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Things you can say having sex and shopping in Tesco

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By *og-Man OP   Man
36 weeks ago

somewhere

I'll start with the obvious

Every little helps

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

A pound of sausage please

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By *asual777Man
36 weeks ago

i travel all over

Do you do anal ?

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I’ll take you up this aisle

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
36 weeks ago

Newtownabbey

That looks off

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By *ohnFKMan
36 weeks ago

Where the Streets Have No Name

Oh, sorry about that...Where do you keep your wipes?

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By *orYourThighsOnlyMan
36 weeks ago

Midlands

The smell of fish.

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By *untimes032Man
36 weeks ago

Greystones

The smell of fish

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
36 weeks ago

Northside

Could we get this cleaned up please???

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By *heLoveMachine007Man
36 weeks ago

Dublin

Spill on aisle 5

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By *riendly_fun_guyMan
36 weeks ago

Dublin

You can’t reach… Let me help you with that….

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By *orYourThighsOnlyMan
36 weeks ago

Midlands

Spillage in aisle 1 & 2 can we have assistance please. Stat!

There’s hair growing on your fruit.

Mind the gap.

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By *ofusplusCouple
36 weeks ago

Limerick

Unexpected item in the (tea)bagging area

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By *r_Insatiable666Man
36 weeks ago

Cork

I've seen bigger

Don't forget toothpaste

I've got my hands full, can you put your hand in my pocket?

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By *og-Man OP   Man
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Isn't that your wan off fab over there

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

Do you have a club card?

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
36 weeks ago

Lucan

Fucking hell, the price of that!

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By *ifewantstoplayCouple
36 weeks ago

somewhere

That definitely wasn’t value for money.

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By *wingme22Man
36 weeks ago

Galway

Ffs you gave me dubble that amount last time!

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
36 weeks ago

Lucan

I need a leek now.

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By *olm_irishMan
36 weeks ago

naughtysville

They look juicy

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
36 weeks ago

Lucan

I think I'll use the rear entrance today.

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By *eralt80Man
36 weeks ago

cork

Is this the self service queue

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By *ildAtlanticSecretCouple
36 weeks ago

around Clare, Galway, Limerick

Can I recycle this after I am finished with it

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

[Removed by poster at 27/10/23 10:32:36]

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

Love the packaging

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By *r_Insatiable666Man
36 weeks ago

Cork

I don't know what you plan on using that rolling pin for

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
36 weeks ago

Lucan

Be careful with those eggs.

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
36 weeks ago

Northside

I think I'll double bag it,just in case!!!

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

I'll hold your melons

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By *leasurer77Man
36 weeks ago

Athlone

This is so much better than Dunnes.

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By *wingme22Man
36 weeks ago

Galway

Is that gone off or is it soposed to look like that?

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By *og-Man OP   Man
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Pleased to meet you

Meat to please you

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By *lue eyes for funCouple
36 weeks ago

Leicester

I'll take your biggest cucumber please

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
36 weeks ago

Lucan

Gosh, it's such a big, cavernous place..

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By *lue eyes for funCouple
36 weeks ago

Leicester

have you got any durex and lube ?

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
36 weeks ago

Lucan

I think I might come here again!

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
36 weeks ago

Northside


"have you got any durex and lube ? "

What kind of Tesco do you shop in????

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By *amsevenMan
36 weeks ago

cork

I can't find it

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By *orset.JMan
36 weeks ago

Weymouth

Ketchup / Tomato sauce

On the label It says to

Shake upright vigorously

Turn upside down

Flip the lid

One quick shake

Squeeze gently and it will

Come evenly

Otherwise it will just squirt everywhere

But I prefer the later as I am messy eater

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By *elfastDMan
36 weeks ago

belfast

I’ll bag it myself

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By *onny17Man
36 weeks ago

irishtown

Excuse me would you be happy to help

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
36 weeks ago

ireland

Can I click and collect

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By *ifewantstoplayCouple
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Would you stop calling it the bagging area

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By *onny17Man
36 weeks ago

irishtown

This tastes soo good

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By *elfastDMan
36 weeks ago

belfast

That could be classed as false advertising

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West


"Would you stop calling it the bagging area"

Brilliant

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By *ezoMan
36 weeks ago

The Kingdom

Wow, 2 for the price of 1.

I should cum here more often.

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By *orYourThighsOnlyMan
36 weeks ago

Midlands

Plenty of cream and milk in stock.

Front door full, use the back door please.

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By *ublustMan
36 weeks ago

Dublin

Not really one for Tesco but maybe in a smaller supermarket...

Cleanup in the middle aisle

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By *orYourThighsOnlyMan
36 weeks ago

Midlands

Fk Get this done quick, the rugby’s on

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By *elfastDMan
36 weeks ago

belfast

During weekdays there’s always too many old folk here

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By *arrot_in_a_boxCouple
36 weeks ago

Kinda Dublin

You're going in the freezer as soon as I get home.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Can I get some loyalty points for coming here often.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

50% extra for free

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By *ofusplusCouple
36 weeks ago

Limerick

Take your place in the queue.

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

Staff should use the rear entrance

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

This is something you will hear in Tesco..

"There is a caller at the back door, please attend."

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By *ind PaddyMan
36 weeks ago

South County Dublin

Is this bread fresh

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By *rRiosMan
36 weeks ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 27/10/23 17:47:19]

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By *rRiosMan
36 weeks ago

Dublin

Nice plumbs

Lovely nuts

Plump melons

Shall we go to Five Guys after the tescos?

Mmm, I love five guys in and around my mouth…

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By *ezoMan
36 weeks ago

The Kingdom

Why do I always end up with more than what I can hold in my hands?

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By *chochamberWoman
36 weeks ago

Limerick

Those bananas are ripe and firm,..

Now to collect the meatballs, and a nice jus.

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By *chochamberWoman
36 weeks ago

Limerick

Slip it in there, every little helps.

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By *ndqtMan
36 weeks ago

The Wild West

Oh they're lovely with custard....

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By *uteirishaWoman
36 weeks ago

ghost town

I need you to provide me with your milk..

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By *oinNumberMan
36 weeks ago

Not in

It’s in date

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Sorry....what's your name...?

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By *antasyFrolicksWoman
36 weeks ago

Behind The Bales

Cash or Card ??

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By *orYourThighsOnlyMan
36 weeks ago

Midlands

Sniff sniff, sourdough in the oven

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

The baguette is on display at the front near the bagging area

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By *ohannonMan
36 weeks ago

Louth / Meath

Fancy a creampie?

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By *r_Insatiable666Man
36 weeks ago

Cork

Can you exchange this for credit?

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By *ezoMan
36 weeks ago

The Kingdom

"There's quite a lot of people here today."

"I wonder what's on offer this weekend."

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By *lue eyes for funCouple
36 weeks ago

Leicester

Excuse me sir... i cant find your sausage, can you help me ?

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By *lue eyes for funCouple
36 weeks ago

Leicester

excuse me miss can you show me where your melons are ?

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By *arry and AnnCouple
36 weeks ago

Louth

Got more than i meant to.. might need one of the lads to give me a hand

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By *arry and AnnCouple
36 weeks ago

Louth

Think im gonna need a bag for this

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By *o strings but a G-stringMan
36 weeks ago

city


"Think im gonna need a bag for this "

Ah bollox, there's a hole in the bag

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By *o strings but a G-stringMan
36 weeks ago

city

I brought my own bag but I really want your box

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By *og-Man OP   Man
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Do you prefer a big one on a saturday or to go in a few times during the week

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

You can't park there

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
36 weeks ago

Newtownabbey

This one is leaking

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By *arry and AnnCouple
36 weeks ago

Louth

Do ye get time and a half for the bank holiday?

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By *ichael CoolMan
36 weeks ago

unknown

Drop your bits on the conveyer belt please

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By *ichael CoolMan
36 weeks ago

unknown

I'll scan that for you.

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By *ifewantstoplayCouple
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Do you think the neighbours seen us!

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By *ickin2Man
36 weeks ago

Kilkenny

Careful. Will you take the eggs

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

Does this one squirt or spray?

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Did you get your token for the bukkake? Brack? Bare brack? Halloween bråck ")

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Take it out and try it again

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Missus, put down that aubergine

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By *ickin2Man
36 weeks ago

Kilkenny

That looks soft.

Remove the packaging carefully

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By *riendly_fun_guyMan
36 weeks ago

Dublin

Ahhh there you go they’re opening up….

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By *o strings but a G-stringMan
36 weeks ago

city

Is there a club card deal for that?

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By *oghunter33Woman
36 weeks ago

on the hill NordWest of

I'm boycotting Tesco, so it's a 'sorry mate but I wouldn't go near there'

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By *electableicecreamMan
36 weeks ago

The West

Does this smell off to you?

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By *urplewings1Woman
36 weeks ago

Balbriggan

Love this thread! And I know who else would love it! I'm sure she's heard a few

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By *og-Man OP   Man
36 weeks ago

somewhere


"Love this thread! And I know who else would love it! I'm sure she's heard a few "

Im sure she does

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By *ollingwood69Man
36 weeks ago

Cork

I prefer self service

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By *ezoMan
36 weeks ago

The Kingdom

"Oh, looks like this one has gone bad."

"Damn I lost track of time here, better finish up soon."

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By *mmortalbMan
36 weeks ago

kildare

Put it back

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By *ezoMan
35 weeks ago

The Kingdom

I got a voucher for that.

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By *hropmMan
34 weeks ago

shrewsbury

Nice melons

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

Oh you’re done I’ll use self service

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