FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection etiquette

By *tagVixenXXX OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere

Heyas! Just wondering what's the best way to politely let someone know you're not interested in them without being a dick. I find it really difficult, hate letting people down. Feel awful about it! I end up just ignoring but I know that's rude when people have put the effort in to write to you and send face pics. Especially when you've moved on to another platform, seen more pics and then it becomes clear they're not your type. What do you all do? Xx

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By *huCullainMan
over a year ago

Rathowen

A simple thanks but I'm not interested should do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being direct is best, I'd rather be told we're not a match rather than swapping pics and getting radio silence. Happened this week and it's just shit

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

I just say thanks for message, not for me happy fabbing.

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

Be honest and Tell them the truth.

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By *urious lillieWoman
over a year ago

Kildare

Direct is best but it won't always be received well. I feel it's nicer than ghosting though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate you taking the time and effort to message.

You're not my type.

Thanks.

Bye"

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

I say thank you, I don't feel there is attraction here for me.

Sometimes things just fizzle out by themselves and I think that's ok too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not just ignore and don’t reply like 95% of people here.

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
over a year ago

Naughty Lane

I just say how it is...not feeling a buzz or not physically attracted.

I would rather hear the truth too.

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

"I just say thanks for message, not for me happy fabbing. "

Yep, mine's similar. Using a short, polite, stock Fab phrase seems best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Heyas! Just wondering what's the best way to politely let someone know you're not interested in them without being a dick. I find it really difficult, hate letting people down. Feel awful about it! I end up just ignoring but I know that's rude when people have put the effort in to write to you and send face pics. Especially when you've moved on to another platform, seen more pics and then it becomes clear they're not your type. What do you all do? Xx"

Great question .. I tried both ignore and reply to say I'm sorry I'm not interested but thank you for your message then I get a nasty reply calling me all the names you can think of .. so it's a tough wan

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By *r.RandBMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Based on my own profile, I like the "thanks but no thanks" response rather than the delete and ignore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always make sure compatibility is suitable before moving off here to another platform. Why go down a road in the dark blindfolded?

Most people will articulate their conversations to suit your profile to get a look in, so be thorough in conversations here before moving on, and regretting afterwards.

The reality is, is that most people are not suitable, so compromise is a key element as we all don't necessarily get exactly what we want. But if someone is basically normal, sound mind, respectful, and can hold a conversation, then they are also wise enough to be told that it doesn't click for you. It's a two way street.

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By *apri 555Man
over a year ago

wexford or Dublin

As a bloke i think the worst rssponce is no responce,a simple sorry not what im looking for would would mean so much more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks but no thanks , you're not my type....you won't be a dick , remember if you do get a message how can you be a dick to a person on the internet you have never met ?.. you can't be ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save yourself hassle and just ignore the messages

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By *om TangoMan
over a year ago

aughnacloy monaghan area

For me if I messaged someone, they see the message and don’t reply it tells me about the kinda person they are. Hatful stuck up their own ass and look down on others and show no respect to others and think their gods gift to others. If I message someone and they reply “sorry I’m not interested “ well I really do respect that person for taking the time out to reply.

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"As a bloke i think the worst rssponce is no responce,a simple sorry not what im looking for would would mean so much more

“So much more” ?

You’ve messaged a random on the internet. You really shouldn’t be too sensitive online.

No response means “no thank you”. There’s no need to read anymore into it than that

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By *huCullainMan
over a year ago

Rathowen

"As a bloke i think the worst rssponce is no responce,a simple sorry not what im looking for would would mean so much more

“So much more” ?

You’ve messaged a random on the internet. You really shouldn’t be too sensitive online.

No response means “no thank you”. There’s no need to read anymore into it than that "

If I'm reading the OP correctly they had moved to another platform to chat and then realized that person isn't for them so in that case I'd say a simple no thanks, not for me kind of message would be decent.

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By *hett and scarlettCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Thanks for the message and introduction but we will politely decline.

Take care and happy fabbing

Use ie so frequently that it is included in our predictive text.

Rhett and Scarlett x

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

"For me if I messaged someone, they see the message and don’t reply it tells me about the kinda person they are. Hatful stuck up their own ass and look down on others and show no respect to others and think their gods gift to others. If I message someone and they reply “sorry I’m not interested “ well I really do respect that person for taking the time out to reply. "

This answer really tells more about you than anyone that doesn't reply to you

Its in the rules of the site

No answer means no intetest

Just wonder what you do with all your unwanted junk mail that you get in your letterbox every week

Do you reply to every company that sent you one " no thanks "

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By *om TangoMan
over a year ago

aughnacloy monaghan area

Sign on letter box “no junk mail”. So go on. Tell me a little about myself. Hell I’m confused myself about myself. Hopefully u can help teach me about the kinda cunt I am. Like do I really hate all humans or just a few, can I or will I ever learn to trust humans again? Why do I like keeping myself to myself, so many questions I’d loved answered and thankfully at last I’ve come across someone that says the know the kinda person I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This answer really tells more about you than anyone that doesn't reply to you

Its in the rules of the site

No answer means no intetest

Just wonder what you do with all your unwanted junk mail that you get in your letterbox every week

Do you reply to every company that sent you one " no thanks " "

Well I reply to all the messages I even get from guys looking for me to fuck their ass or offering to suck my cock when it states on my profile that I'm not interested in men!!

Maybe I'm stupid, but I don't agree with the rule of the site that no response is a not interested .

I think common decency costs nothing to reply and doesn't take long to type " Sorry, I'm not interested" or "No thanks"??

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

Often the forums are much more revealing about how a person is than their bio.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've developed a sixth sense about the kind of people who are likely to get abusive, so although I reply to most with a polite message, there are some I will ignore.

In the context of the OP, I think a simple "I'm not sure you're my type, or "I'm not feeling it" should do, no point stringing people along. Of course rejection can sting, but an adult with modicum of self-awareness and social skills should be able to handle it. Ultimately, nobody here owes anything to anyone else, if your interactions are having a negative impact on you, taking a look at yourself and your approach is probably the place to start.

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

You can not agree with the rule all you want, but no reply means not interested.

You don’t reply or engage with all the unsolicited mail you get in your email inbox everyday so why should I be expected to engage with unsolicited mail here?

I have better things to be doing with my life than worrying about the egos of men contacting me looking for the ride.

If the conversation has moved off the site and you realise that there’s no attraction then it is polite to say something like I’ve enjoyed the chat but I don’t think this is working for me. Or let it fizzle out if neither side is pushing it forward.

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By *iscuits8Man
over a year ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

Lads expecting a reply to messages even if it's one of rejection just because they think it's polite or respectful to do so

Yous have clearly never seen statuses of women here getting 400+ messages in a day. Imagine the time and effort if they replied to even 10% of them, jaysus. Besides, even when replies are given with a polite rejection, it's very often met with a barrage of abuse in return.

To sum up... get over yourselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can not agree with the rule all you want, but no reply means not interested.

You don’t reply or engage with all the unsolicited mail you get in your email inbox everyday so why should I be expected to engage with unsolicited mail here?

I have better things to be doing with my life than worrying about the egos of men contacting me looking for the ride.

Egos of men!!??

Fuck we are going to get a bashing now!!!

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

We mostly just ignore nearly all messages. I feel it accurately reflects our hateful and stuck-up nature

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

"We mostly just ignore nearly all messages. I feel it accurately reflects our hateful and stuck-up nature"

That too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We mostly just ignore nearly all messages. I feel it accurately reflects our hateful and stuck-up nature"

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We mostly just ignore nearly all messages. I feel it accurately reflects our hateful and stuck-up nature"

Yeah, that sounds about right

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By *tagVixenXXX OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere

Thanks for the responses. Kinda split down the middle by the looks of things. I do think its nicer to reply, but sometimes there are too many and it's the not knowing what to say or how to say it. But yeah a few of you said, I'm sorry but I'm just not sure you're my type or not feeling it or something, sounds accurate. I have tried saying "thanks for your message but we're new and just looking at the moment, best of luck" but they never take that as a 'no', they always reply and keep sending messages. Do you know the profiles with no pic and no info and just say 'hey' I don't really feel bad not replying to them. And when it's moved on to another platform it's been because I've seen a pic or 2 and I like them, but then I see more and I realise the previous ones were obviously a long time ago or just really good angles or that lol or.. there's just no banter so you lose interest.

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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago

City Centre

"Lads expecting a reply to messages even if it's one of rejection just because they think it's polite or respectful to do so

To sum up... get over yourselves

Exactly this

It could be a full time job to answer every mail and some people don't take a polite no thank you well and still try and persuade you to meet

I feel like a broken record the best way to meet people on here is to get to a social!

B x

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By *ay_Gatsby_D4Man
over a year ago

City Centre, Dublin

Dear baby, welcome to dumpsville.

Population: You

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

"Dear baby, welcome to dumpsville.

Population: You"

Classic quote hahaha

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By *xcited And CuriousCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

"Why not just ignore and don’t reply like 95% of people here. "

__________

https://m.fabswingers.com/articles/FAQ#noreply

"There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?"

That's how it's done - no reply can be taken as not interested.

On the website, we just ignore messages from people who don't interest us. If they're persistent, we'll return a courteous but direct & firm thanks-but-no-thanks message. No need for rude language - just straight & firm...

In person (at a social or event), we'll engage with polite platonic conversation for a SHORT time. If they don't pick up on the vibe and move on, then we'll bring in to the conversation the type we're interested in (making it clear that they're not in that group). If they don't pick up on that, then we'll politely tell them that it was nice talking with them, but we'd like our own space now, thank you. If that doesn't work, then it'll be a direct "please leave us alone".

It's not your fault that there are persistent people out there, or that some people can't or won't pick up on a no-thanks vibe. It's not mean or cruel or selfish to have preferences and express them. In fact it's rude to not respect a polite refusal.

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By *rish_GuyMan
over a year ago

Foxford

If your new to the site & you send a message to a profile. For whatever reason they don't reply, it's not nice.(Ok people, I know it's in the rules,etc. I'm just saying, is all.)

That said, it's worse for the sender to keep sending messages, after the first message(unless there's a good reply). Like what age are you(the sender) REALLY?

Like what's the point in throwing your toys out of the pram at a profile, cause you didn't get the result you thought you'd get. Your suppose to be an adult, not a child or a adultchild. Take it on the chin, level them alone & move on. Life's to short. People need to remember that abusive behaviour, can end up nobody being interested in you & that could just be, not talking to you. If ye were to meet at a social event/meet in the future. Like why would people bother going near you?

What I mean by a good reply is that it's respectful chat from both sides, be that very Naughty chat or small talk.

I've send messages to people, they just read it, deleted it, some replied to it, with a respectful no. I couldn't be arsed in sending them more messages of any kind. Life's to short, for that shit.

Beside's like it says in the rules, no reply or a respectful no, is a reply, just grow up & move on ASAP.

(After all of that

)

It's your profile OP, do what feels right for you.

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

No reply in itself is rejection. You just have to get over your ego and deal with it

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"Dear baby, welcome to dumpsville.

Population: You

Classic quote hahaha

On a similar, and connected, vein …. “Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand”……

God bless Homer J

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"Thanks for the responses. Kinda split down the middle by the looks of things. I do think its nicer to reply, but sometimes there are too many and it's the not knowing what to say or how to say it. But yeah a few of you said, I'm sorry but I'm just not sure you're my type or not feeling it or something, sounds accurate. I have tried saying "thanks for your message but we're new and just looking at the moment, best of luck" but they never take that as a 'no', they always reply and keep sending messages. Do you know the profiles with no pic and no info and just say 'hey' I don't really feel bad not replying to them. And when it's moved on to another platform it's been because I've seen a pic or 2 and I like them, but then I see more and I realise the previous ones were obviously a long time ago or just really good angles or that lol or.. there's just no banter so you lose interest. "

We were like this at the beginning but after a while you say 'f**k this', set your filters tight and stop replying to the crappy messages from crappy profiles.

It gets much easier after a while on the site

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

This answer really tells more about you than anyone that doesn't reply to you

Its in the rules of the site

No answer means no intetest

Just wonder what you do with all your unwanted junk mail that you get in your letterbox every week

Do you reply to every company that sent you one " no thanks "

Well I reply to all the messages I even get from guys looking for me to fuck their ass or offering to suck my cock when it states on my profile that I'm not interested in men!!

Maybe I'm stupid, but I don't agree with the rule of the site that no response is a not interested .

I think common decency costs nothing to reply and doesn't take long to type " Sorry, I'm not interested" or "No thanks"??"

If you don't agree with the rule why did you agree to them when you joined the site

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By *londebiguyMan
over a year ago

Southport

I'd just be gently honest really.

Sorry but not for us .

Or I guess that you could say that life is busy and you are not making plans to meet just now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The forum really is the best filter at times

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By *indenMan
over a year ago

Naas which is South West of Dublin

Some people don’t like hearing no, some people don’t like saying no, but if people can just except the rules and that no reply should be taken that they’re not interested it would be a lot easier for all.

Yes, it’s nice to be nice but as others have said being nice with a polite no isn’t always excepted or responded to in a nice way and to be fair, the more it happens the less likely people are to even bother with a polite no, it’s easier to ignore.

People need to be reasonable…….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP in the situation you've described we'd be likely to say "we're sorry, it's been lovely chatting but we really can't see this going anywhere so we're going to leave it here & wish you all the best"

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By *hortie9740Man
over a year ago

Limavady

It's lovely to hear that you don't like to just ignore, as you say that's rude but unfortunately that seem to be what happens on here. I get that females and couples on here can get a lot of messages but a simple thank but your not my type or thanks, sorry not for me is a far better way to deal with who has put the time and effort into looking and messaging you

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By *iscuits8Man
over a year ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

"It's lovely to hear that you don't like to just ignore, as you say that's rude but unfortunately that seem to be what happens on here. I get that females and couples on here can get a lot of messages but a simple thank but your not my type or thanks, sorry not for me is a far better way to deal with who has put the time and effort into looking and messaging you"

You'd sit there and write 400+ "simple thanks but you're not my type" every day would you yeah?

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

You didn't bother finishing your profile as you state you don't know if you're staying ....why would they bother

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By *oosexyforinstaCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

"We were like this at the beginning but after a while you say 'f**k this', set your filters tight and stop replying to the crappy messages from crappy profiles.

It gets much easier after a while on the site

This! It’s unfortunate but yeah, the myriad of profiles that send messages without bothering to read the profile of the people they message makes replying a full-time endeavour.

For messages where you can see they have taken the time and made an effort, where we know it won’t go anywhere, we ALWAYS reply with something along the lines of “thanks your your message, but we unfortunately don’t see us as a match, best of luck.”

We have however ended up with someone approaching us at an event and giving out to us for saying no though… It’s not an exact science, but no one ever said anything worthwhile would be easy.

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By *oosexyforinstaCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

"OP in the situation you've described we'd be likely to say "we're sorry, it's been lovely chatting but we really can't see this going anywhere so we're going to leave it here & wish you all the best""

Great “thanks, but no thanks” reply - we’re robbing this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A simple thanks but I'm not interested should do. "

It's nice to get any response.. But that would be OK too

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By *exesrangerMan
over a year ago

Jameson main bar

"Dear baby, welcome to dumpsville.

Population: You"

Haha that's soooo baaad.

Right I'm never sending another first msg.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

It's never easy or straightforward sending (or receiving) a rejection. Keep it diplomatic and inject it with a little humour:

Dear {insert profile name}, after careful consideration and a heavy heart I regret to inform you that I won't be taking our engagement any further. Whilst you have all the skill and hallmark of being a potential playmate there were other more suitable candidates that aligned with my requirements.

Wishing you all the best for Fab.

{Insert your profile name here}

The alternative is to simply block them, which is quite brutal.

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

Same with me

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By *iiboyMan
over a year ago

Tankardstown

A polite thanks but your not my type , happy fabbing , works for me , id certainly prefer it to silence and a block , the problem is, a lotta people cant or wont accept that your just not interested , more than you think, women get a lotta shit and abuse here, ive seen some of the messages female friends have gotten, even after a polite no thanks, its not pretty

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By *ford dudeMan
over a year ago

County

It's nice to get a mail saying no thanks. But usually if it comes back no reply or deleted, just take the hint.

It's fab, women get many multiples the messages of men. Odds are if your messaging someone you've not met socially or have mutual friends, it won't happen. For a happier life accept it and move on

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By *vtechMan
over a year ago

Limerick

I prefer a simple thanks but no thanks to an ohh god no or no reply at all. I am always respectful and dont send dick pics first message. I appreciate when people take time to reply.

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By *llthewaysMan
over a year ago

City centre/Naas

"No reply is a reply."

That being said I personally prefer a no thanks, not for me. But I can understand why that isn't possible, both for people who get too many messages and because the angry responses. Tough position to be in.

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By *rHardCMan
over a year ago

Funtown

I think were a little bitter than "no reply is a reply"

But a simple thanks but no thanks is more enough for anyone...

Altho going by some of the status i see from woman on here.. aggressive replys to "thanks but no thanks" is why we have, "No replay is a replay"

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By *igMartyRebelMan
over a year ago

East Cork

Just tell them the truth. Sorry not interested, happy Fabbing.

Unless you want to be like the other 99% of people on here and just be plain ignorant and ignore every message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybody can’t be your type so it’s best just nipping it in the bud straight away. Say thanks for the messages but we don’t seem suited.

I’ve given my kik to people then been hounded with message after message. So now I’m

Really wary about moving the conversation off fab. It is hard though but some people just don’t get the message unless you’re very direct.

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By *heelofTimeCouple
over a year ago

Two Rivers

[Removed by poster at 14/08/23 17:50:09]

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By *heelofTimeCouple
over a year ago

Two Rivers

I always go to thanks for the chat but your not our cuppa, wishing you the best of luck fabbing and also offer to keep in touch if the person is nice in fact some of these peeps ended up becoming meets over the years.

Additionally, being on the receiving end of being rejected is not nice some people are very blunt in pointing out flaws in others on here. I’m either too big or he’s too short or we’re just a pair of ugly gits, are some of the rejections we’ve been told over the years plus others I will refrain from posting. Keep the rejection simple without going into details x

I always try to keep empathy when rejecting others. You never know what they are going through xx

Xxx Missy

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By *riendly_fun_guyMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Ghosting after having been chatting happens regularly here. It is what it is.

Much nicer to receive a “not my type but thanks” message. That said I also understand that guys here don’t do themselves any favours by sending multiple messages after getting a message saying someone is not interested or worse giving an abusive response!

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By *aribbean King 1985Man
over a year ago

South West London

Slightly of the topic but the site for some reason has rejected some of my videos I uploaded a few weeks ago after after they were approved, would there be a reason why its happening?

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By *reenfrogoMan
over a year ago

nearby

"I always go to thanks for the chat but your not our cuppa, wishing you the best of luck fabbing and also offer to keep in touch if the person is nice in fact some of these peeps ended up becoming meets over the years.

I always try to keep empathy when rejecting others. You never know what they are going through xx

Xxx Missy

What muppets rejected ye? Gorgeous couple!

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"Slightly of the topic but the site for some reason has rejected some of my videos I uploaded a few weeks ago after after they were approved, would there be a reason why its happening?"

Mods seem to differ in their interpretation of the rules. We've had pics and vids randomly rejected, having been approved previously. Maybe someone reported them for violating the rules?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well said

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By *aribbean King 1985Man
over a year ago

South West London

"Slightly of the topic but the site for some reason has rejected some of my videos I uploaded a few weeks ago after after they were approved, would there be a reason why its happening?

Mods seem to differ in their interpretation of the rules. We've had pics and vids randomly rejected, having been approved previously. Maybe someone reported them for violating the rules?"
Yeah I think someone did report and I think I know who just because I turned them down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/08/23 10:45:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not today disco lady.

But no response is a response.

We are all adults here and people don't owe you anything really. So chin up and move on.

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By *ocketman99Man
over a year ago

fermanagh

Read - delete - ignore.

That is norm.

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By *apncookMan
over a year ago

Somewhere you aren't

I got a nice thanks but no thanks message recently - complimented my pics but said I wasn't what was being sought.

It was nice to be told and not ignored that said, there'll be some who will come back with awful abuse and drivel - the block button will be your friend for such folks!

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By *ovelifelovefuntimesMan
over a year ago

Where ever I lay my hat

"I just say thanks for message, not for me happy fabbing. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be very disheartening if you get a lot of ignores

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

We just reply...

Thanks for your message but no thanks.

To the point, doesn't mess people about and cannot be misunderstood.

Start being a bit woolly like thanks but not at the moment etc you are sending out the wrong signals.

Have fun.

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By *lytrucker32Man
over a year ago

Killeagh

I'm messaging all the wrong people it seems, the only reply is no reply....I don't smell that bad, I hope. But back on serious note, a simple thanks but not for me is the best way.

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