FabSwingers.com forum: The fab moth

By *asual777 OP Man
38 weeks ago

i travel all over

moths are attracted to the light on the porch , and that’s the principle for the New York moth where people would gather to spin spellbinding tales.

Each post is your opportunity to tell us 1 tale , and 1 tale only which contains lessons . These are important lessons for you which you think others should know . Something which might help others in some way , or educate and light the way.

The floor is yours . Remember this isn’t about you being brilliant and getting traffic to your profile . This is about something other people should hear about which May impact them in some way .

And 1 post per fabber unless you’re commenting on others stories . Please don’t keep posting stories

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By *asual777 OP Man
38 weeks ago

i travel all over

Ok I ll start

I am very stubborn . I rarely listen to advice . The two occasions when people changed completely how I go about doing things (to my gain) they used an unusual technique , essentially insulting me !

Calling me stupid the first time and beyond redemption the second led to my approach to study and then healthy eating to drastically change . This has had a profound effect on my life . I suspect they weren’t trying to motivate me as such , but they did .

So what did I learn ? If you’re parenting , coaching or mentoring you have to find what people tick , how to press their buttons . People are individuals . If you take no prisoners , you may motivate some , but break some . If you only adopt an empathic or supportive approach without a toughness , you may really transform some , but not light a fire under some . If you keep being curious about how to motivate others , you have a better chance of success . I think

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

A wise philosopher once said.

“If a man goes to bed with an itchy bum,

Then a man will awaken with stinky fingers”

From this we learn that hygiene is important.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

In my early 20s I took off one evening for a few pints in town, roughly 20 minute drive. Stopped at a junction the car just died, no lights nothing. I phoned home and got no answer, called a few more friends and no one was around so I started walking back. Got home and no sign of anyone so I went looking for the aul lads keys. Found them in his hand as he lay on the floor of his bedroom. I managed to get him into his jeep and to the nearest hospital. He had a massive heart attack and tried to drive himself.

Only for me driving a bucket of shit for a car he wouldn't have made it through the night. Things happen for a reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

The Iron Triangle.

Fast , good, cheap . I'm not talking about north siders either.

You can't have three but need to pick two. It's been useful in management discussions when change gets put upon certain departments that can't withstand it.

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By *asual777 OP Man
38 weeks ago

i travel all over

"In my early 20s I took off one evening for a few pints in town, roughly 20 minute drive. Stopped at a junction the car just died, no lights nothing. I phoned home and got no answer, called a few more friends and no one was around so I started walking back. Got home and no sign of anyone so I went looking for the aul lads keys. Found them in his hand as he lay on the floor of his bedroom. I managed to get him into his jeep and to the nearest hospital. He had a massive heart attack and tried to drive himself.

Only for me driving a bucket of shit for a car he wouldn't have made it through the night. Things happen for a reason. "

Thanks for sharing

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
38 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

I remember when I was in my early 20s I was with a slightly older friend in his car and we were headed out for a quick pint on the way home from work. I was in a fairly new relationship with a lovely girl who was destined to be my current exwife. She called me on my phone and casually asked me where I was. I made up a casual lie (as I didn't wanna say I was going for a pint) and turned to my friend and grinned. After our conversation my friend asked who was on the phone and I explained. I was grinning in a laddish way about lying to my gf about going to the pub. Instead of laughing like I thought he would, he told me that I really shouldn't lie casually to my partner, and that I should have more respect for her, I still remember the embarrassment I felt for this and this scene stuck in my head. He was right. If I was to have a future where I was to have a happy relationship of equals then I need to learn to be truthful to my partner even if the truth is harder to tell than a casual lie.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
38 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

Weird that my story also involved driving for pints

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By *voidingboredomMan
38 weeks ago

around

I really liked a girl I was seeing in my 20s. I was really hurt when she broke up with me. It sorta ruined my plans for the future, caused me to lose a whole idea of myself, a life I had imagined and wanted etc. I was genuinely distraught. As far as I was concerned she was THE one for me

I had never cheated on her, always got her presents for her birthday or valentine's or even little gifts for no reason. I read to her, cooked for her, you name it!

We went back and forth after the breakup and she sent me a long letter outlining that I had been a terrible partner and had given her a really shit year and she was struggling with mental health because of it.

I had bought her flowers even though she had said she hated flowers. I had cooked for her when she didn't want me to, it was just showing off. I had let her down in her plans. I had to be reminded constantly what her parents were called. I had pushed her sexually to do things she wasn't comfortable with. I had, essentially, started dating a fantasy version of her which suited my life and dreams and hadn't really asked what hers were.

It was a huge eye opener. I didn't have the communication skills, I didn't respect her as a person, I was trying to be a fantasy boyfriend for someone who didn't exist.

With that fantasy shattered I've actually been (officially) single since, which is a long time but I have always made efforts to see people as they are, to pay attention to their wants and needs. It also helped me gain huge clarity on who I am and what I actually want.

Since then I've been called I've been called a very considerate person, a much more gentle person and a good listener, which I never was before, and I've been told I can really see people and make them feel comfortable with who they are in certain situations.

So long story short it took heartbreak and real soul searching to find out I was being a dick and to take people for who they are and not who they could be in my own head.

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By *aseylee324Couple
38 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows

"I really liked a girl I was seeing in my 20s. I was really hurt when she broke up with me. It sorta ruined my plans for the future, caused me to lose a whole idea of myself, a life I had imagined and wanted etc. I was genuinely distraught. As far as I was concerned she was THE one for me

I had never cheated on her, always got her presents for her birthday or valentine's or even little gifts for no reason. I read to her, cooked for her, you name it!

It was a huge eye opener. I didn't have the communication skills, I didn't respect her as a person, I was trying to be a fantasy boyfriend for someone who didn't exist.

So long story short it took heartbreak and real soul searching to find out I was being a dick and to take people for who they are and not who they could be in my own head."

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
38 weeks ago

Northside

As a teenager I was incredibly stubborn, selfish and moody (typical teenager really) and done the complete opposite of what I was told. I ended up in a whole heap of trouble and my father sat me down and told me I was a gobshite! He said I'd waste my life and end up a scumbag if I didn't cop on. He said I was too stupid to listen to advice from anyone and he was right. He said I didn't have to take the advice,just listen and think about it... I'll know what the right thing to do is. That changed the way I look at everything even to this day. The lesson was simple... be a good listener,help anyone that ever asks and don't take life too seriously!! It's very easy to get caught up in the mundane but every now and then we need to appreciate the good things in our lives!

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By *asual777 OP Man
38 weeks ago

i travel all over

Some great stories

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