FabSwingers.com forum: Protecting your heart

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Completely bizarre post, considering the site....

I have a soft heart and try distance myself - get to the person initially, see if we are compatible/if there's chemistry and if so meet. But beyond that initial meet, I can only have limited contact, regarding arranging future meets.

So when the other person wants to message multiple times a day and chat, I just can't. And without sounding rude, or soft, I don't know how to say I can't do that.

Am I the only one in that position? How do you protect your heart? Bearing in mind that I am single...

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Think the best way to protect your heart is to say it out straight

If they're on this site maybe they'll read your post and get the message

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By *xplorer2023Man
over a year ago

Dublin

That's not an easy post to write, fair play.

I suppose that what you're talking about is telling people what your boundaries are.

I know for me that's not always easy to do, it can feel too harsh. But I think/hope that most people on the site will respect any boundary you have, whether it's sexual or emotional.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't want to come across like a user, or psycho.

'Sorry, after we meet, I don't want to know anything about you...'

But you're right. If I am up front and honest, it should come across fine. And if the person doesn't understand, well perhaps they're someone i don't want to be meeting anyway.

See, i believe it's easier for attached fabbers to just meet, and chat with no emotional involvement. Whereas for single people, like me, it's quite different.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it x

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By *amson4DelilahCouple
over a year ago

ballina

Great Post. But I would just put it out there that your un this for sexual desires & not emotional so chatting too much confuses things for you.. if they dint like that then that's a "them" problem? & not a "you" problem & you'll still never run out of men on here.

Best of luck

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By *eth TVTV/TS
over a year ago

Mid Meath

Sooner or later somebody in a FWB deal ends up wanting more. You are absolutely right to keep a distance, a huge distance if you can.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I think it's possible to say in a nice way so you don't feed bad. You can tell everyone you meet up front that you only meet people once. You don't owe an explanation, but if you feel you want to you can just say that you're worried about letting feelings develop. Any reasonable person would understand that.

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By *eastMan
over a year ago

Oranmore

Yep, “The Feelings”, I have noticed a pattern in myself where if I’m attracted to someone, if there is lots of messaging and on meets there is lots of intense passionate kissing I can over time develop feelings. It’s irrational, it can be fun but it’s going nowhere and when I indulge too deeply there is always a little twinge of hurt when it’s not matched.

Look up “limerence” and see if that helps capture what happens for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love a text, the build up is equally as much fun as the actual fun, and I love limerance.

If you are not into flirty texting, it might be best to set that out clearly in your profile, then everyone knows where they stand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ahhh, thanks heaps for your comments and messages.

Limerence - probably sums it up.

My mate said to me,'what, do you want him to leave his wife and kids for you?' Absolutely not, I said. I just find myself wondering how his day is going, blah blah blah.

So I just need to get my head right and separate 'fab feelings' from real feelings.

I even had a wee cry once over a fab guy, how tragic is that.

But again, thanks heaps for your comments x

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By *r_Insatiable666Man
over a year ago

Cork

"Ahhh, thanks heaps for your comments and messages.

Limerence - probably sums it up.

My mate said to me,'what, do you want him to leave his wife and kids for you?' Absolutely not, I said. I just find myself wondering how his day is going, blah blah blah.

So I just need to get my head right and separate 'fab feelings' from real feelings.

I even had a wee cry once over a fab guy, how tragic is that.

But again, thanks heaps for your comments x"

Believe me, I think we've all had our fair shares of a cry or two over someone. It's a difficult thing to balance but you gotta do what's right for you.

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By *elfastDMan
over a year ago

belfast

It can be hard not to catch the feels, but is it feelings for a relationship or feelings for the passion and excitement of meets. You’re best to be honest and let people know, after all we’re all here for “swinging” which quite often isn’t necessarily always meeting the same people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Completely bizarre post, considering the site....

So when the other person wants to message multiple times a day and chat, I just can't. And without sounding rude, or soft, I don't know how to say I can't do that.

Am I the only one in that position? How do you protect your heart? Bearing in mind that I am single..."

Being honest and upfront as others have said is a good idea. Thank you for this post it can be difficult to be so open on a site so good for you

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By *ome_wild_girlWoman
over a year ago

Antrim Town

I've found the best way to deal with any feelings is to compartmentalise. Just like you have work clothes, going out clothes and gym clothes. I can care about who I'm with when I'm with them, I can text during the day to keep in touch when on fab but when I'm not on fab my thoughts are elsewhere.

I am me in my own life, I have my own hobbies and interests and they (multiple) have their lives.

OP if you need to chat to someone in confidence please dm me, I'm sure you have enough messages.

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

"I've found the best way to deal with any feelings is to compartmentalise. Just like you have work clothes, going out clothes and gym clothes. I can care about who I'm with when I'm with them, I can text during the day to keep in touch when on fab but when I'm not on fab my thoughts are elsewhere.

I am me in my own life, I have my own hobbies and interests and they (multiple) have their lives.

OP if you need to chat to someone in confidence please dm me, I'm sure you have enough messages. "
Jus say no thanks, Everyone should respect you and if they don’t block them and move forward

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By *panishRebelMan
over a year ago

Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland

"Great Post. But I would just put it out there that your un this for sexual desires & not emotional so chatting too much confuses things for you.. if they dint like that then that's a "them" problem? & not a "you" problem & you'll still never run out of men on here.

Best of luck "

Too true about never running out of men.

Us men can run out of women.

However I do know that some men are still successful posting these boundaries of sex only.

So why not say it out straight if that's your thing.

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