FabSwingers.com forum: Terrible jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The phone rings late at night, Sandra answers to hear a

Man breathing heavily.

"Have you got a tight, shaved cunt?" He asks

She replies, "I do, he's sound asleep can I take a message?"

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer.

The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!

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By *ekscrewMan
over a year ago

Mullingar

Q. What do you call a girl that won’t give blowjobs?

A taxi

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By *eanie82Man
over a year ago

Dublin

Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, one says, "Who is it?" followed by a man's voice saying, "Blind man." Figuring the man wouldn't see anything, they open the door. The man walks in and says, "Nice tits ladies. Now, where do you want me to install these blinds?"

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By *uddlyBear1972Man
over a year ago

Just inside the Pale

"Ladies, I wasn't circumcised, I was circumnavigated"

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland

What does a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet all have in common?

Men usually miss all 3

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What does a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet all have in common?

Men usually miss all 3

Ouch!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer.

"Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!

100 grapes up his ass and he feels bad? Where's his sense of adventure

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I used to date an English teacher, but they dumped me for improper use of the colon.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

What does a horny frog say? Rub it.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

A penis is the lightest thing in the world. Even a thought can raise it.

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By *apri 555Man
over a year ago

wexford or Dublin

What wobbles in the sky ?

A jelly copter

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

"Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

Did she spank you both and now you have Megasaurass?

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By *s LollyWoman
over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

"Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

"
neighbour out mowing the law the two boys had the window open and one asked the other Doyouthinkhesaurus

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

"Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

neighbour out mowing the law the two boys had the window open and one asked the other Doyouthinkhesaurus

Maybe we need to start a new thread for dinosaur related jokes? I think it might be huge, a Threadasurus?

Sorry

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By *uckworthMan
over a year ago

Cork

Look, ladies and gents. I would try to impress you all with a joke about herbs and fish. But I don't think this is the thyme or plaice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have to call a halt to this thread. I asked for your terrible jokes and I'm getting bangers after bangers. If I read these to the rest of the nursing home I'll have a few deaths on my conscience.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Oscar Pistorius is out of prison on parole. can't help but feel a bit sorry for him. After all, he isn't the only bloke who ever woke up legless in the early hours of Valentine's Day and then shot into his girlfriend's face while imagining she's someone else

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

"Oscar Pistorius is out of prison on parole. can't help but feel a bit sorry for him. After all, he isn't the only bloke who ever woke up legless in the early hours of Valentine's Day and then shot into his girlfriend's face while imagining she's someone else"

Fabswingers, please! Don't let this be the last post of this thread

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By *urFabFun21Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere

I arrived early for a restaurant reservation and the manager asked me if I'd mind waiting a little.

I said of course, no problem.

So he told me to drop 2 drinks over to table 9.

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By *ebulaReignMan
over a year ago

Cavan

I'd you Google "lost medieval servant boy"

The result is "This page can't be found"

I'm the youngest of three. Both of my parents are older.

My grandfather always used to say, fight fire with fire...which is how he lost his job with the fire brigade.

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside

What do you call a used rubber sliding down a window??

Condomsation!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife has a point......

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Koala bears aren't really bears.....

They don't have the right koalifications

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

"Koala bears aren't really bears.....

They don't have the right koalifications"

reminds a little of: Why does the Swedish Navy have barcodes on their ships?

So when they return to port they can Scandinavian.

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By *anifestoMan
over a year ago

What do you call an Italian man with a prosthetic foot?

Rubbertoe

(you need to read this in an Italian accent....)

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By *edbull88Man
over a year ago

sligo

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker."

Breathtaking!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do doctors smack newborn babies on the arses?

To knock the cocks off the stupid ones!

(Don’t come after me folks! It’s just a joke!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Painting a target on your back there chap

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

(switch your speakers on)

Stephen Hawking's very last words:

https://youtu.be/Gb2jGy76v0Y?si=0rnOnxWeebqsRzxJ

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By *rabella81Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs?

Grassy ass.

I’ll just let myself out lol

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

What do you get if you cross a bike with an onion?

A ride that will bring tears to your eyes!

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By *s LollyWoman
over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

[Removed by poster at 21/01/24 20:40:43]

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By *s LollyWoman
over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

How does a deaf gynaecologist communicate?

He reads lips....

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By *uddlyBear1972Man
over a year ago

Just inside the Pale

What is the first mention of elasticity in the bible? Jesus tied his ass to a tree and wandered in the desert for 40 days and nights.

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By *un only 69Man
over a year ago

Belfast

If the answers Cock Robin

What’s the question?

What’s up my Arse Batman

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/01/24 22:06:47]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How does a deaf gynaecologist communicate?

He reads lips....

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

How would you turn a duck into a 70's American R&B singer?

Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How would you turn a duck into a 70's American R&B singer?

Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers

Round of applause for this

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By *ebulaReignMan
over a year ago

Cavan

What 70s singer hates the day time?

Gladys Knight

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By *layfullsamMan
41 weeks ago

Solihull

In Australian voice

Man a, My Sheila got stung on the pussy mate it’s swollen up tight and she won’t have sex with me

Man b, bummer mate

Man c, cheers mate that’s a bonza idea, I didn’t think of that

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By *amon.dMan
41 weeks ago

antrim

Went to the marble arch caves last year. Full of stalactites. The guide told me not to crack one off. Dont know why, I didn't even fancy her.

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By *reenfrogoMan
41 weeks ago

nearby

What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?

S&M&M

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By *amon.dMan
41 weeks ago

antrim

Was told as a kid not to touch myself down there cause God was watching... turns out it was uncle John.

Apologies to all the uncle John's. Just a joke

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

Why was the fence afraid of the crazy paving?

It was a psychopath

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By *og-ManMan
41 weeks ago

somewhere

A d*unk staggers into the pub and orders whiskey.

"No," says the bartender. "You're already d*unk, and you stiffed me for your tab last time you were here. Leave or I call the police.'

"Wait," slurs the d*unk. "If you'll give me a couple drinks, I'll get up on the bar and fart 'Danny Boy' for you."

Before the bartender can say no, a howl of agreement goes up from the others sitting at their stools. One even offers to cover the D*unkard's' previous tab.

"OK", grumbles the barkeep. He pours 2 whiskeys, and the d*unk slowly drinks them down.

"Up on the bar. let's hear 'Danny Boy'."

The d*unk climbs up onto the bar top, with the help of the bartender himself.

He stands, drops his pants, bends over and "PTTTHHH" out drops a load of s**t, covering the bar, stools, and the d*unk's own legs.

"WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?!!" screams the barman as he jumps backwards.

"Hey," replies the d*unk. "Even Sinatra had to clear his throat."

????

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By *amon.dMan
41 weeks ago

antrim

As soon as i heard you could donate sperm by post I came in a jiffy.

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By *rRiosMan
41 weeks ago

dublin

"As soon as i heard you could donate sperm by post I came in a jiffy."

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By *orYourThighsOnlyMan
41 weeks ago

Midlands

*These are jokes- meant in a lighthearted entertaining way only. *

What do you call a gay dinosaur-

mega- sore-ass.

What’s the leading cause of death in lesbians- hairballs.

I was so ugly when I was born - my mother put down newspapers on the floor.

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By *rakesterlingMan
41 weeks ago

Dublin

My dog doesn't have a nose!

How does it smell, than?

Terribly....

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By *rakesterlingMan
41 weeks ago

Dublin

This one is bad...

What is the blind blonde doing in the park sitting on the newspapers?

She's lip reading...

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By *voidingboredomMan
41 weeks ago

around

Were you angry when you lost the P in pirate?

Angry? I was irate.

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By *rRiosMan
41 weeks ago

dublin

My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarznegger impressions, but don’t worry… I’ll return

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By *voidingboredomMan
41 weeks ago

around

"My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarznegger impressions, but don’t worry… I’ll return

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

Two guys are walking down the street and come upon a dog licking his balls. One guy says to the other, "I wish I could do that." The other guy replies, "I’d pet him first."

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

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By *rakesterlingMan
41 weeks ago

Dublin

Omg thanks for the laughs, I needed them.

A sadist and masochist meet up.

Beat me! Beat me! Says the masochist...

No... Says the sadist...

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? They both get close enough to smell the goods, but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.

What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip.

Guys beat it like they hate it

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By *ubguy777Man
41 weeks ago

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she passionately yelled at me, "I'm so wet, I'm soaking, give it to me now!", as she wildly grabbed at me.

It was obvious she wanted it right there and now, but she could scream and yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella,...

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By *rRiosMan
41 weeks ago

dublin

Sometimes I use big words I don't understand to make myself look more osmosis

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

""Give it to me! Give it to me!" she passionately yelled at me, "I'm so wet, I'm soaking, give it to me now!", as she wildly grabbed at me.

It was obvious she wanted it right there and now, but she could scream and yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella,...

See above "

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By *ubguy777Man
41 weeks ago

""Give it to me! Give it to me!" she passionately yelled at me, "I'm so wet, I'm soaking, give it to me now!", as she wildly grabbed at me.

It was obvious she wanted it right there and now, but she could scream and yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella,...

See above "

Oooops, didn't spot that

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

What's brown and stands looking out the window all day? A nosey shite

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

What do you call a transsexual whale?

Maybe Dick

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

"My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her."

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By *eductivepiercingsWoman
41 weeks ago

louth

"Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst."

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

What do a newborn puppy and a far-sighted gynaecologist have in common?

Wet noses

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By *ot so needyMan
41 weeks ago

Galway

An old neighbour of mine was on his way home one evening when he came across a garda checkpoint.

He rolled down the window and the guard asked him where he was coming from. He said to the guard I'm coming from a quakers wake it was a strange experience.

So the guard ask why what's the difference with that compared with a normal wake.

So the replied they cut his cock off and nail it over the door and everyone entering must give it 5 hard tugs.

Jesus said the guard what do they do next?

So he replied then when its roughly 5ft 10 they send it to Templemore and put a uniform on it..

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

I was driving my car through some rough weather in the country and was taking a route that went over a mountain pass. I was stopped by a policeman who advised me not to travel that way in this weather. I insisted that I am competent enough.

Then is said, “but what happens if you encounter Mister Fog?”. Condescending twat! So I said “well, if I encounter Mister Fog, I shall put Mister Foot on Mister Brake and slow down Mister Car!”

He looked at me and said, “I said ‘mist or fog’, you deaf prick!!!”

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

How do you confuse an idiot?

Elephant

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By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

So I was fucking this Brazilian chick, and as things got steamy she started shouting "hoyo equivocado! hoyo equivocado!". I thought "I'm so going to use that, it will make me look like I know Spanish".

So the next day, I was playing golf with my Spanish buddy and I managed a birdie on the 5th. So I shouted "hoyo equivocado!"...and he said "what do you mean "wrong hole"?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
41 weeks ago

I completely forgot about this thread and I'm so glad I went looking for it.. quality laughs

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By *rakesterlingMan
41 weeks ago

Dublin

"So I was fucking this Brazilian chick, and as things got steamy she started shouting "hoyo equivocado! hoyo equivocado!". I thought "I'm so going to use that, it will make me look like I know Spanish".

So the next day, I was playing golf with my Spanish buddy and I managed a birdie on the 5th. So I shouted "hoyo equivocado!"...and he said "what do you mean "wrong hole"?"

Brazilians speak Portuguese though...

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By *ezoMan
41 weeks ago

The Kingdom

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

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By *og-ManMan
41 weeks ago

somewhere

Two guys in a pub.

One says - The wife is nagging me to mow the lawn

Other says - I cut mine this morning. The wife is delighted with me

First guy - Ah, but you have a ride on

Second guy - I do now!

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
36 weeks ago

Sussex

"What is the first mention of elasticity in the bible? Jesus tied his ass to a tree and wandered in the desert for 40 days and nights."

Which reminds me of:

How do we know that Jesus rode a motor bike?

Because, it says in the bible that Jesus entered the city on his Triumph.

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By *arry011Man
36 weeks ago

dublin

What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?

"Morning lady's"

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Cannibals catch an English man, an Irish man, and a Scotsman. They tell them they're going to get eaten, but they have one last request.

The English man says I want 100 men singing "God save the King" as I breathe my last breath.

The Irish man says I want 100 men singing "Amhrán na bhFiann" as I breathe my last breath.

The Scotsman says...fucking kill me first

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By *arry011Man
36 weeks ago

dublin

Man comes home with a duck under his arm. He looks at his wife and says "Honey this is the pig I've been fucking". The wife says "Thats not a pig it's a duck you idiot"... man says "I wasn't talking to you"

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I have a step ladder

I never knew my real ladder

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By *og-ManMan
36 weeks ago

somewhere

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast

He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night

wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a

couple of police officers, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some

really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first."

The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young

Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in

the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was

dead."

The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.

But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the

good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there

were quite a few Really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs

attached to her, so we've brought you your share."

He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or

five crabs in it.

"Gee-whizz thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind

and all that... So, what's the other possible good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "If you fancy a quick trip, young Bill and I

get off duty at around 11 o'clock... and we're going to shoot over

there and pull her up again".

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By *ilbearniMan
36 weeks ago

peninsula

A man is shipwrecked on an uninhabited island with a pig and dog for company.

After a few weeks the man gets horny and the pig starts to look very much like a possibility, as he starts to caress the pig the dog growls and barks at him, and forces him away from the pig.

A couple of weeks later he tries again but same thing happens and this carries on like this every time he goes near the pig.

Months pass and one day a gorgeous young blond also gets shipwrecked on to the island....the man runs down the beach to meet them ....

" Thank god you have come"

"Can you hold this F*"*ING dog for a while"?

Told to Betty White by Rue Clanahan, whilst recording Golden Girls when their mics were still recording

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By *rRiosMan
36 weeks ago

dublin

I was just in Turkey and I thought the food was far from fowl, in fact it was falafelly good

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

What's a blondes idea of safe sex?

Locking the car door

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Why was the road afraid of the crazy paving?

It was a psychopath

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By *oe Cool xxxMan
36 weeks ago

South Dublin

What’s worse than women running with scissors ?

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By *panishRebelMan
36 weeks ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

Two men robbing an off license.

One says to the other, "Is this Whiskey?"

The other said "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."

That's my bad Dad joke for the night.

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By *rRiosMan
36 weeks ago

dublin

"What’s worse than women running with scissors ?

Women scissoring with the runs?

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By *mee81Man
36 weeks ago

Dublin

Her: my name is Carmen because I like cars and men. What’s your name?

Me: beerpussy

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By *agatoXXXMan
36 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

I converted my car into an off-road vehicle.

That's what happens when it fails its MOT.

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By *eldducMan
36 weeks ago

Cork

I was the first to introduce trampolines to musician's tour buses

Now they're all jumping on the bandwagon!

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By *eldducMan
36 weeks ago

Cork

I asked the lady next to me on the bus what her name was.

She said Melinda,

I said,nice to meet you, Linda. Me John

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By *og-ManMan
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Whats the difference between me and you

You came out of your mother

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By *rRiosMan
36 weeks ago

dublin

Did anyone watch the rugby final? It was Leinster to lose…

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

What's the difference between cancer and your mum?

Your dad didn't beat cancer

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By *ady ChatterleyWoman
36 weeks ago

Athlone

And on that note

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By *amsevenMan
36 weeks ago

cork

A Glasgow lad brings a beautiful woman home to meet his father. He says "this is Amanda"

His father replies " it's a fkn what"?

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
36 weeks ago

Paddy waz doin a crossword. And says to Murphy I'm stuck on 2 down, flightless bird from Iceland 6,7

Murphy thinks for a moment and replies ya Munchie that's eazy, frozen Chicken..

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By *agic97Man
36 weeks ago

Cork

What's got 5 toes and isn't your foot?

My foot.

I feel I need to apologise for that..

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
36 weeks ago

"What's got 5 toes and isn't your foot?

My foot.

I feel I need to apologise for that.."

Just ask the cloak room staff to fetch ur goat

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By *ka ..Agent k ..Man
36 weeks ago

"What's got 5 toes and isn't your foot?

My foot.

I feel I need to apologise for that..

Just ask the cloak room staff to fetch ur goat

Coat*

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By *agic97Man
36 weeks ago

Cork

"What's got 5 toes and isn't your foot?

My foot.

I feel I need to apologise for that..

Just ask the cloak room staff to fetch ur goat

Coat*

I'm dyslexic so maby it's me but I don't follow..

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By *layfullsamMan
36 weeks ago

Solihull

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Did you hear about the dyslexic priest?

Spent the day praying to dog

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

Keep them coming people, I can feel the eyes rolling from here

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

A streaker ran through an old folks home.

Two old ladies had a stroke...the others couldn't reach

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

What's 6 inches long, and starts with a p?

A shit

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By *agic97Man
35 weeks ago

Cork

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

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By *layawaymaleMan
35 weeks ago

nearby

A wife tells her husband she must travel to a conference in Italy but her employer won't pay for him to go with her, so he must stay at home.

He looks despondent so she promises she'll bring him back any gift he desires to make it up to him.

His eyes light up and he asks her to bring him back one of those gorgeous Italian girls.

She is alone when he picks her up from the airport on her return and he asks where his Italian girl is.

"Sorry honey, I did my best but you're just going to have to wait 9 months to find out if it's a girl like the rest of us"

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By *ewSkiboo1892Man
35 weeks ago

Belfast

What's invisible and smells like bananas?

Monkey's farts

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By *ezoMan
35 weeks ago

The Kingdom

I never trust stairs.

They are always up to something.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
31 weeks ago

Sussex

"A man is shipwrecked on an uninhabited island with a pig and dog for company.

After a few weeks the man gets horny and the pig starts to look very much like a possibility, as he starts to caress the pig the dog growls and barks at him, and forces him away from the pig.

A couple of weeks later he tries again but same thing happens and this carries on like this every time he goes near the pig.

Months pass and one day a gorgeous young blond also gets shipwrecked on to the island....the man runs down the beach to meet them ....

" Thank god you have come"

"Can you hold this F*"*ING dog for a while"?

Told to Betty White by Rue Clanahan, whilst recording Golden Girls when their mics were still recording

Reminds me of an old Ronnie Corbett story:

A fella is stranded alone on a desert island. One day, as he lays on the beach staring out to sea, a beautiful young woman in a wetsuit walks out of the sea towards him. The young beauty looks him in the eye and says: you look like you could use a good drink. Before our castaway has a chance to answer, the blonde has reached into her wetsuit and produced a half bottle of excellent brandy. Then the girl says " how about a smoke to go with your drink?" Again, without any more words she unzips her wetsuit a little more and hands him a Grand Cohiba cigar, lights it and then eyes him seductively as he takes a long draw.

Then, the young lady unzips her wetsuit a little further as she says: "would you like to play around with me?"

And the bloke says" Crikey,'you mean you've got a couple of sets of golf clubs in there too?"

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By *apri 555Man
31 weeks ago

wexford or Dublin

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this,,but feck it

Supermacs have brought out a new burger especially for the all Ireland final,its the same recipe as before but with out the Mayo

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
31 weeks ago

Sussex

Dogs cannot operate computerised medical x-ray imaging equipment...

Catscan

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By *agatoXXXMan
31 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

A woman had her nipple pierced right in front of me in the pub last night.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

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By *easingTimMan
31 weeks ago

Loughlinstown

A hole was recently drilled in the wooden fence at the local nudist beach

A.G.S are currently looking into it

...as are the army and the local fire brigade!

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By *ingpot!Man
31 weeks ago

West Cork

A woman calls a dairy farm to order a lot of milk...

The farmer asks, "pasteurised?"

The woman replies, "no, up to my tits will be fine, thanks"

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By *s SingletWoman
31 weeks ago

Kilkenny

If a black bird has black babies and a blue bird has blue babies what birds have no babies

A swallow

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By *cotsguyyMan
31 weeks ago

Belfast and Fife

I learnt the other day that ants never ever get ill or sick. Apparently they have little anty bodies.

*shrug*.

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By *exyScientistsCouple
31 weeks ago

Castlebar

"I learnt the other day that ants never ever get ill or sick. Apparently they have little anty bodies.

*shrug*.

Love it

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By *panishRebelMan
31 weeks ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

Did you know, you should never brush your teeth with your left hand?

It's true. A toothbrush is better.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
31 weeks ago

Lucan

A lad gets stopped on the street by a girl selling stuff.. "Can you help me out by buying this small single use bottle of mouthwash please?"

He asks how much..

"€30" she replies

"Jesus, that's too pricey. Do you have anything else?"

"Well I have this homemade sticky chocolate cake for €1" she replies..

"Great, I'll take one of them" as he hands over the money and takes a bite..

Suddenly he retches and spits it out... "Ah ffs, that tastes like absolute shit!"

"It is" says she, "would you like to buy some mouthwash?"

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By *eaAndBenCouple
31 weeks ago

Dublin

"A woman had her nipple pierced right in front of me in the pub last night.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

Brilliant!

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