you. | |||
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad?" Ye mad? | |||
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"On that note, I'm a groomsman for a wedding and have no idea what little to put in a card. It's a madness. €300 to €500 is what I'm thinking is that mad? Sorry mate….think I’d have to go with the 500 "Feck that | |||
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