FabSwingers.com forum: Bullying/coercion

By *astello OP Woman
over a year ago

Far far away

Interested to hear feedback from fabbers on whether you have or felt bullied into something you're not happy doing through your fab experience.

I an very aware that there are many dynamics to this question and answers to it, but merely from a male/female perspective initially and how you dealt with it or are facing it. Happy for ppl to dm if you wish to remain anonymous and I can post here.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Bullied no but I've seen a few attempts at coercion.

Usually along the lines of this is how it is and this is who we are and if you want to get anywhere on here this is what is going to happen.

I can only imagine that some people would feel pressured into agreeing if they thought it was going to help them network.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Coercion daily. Bullying maybe occasionally... but I'm arrogant enough to laugh/shrug it off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I'm more than able to see through attempts at manipulation, I haven't done anything here that I didn't want to.

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By *eard and BoobsCouple
over a year ago

Portstewart

Honestly we've had a few single males try and coerce is to have them trying to meet without hubby or behind his back and we find it funny at how far there willing to try and go

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Some try to put pressure on/use manipulation tricks meeting them. They're not doing themselves any favour, it won't go unnoticed and it is off putting.

At meets, bareback chancers, obviously I'm not having it. Unfortunately it spoils the whole meet because you won't be able to let your gard down and yourself go to fully enjoy.

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By *astello OP Woman
over a year ago

Far far away

Thanks for your posts. Varied responses which is indicative of why this is such a wide ranging topic.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

There is quite a bit of more subtle coercion as well in regard to who you should or shouldn't chat to and suggestions for what you should post in the forums and it's obvious that some are more susceptible to that approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't come across it personally.

But I can easily see that in a place that attracts a wide range of personalities it is bound to happen. From pushy guys to demanding women or people on a power trip there is bound to be people that think of Fab as a one for all meat market and not consider that everyone here is an individual human.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

I remember when I first started and I veried someone from a social meet

A female fabber friend told me that I couldn't be friends with the woman I verified as she didn't like her so to make the right choice

So I blocked the female fabber friend

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"I remember when I first started and I veried someone from a social meet

A female fabber friend told me that I couldn't be friends with the woman I verified as she didn't like her so to make the right choice

So I blocked the female fabber friend "

I've had the flip side of this with a woman I met and verified telling me not to acknowledge another woman on the forums because she was an attention seeker and dangerous with hideous pics.

Funny enough they have since met and verified each other and are fab besties.

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

[Removed by poster at 08/08/23 11:21:25]

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

"I remember when I first started and I veried someone from a social meet

A female fabber friend told me that I couldn't be friends with the woman I verified as she didn't like her so to make the right choice

So I blocked the female fabber friend

I've had the flip side of this with a woman I met and verified telling me not to acknowledge another woman on the forums because she was an attention seeker and dangerous with hideous pics.

Funny enough they have since met and verified each other and are fab besties. "

I have also came across this type of scenario

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By *ingerNNutsCouple
over a year ago

dublin

"Some try to put pressure on/use manipulation tricks meeting them. They're not doing themselves any favour, it won't go unnoticed and it is off putting.

At meets, bareback chancers, obviously I'm not having it. Unfortunately it spoils the whole meet because you won't be able to let your gard down and yourself go to fully enjoy. "

Jeepers! Think I’d just walk away if that happened to me. Glove or no love and we’re both very strong with that view. I could totally understand how your guard was up the whole time due to this. That sucks

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By *ingerNNutsCouple
over a year ago

dublin

"I remember when I first started and I veried someone from a social meet

A female fabber friend told me that I couldn't be friends with the woman I verified as she didn't like her so to make the right choice

So I blocked the female fabber friend

I've had the flip side of this with a woman I met and verified telling me not to acknowledge another woman on the forums because she was an attention seeker and dangerous with hideous pics.

Funny enough they have since met and verified each other and are fab besties. "

Ah here! Don’t have the patience for that. We’re not kids on the playground anymore

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By *llthewaysMan
over a year ago

City centre/Naas

Thankfully I haven't experienced any of this personally and long may it last.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haven't experienced this on here, but going through something akin to bullying in a professional setting.

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By *ildarekinkstersCouple
over a year ago

kinkytown

On here never experienced it myself but know others who have. In the real world anyone who has tried such a thing usually got told quick enough what would happen if they tried such a thing again

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I had it when I was first on with a guy who thought he figured out where I could be working and threatened to tell them if I didn't meet him. I called his bluff and pointed out that did he really think that was the best idea to try and force someone into a meet and that things might not work out for him the way he thought they would if I got my hands on his private bits. It's ridiculous and horrible that someone would think that would be okay to do.

It taught me not to give out personal info on here no matter how small as people do put snippets together to use against others.

The same as those who tell others that they should leave fab as they have blacklisted them. Which I have seen happen in groups the same a info sharing and it's one of the main reasons I don't join any groups anymore. I can't be bothered with the drama and back stabbing that happens in so many of them.

I did have a guy attempt to pull a condom off on a meet once .I ended the meet there but it was the first and only time it has ever happened but made me aware to never let your guard down especially with someone new.

Fab can be great and there are lots of people who are decent and nice sexy people on here. It's just a pity the others tarnish it at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bullying/coercion. Surely his is more common with guys trying to bully a woman into something.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"Bullying/coercion. Surely his is more common with guys trying to bully a woman into something.

I'm assuming this is tongue in cheek?

Or just naivety?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bullying/coercion. Surely his is more common with guys trying to bully a woman into something.

I'm assuming this is tongue in cheek?

Or just naivety?"

50/50.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

"I remember when I first started and I veried someone from a social meet

A female fabber friend told me that I couldn't be friends with the woman I verified as she didn't like her so to make the right choice

So I blocked the female fabber friend

I've had the flip side of this with a woman I met and verified telling me not to acknowledge another woman on the forums because she was an attention seeker and dangerous with hideous pics.

Funny enough they have since met and verified each other and are fab besties. "

•

The spectre of duplicity never ceases to amaze me on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I did have a guy attempt to pull a condom off on a meet once .I ended the meet there but it was the first and only time it has ever happened but made me aware to never let your guard down especially with someone new.

FFS...

I really don't understand that kind of behaviour. Like, just wear the glove dude, it's not that much of a hardship

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By *j TruckerMan
over a year ago

monaghan

It's quite simple really no means no the problem is some keyboard Warriors can take no for an answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I first started on Fab, a guy went ahead and booked a room in the hotel during the coffee meet, unknown to me I might add. Tried to convice me to stay, the cost of it etc. I told him he should have thought about that before he booked it and left.

My face picture was shared a few years ago so lesson learned! Therefore, I have never get involved in any Fab groups to know what goes on behind the scenes and never will tbh.

I trust few and tell little about myself to very few people.

So I like being a bit of an Enigma.

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By *amsevenMan
over a year ago

cork

Someone coerce my damn pants off ffs

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By *adbobbilMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Carlow, Wexford, Kilkenny

Had someone try and get money out of me if that counts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interested to hear feedback from fabbers on whether you have or felt bullied into something you're not happy doing through your fab experience.

Yes if you mean yes ...no if you mean no ..do NOT ever waver from that ...the power to say no is huge..if you're not happy or are uncertain with something do NOT do it just for the sake of doing it ,the feel of freedom when you don't do something you are not comfortable in doing is huge..it's stress-free

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By *rish_GuyMan
over a year ago

Foxford

Hasn't happened to me, yet on here anyway's.

Bullying in work, ya that's happened alright. Kinda got it sorted, for now anyway's.

Good thread OP.

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By *astello OP Woman
over a year ago

Far far away

Private dm post

Yes lots of people feel they have to kowtow to certain individuals who organise group meets, events and parties.

They feel if they get on the wrong side of those individuals or are seen to be friendly with people who are not in favour with those individuals they will be be kept out of the loop for invites. It may not be bullying in its broadest sense but it is the manipulation of a power dynamic on here to keep those individuals from being shown in a bad light on the site.

There is also a certain amount of coercion happening where spouses/partners feel obliged to participate in play scenarios in order to allow their partners play around but with what appears to be full consent.

I have come across some other specific instances of coercive control on here but would prefer not to go into detail as it might risk identifying people.

Suffice it to say that any group or organisation which has a high level of secrecy and anonymity as a significant plank in its structure is bound to be a fertile ground for unscrupulous individuals to take advantage of the more vulnerable in the group.

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