FabSwingers.com forum: Divorce Advice

By *indblowingduo OP Couple
over a year ago

Heaven

Hi all, I’m currently starting off divorce proceedings. What advice could any of you give me.

Many thanks

Victoria

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Get a better solicitor than your husband

Don't look for advice off a site that your husband can read

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By *indblowingduo OP Couple
over a year ago

Heaven

How do you know what is and is not a better solicitor?

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By *mmmm300Woman
over a year ago

cork

I have a friend that did the whole divorce thing herself, cost her heaps less. Now, I dont know the details, maybe they were able to sort all the messy stuff out themselves . Not everyone would be up for that, but it can be done.

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By *indblowingduo OP Couple
over a year ago

Heaven

Ya my friend also done that and it cost very little. But that won’t work for us I’m afraid

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By *ornywife20Couple
over a year ago

North Cork

Is there an online support group for women going through separation if there is they would probably know the best solicitors in your area .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No advice here I'm afraid...20 years after splitting up I'm still married to my ex

However we were able to amicably sort out all the financial stuff ourselves so basically we just went to the solicitor for a decree nisi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm assuming your fab partner is not your husband, but hey you never know

could be all part of the role play.The process can get extremely complicated with financial matters, property, pensions, investments etc, as they say you get what you pay for, and that's not a slight on your husband

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Could you do it through mediation instead of solicitors?

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By *olverineMan
over a year ago

ennis

"Could you do it through mediation instead of solicitors?"

I was never marred but lived with my x for 7 years, one child, split up over a year and half ago, went to mediation, we did not have a lot to divide, certain things with mediation are OK if too partys are able to accommodate each other if not its a waste of time, thinking about going to court myself now because x keep changing agreements to suit her but I lose things with our child...so only you can judge what road to take best of luck with it..

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

"Hi all, I’m currently starting off divorce proceedings. What advice could any of you give me.

Many thanks

Victoria "

https://www.divorceireland.ie/

https://www.legalaidboard.ie/en/our-services/legal-aid-services/common-legal-problems/divorce/

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/how-to-get-divorced-for-less-than-200-1.2070254

Maybe not the best spot to be looking for advice as I'm not sure how it would reflect on your case if brought up during divorce proceedings... maybe... I don't honestly know.

Not an easy situation at any time ...

Good luck

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

The op is based in The UK

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

"The op is based in The UK "

All good info ... most applicable in UK too ...

Google it

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Your asking for legal advice on a sex site, from people who are in a different country to you?

Get a good solicitor (ask local people for recommendations).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Green arrow suggests she might be in Ireland

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I'd you are in Ireland.... Then I would start by contacting the family mediation centre. Its free and really helpful of you are both able to be reasonable and civil. You end up with an agreement that can be used as the basis for a divorce. Unfortunately it has no standing in itself and your partner needs to agree to the agreement again with a solicitor afterwards.

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By *ohn400Man
over a year ago

Dublin or anywhere

Just sort it out between the two of you and then go your own way then /

you will both lose some thing but it cheaper.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"Just sort it out between the two of you and then go your own way then /

you will both lose some thing but it cheaper."

That requires a lot of communication that not all divorcing couples can handle ... Also has a tendancy to go tits up once solicitors tell someone that they might be able to get more

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By *eturn of Sir PumpsMan
over a year ago

outside banbridge

Like Bog says get a better solicitor than your ex partner!

It's cheaper if you can agree between yourselves if not just let the solicitor get to work just be prepared to pay for them doing so

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By *ursecretmischiefCouple
over a year ago

The West

"Just sort it out between the two of you and then go your own way then /

you will both lose some thing but it cheaper.

That requires a lot of communication that not all divorcing couples can handle ... Also has a tendancy to go tits up once solicitors tell someone that they might be able to get more"

Solicitors are the root of many problems in this country!

I knew a couple about 10yrs ago who broke up, they had two houses, a child, etc. But they managed to sort it between themselves. They couldn't afford not to!

She took family home, he the other. Made child arrangements and now there both with others and married again!

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I was lucky that me and my ex communicated well and were both reasonable, but that was dispute the efforts of her solicitor trying her best to fuck it all up.

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By *oxminxCouple
over a year ago

Portlaoise

Try arrange mediation as it will cut your divorce costs overall. There is a good mediation service in the state but there can a 6 month+ wait. It has no cost attached. Both parties will have to consent to attendance.

Usually it requires between 3 and 5 sessions to come to an agreement regarding any or all of the following if applicable:

Children's living arrangements

Maintenance regarding children (till 23 if attending full time 3rd level) and possibly spousal if only one party is earning (usually only if large income is involved)

Educational costs for children, again, up to 23 if attending full time 3rd level.

Property plus any other assets e.g Pensions/Investments

Once you have a mediation agreement, secure reputable legal representation. Find a solicitor who can represent you in court. Barristers, should you require them, are costly.

Keep in mind one half of the couple will have to file the divorce proceedings. The party who files for divorce, will have to do most "heavy lifting" of the legal documentation. This will add €€€ to their legal costs.

As a rough guide, you won't have much change out of 10k for a decent solicitor who does the filing.

If you can keep the agreement in place, your time in court will be quick . Approx 30 mins when called.

Estimate the whole process could take at least 2 or 3 years.

If you need to ask anything feel free to pm.

Try stay patient with the process as the court wait can be torture from county to county.

Best of luck.

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By *llthewaysMan
over a year ago

City centre/Naas

Having helped some friends through situations like this I can agree that mediation on the things you can agree on helps massively.

Only bring in solicitors when you have agreed what can be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all, I’m currently starting off divorce proceedings. What advice could any of you give me.

Many thanks

Victoria "

No advice, just congratulations that your moving to a better place in your life, good for you

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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago

City Centre

Do mediation and try and trash out as much as possible before starting...

If you can't agree on anything definitely leave it to a solicitor. Not only for their professional knowledge but your sanity!

Best of luck OP, unfortunately it's a long process in Ireland but the wait will be worth it

B x

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By *ub_TMan
over a year ago

Dublin city

I’ve not read any comments above….

But All I’ll say is , I know a couple of families / couples went through divorce. Both of them a shit show and disputable carry tbh with some stuff says etc on all sides.

Literally tore chunks out of each other , and all parties suffered duress and stress and it wore them out, not the same ppl since.

Try do it amicably, that’s all I’ll say, as best you can.

Also , some Families love to stir shit on their in-laws , so pay heed to the advice you get.

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By *eturn of Sir PumpsMan
over a year ago

outside banbridge

"Do mediation and try and trash out as much as possible before starting...

If you can't agree on anything definitely leave it to a solicitor. Not only for their professional knowledge but your sanity!

Best of luck OP, unfortunately it's a long process in Ireland but the wait will be worth it

B x"

Exactly this couldn't have worded it better

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By *otownkid1967Man
over a year ago

Portlaoise

Mediation is a good start. One thing I learnt the hard way was any letter that has subject title...Without Prejudice...cannot be used in court so make it very clear to your solicitor that you won't be paying for those letters to be read and replied to. Believe me it will save you a lot of money. Maybe suggest it to your ex as well.

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

Can recommend mediation if the relationship is reasonably civil and no major contention for assets or debt or custody.

My ex partner and I wrote our own mediation agreement and brought it to them to read and sign off on.

There were some things we hadn't thought of. For example my ex isn't b Irish so there was a suggestion that we agree on who minds the passports and to talk more about holidays and travel arrangements. It's been a handy document to refer back to every now and again.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

If amiable diy divorse is very good family member just after doing it... I find myself once solicitors get involved if on a some sorts amicable stage it goes tits up. And the game of cat and mouse with solicitor

Try mediation as others suggested

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By *indblowingduo OP Couple
over a year ago

Heaven

Thanks for all ur replies guys. It’s only a one sided divorce so will have to use the solicitors. God only know how much that bill will be

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

"Thanks for all ur replies guys. It’s only a one sided divorce so will have to use the solicitors. God only know how much that bill will be

"
If everything is amicable ! It can cost €2500 grand according to Google Ireland and split the rest on break away from him , Good luck

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By *elle111Woman
over a year ago

I was lucky we did it all between us house sale and split of the business, just kept it in mind that we loved each other and had many great years previous and we have the little un and it’s all about them. Now he has moved on and in with his new partner and I have just bought my own home solo which I’m very lucky to do even though the mortgage and bills are a real killer. All the best OP just watch the inflammatory language the solicitors can use it does make things worse sometimes.

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By *oughal23Man
over a year ago

Dungarvan

I don't your situation or reasons for divorce, so it's hard to give advice. All I know is no matter how you feel about each other Don't let the kids see it. Don't bad mouth each other to them or anyone who has access to them. When it comes to them, show that you both are there for them. Don't try to get them to pick sides. It never works and they will change. They will be upset and will blame one or the other of you at the beginning and will push whichever one they blame. Stick together on all decisions and punishment, because whether you like it or not you will have to punish , they will understand why but not at that time.It takes time for them to see your reasons

If you can stay amicable it helps.

I hope all works out for you. Divorce is not a nice thing to go through and whatever caused it I hope you can walk away from it. There are plenty of good and happy times ahead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only people that love divorce are the solicitors, between the people involved themselves there are no winners, everybody loses something, one might get a materialistic victory but totally destroy the other person in doing so ,so they lose something...to try to keep the hurt and everything else that goes with it to a minimum..that's all that a person can do.. totally depends on those going through it .

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

My understanding is that Ireland has adopted the no fault system . You will end up dividing things up 50/50 unless you can prove terrible behaviour . Over and above adultery. Don’t spend ages fighting to get 60 per cent unless you’re rich .

Kids need to be protected from the toxicity . Even if he uses the kids as pawns in a game , don’t . People think ‘oh they seem to be fine’. It’s not just about how they seem right now . It’s also about their core values in terms of how couples speak to each other and talk about each other .

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I divorced "relatively" amicably from the ex - still ended up costing me €15k. I'm sure his bill was quite similar.

As for advice - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Both our solicitors wanted to go to extremes - neither of us allowed this!!!

Regardless, as many have mentioned - there are no winners, except the solicitors, barristers and courts.

Divorce is painful. If children are involved, the best thing you can show is that you are still a united front, even through separation and divorce!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get a better solicitor than your husband

Don't look for advice off a site that your husband can read "

This, get a good solicitor and take no else's advice only theirs. Limit direct contact with your ex until after proceedings are complete. If you have kids keep things civil no matter what he says or does (this is so tough because kids immediately illicit an emotional response)

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By *outh_of_EdenMan
over a year ago

visiting

"Could you do it through mediation instead of solicitors?"

Best way by a long chaulk

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Mediation isn't instead of solicitors. You still need a solicitor afterwards to make the agreement legal

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