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Funny nursery rhymes

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By *og-Man OP   Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Its Friday and it's lashing rain.....give us a laugh with your funny or dirty nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb

She tied him to a pylon

10,000 volts went up his arse

And turned his wool to nylon

Your turn

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Hey diddle diddle

The cat did a piddle

All over the bathroom mat.

The little dog laughed

To see such fun

And piddled all over the cat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Beans, beans the musical fruit

The more you eat the more you toot

The more you toot the better you feel

So eat your beans with every meal!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Beans, beans the musical fruit

The more you eat the more you toot

The more you toot the better you feel

So eat your beans with every meal! "

I got strapped across the hands and had to read it out to an older year class as a punishment in primary school for laughing at a similar one

Beans beans are good for the heart

The more you eat the more you fart...

Ahhh the good old days

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By *OCONO5Couple
over a year ago

Sensual Center

3 blind men

3 blind men

they all ran after the farmers wife who cut off their balls with a carving knife

3 eunuch men 3 eunuch men

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By *lassy lady 216Woman
over a year ago

Craigavon

Keep them coming these are hilarious just what I needed to brighten up my morning

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside

Riddley Diddley Dee

Kick him on the knee.

Riddley Diddley Dollox

Kick him on the...

Other knee!!

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By *OCONO5Couple
over a year ago

Sensual Center

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down And broke his cock And Jill didnt come after.

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By *otass and scorpioCouple
over a year ago

limerick cork tipperary clare waterford

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun .. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a son !

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Mary had a little lamb

The doctor was surprised.

Old McDonald had a farm

The doctor nearly died.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Simple Simon met a pieman

Going to the fair

Said simple Simon to the pieman

"What is it you have there?"

Said the pieman unto Simon...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"pies, you bollocks, I'm a fucking pieman, ffs!"

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside

Mary had a little lamb

With whom she used to sleep. The lamb turned out to be a ram

Now Mary has 4 sheep!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner

Eating his red hot scallops.

One fell down his trouser leg

And burnt him on the knee…

Completely missed his bollocks!

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By *og-Man OP   Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Mary had a little lamb,

Her father shot it dead,

Now she goes to school each day

With it between some bread.

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By *og-Man OP   Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was black as coal

Coz every time that Mary went

The lamb would wipe her hole

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By *rad25irlMan
over a year ago

Carrigaline

Hey diddle diddle

I needed a fiddle

But was sick of doing it on my own,

So I subscribed to fab, in the hope that I’d nab

A friend who was looking to bone

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet

Her knickers all tattered and torn

It wasn't a spider that sat down beside her,

T'was Little Boy Blue with his horn.

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By *ombikerMan
over a year ago

the right side of the river

Mary had a little bike.

She rode it around the grass.

Every time the wheel went around.

A spoke went up her arse.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and every time that Mary walked

the boys could see her Thighs

Mary had another skirt

twas split right up the front

.

.

.

.

but she didn't wear that one very often.

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By *RISH DONKEYMan
over a year ago

Near Portadown

Mary had a little lamb

She kept it in a bucket

Every time she took it out

The dog would try to fuck it

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By *RISH DONKEYMan
over a year ago

Near Portadown

Old King Cole

Was a merry old soul

And a merry old soul was he

He sat on a rock

Shaving his cock

And his balls fell into the sea

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By *wingme22Man
over a year ago

Galway

There was an old women from Ider.

She through her leg over a spider.

The spider got mad and took out his lad and swore to Jesus he ride her.

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By *RISH DONKEYMan
over a year ago

Near Portadown

The was a woman from Madrid

Who swore she'd never been ride

She met an Italian

With balls like a stallion

And he ride he like

Billy the kid

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Mary had a little lamb

But it was always gruntin'

She tied it to a wire fence

And kicked its little cunt in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rub-a-dub-dub and three men in a tub,

And who do you think they be?

The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker?

And then she woke up from her dreams

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By *wingme22Man
over a year ago

Galway

Hickory dickory doc

2 mice ran up a clock

The clock struck 1

The other got away with minor injuries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Beware of the badger”

It said on the gate

It bit off my tadger

I’d read it too late!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hickory Dickory Dock,

The mouse ran up the clock,

When the mouse came down,

Its ass was brown,

And so was the cookoo’s c*ck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Roses are Red

And so are my Lips

Can I sit on your face

And you can guess my Covid weight gain...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Roses are Red

And so are my Lips

Can I sit on your face

And you can guess my Covid weight gain..."

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

*hearing muffled noises....

...from underneath you*

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By *on Draper2.0Man
over a year ago

Maynooth

Little boy blew,

He needed the money

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By *on Draper2.0Man
over a year ago

Maynooth

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,

To get her old dog a bone,

When she bent over, Rover took over,

Then she got a bone of her own.

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By *on Draper2.0Man
over a year ago

Maynooth

Georgie Porgy pudding & pie,

Jerked off in his girlfriends eye,

When her eye was dry and shut,

Georgie fucked that one eyed slut.

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By *on Draper2.0Man
over a year ago

Maynooth

Mary Mary, quite contrary,

Trim that pussy, it's so fucking hairy.

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By *on Draper2.0Man
over a year ago

Maynooth

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

Each had a buck and a quarter,

Jill came down with two fifty.

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By *onderfulTongueDubMan
over a year ago

Blackrock

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too...

because he was morally ambiguous and mitched the mandatory freshers' week lectures about consent.

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By *heeky_BudgieMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Little Jack Horner,

Sat in the corner,

Because he had a square arse…

and

Old King Cole,

Was a merry old soul,

He’d drank 15 pints of lager.

and

Mary had a little lamb,

It’s fleece was white and wispy,

It leant against,

An electric fence,

And now it’s black and crispy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a duck

She put them on the mantlepiece

To see if they would.....chat

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By *on Draper2.0Man
over a year ago

Maynooth


"Mary had a little lamb

She also had a duck

She put them on the mantlepiece

To see if they would.....chat "

Mary had a little lamb

He slept in her back yard

When she took her panties off

His wooly dick got hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There once was a man from Leeds

Who swallowed a package of seeds.

Great tufts of grass

Sprouted out of his ass

and his balls were covered in s!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jack and Jill went up the hill,

Each had a buck and a quarter,

Jill came down with two fifty."

Jack was nimble

Jack was quick

But Jill preferred

The candlestick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jack was nimble

Jack was quick

But Jill preferred

A ladies lick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A farmer I know named O'Doole

Has a long and incredible tool.

He can use it to plow,

Or to diddle a cow,

Or just as a cue-stick at pool.

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By *hyted73Man
over a year ago

Millisle

There was a man from trent who's cock was so large it bent

To save him some trouble he put it in double and instead of coming he went.

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By *hyted73Man
over a year ago

Millisle

[Removed by poster at 24/10/22 14:41:47]

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By *hyted73Man
over a year ago

Millisle

[Removed by poster at 24/10/22 14:43:36]

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could feel Jill's fanny

But Jack got a shock

And a mouthful of Cock

Cos Jill was a f??king Tranny!!

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

[Removed by poster at 26/10/22 13:53:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb,

Her father shot it dead,

Now it goes to school each day

Between 2 cuts of bread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/10/22 14:13:43]

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By *irdyxWoman
over a year ago

dublin/ Birmingham

Zippy and bungle

Went down to the jungle

To have a bit of fun

Zippy got sill

And pulled out his willy

And stuck up bungles bum .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mirror mirror on the wall

Who is the fairst of us all

The mirror answered with a grunt

..well its not fuckin you ya ugly khunt

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By *ohnFKMan
over a year ago

Where the Streets Have No Name


"Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun .. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a son ! "

Ha!! Howled!!

It's the simple ones

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By *ohnFKMan
over a year ago

Where the Streets Have No Name


"Mary had a little lamb,

Her father shot it dead,

Now she goes to school each day

With it between some bread."

Dark

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By *ebel_LionMan
over a year ago

cork


"There once was a man from Leeds

Who swallowed a package of seeds.

Great tufts of grass

Sprouted out of his ass

and his balls were covered in s!

"

Lol... i know another version

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By *ebel_LionMan
over a year ago

cork

There was an old woman from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seed

in less than an hour

her tits were in flower

but her fanny was covered in s

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan


"There was an old woman from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seed

in less than an hour

her tits were in flower

but her fanny was covered in s"

All the times it's been posted and I still can't figure out what the last word is meant to be?

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan


"There was an old woman from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seed

in less than an hour

her tits were in flower

but her fanny was covered in s

All the times it's been posted and I still can't figure out what the last word is meant to be? "

Oh, I see... The word that could refer to an illicit substance has been removed, leaving the last letter.

W eeds

How did I not cop that sooner?

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin


"There was an old woman from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seed

in less than an hour

her tits were in flower

but her fanny was covered in s

All the times it's been posted and I still can't figure out what the last word is meant to be?

Oh, I see... The word that could refer to an illicit substance has been removed, leaving the last letter.

W eeds

How did I not cop that sooner? "

I'm seriously blonde - thanks for solving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Old mother Hubbard

Went to her cuppard

To fetch her old dog a bone

When she bent over

Rover took over

And gave her a bone of her own.

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