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Sexless relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/02/23 08:41:45]

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

For some people that wouldn't be an issue, for others it would be the end of the relationship. Depends on how they both feel about it and their need for sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My friend yesterday told me he (41) and his wife(41) have had sex about 15times in the last 5 years, and about 6times in the last 2years. He said up until about 5 years ago they had a great and adventurous sex life. But she has little to no imtrest and they few times they had sex in the last year he felt it was just out of duty or obligation on her part. So he asked what should he do as they have talked about it but nothing changes. I said if it was me I couldn't put up with a practically sexless marriage at such a young age. People's thoughts?? They are a nice couple and it's defo affecting his mental heath

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well definitely don't join fab cause 3 times a year is still probably a higher hit rate than alot of guys on here

Well he obviously needs to speak to his wife again and be alot clearer about the impact the declining sex life is having on him.

The next steps are really dependent on her responses. Is there so.ething else going on? Is there something medical? would regular couples therapy help?

But he needs to decide where an active sex life comes in his priorities and if ending their relationship is a step he feels is suitable if she isn't willing to engage in the conversation.

There are so many variables though it's hard to really say what he could/should do.

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By *lue eyesMan
over a year ago

cavan

I'm no expert in this,but that sounds like my relationships up until six months ago.

My partner went to the doctors and it was decided that she was going through the change menopause.

A scary word that women fear.

She was prescribed some medication (HRT look it up lads)and it has made such a difference,from her additude to our lives her humour, self-esteem and our sex life is well improved.

It's just the down side to growing older for a woman.

But their's always help out their

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By *adger BrocMan
over a year ago

Co. Cork

More the norm than the exception imo.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Just tell him to set up a fab account. Morals and integrity are generally low on the priority list on fab.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Communication is everything and if they can't communicate, then counselling could help.

There is no one solution and only they can solve the problem together.

If it can't be solved then maybe it's time to make the break for their own happiness and mental health.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Talking obviously hasn't worked so far, but couples/sex counselling is worth a try. Also she could talk to her doctor about it as their may be a physical issue. She needs to take this seriously because it's not fair to expect him to give up on regular sex in his life. If she understands the seriousness of the situation then she might be willing to work on it. If she is unwilling to do anything then it shows that she isn't taking his needs into account and he has to ask himself serious questions about continuing the relationship.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

It's impossible to give any advise specific, but there's several options, here just a few that spring to mind:

-Divorce/separation

-single/couple fab account

-open relationship

-fleshlight

-....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

-...."

I like this option

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of


"

-....

I like this option"

it's the one that most go for

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Some sound advice, from what he has told me, they have talked no change, therapy didn't change her sex drive, as for the medical side she was checked for peri-menopause and all clear. I did say to him maybe you both have highly different sex drives and when she was younger was willing to put up with more regular sex, but now as you both have matured she's comfortable not having sex

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"Some sound advice, from what he has told me, they have talked no change, therapy didn't change her sex drive, as for the medical side she was checked for peri-menopause and all clear. I did say to him maybe you both have highly different sex drives and when she was younger was willing to put up with more regular sex, but now as you both have matured she's comfortable not having sex"

If its effecting his mental health then carrying on regardless may not be an option. I guess he has a choice between separation and living with the lack of sex. Only he knows what to do there.

Note : A lack of sex is seen as a breakdown in normal marital relations and is a legal basis for divorce in an Irish Court.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attraction doesn't last for ever.

People get bored, some sooner than others.

You need to never stop 'dating' and 'woo-ing' your partner. You can't think they're the best person you know and give them less focus than random others passing through your day.

People let themselves go in both a physical sense and personality. Low effort, low attraction, low sex. Leads to no effort, no attraction, no sex.

But unless you've lost respect or any hope of liking them as a person, other aspects can be rebuilt and encouraged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some sound advice, from what he has told me, they have talked no change, therapy didn't change her sex drive, as for the medical side she was checked for peri-menopause and all clear. I did say to him maybe you both have highly different sex drives and when she was younger was willing to put up with more regular sex, but now as you both have matured she's comfortable not having sex"

I was checked for peri menopause and was given the all clear a few years ago yet I had all the symptoms, said nothing and spent another 5 years been miserable with no libido whatsoever was put in hrt, last year best thing ever. He needs to tell her go to a different doctor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking as a lady who's been through menopause and did loose sex drive only for it to return with a vengeance at 60. So there is hope there, maybe a bit of a wait though

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By *itlbeeCouple
over a year ago

.

I recommend two books.

1. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.

2. Come as You Are by Dr Emily Nagoski.

There are a lot of reasons that lead to declining sex drive, a lot of them have to do with the context of the relationship.

If someone feels like sex is a chore of a burden, then laying on the guilt about how terrible it is that your not getting enough sex from her is only exasperating the problem. Trying to increase frequency of sex without aiming to increase her DESIRE for sex is pointless.

One of the things I really liked about the second book is the shift in language and mindset around "sex drive". No one has a fixed sex drive, instead we vary in how much we respond to context. How much certain things get us going, or other contexts turn us off.

With most women there is a huge connection between a lack of sexual desire, and a relationship that has grown a little boring, or has unresolved issues and a life where she is tired and busy as a wife and mother - completely lacking exciting sexual context to get her going.

Basically, If you want more sex, you start by focus on helping the partner who is struggling with to get in the right headspace. Understanding them, caring for them, validating them.

A lot of people don't like it or think it's fair - But at the end of the day, no one's ever complained or bullied their way into a happy sex life.

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By *itlbeeCouple
over a year ago

.

[Removed by poster at 27/02/23 15:54:08]

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By *ildGroverMan
over a year ago

rathfarnham


"Some sound advice, from what he has told me, they have talked no change, therapy didn't change her sex drive, as for the medical side she was checked for peri-menopause and all clear. I did say to him maybe you both have highly different sex drives and when she was younger was willing to put up with more regular sex, but now as you both have matured she's comfortable not having sex

If its effecting his mental health then carrying on regardless may not be an option. I guess he has a choice between separation and living with the lack of sex. Only he knows what to do there.

Note : A lack of sex is seen as a breakdown in normal marital relations and is a legal basis for divorce in an Irish Court."

Parties need to be living separate and apart for in excess of two years when they apply for a divorce.

Usually a good indicator of when they separated is after the last time they had sex.

But just because you're not having sex doesn't mean you can get divorced

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By *ildGroverMan
over a year ago

rathfarnham


"Attraction doesn't last for ever.

People get bored, some sooner than others.

You need to never stop 'dating' and 'woo-ing' your partner. You can't think they're the best person you know and give them less focus than random others passing through your day.

People let themselves go in both a physical sense and personality. Low effort, low attraction, low sex. Leads to no effort, no attraction, no sex.

But unless you've lost respect or any hope of liking them as a person, other aspects can be rebuilt and encouraged."

What she said

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"Some sound advice, from what he has told me, they have talked no change, therapy didn't change her sex drive, as for the medical side she was checked for peri-menopause and all clear. I did say to him maybe you both have highly different sex drives and when she was younger was willing to put up with more regular sex, but now as you both have matured she's comfortable not having sex

If its effecting his mental health then carrying on regardless may not be an option. I guess he has a choice between separation and living with the lack of sex. Only he knows what to do there.

Note : A lack of sex is seen as a breakdown in normal marital relations and is a legal basis for divorce in an Irish Court.

Parties need to be living separate and apart for in excess of two years when they apply for a divorce.

Usually a good indicator of when they separated is after the last time they had sex.

But just because you're not having sex doesn't mean you can get divorced "

My solicitor told me during my divorce that the wait time begins at the point where normal marital relations (sex) stops.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

https://www.lawsociety.ie/public/Legal-guides/family-law/Separation-and-Divorce

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By *ildGroverMan
over a year ago

rathfarnham


"My solicitor told me during my divorce that the wait time begins at the point where normal marital relations (sex) stops."

That's correct but because it's a no fault system here, there aren't "grounds" for divorce as you would have in the States for example (like adultery, violence etc)

It's an indicator of when the marriage ended which is just 1 of the requirements before a divorce is granted.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

That link from the irish law society says "An application must cite one of the following grounds"

One of which is...

"The Court considers that a normal marital relationship has not existed between the spouses for at least one year"

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By *ildGroverMan
over a year ago

rathfarnham


"That link from the irish law society says "An application must cite one of the following grounds"

One of which is...

"The Court considers that a normal marital relationship has not existed between the spouses for at least one year""

That's for a judicial separation not a divorce.

Two ways of legally ending a marriage but a JS doesn't allow you remarry.

We were specifically talking about divorce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Given the age of the wife and how long its been going on for, i wouldnt wonder if they have any kids and how the split of domestic duties/childcare/extracurricular activities are split?

As a general rule most of this falls to the women. If she is exhausted or feels unappreciated she will not want to have sex with him. Seduce the mind and the body will follow.

But then again maybe he doesnt do it for her anymore and she is getting it elsewhere

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs."

This!

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

Well guys I gave up long time ago . Can't remember the last time I had sex

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

[Removed by poster at 27/02/23 21:54:23]

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By *ixie and dixie2022Couple
over a year ago

villiage


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! "
have to agree

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! have to agree"
I know him 15years and his wife 12(she is friends with my partner) he works nite shifts 3-4 shifts a week, so they don't pay for children care, she works part time 5 days a week has her yoga twice a week , college one evening a week and lunch, drinks with her female friends once a week. From what I see he does the cooking cleaning and laundry most days and does the club drop in the evenings. My partner and I have offered to take the kids for a weekend (we have two kids similar age) and she always refuses. They are nice people but at 41 to have a sexless marriage wouldn't be part of my plans either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! have to agree I know him 15years and his wife 12(she is friends with my partner) he works nite shifts 3-4 shifts a week, so they don't pay for children care, she works part time 5 days a week has her yoga twice a week , college one evening a week and lunch, drinks with her female friends once a week. From what I see he does the cooking cleaning and laundry most days and does the club drop in the evenings. My partner and I have offered to take the kids for a weekend (we have two kids similar age) and she always refuses. They are nice people but at 41 to have a sexless marriage wouldn't be part of my plans either"

You know more about his personal life than I do about my own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My friend yesterday told me he (41) and his wife(41) have had sex about 15times in the last 5 years, and about 6times in the last 2years. He said up until about 5 years ago they had a great and adventurous sex life. But she has little to no imtrest and they few times they had sex in the last year he felt it was just out of duty or obligation on her part. So he asked what should he do as they have talked about it but nothing changes. I said if it was me I couldn't put up with a practically sexless marriage at such a young age. People's thoughts?? They are a nice couple and it's defo affecting his mental heath "

Agree or not in my opinion his wife sees him as weak and not a catch gaurantee if he puts his foot down and says this is make or break and backs up his words she will want him alot more. Either that or she is getting her D elsewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Given the age of the wife and how long its been going on for, i wouldnt wonder if they have any kids and how the split of domestic duties/childcare/extracurricular activities are split?

As a general rule most of this falls to the women. If she is exhausted or feels unappreciated she will not want to have sex with him. Seduce the mind and the body will follow.

But then again maybe he doesnt do it for her anymore and she is getting it elsewhere "

My point exactly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! have to agree I know him 15years and his wife 12(she is friends with my partner) he works nite shifts 3-4 shifts a week, so they don't pay for children care, she works part time 5 days a week has her yoga twice a week , college one evening a week and lunch, drinks with her female friends once a week. From what I see he does the cooking cleaning and laundry most days and does the club drop in the evenings. My partner and I have offered to take the kids for a weekend (we have two kids similar age) and she always refuses. They are nice people but at 41 to have a sexless marriage wouldn't be part of my plans either

You know more about his personal life than I do about my own"
my best bud, both non Cork natives moved to Cork for partners/work, my partner is friends with his wife since they were four, so I hear both sides. My partner has never indicated they my buddy's wife is getting her needs met somewhere else. Feel bad for him as he's a good guy , great with the kids and they seem happy apart from no sex

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! have to agree I know him 15years and his wife 12(she is friends with my partner) he works nite shifts 3-4 shifts a week, so they don't pay for children care, she works part time 5 days a week has her yoga twice a week , college one evening a week and lunch, drinks with her female friends once a week. From what I see he does the cooking cleaning and laundry most days and does the club drop in the evenings. My partner and I have offered to take the kids for a weekend (we have two kids similar age) and she always refuses. They are nice people but at 41 to have a sexless marriage wouldn't be part of my plans either

You know more about his personal life than I do about my own my best bud, both non Cork natives moved to Cork for partners/work, my partner is friends with his wife since they were four, so I hear both sides. My partner has never indicated they my buddy's wife is getting her needs met somewhere else. Feel bad for him as he's a good guy , great with the kids and they seem happy apart from no sex"

Sounds like they need professional counselling at this stage

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! have to agree I know him 15years and his wife 12(she is friends with my partner) he works nite shifts 3-4 shifts a week, so they don't pay for children care, she works part time 5 days a week has her yoga twice a week , college one evening a week and lunch, drinks with her female friends once a week. From what I see he does the cooking cleaning and laundry most days and does the club drop in the evenings. My partner and I have offered to take the kids for a weekend (we have two kids similar age) and she always refuses. They are nice people but at 41 to have a sexless marriage wouldn't be part of my plans either

You know more about his personal life than I do about my own my best bud, both non Cork natives moved to Cork for partners/work, my partner is friends with his wife since they were four, so I hear both sides. My partner has never indicated they my buddy's wife is getting her needs met somewhere else. Feel bad for him as he's a good guy , great with the kids and they seem happy apart from no sex

Sounds like they need professional counselling at this stage "
they have tried, he tells me she still has very little intrest in sec

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When a person complains they're in a 'sexless relationship/marriage', it suggests blame on the other person when in actual fact the person complaining can be as much, if not more to blame for the situation (and is oblivious or in denial).

Look at what part you may play in their lack of libido, whether it is through communication and/or counselling. Do everything in your power to help them regain it if it's a physical issue, but looking elsewhere for sex without their knowledge/consent is definitely not the answer.

Mrs.

This! have to agree I know him 15years and his wife 12(she is friends with my partner) he works nite shifts 3-4 shifts a week, so they don't pay for children care, she works part time 5 days a week has her yoga twice a week , college one evening a week and lunch, drinks with her female friends once a week. From what I see he does the cooking cleaning and laundry most days and does the club drop in the evenings. My partner and I have offered to take the kids for a weekend (we have two kids similar age) and she always refuses. They are nice people but at 41 to have a sexless marriage wouldn't be part of my plans either

You know more about his personal life than I do about my own my best bud, both non Cork natives moved to Cork for partners/work, my partner is friends with his wife since they were four, so I hear both sides. My partner has never indicated they my buddy's wife is getting her needs met somewhere else. Feel bad for him as he's a good guy , great with the kids and they seem happy apart from no sex

Sounds like they need professional counselling at this stage they have tried, he tells me she still has very little intrest in sec"

In my opinion this marriage is doomed for failure. He should say to her that he plans to use this as a filler to fill the sex side of the relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it's just not that important to some people. Maybe the companionship is enough for her, simple as that.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Has he broached the topic of an open relationship? You haven't said.

He could be pleasantly surprised by her answer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I did mention the taboo subject of postnatal depression as my partner suffered with it after both kids were born. Took her a couple of years to get back to herself. But he said she woundt even talk about it. I have tried telling him, that if all else is good , have a talk about you finding relief else where, but she has to be 100percent on board and no secret meets behind her back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I did mention the taboo subject of postnatal depression as my partner suffered with it after both kids were born. Took her a couple of years to get back to herself. But he said she woundt even talk about it. I have tried telling him, that if all else is good , have a talk about you finding relief else where, but she has to be 100percent on board and no secret meets behind her back"

It is not taboo anymore mate depression hits everyone wether pre/post natal, trauma, everyone has their battles

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By *ensualnFunCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"I recommend two books.

1. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.

2. Come as You Are by Dr Emily Nagoski.

There are a lot of reasons that lead to declining sex drive, a lot of them have to do with the context of the relationship.

If someone feels like sex is a chore of a burden, then laying on the guilt about how terrible it is that your not getting enough sex from her is only exasperating the problem. Trying to increase frequency of sex without aiming to increase her DESIRE for sex is pointless.

One of the things I really liked about the second book is the shift in language and mindset around "sex drive". No one has a fixed sex drive, instead we vary in how much we respond to context. How much certain things get us going, or other contexts turn us off.

With most women there is a huge connection between a lack of sexual desire, and a relationship that has grown a little boring, or has unresolved issues and a life where she is tired and busy as a wife and mother - completely lacking exciting sexual context to get her going.

Basically, If you want more sex, you start by focus on helping the partner who is struggling with to get in the right headspace. Understanding them, caring for them, validating them.

A lot of people don't like it or think it's fair - But at the end of the day, no one's ever complained or bullied their way into a happy sex life. "

100%

Very well said

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By *ommando4Man
over a year ago

South Co. Dublin

I'm happily divorced having lived in a sexless relationship for at least 15 years (probably more like twenty if you count once or twice a year as a sexless relationship). I tried everything to change it....councelling, date nights, spontaneous affection, gifts, spoiling, getting myself into great shape and ripped...all to no avail. Divorce was such a release from that hell on earth trap so sometimes despite the financial consequences and kids etc. its better for everybody to just bite the bullet and separate / divorce. Madness is doing the same thing for 10/15 years and expecting a differnt outcome. In retrospect my only reagret is that we didnt divorce earlier. So i would say if you are in a relationship that has been 4+ years sexless then the only solution it to end it.

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

Having sex with strangers is not going to fill the void either. Often its the sex plus intimacy we crave. When we've had it, and tasted how it feels,nothing else will do. Their marriage may not fail, just drift on and on.. Like our parents did.. Or we do, sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm happily divorced having lived in a sexless relationship for at least 15 years (probably more like twenty if you count once or twice a year as a sexless relationship). I tried everything to change it....councelling, date nights, spontaneous affection, gifts, spoiling, getting myself into great shape and ripped...all to no avail. Divorce was such a release from that hell on earth trap so sometimes despite the financial consequences and kids etc. its better for everybody to just bite the bullet and separate / divorce. Madness is doing the same thing for 10/15 years and expecting a differnt outcome. In retrospect my only reagret is that we didnt divorce earlier. So i would say if you are in a relationship that has been 4+ years sexless then the only solution it to end it."

How did the ex react to the divorce if you don't mind me asking?

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By *ommando4Man
over a year ago

South Co. Dublin


"I'm happily divorced having lived in a sexless relationship for at least 15 years (probably more like twenty if you count once or twice a year as a sexless relationship). I tried everything to change it....councelling, date nights, spontaneous affection, gifts, spoiling, getting myself into great shape and ripped...all to no avail. Divorce was such a release from that hell on earth trap so sometimes despite the financial consequences and kids etc. its better for everybody to just bite the bullet and separate / divorce. Madness is doing the same thing for 10/15 years and expecting a differnt outcome. In retrospect my only reagret is that we didnt divorce earlier. So i would say if you are in a relationship that has been 4+ years sexless then the only solution it to end it.

How did the ex react to the divorce if you don't mind me asking?"
Realtively well. We're on good terms and still talking and friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm happily divorced having lived in a sexless relationship for at least 15 years (probably more like twenty if you count once or twice a year as a sexless relationship). I tried everything to change it....councelling, date nights, spontaneous affection, gifts, spoiling, getting myself into great shape and ripped...all to no avail. Divorce was such a release from that hell on earth trap so sometimes despite the financial consequences and kids etc. its better for everybody to just bite the bullet and separate / divorce. Madness is doing the same thing for 10/15 years and expecting a differnt outcome. In retrospect my only reagret is that we didnt divorce earlier. So i would say if you are in a relationship that has been 4+ years sexless then the only solution it to end it.

How did the ex react to the divorce if you don't mind me asking? Realtively well. We're on good terms and still talking and friends."

Glad to hear it mate.

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By *obbo2022Man
over a year ago

near bishop

In a relationship now with no sex or sexsual contact at all how do people cope.

Putting serious thought into ending the relationship.

Talking has done nothing at all another waste of time.

I do love her.

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By *ind PaddyMan
over a year ago

South County Dublin

My wife is ill and I've not had sex for ages. We are still best friends though. She does not know I'm on this site. Some of the socials I've attended I've met some really nice people.

A relationship is not all about sex, there is friendship, support and caring for one another. Each to there own.

But I have to say there are some really attractive ladies on here, Queen elfie, Santa's number one elfie and platium girl in Kerry, plus a lot more too many to mention.

I've chatty to TV, some really nice gurls.

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By *astelloWoman
over a year ago

Far far away

Nobody really knows what goes on, in most relationships. There are a lot of unhappy couples, be it sex less or not..

Communication is key, and there are many reasons for low libido on both sides.

Often people hang on for a relationship that dead for a long time.

Each person needs to make their own decision whether sex is a priority or not.

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By *ind PaddyMan
over a year ago

South County Dublin


"Nobody really knows what goes on, in most relationships. There are a lot of unhappy couples, be it sex less or not..

Communication is key, and there are many reasons for low libido on both sides.

Often people hang on for a relationship that dead for a long time.

Each person needs to make their own decision whether sex is a priority or not. "

There are a lot of unhappy couples, but sometimes it is hard to walk away.

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By *adger BrocMan
over a year ago

Co. Cork

Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships, or those who have come out of failed relationships, or may have never been in a committed relationship, seeking a nsa situation to meet their need for sexual gratification.

It is one obvious solution to the problem of a sexless relationship, (celibacy being another).

It is also as convenient a solution for couples who are unfulfilled in their relationships and use swinging as a "safety valve" to seek satisfaction elsewhere while still being seen to remain in a formal relationship as it is for those who are singles or attached but playing solo.

Life choices are ours to make, for better or for worse, pun intended.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships"

What gives you that impression?

Swinging for us and many is a lifestyle choice because societal norms around monogamy are restrictive and are based on religious influence.

Maybe time to educate yourself on the topic before making assumptions.

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By *sopon86Man
over a year ago

louth dublin

I know from my own personal experiance when the honeymoon period ended it was maybe once a week then once a month then stopped,had the conversation with her and she said she has no labido for it.yet was still rubbing one out caught her more than once,so i assumed the problem was with me,but in a nutshell if there is no communication its gonna end in seperation, turns out she was getting it elsewhere lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know from my own personal experiance when the honeymoon period ended it was maybe once a week then once a month then stopped,had the conversation with her and she said she has no labido for it.yet was still rubbing one out caught her more than once,so i assumed the problem was with me,but in a nutshell if there is no communication its gonna end in seperation, turns out she was getting it elsewhere lol"

Similar situation as yourself, had the conversation and told her if she didn't want sex with me buy wanted it with someone else/others then do it, as I wasn't prepaird to stay in a sexless relationship. Turns out one of her twice weekly yoga classes was her getting stuffed by guys from tinder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships, or those who have come out of failed relationships, or may have never been in a committed relationship, seeking a nsa situation to meet their need for sexual gratification.

It is one obvious solution to the problem of a sexless relationship, (celibacy being another).

It is also as convenient a solution for couples who are unfulfilled in their relationships and use swinging as a "safety valve" to seek satisfaction elsewhere while still being seen to remain in a formal relationship as it is for those who are singles or attached but playing solo.

Life choices are ours to make, for better or for worse, pun intended."

I think you might want to go back and check your sources

The majority of us in swinging relationships are not sexually dissatisfied with our partners. Swinging is there to occasionally embellish and enhance what is already great, not to fill a void or mend something that isn't right

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships, or those who have come out of failed relationships, or may have never been in a committed relationship, seeking a nsa situation to meet their need for sexual gratification.

It is one obvious solution to the problem of a sexless relationship, (celibacy being another).

It is also as convenient a solution for couples who are unfulfilled in their relationships and use swinging as a "safety valve" to seek satisfaction elsewhere while still being seen to remain in a formal relationship as it is for those who are singles or attached but playing solo.

Life choices are ours to make, for better or for worse, pun intended."

And another single guy who has no idea what swinging is.

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By *adger BrocMan
over a year ago

Co. Cork


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships

What gives you that impression?

Swinging for us and many is a lifestyle choice because societal norms around monogamy are restrictive and are based on religious influence.

Maybe time to educate yourself on the topic before making assumptions."

Your suggestion that monogamy can be restrictive I think acually reinforces further my proposition.

And while I am the first to admit "every day is a school day" your assumption that I am uninformed on the subject is very far from the truth and I am perhaps far more knowledgeable on the topic than many others on here.

I don't believe anyone can definitively say that there are no couples on here where the wish is to seek fulfilment outside of an unsatisfactory monogamous relationships.

Indeed while not applying to all swing couples some may in fact be reluctant participants in the lifestyle.

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By *adger BrocMan
over a year ago

Co. Cork


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships, or those who have come out of failed relationships, or may have never been in a committed relationship, seeking a nsa situation to meet their need for sexual gratification.

It is one obvious solution to the problem of a sexless relationship, (celibacy being another).

It is also as convenient a solution for couples who are unfulfilled in their relationships and use swinging as a "safety valve" to seek satisfaction elsewhere while still being seen to remain in a formal relationship as it is for those who are singles or attached but playing solo.

Life choices are ours to make, for better or for worse, pun intended.

I think you might want to go back and check your sources

The majority of us in swinging relationships are not sexually dissatisfied with our partners. Swinging is there to occasionally embellish and enhance what is already great, not to fill a void or mend something that isn't right "

By definition a majority suggests that there is a minority to whom my proposition may apply.

Yes it may in some cases to add to an existing satisfactory situation but it equally in other cases it may not.

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By *onster-ManMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"I don't believe anyone can definitively say that there are no couples on here where the wish is to seek fulfilment outside of an unsatisfactory monogamous relationships.

"

You're absolutely 100% correct that nobody can say that.

Which is probably why nobody said it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe you said,

"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships, or those who have come out of failed relationships, or may have never been in a committed relationship, seeking a nsa situation to meet their need for sexual gratification..."

inferring that swinging comes from a place of something being wrong in a relationship and it has always been thus.

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By *rAndMrsRightCouple
over a year ago

newtownabbey


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships, or those who have come out of failed relationships, or may have never been in a committed relationship, seeking a nsa situation to meet their need for sexual gratification.

It is one obvious solution to the problem of a sexless relationship, (celibacy being another).

It is also as convenient a solution for couples who are unfulfilled in their relationships and use swinging as a "safety valve" to seek satisfaction elsewhere while still being seen to remain in a formal relationship as it is for those who are singles or attached but playing solo.

Life choices are ours to make, for better or for worse, pun intended.

I think you might want to go back and check your sources

The majority of us in swinging relationships are not sexually dissatisfied with our partners. Swinging is there to occasionally embellish and enhance what is already great, not to fill a void or mend something that isn't right

By definition a majority suggests that there is a minority to whom my proposition may apply.

Yes it may in some cases to add to an existing satisfactory situation but it equally in other cases it may not."

Backpeddaling much?

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"Surely swinging has always been based on people who are sexually unsatisfied in their monogamous relationships

What gives you that impression?

Swinging for us and many is a lifestyle choice because societal norms around monogamy are restrictive and are based on religious influence.

Maybe time to educate yourself on the topic before making assumptions.

Your suggestion that monogamy can be restrictive I think acually reinforces further my proposition.

And while I am the first to admit "every day is a school day" your assumption that I am uninformed on the subject is very far from the truth and I am perhaps far more knowledgeable on the topic than many others on here.

I don't believe anyone can definitively say that there are no couples on here where the wish is to seek fulfilment outside of an unsatisfactory monogamous relationships.

Indeed while not applying to all swing couples some may in fact be reluctant participants in the lifestyle.

"

Did I say that monogamy can be restrictive? My issue is with restrictive societal norms, not with monogamy.

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By *adger BrocMan
over a year ago

Co. Cork

Backpeddling no....learning from and accepting other people's opinions ... yes.

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast


"Backpeddling no....learning from and accepting other people's opinions ... yes."

And I’m sure many couple will have learned from, and noted for future reference, your opinions on swingers

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By *adger BrocMan
over a year ago

Co. Cork


"Backpeddling no....learning from and accepting other people's opinions ... yes.

And I’m sure many couple will have learned from, and noted for future reference, your opinions on swingers "

I believe the the purpose of this forum is to allow site members to express their opinions and for others to comment in return, as you have done.

If everyone always agreed with eachother on here it would be a very dull space indeed.

What people note from particular comments and how that influences their opinion of the poster is entirely up to them.

If I interpret your oblique remark correctly that some couples might not be happy to engage with me in the future because of any opinions I express on here then so be it.

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